Not signed in (Sign In)

Vanilla 1.1.2 is a product of Lussumo. More Information: Documentation, Community Support.

    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 1st 2019
     
    Nice spring day. Sun out, light breeze.

    Just read a sad article that Sandra Day O'Connor was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

    My computer can't be fixed so will have to buy a new one. Right now trying to figure out if i3 will be sufficient for what I do. My last one did have the intell core i5.

    Need to make a trip back to Walla Walla. A couple days ago he packed his stuff up including his cpap. In the process he lost parts to his mask. They didn't bother to call me so I could bring in a new mask, which I do have. His packing up is almost a daily thing. He then walks around carrying it. It has been 12 weeks and this behavior has not changed. I also checked his rear which was getting red but he also had a small abscess. I brought it to their attention and said they would check it when they put him to bed. Wasnot happy about that but I am trying not to cause waves to see if things change.
  1.  
    Just a thought here, Charlotte. Could Art get a discounted computer through VA services and you could use it with him when you visit, or to keep in contact with the facility?
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 1st 2019
     
    Up until September, I was using an Intel i3. It was eight years old and it played videos, played computer games that had lots of moving graphics (I did have a 1 meg video card), and opened over ten separate windows at the same time time. I couldn't play the most demanding games and I couldn't put most of them on high video settings - but I didn't give much up either.

    I would be surprised if an Intel i3 can't do what you want. Just like the i5, those chips are better than they were just a few years ago. Integrated graphics are only an issue if you play higher level computer games on higher level settings (like high res water reflections).

    If there is a particular program you want to run you can look up it's minimum specs. If you have a specific question in mind, I would be happy to research it for you with same day delivery. Type in "minimum system requirements" and the program name and there are lots of sites that answer that question including the publishers.

    I would look at the RAM. I had 3 meg on that PC and did tons of things. It was the platform of VISTA that made me make the move - not the PC's performance. With an i3 I wouldn't touch anything less than 4 meg but I bet it comes in 6 or 8 meg in a package price. Windows 10 moved back to a balance between PC use and App use. I don't use apps and have an old style desktop with icons. The app tiles are there though and it's easy to use both.


    Windows 10 comes with Cortana. She'll talk to me through the speakers if I give her a voice. She'll also remind me of what's in my daytimer - if I used that. Anyways, good luck.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 1st 2019
     
    I am looking at a dell - never thought I would. It has i3 with 12 gb memory and 1T hard drive. Plus it has a cd player so I can load my quickbooks on it plus view my saved photos and files. If not I could buy a cd player to plug in. It is also a touchscreen. It is 8th generation i3 which research says is much better than previous generations. It is $400 and if I use my Costco card I get double the extended warranty to 4 years. There is an hp I like, they had it in the store but it is $100 without the cd player. Knowing me I w do more debating before I take the plunge.

    Just what I need - someone talking back to me!!!

    No I don't know of any deals through the va.

    I did leave a message for the caseworker I had here asking her to let me know if she hears of any Medicaid beds in our area . Said I was tired of the drive.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 1st 2019
     
    For what it's worth Charlotte, I bought a new laptop with no cd - they left it out to make it lighter. Sounded good but I've regretted it ever since. Unless you keep your computer and external cd drive in the same place and connected it's a pain.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2019
     
    Just read another article about avoiding caregiver burnout. All the usual "helpful" hints, like getting a massage and taking more time for your hobbies. (I'm lucky if I can get a shower or sit quietly for a few minutes.) But the one that really got me was "Learn to accept help from others! There are so many that want to help."

    Well, there certainly hasn't been a parade of people through here wanting to help. It's been more like somebody says "Let us know if we can do something", and then they move halfway across the country and don't give you their new address or phone number. (In our case, at least three of our siblings did this exact thing.)

    Maybe with other medical conditions people want to help. I hear stories of people who receive help. With dementia, not so much. And it seems that dementia caregivers need support a lot, because this can drag on for so many years.

    Years ago when DH and I were going through a hard financial time, he told me that I was being a real trouper. After a minute's thought, I told him that I didn't want to be a trouper any more. I wanted to be a princess and sit on a silk cushion and have people wait on me. Today is one of those days when I'm really, really tired of having to be a trouper--and then read a stupid article basically telling me it's my fault if I'm overworked, because so many people want to help!

    Sorry. That's my rant for the day.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2019
     
    I know exactly what you mean. It is a lonely job and like you, I am tired of people telling me how "strong, tough, special, etc" that I am. I am not - I just do what needs to be done whether I want to or not.

    Went to order the computer but just like the first one I wanted it is out of stock. I know in the store things can be "here today gone tomorrow" but didn't think online would be. Back to searching.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 4th 2019
     
    For those recovering from operations or in need of a pleasant getaway, I recommend Rick Steves. He's affable, nice, and shows you Europe.


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rx9dWL6cAc


    Rick Steves, Amalfi coast
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 4th 2019
     
    >Today is one of those days when I'm really, really tired of having to be a trouper--and then read a stupid article basically telling me it's my fault if I'm overworked, because so many people want to help!>>

    How right you are Jan, I'm Jan too, maybe we think along the same lines :) I'm tired, exhausted and soo burnt out I just don't even care anymore. He's insisting I let him drive the tractor -- which he can't (breaks the mower very time he gets on it). Finally told him, OK, but he will have to call a mechanic to keep it running, and if he falls off and gets run over, I'll know he died doing what he wanted to do.

    Even if we had people standing in line to help he wouldn't let them. Always tells people he can do it, I just won't let him. Of course it's all my fault it's not done, the roof, the stairs the barn etc. I'm going to hire a handyman next week if I can get him, then get the floors down. if I have to live with concrete floors another year I'm gonna go up to the grove of cedars where my horse is resting and join him. DH doesn't care about how anything looks and it drive me stark raving mad.

    I've really tried to be understanding and caring - partly because he's my husband, but also, I had to have surgery on my spine in 2016. 2015 I was basically an invalid, after surgery there was a years recovery period, from walker, to cane etc. He was really a rock. Couldn't do much but would bring me coffee, fix sandwiches, help me to the bathroom, pack me with ice packs so I could sleep and helped me through a very rough time when I basically lived on pain killers. He doesn't even remember that though. As I've gotten better he's gotten worse, it's been so many years of covering for him, never telling anyone what was wrong, even now he'll only admit to a little memory problem.

    So that's my rant today, and it's time to get back to work :)
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 4th 2019
     
    Ok, you had surgery and he was there for you. But, this is different - this is something he will never get better no matter how much you sacrifice including your health. You are in a really tough place. If you continue the way you are, the surgery and all the work you put into recovery will have been for nothing. I don't know if placement is possible or what other options you have but you need to make yourself more of a priority.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2019
     
    Yesterday marked 48 years ago I stepped off the bus in Long Beach to meet him for the first time. I was going to go but decided not too.

    Just ordered a computer from Costco. It is the Dell I was looking at. Research says my Quickbooks and Microsoft office 2003 will work with Windows 10. I hope so cause then I won't have to buy that. Now to wait for it - hopefully by the end of the week. And, it does have cd/dvd player!
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 7th 2019
     
    I run Microsoft Office 2007 on Windows 10 perfectly. I've seen some references to 2003 not being completely compatible. I've also seen a short utube video showing it working fine.

    Here is an 8 minute video specifically about installing Office 2003 onto Windows 10. You will need your activation key which is the product serial number sometimes displayed on the inside of the CD case.


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smqE9AcMQfc


    Microsoft Office 2003 on Windows 10


    (use the space bar to pause the video where you want more time)
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeMay 8th 2019 edited
     
    Wolf, thanks for link to Rick Steves. I got sidetracked to his Ireland tours and am still making my way around that country. Great series.
    Progressing each day and enjoing a return to normalcy.
    I'm reading MIriam Toews latest book,"Talking with Women." What a wonderful, humerous writer she is. She came one year to speak to a University class I was attending, and I especiallly liked her honesty. She's Mennonite. It's a culture that interests me and that I want to know more about.
    Greetings to all you dear folk.
  2.  
    Greetings to you, too, dear Mary. Glad to hear you are progressing--keep us updated. Wish we were closer--I'd come over and fix you a cup of tea.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeMay 9th 2019
     
    This sounds kind of nosy, even for this web site, where we talk about lots of things. But it would really help me to know. Does anyone else dream about caregiving? For several months I had a lot of dreams about it, including some (more than I want to remember) that could more accurately be called nightmares. It's almost like the things I won't allow myself to think about during the day come back to haunt me when I'm asleep. Not a great way to wake up in the morning, and start another day.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 9th 2019
     
    Received an interesting email from his doctor today. Evidently on the 6th (he was out due to illness) the facility sent him the following request: "I got a note from Eagle Springs about mood swings, with laughing one minute and crying another, banging his head on a door frame, agitation "bordering on aggression". The doctor is not for prescribing anything at this time. He wants to do some lab work first. I am too tired and sore from two days of going there so won't be able to take him in until Monday.

    That is news to me. I was told he would be happy one minute then walk away sad and crying, come back later happy again. Nothing was said about him banging his head on the door frame. Maybe he was trying to get into his room that the door is locked. That could explain it.

    I spent yesterday and today there. I had to take a shaver into him since he lost the top to his new one from a couple weeks ago. If they had let me know I could have taken one in on Wednesday. I got there they were just getting him out of his PJs. After he ate lunch, I took him back to his room to check to see if he had a shower Wednesday evening - his shower day. Nope! I checked him Wednesday - his feet, his butt crack and something on his arm - all still there. So I showered and shaved him, combed his hair. He looked better and was happy. His poor feet - because he wears shoes all the time and usually leaves the socks on at night, his feet never dry out.

    You can be proud of me - I didn't through a fit, but was quietly upset because after putting clean underwear and socks on him he had ZERO clean underwear out of 13 (one pair on, one pair in dirty clothes, the same ones he had on yesterday) and one pair of clean socks.



    Jan K - I rarely did probably because I stayed awake half the night thinking about it. When we get stressed and burned out, it is no surprise we have horrible dreams about it.
  3.  
    Charlotte--it sure sounds like you need to get him out of there.

    Jan K--While he was alive, I hardly had enough sleep to be able to have dreams. Ha-ha. After he died, I don't remember having specific dreams about caregiving.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 10th 2019
     
    Trying to get ready for a wedding tomorrow, one of those things you really have to attend. Dh doesn't want to go but I think he'll enjoy seeing a few old friends, even if we don't stay for the dinner. The weather has been very warm and I didn't have a thing suitable - but couldn't get out to do any shopping either. Didn't worry about him as he has a ton of clothes, many still have the price tag on them. Hasn't worn a suit/slacks/jacket since we quit attending church a number of years ago. Brought down several things for him, he always wore boots and liked to wear western cut slacks - but even with boots they were a couple inches too long. Much too long without being hemmed. I know he looks shorter but attributed it to the fact he always walks with his shoulders rolled forward, almost a stoop. But somewhere along the line he's lost a few inches in height. I knew I had lost 2" because the dr checks, but I don't remember them checking his height this time, just weight. I joke I remember when he was taller than me. Show him our wedding picture to prove it :) Think I'll check on the wall like we used to do the kids.

    Looking at him dressed in nice clothes makes it apparent how much he has changed, his jackets hang on him, even a little on the long side now. Western cut slacks fit fine but regular dress slacks look too baggy. You don't notice it day to day but what a difference when he puts on his good clothes. He looks like an entirely different man. It's hard to explain - but it isn't just that he's older, has more of a vacant look -- no life in his face. Just a face. I only see him in everyday clothes and he looks the same day to day, but dressed, he looked like he's playing dress up - wearing someone else clothes.

    I had wanted a pretty spring dress but fortunately, a cold front has moved in and it's much cooler, possibly will be raining, so I figured I could get by with something I had in the closet, think I can make it work. It's a late afternoon wedding, followed by a formal sit down dinner. 25 miles to the church, and if it's raining I definitely will leave after the ceremony as I don't want to drive home in the dark in the rain.

    We are still on the roller coaster. He enjoyed helping me put some plants out this week, but couldn't tell one from the other so had to be watchful. He always wants me to rest - but mainly it's because he doesn't want to do anything but sit. Have less than a month till the kids get her and no way will I get it all done. I am so overwhelmed I'm not sure how to overcome it. The upstairs bedroom is ready but the rest of the upstairs is still covered with unpacked boxes. They've never seen this place and will be horrified, LOL!! It was our dream but life happened so we are still living in a barn. I'm sure they'll want to take him to a very expensive restaurant for Father's Day but that just won't happen. He wouldn't be comfortable, which would make him angry, - if we go out to eat its just to the little local places -- nothing fancy. They don't eat anyplace but the best so we may have some words. Will be interesting to note how they see him in his own surroundings, his daily life. For years, we've only seen them for a day or two at a time. David never wanted to see his Dad in the hospital, and I've never told him how bad he is now so might be an interesting visit :)

    Note: 29 verified tornados hit here last Tuesday, got too close for comfort but we did not get a direct hit.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 10th 2019
     
    oakridge - don't stress over getting things done. If they don't like it they can either help you or go to a motel. If they want fancy, have them order it to go and bring home.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 10th 2019
     
    Jan K,

    I had dreams like that. Lots of them. A few weeks ago I had a dream where she was driving the MGB we used to own, wearing sunglasses and enjoying shifting through the gears while I looked around at yet another town I was in which I didn't recognize. I don't have those dreams anymore, so they do go away.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 11th 2019
     
    I may have lost my cat. She came in about 4, ate, was filthy then went back out yesterday - have not seen her since. Last night there were coyotes out back - at least two cause I saw 4 eyeballs. At first I thought it a cat fight but by the time I rushed out (it was about midnight) they were chattering. When I called 'sage, kitty kitty' they shut up. I can't bring myself to go out for signs of her. Time will tell if they got her or she just isn't coming home.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeMay 11th 2019
     
    Jan K, I didn’t have dreams like that recently. Back when Jim’s kids were little I used to have nightmares that his ex would drop the kids off on my front lawn when Jim was out flying the pacific for three weeks at a time.

    Oakridge, My husband and I visited my cousin last summer. I thought it was a pretty good visit. Jim seemed fairly happy, tried to participate in conversations. We took some pictures thinking to put on Facebook. But when I got home I couldn’t stop crying about the pictures. He had such a vacant look. I couldn’t post them. It was really devastating. The picture looked completely different than what I saw when there in person.

    My husband lost a few inches in height too. Generally that’s in the spine. It seems pretty weird that his pants are too long.

    I found if I took charge at the restaurant and ordered something he recognized, like a burger, and I dealt with the waiter, he was able to sometimes enjoy eating out. He liked a local sports bar with great burgers. I wouldn’t think of trying a fancy place. And you don’t want to deal with food that needs cutting up. We had some friends over for dinner once and made his favorite steak and twice baked potato. Unfortunately that was the day he forgot how to use a steak knife. He picked up the steak and ate it like in King Arthur days. Fortunately the friends knew he had Alzheimer’s and were Air Force, so didn’t miss a beat. Not sure what would happen at a fancy place.

    Charlotte, I sure hope Sage comes home.

    My brother came for a visit. Just hanging out together. We played some golf. He is a carpenter and construction supervisor. I had a list of projects I wanted advice on how to proceed. Didn’t want him to do the jobs. He was on vacation. He fixed three door knobs. Fixed a door that wouldn’t stay closed. Refurbished a garage side door that has had peeling paint since we moved here about 20 years ago. I just finished painting it. Going out to rehang it now. It was really good to spend a few days, just the two of us, able to talk about oh so many things with no judgment, just helpful suggestions all around. Good for both of us.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 11th 2019
     
    Bonnie - glad you had the special time with your brother.

    No sign of Sage yet. The neighbor walked around where the coyotes were last night but saw no sign of cat hair.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 11th 2019
     
    been watching a movie 'What Dreams May Come' starring Robin Williams. His wife was talking about his illness and what she has learned since his death. They asked which of his movies reminds her most of him. This is the one. Forget why though.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeMay 12th 2019
     
    HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the moms out there.

    May you have a great Day!
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 12th 2019
     
    Charlotte, I'm sorry that Sage has not reappeared.
  4.  
    Any news on Sage yet?
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2019
     
    nope - as I face what I heard the other night, it was her screaming when they attacked her. What I thought was 'chatter' was probably them fighting over her got her. I had a dream last night her showing up at the door all battered then she disappeared. So I taking that as her way of saying good bye. So now I will see her running free in kitty heaven.

    Today I will leave the dog home which she won't like but I need to take Art over to the VA for blood and urine work. There is no shaded parking there so with temps in the 80s she can't be left in the car. The doctor wants to make sure there is nothing going on in those areas attributing to his mood swings. He agrees the noise in the common area can be bad and frustration with his door always being locked. Also, I am hoping Anita (the business manager I left a note for) has found his underwear and socks.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2019
     
    No time to stop and visit but had to share a moment we had this morning. As I've said, dh did not want to go to that new Neuro______ specialist this week. So I told him fine, but he would have to be the one to call and cancel. He had me dial the number and he did call and told them to cancel, he'd call later if he wanted to reschedule. He didn't want to start a new round of testing, Dr visits etc, all the co-pays etc -- and I've finally agreed with him.

    Then he said, I don't need to see a brain doctor, the only thing wrong with me is I have a little memory problem and.......I don't remember what else. LOL. He even grinned and got a little red faced as he heard himself say it. But was good to start the day with a laugh.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2019
     
    Good to hear the morning started peaceful and with a laugh. Here is hoping the rest of the day will stay peaceful.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2019
     
    Charlotte, I'm so sorry your cat hasn't returned. Seems if they had actually killed her you might find a trace of something, or maybe she was small enough to carry off. On the other hand, maybe she got away and was so frightened she just ran and ran - maybe found someplace to hide or a tree to climb.

    We had a cat that tended to roam more than I liked. One day he simply didn't come home. There was a "green" area near us that was still pretty wild. We drove around seeing if he had gotten hit by a car, etc, finally gave up. Four day later he came home, had obviously been through a fight. He lived and I assumed he had just holed up someplace till he was strong enough to get home.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2019
     
    I hated to post this right after you Charlotte, knowing your feelings about your cat.......but we were going to dinner for Mothers Day and always drive the back roads. Lo and behold trotting up the dirt road were four puppies, & one that looked bigger. We stopped to admire them and realized they weren't puppies, they were little coyotes. The older one didn't look old enough to the the mother - at least to me - they didn't seem afraid and I would have bet they would be playful if we had gotten out. Of course the maybe mamma might not have been so friendly then. This is the time the mamas are bringing the pups out into the world to teach them the ways.

    I always love seeing the wildlife that live around us.

    Now the bad part, coming home later, a car was stopped in the middle of the little dirt back road and motioned for us to stop. He didn't seem strange but on the other hand I was cautious, so I lowered my window some but was ready to hit the gas. Turned out he was an off-duty deputy and the people who owned the cattle in the pasture right there were at their son's HS graduation.

    In the time between we came through first and an hour and half later someone had cut the wires on the pasture in two different places so the cattle could get out. I'm not sure how many were out - they had headed for the forested area across the street. His wife and kids were around the corner trying to flush them out and head back. He had already fixed the first cut, then found the second at the other end of the pasture. Got the last one we saw headed down the fence and he found the cut area and dove back into his pasture. The deputy was going to stay and repair the second cut area. This wasn't broken wire, every strand had definitely been cut so was deliberate. Not just any old cows, these are registered cattle and their income. Who knows what prompted someone to do that we'll never know but sure was rotten on their part. Called our neighbors on both sides who run expensive registered cattle to be aware. We often have visitors who get through a fence someplace, we just go out and shut the main gate so they can't get out and let the owners know when they make their nightly count, they might be a little short :)

    I was looking at the horses couple of week ago, up on the side hill. Two horses, and as I looked it became three. I got the binoculars and now there were four and as I looked another 6, LOL. The neighbors cattle had gotten through a break in the fence, right behind the horses so it looked like they were multiplying. Like little kids, once one got through they all started over cause we all know the grass is greener on the other side of the fence :)
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2019
     
    Gotta share one more. Beautiful day, dh decided to weed the garden.....wish I could send the picture, he carefully dug out the weeds and got them all planted in planters with cages & fences to keep them nice.

    Told him there was only one plant out there -- the rest were weeds. He did save that one plant but planted all those big weeds in planters, LOL. Some days you just gotta love them.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2019
     
    Got to laugh at much of what your wrote about: your husband's gardening (at least it was something to do and not destructive); the horses then cows escaping. I remember one time the cows got out and started in on the corn. Thankfully it was the field corn not the sweet corn. Dad grew field corn: pigs got the cobs, cows the stalks. Those pups must have been cute but smart not to mess with them. I know it is just nature at work. There are no trees for her to go up except those in the park - the rest is desert. I am assuming since the cats scream seemed so close, she was probably stalking a bird behind us (there are two pines and a spruce) cause some are active at night. She was probably concentrating on the bird and didn't sense the coyote. It grabbed her and ran out into the field behind us. As for those jerks to do a cruel thing like cutting fences. Cows get out enough on their own without help. Glad the police officer was there to stop you. At first I thought you were going to say you hit an animal. Glad you didn't.

    Went to see Art today. He refuses to shower or shave for them. I didn't bother showering him but did shave him. He refused lunch so took him out to DQ. We then stopped by the VA for the blood and urine labs. He was happy and joking the whole time until we got back. When I left he was sad and had his head in his hands. They still have not found the majority of his socks and underwear and now 2/3 PJ bottoms are missing. I gave them until Thursday to find them. Found out that the parent company said the facility doesn't need a laundry person, who is back out with her back injury, saying the staff can take care of it. So I guess they wash it but it is piling up again.

    It was so hard to leave him there but I am not ready for him to come home. Checked his weight at the VA - lost another 6 pounds in the last month.

    Tomorrow I am going to check out a 'group' memory care home - Rosetta Stone Memory Care. Last fall I checked one of the three they have in the area - all the residents were sitting in front of the TV looking like zombies. The place smelled of air fresheners spray. Will see what this one tomorrow is like. They do have a male medicaid bed open in a double room so he would have a roommate. I also have an appointment Thursday morning with the director of the Veterans Home to find out how things are going there. Barring a miracle happening at Eagle Springs, I will bring him home on Thursday. I am so fed up with that place. I guess it will be his anniversary present since Thursday will be our 48th.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2019
     
    I don't know about different Memory Care Homes, but that's where we first placed my Mother. Was a beautiful home, nice gardens in a regular neighborhood. They all ate together and generally behaved like a family. Six AZ residents, no more. We bought Mom a little TV of her own, a new rocking chair etc for her room...it looked like a great place. She only lasted 6 months there till they said she was declining too fast for them to keep. I've always thought moving from her home to that place was what caused her to decline so fast, whenever I'd go see her and take her out, like you do Art, she'd beg me to take her home. Even though her mind was going she knew that wasn't her home and she felt abandoned and helpless. Such a terrible feeling you must have, wanting to give him the best you can and having to fight every step of the way. I have been reading recently on placing AZ patients and they said most people wait too long so they can't adjust. Not sure about that, who would want to place their lo if not necessary.

    We did have a nice day today, he was outside weeding :) so I was able to get a lot of those things you always put off till you have more time - done. We are both tired tonight. I do think being able to be outside in the sunshine was really good for him, he felt like he had accomplished something.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2019
     
    I have heard that which is why I was trying to place him when I did but it has not worked out. He is too aware. I took him to shave and he expected me to do it. I told him 'no you can still do it' so he did. That is a problem I think in that they do everything for him so no reason to live I guess.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 14th 2019
     
    I seem to do most of the chattering!

    Went to tour Rosetta Stone Memory Care about 26 miles away (didn't seem that far) - the other side of Kennewick. It is more like a group home - only 16 residents. It was nice, didn't smell except it was lunch time so it did smell!! His roommate would be a 90 year old man who sleeps in the recliner with the TV going all night long. I don't know if that would keep Art awake or not. I have it on at night here but not loud but guess this guy has it loud. But there is the possibility they could make room for him in the one about 2 miles away. Two women are in rooms for doubles but they have no roommate. They would have to agree to share a room to free up one for Art. I am praying hard that will happen. Would really be ideal. Sad - there is a guy at this one who is only 32 with AD.

    Now I have to decide whether to bring him home Thursday and wait which could be a week to two, or leave him there until it is settled. If I leave him it would be moving him from one facility to another. If I bring him home it would be facility - home - to new facility. During the day and evening there are two aides and one at night. They also have their own doctor on call who comes to the facility. I am leaning bringing him home, which could be for a week or two. Either will be tough on him but at least I will be able to go see him daily if I want which hopefully will make it easier for him vs now where it is only twice a week. I told the social worker I will sleep on it tonight.

    I already have done some rearranging. Got rid of the litter box and packed blankets in there. I did find I have more new socks for him so if they don't find them I won't sweat it. Now need to rearrange things back to how he likes it. It includes moving my desk back in the slide and putting his chair by the door. Last two times I had him home he sat in my computer chair because it was by the door in front of the TV.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 14th 2019
     
    Hi Charlotte, I'm keeping my fingers crossed om Art getting into the closest facility. Although it sounds like anywhere would be better than where he is. I'm so sorry about Sage. You've had more than your share of grief lately.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 15th 2019
     
    Charlotte, will pray for guidance for you as I sure don't have any answers.

    Will repeat what we all know ---- Treasure the good days because the next one and the next one and so on will be enough to try your spirit. I would have to be an octopus to try and keep up with all this.

    He prayed for me last night when we went to bed, so precious, but today was another story. A completely different man and not a very likable one.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 15th 2019
     
    Chatter on Charlotte, sometimes at night I just look through old pages here and am always amazed how "current" they are. I would guess I'm hoping, someone someplace, might have posted an answer to my problems. At least I know I'm not the only caregiver slowly going out of my mind and aging faster than I can believe.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 16th 2019
     
    for those of you who remember Phranque from a few years back - another special guy we have had on here with a great sense of humor, he is having testing today for the following reason (from his facebook page):

    Frank Ducharme Yep I am fine....I was diagnosed with a rare lung cancer..a bronchial carcinoid...It is a very slow growing tumor, and surgery removal is probably the best cure...but the location is right on the first branch of my right bronchial tube...may lose a lobe of my lung or more depending where it is....

    keep him in your thoughts and prayers.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 16th 2019
     
    I did bring him home. The first thing he did was start rearranging everything!!

    I was not going to but he would not stop crying. Then they gave me a copy of the last week - reports of him refusing to take showers and getting angry about them trying. Of course most of the time it was like 6:30AM - who wants to get up that early to take a shower? He was showered and shaved when I arrived today. But in lieu of how angry he has been and his crying I gave in and brought him home. Give them a rest. At support group tonight one of the staff entertained him, gave him dinner, while I was at the meeting. Someone brought up how young all the CNA's are and we decided for our husbands that could be part of the resistance to showers - what man wants a young girl that looks like a teenager showering them?
  5.  
    Thinking of you and Art this morning, Charlotte, and hoping it is going all right--or as best as could be expected, anyway.

    The sad experience with Sage has got me thinking about our similar experience back in the 90's with "Kitty". He was an outdoor cat who would not have been happy if kept indoors--went out every morning to patrol our seven acres (at that time) of deer thickets and poison ivy. Of course we had all the usual predators out there--coyotes, raccoons (Kitty hated raccoons), neighbors' big dogs that ran loose, deer and turkey hunters, etc. He went out one morning as usual--hunting season had started--and he just never came back. We never knew what happened--looked for him of course, but never found any sign of him. Maybe a hunter shot him--a black and white cat looks so much like a deer, you know. He was a good cat, and much missed. Sergeant Kitty--lost in action while on Yard Patrol. RIP, Kitty and Sage.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2019
     
    Good news: she arrange it so he does have a bed at the facility two miles away. Possibly Monday or Tuesday - depends on when they get the doctors orders back and report for his Social Worker.

    Bad new - rest of day went downhill for 4 hours. He overheard me talking to the lady that was coming to do the assessment for the new place. I was dumb and tried to explain. It triggered off a hallucination episode I was not expecting. Just before she got here I had to get in the car to catch him. He was fast like his dad was - was a half mile down the road. I managed to get him in the car and back home but he got worse when the lady got here. I told her I was sorry he was this way but she was glad because it gave her a good idea where he is. I was dumb and tried to force him to stay her and not take off. Finally gave in and just walked with him until he calmed down and the worst hallucinations stopped. First it was guys trying to kill him, then dogs trying to kill him, then guys telling him to get he can't stay here.

    I would have taken him back but I was so exhausted by the time he was back to his cheerful self. So we went to mail a package to our daughter - the postal guy was having a problem with his postage printer so Art was giving him a bad time. Then we went for ice cream where the women he recognizes he gave a hard time to. He is still seeing people but back to his norm now. Hope it stays that way the rest of the night. Tomorrow I will say nothing about the move. There is a vintage car show in town - will take him to that.

    I couldn't call his doctor either because by the time he was calmed down enough to call, they had already left for the day.

    Heard from the ADP woman. They filed their complaints/violations against the facility. Art was included in three of them. One was medication problems which I think is not recording when given all the time, one no record of showers - when he had them, when he refused. The third was not taking proper care and/or watching for skin problems.
    • CommentAuthorCarolVT
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2019
     
    My DH dislikes showers although he is competent to take them by himself....or at least he gets wet and washes his hair. He used to shower daily, but not now. Everyone's mileage will vary, but once a month or so is working for us. Being clean is important so I do keep an eye (and nose) on things. He would go nuts if hassled about a shower every day. I think not liking showers is common with Alzheimers with many possible reasons such as not liking the water striking the skin.

    I tried taking a shower with him one time to be sure he soaped up, etc. It did not go well.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2019
     
    Today has been better. I have kept him on the go all day: went to visit Paula, walked along the river, lunch at DQ, went to an old car show and vintage trailer show (small town so not so big but fun), he lost his watch and was obsessing about not having one so bought him one at Walmart; then went to Home Depot where I found a bareroot rose that blooms all summer (yellow) and is fragrant, came home and planted it. He has been sweeping the patio when we weren't out running around. 6pm and I am pooped. Dinner is ready and hope the evening will be restful. I was careful to not say anything that could trigger him.
    • CommentAuthorSedgly
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2019
     
    Charlotte, it finally appears things are turning. Hope it continues to go well. You have been so strong through all of this....Having him close will make things easier and thankfully not having him in that dreadful place. I hope for the sake of others there that they continue to follow through and changes can be made there.

    The kids brought me a yellow rose bush for mother's day...I've never been much for roses but if I had to choose one it would be yellow.... of course I haven't planted it....

    We have 4" of fresh snow today and supposed to get more every day this week.. I'm ready for spring... it's almost as if our seasons have shifted.... snow use to be gone by mothers day... now it's here till June... but it used to come back in September .... now our permanent snow doesn't usually show till November...

    Jim is continuing on his journey,....
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2019
     
    Sedgly - just wondering where you are living to have 4" of snow?
    • CommentAuthorSedgly
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2019
     
    Nicky, we are in the Black Hills of South Dakota, over a mile high, we have 8-12 forecast for Tuesday....we knew spring would come late this year. The grass is green but we have no leaf buds on the aspens or lilacs......our main trees are pine and spruce so it most always looks like Christmas.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeMay 19th 2019
     
    Our son graduated from college yesterday. Seems like he graduated from high school yesterday. The chemistry department is small so parents were encouraged to photograph their graduate and otherwise embarrass him or her when they received their diploma. Some of my wife’s family were able to attend and we had dinner with them and friends. Then I drove Ari back home, 4 hours with no stops.

    I am glad the few 4 hour drives a year are over. This time I left home early on Friday and drove only to Roanoke, a city I’ve been passing but never visited for 4 years. I drove a lot on Rt 11 rather than I81 and stopped in various places. This is the first time I had time to meander. Then there was a American Cancer Society Relay for Life event across from the motel. Saturday morning was a 45 minute drive to Blacksburg and the ceremony.

    So Ari is home now and ready to start looking for a job.