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    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeApr 1st 2019
     
    All day I kept trying to think of an appropriate topic to start April with. Then I realized there was something I had been wanting to say for a long time...

    I appreciate the people here so much. I've gotten so much help and encouragement here. I've saved comments from people that are forever enshrined in my heart--and in my yearly planner (and yes, moved from one year to the next!). There are comments posted on the idea board in my bedroom, to remind me that there are people who actually understand this, and who care what we are all going through.

    I wish there was some way we could all get together in a real, physical cabin by the lake this summer. But until that happens, at least we have this "cabin" to visit when we need a lift.

    Thank you all so much.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeApr 1st 2019
     
    That’s really well said Jan. And I, for one, am glad to hear it from you. I’ve been concerned about you and Charlotte both, not getting the care your spouses deserve and the break you both were hoping for. This group is really special. Hope everyone is having a calm night.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeApr 2nd 2019 edited
     
    A brief update: I haven’t been visible on the board lately, although I check it several times a day. Finally, finally, my turn for a surgical bed has come, and I’m scheduled for surgery on Wednesday, April 24. Going through this period has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m grateful the time has come to fix it. It has helped to check in each day and see all of you putting up the gallant fight. And thanks to everyone who has kept in touch.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 2nd 2019
     
    Thank you for the update Mary.

    I love the thoughts of getting together.

    Will take him to his Dr aka PA at the VA today. Going to get his feelings on prescribing a dosage of ibuprofen or Tylenol at bedtime every day - to eliminate as needed part. I am trying not to fume when I think back how he was standing there Sunday so out of it right in front of the staff and they ignored him - exactly how I told them to look for. I have yet to hear from the director despite two emails. I will call later before going to the doctor. I am also waiting to hear back from the social worker for the facility to let her know what my battle with them has been.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeApr 2nd 2019
     
    My kingdom for a surgical bed!

    That may not be historically accurate. Here's some good wishes that it goes like a charm and does what it's supposed to.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeApr 2nd 2019
     
    Thanks, dear Wolf.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 2nd 2019
     
    I agree with Wolf Mary - may this doctor do the surgery that takes care of your pain and problems.

    Seems my anger at what I consider subpar care just went from worse to worser. The reason I have to go through the director is because I am so volatile. The staff is afraid of me! If they were afraid of me one would think they would do their best to take care of him.

    Went to what I thought was still his VA primary but he says he is not. Says WW primary. But when I call WW they say Hansen still is. He couldn't figure out why I would even come to him since I don't trust him. Come to find out hb's neurologist told him different than me. She told him she agreed with prescribing trazadone, would have herself. She told me she does but only when there is no alternative. Of course Hansen was under the impression I requested something for sleep. Told him I did not. They told me he was sleeping fine and didn't find out about it until 2 weeks later when a bottle came to me at home. I don't know who to believe anymore.

    So no doctor visit this trip home. Have not even heard back from the social worker despite leaving another message this morning. Last Friday she called at 4:30 so waited until 6. Will see if she calls in the morning.

    I will take him back tomorrow. Not sure if I will leave him or not. I know this is hard on him coming and going back. When I ask him he doesn't say he wants to stay home - just doesn't answer.

    I am so frustrated and tired of this whole disease - just like everyone else here. The two nights he has been home he has slept 12 hours. But in waking hours he can't sit still wants to be walking. I just want to do what is good for both of us but seems that is impossible. I do know I over reacted on Sunday. Glenn said they were coming to give him a shower but I had already started it. Told him there was no indication they were going to so I did it.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeApr 2nd 2019
     
    Charlotte, Are there any other options for placements? Maybe a waiting list at a different facility?
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 2nd 2019
     
    he is on the waiting list for a place 2 miles away. But, he is still #3. They have female medicaid beds come up but no male since last summer. I have decided if I leave him there I will have to just not worry as long as he is safe, not be so proactive. I hope the social worker calls in the morning so I can talk with her before going back.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeApr 2nd 2019
     
    Well, at least there's a glimmer of hope. That would be so much easier on you.
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeApr 2nd 2019
     
    You might want to ask this facility whether they have ever considered changing one if their female bedrooms into a male bedroom. You could just say you spoke to a friend where that was done at the facility where she worked on several occasions when there was demand for more male beds. Might work. Who knows?
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 3rd 2019
     
    Met with the social worker at the facility today. She gave me the number of Adult Protective Services and Residential Care Services (Medicaid) to file a complaint. Will do that tomorrow. It was hard to leave today. He walked away crying, down the hall and outside (their fenced area). Next time he comes home will be either to move him to the place down the street or to home until a spot opens there. In the meantime we will see what happens after I complain. The social worker said they can't retaliate for filing a complaint. If they did, Medicaid could pull all the Medicaid residents outs.
    Just know I am tired of the long drive.
    • CommentAuthorSedgly
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2019
     
    Charlotte, that makes my heart hurt. I wish I could go get him and take care of him. It leaves me afraid for the future. What exactly is supposed to happen to people when their caregivers can't take care of them and the places don't?!? That is horrible. I hope the place near you gets an opening soon.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2019
     
    Good move, Charlotte.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2019
     
    MaryinPA - are you back from your cruise yet? Thinking about you - hope you had a great time.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2019
     
    Ok, I did it - I filed complaint with both Adult Protective Services and Residental Care Services (Medicaid). Now to wait to see what they do and results - if I can wait it out.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2019
     
    Charlotte, I'm sorry it had to come to that, but obviously you did the right thing.

    Found this quote in a book this week, "If life can give the tests it does, it ought to have a drawer full of gold stars, too". Yes, I'd vote for that. I'd picket for that!
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 5th 2019
     
    Jan I love it. Yes, we all should have more than one drawer full of gold stars.

    I like the verse in Psalms where it says 'He collects all our tears in His jar'. Must be a gigantic jar for me!

    The investigation phase is starting. Now to see what comes of it.

    Received a call this morning from friend in Yuma. After we hung up I went back to sleep - in one of those weird sleeps. I thought I was a wake but it was a dream: felt the MH door open and someone walk in. I turned over and there was Art walking towards me. I asked him how he got here. I went to get out of bed and he started to walk away. I followed him but he just disappeared. Couldn't get woke up so kept sleeping but it haunts me now. Is God preparing me for what is coming when he won't know me? That makes three haunting times:

    1) a couple weeks ago when he was so sweet
    2) when I left him Wednesday (seems like much longer): he is crying, turns, walks down the hall out the door disappearing around the building
    3) this dream this morning where he again walked away disappearing

    I have had God give me dreams when people died of them happy and whole so maybe he is preparing me. All I know is it hurts and a lot more tears for God to collect.
  1.  
    Thinking of you this morning, Charlotte. You are really going through the wringer, but we've got you. Here's the knotted rope to hang onto.

    x---x---x--x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 6th 2019
     
    Thanks Elizabeth. I really don't want to do the long drive to see him. But I was laying in bed this morning the only way I will have peace that they are changing their attitude towards him is to go see, even though it has only been 3 days. So will either go today or tomorrow. Then I probably won't go again until Thurs when he has an appointment with his new primary at the VA. At least that is only about a mile from where he is!
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 6th 2019
     
    Saw him today and everything regarding his care seemed fine. He had not had his shower - they said his is after dinner. I took him out to dinner at Shari's for something to do. It is so hard - I can't just sit, so we walk but I get tired of that, so we go out to eat.

    After we got back he asked why we were there. I told him this is where he lives. He started crying telling me he wants to live with me. I tried to point out the positives like having room to walk and walk like he likes to do, he has others to talk and joke around with, etc. Still went back to: I don't care I just want you. Went in, did more walking and him crying, then I stopped to talk to a couple women who wanted to know where the dog was. (I had left her in the car when we came back because I didn't plan to stay much longer.) He walked crying down the hallway and sat down crying. I left hoping he didn't see me since he was looking down.

    I realize it was a big mistake to bring him home a week ago, especially since the doctor appointment was a bust, waste of time. He has an appointment with his new primary on Thursday. I am not going to see him until then. Maybe I need to stop taking him out to DQ for lunch most of the time. But then what to do since he doesn't play games and you really can't talk - just leaves walking.

    Coming home I was thinking I will give it until May 5th to see if it improves and not bring him home during that time. When I visit I won't take him out or maybe just to lunch but not home. May 5th will be the 48th anniversary of when we first met and was married 11 days later.
  2.  
    The boards are quiet. How is everybody doing?
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeApr 9th 2019
     
    Oh, another incident this weekend. Leannah punched another resident in the stomach Saturday at dinner. So paying for a one-on-one aide. I think she will see the nurse practitioner on Wed (Leannah is the source of this info so it is in question). There will be a new plan meeting for her. We will see the fallout.

    I was told that Leannah realized she did something wrong afterwards and showed remorse. I suspect she showed remorse like a 5 year old with a hand in the cookie jar.

    I wrote to the nurse in charge of her and the nurse practitioner. I wonder if the neuropsychiatrist will see her along with the nurse practitioner.

    Odds are this is all part of FTD progression. The incidents since September have happened at dinner or later so I wrote that I suspect sundowning is a factor. But medications should be reviewed.

    While the punch is considered to be unprovoked I suspect that the woman is one of the people who annoy Leannah by talking to her when she doesn't want to be talked to. Leannah has particular problems with people with no short-term memory.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeApr 9th 2019
     
    Charlotte & paulc - What a nightmare this disease is.

    [Note to self: Myrtle, shut up unless you have something positive to say.]
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeApr 9th 2019
     
    Paul I can’t even imagine your situation. It’s so ironic for Leannah to have particular problem with people with no short term memory and have to be in a memory care place!

    Wish I were closer. I bet I’d like Leannah. When Jim was going to day care, there were a number of people who seemed drawn to me. It was fun to put a smile on their faces even if only for a moment.

    I finally got the last bit of paperwork from the Defense dept and put all the tax business to rest. I guess now I am single. With all my plans A through D It never occurred to me I’d be single at 65, well in a few days I’ll be 65. I’m now in Medicare and Tricare for Life.

    It was 90 degrees yesterday! But I was sequestered with tax docs all day. Back to normal temps in the 70s today.

    I’m getting a lot of projects done but don’t feel great. Sad. Don’t want to be around people. Don’t want to talk. Should go sit with Leannah huh?
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeApr 9th 2019
     
    I've probably mentioned this before, but does everyone subscribe to Brain & Life magazine? It's a wonderful free magazine from the American Academy of Neurology. It's for all kinds of neurological problems, which dementia is. The new issue of the magazine has an article on grief. If it's as good as some of their other articles have been, it should be helpful.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 9th 2019
     
    Myrtle, please don't hesitate to speak out. I consider your comment the truth, not a negative comment.

    Paul - so sorry. I hope the doctor/NP comes up with solutions. Too bad the facility doesn't recognize this lady basically annoys Leannah and keep her to herself and/or keep the two separated.

    There is a couple guys where Art is that are roommates but they also are always going at it - so far verbally is all I know. One is the guy the Art was initially friends with who he would get in these "boxing' matches with which I did not like. But that guy mostly stays to himself now. The roommate is the guy that Art is now friends with. He appears to be more like Art in nature. He has a gentle voice and is nice.

    I think part of why Art doesn't go join the group activities is because it is so 'loud' and 'crowded' there. I don't like hanging out there which is why we always go to his room or walking or out to lunch. If I am it is because they want to pet the dog.

    We haven't hit 90 yet but I know it is coming. The last few days have been cool (near 60), raining and windy. I liked last weeks weather better - sunny and upper 60s. Today is cloudy and windy, no rain yet.

    I haven't heard from 'P' since she texted me on 3/9 when I didn't want to chat. She wanted to know if I was busy cleaning/decluttering the MH but told her no, I was crying all the time. Told her I was quiet because I didn't have the energy or desire to be sociable. She texted back 'OK won't bother you' and she hasn't. Yet she repost all these things on FB that deal with what a true friend is but she has not been that way. I assume she is waiting for me to contact her. I really do not miss her for the most part. Most of my 'friendships' are they talk - I listen and help them to solve. I have yet to find anyone that really cares about what is going on in me. So the stress of being her 'counselor' or one sided friends I don't miss. Yes, we had some fun times together but they were not built in friendship. She has OCD - I am opposite. She hates fat people - I am fat. She is always saying cruel things about a long time friend who is a hoarder and fat. Each time I feel she is also talking about me. So I really do not miss the break.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2019
     
    The staff understands how various people annoy Leannah. They cannot police everyone all of the time. For the past few months work to change Leannah's behavior, to get her to walk away from bad situations, has been successful. But as expected, it is working less well as the FTD progresses. Leannah can keep to herself and stay in her room when she wishes. But the dining hall can't be avoided. Eating times can be easier and harder, you have many staff with the residents all together but you also have a larger number of residents (though no more than 20). And some residents do a lot of wandering.

    Surprisingly Leannah shows a great deal of sympathy for residents who are very far gone. This includes people who she found very annoying in the past. She is very gentle with her boyfriend who used to be very able but is now barely verbal. Thankfully she seems to understand that she can't involve him in many activities (she used to push him to be involved). It is interesting how someone who needs caregivers tries to act as a caregiver.

    I can see why Art avoids loud and crowded activities, even if we might not find them loud. The ability to filter out incoming talking goes. Leannah participates in group activities but some residents will keep asking the same question over and over. The staff created smaller educational activities for just a few people, including Leannah, to deal with this issue.
    • CommentAuthorSedgly
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2019
     
    We are snowed in so I'm cruising sights ...supposed to have 2-3 feet by the time the storm leaves Friday... but Sunday we will be back in the 40s so it will eventually melt... we use to say winter was gone with our usual mother's day storm but the last few years it has held till the last week of May....

    Jim has been having happy days... which have learnt to cherish..

    Charlotte, I'm so glad it appears Art is getting better care....

    Paul, I'm not sure I understand "the ability to filter out incoming talking goes" I'm thinking you mean the noise of it.....it has been years since Jim could follow more than one conversation...or one anything really..that was the first thing with his driving some 5 years ago..if he saw something of interest he was looking at it and no longer driving the car..literally he has a one track mind......as it is now...each Monday and Tuesday I take him to a little cafe where we meet up with four other guys... we've been doing this for 6 years now, same days, same table, same faces....I sit next to him but talk to whomever is near about anything and everything and he can't acknowledge any of it... only his own conversation....same if he has a tv program on, he can't acknowledge anyone speaking or doing anything in the same room... so if I want his attention I have to stand in front of tv....

    I have to remind myself, you all are so much further down the road than us.... sometimes it seems like the future is so bleak.... but we might (likely will) take a totally different road...we won't know till we get there...
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2019
     
    Sedgly - someone with AD once explained it like being in a room with people speaking a foreign language but occasionally you hear an English word. So when in a noisy room it can be hard for our guys and gals to filter. My daughter was found to have a frequency hearing loss, so if there was a lot of noise in the room going on she couldn't filter what the teacher said so tuned everything out. Can be like that for our guys.

    Was laying in bed last night thinking how Art has never been alone at night until now. He went from home to the Navy then marriage - never lived by himself. He had a roommate when he first moved in but he died a few weeks ago. Now he is alone. I have thought about taking in a portable radio but don't know if that will help. If he wears his cpap it doesn't hear anything else.

    Tell us about Leannah's boyfriend? I am happy to hear she helps others. Must give them a good feeling when they help others.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeApr 12th 2019
     
    Sedgly, Charlotte said it well enough. We learn to subconsciously to filter out much of the noise in our lives. We don't treat all sounds equally. As dementia advances all sounds are created equal, so a noisy environment is more difficult to deal with.

    Leannah has had a boyfriend for around 3 years. After her first year at Copper Ridge she made 2 boyfriends. Both have the same diagnosis as her, FTD, and like her were more more cognitively able than most of the residents. The 3 of them would hang out a lot. One of them was moved by his family a year later to another facility closer to his family. At first both were doing better than Leannah. Around 18 months ago her boyfriend started a decline and he is now much less able than her. He needs lots of directly, he mostly mumbles and when he does speak it is often in Hebrew or Arabic. Fortunately his brother lives close buy and visits weekly. He has 2 daughters who visit when they can, one lives on the west coast and the other in Israel. He is more than 10 years older than Leannah.

    When Leannah helps others I think it is like a small child tending to a baby. On the other hand she will mimic others, like a 5 year old, who annoy her.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 15th 2019
     
    https://www.tulsaworld.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/woman-jailed-on-child-neglect-charges-accused-of-forcing-children/article_5e37fe8b-007f-511a-aafe-f4f166255410.html

    The link takes you to a horrible nightmare story. The 5 year old is my granddaughter who I have never seen. My son left Oklahoma before she was born. After she was born the mother claimed my son was the father so he had to take a DNA test. He has been paying child support all these years. Now he has to fight in court to first be listed as he bio dad since the birth certificate has the woman's other boyfriend listed as her bio dad. Then to get custody of her.

    I can't believe Oklahoma ignored the living conditions for so long.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeApr 15th 2019
     
    Oh, Charlotte! Arms around. Prayers for all.
    • CommentAuthorSedgly
    • CommentTimeApr 15th 2019
     
    Wow, Charlotte, I pray it works out and from here on the children can have a good life.

    I saw the attorney today, after starting the process in December finally we have Jim's name off everything, except one car. The one involved in the legal stuff. It made me sad. I went to the courthouse and filed the deeds to all the properties this morning and surprisingly even that left me sad for him...and for me,...another change..

    I now need to rewrite my own will as the one I currently have leaves everything to Jim.....he went ahead and did new healthcare POA and durable POA.. apparently they contain more than the old ones...

    Jim is having relatively happy days.. the night terrors still come, most always within two hours of him falling asleep.. so I've started staying awake so his yells at least don't wake me from a deep sleep...
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 15th 2019
     
    Hugs sedgly. Doing all that is emotionally draining. On one hand we know it needs to be done but it feels like ending our marriage and/or betrayal.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeApr 16th 2019
     
    Some non dementia stuff. My girlfriend's daughter surprised her mom by visiting for the weekend. But she had car trouble so I drove her back to school on Sunday (2 hour drive each way). She needed to be back in time for work so she couldn't wait for a ride from another student.

    Her mom and I visited Shenandoah Caverns on the way back, she had never been in a cavern before. After I got home she drove back to her home.

    And my girlfriend was greeted by her dog having had diarrhea and gotten it all over the first floor. Thankfully it is tile, not carpeting (one small rug had to be thrown away). Surprisingly she was very calm and just mopped up and had to put off filing her taxes until Monday.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 16th 2019
     
    Sounds like the girls car trouble turned into an enjoyable date. Did she enjoy the caverns?
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeApr 16th 2019
     
    Hello everyone, some non-dementia stuff sounds good for a change :) We've gone from 84, to snow, to freezing temps two nights, back to 80's today but major storm moving in on Wednesday. All in about a week. The frost did in all the daffodils but the grass is so green it looks like it's been painted....and growing fast!!! Needs mowing - I refuse to let the horses roam free till I get a fence around the house, which may be never. They ate all my flowers two years in a row, so until I get a fence they stay in their pasture. A shame since there is about 5 acres of good pasture that is too small for anyone to bale for us so it just goes to waste. The horses are in the south pastures, 10 acres of good grass, trees and the creek flows through. They are happy up there, but I never see them unless I walk up there. We have our tractor up for sale and was hoping it would sell quick, but no serious offers. The riding mower needs to be charged up and checked out - I'm hoping dh still remembers how to do it, since I don't. Also hoping he can still do the mowing around the house that needs the small power mower.

    I'm so thankful for the sunshine! It has been a hard winter for us. DH put a shoe on yesterday for the first time in 8 months, but he is so weak from sitting I'm not sure he will ever recover fully. We have company coming June, July and August so I've been trying to get some real cleaning done - just about impossible with dh around. He's lost his wedding ring, again, we usually find it but I spent all morning going through things and no ring. He has no idea where he left it - of course he has no idea of where he leaves anything. His dementia has gotten worse but otherwise he is in good health...I can understand why so many with AZ live so long - they are always taken care of. It's the caregivers who goes downhill, which my recent tests prove.

    Last month I told you about him forgetting his pin#, we cancelled his card and this last week finally got into the bank to get him a new one. I said now pick a pin you will remember -- but it can only be 4 numbers. He made a decision and was happy. Yesterday at the store he used it and tried to put his zip code in for his pin. So I am taking away the debit card and will give him one credit card to use if he has too. It seems we are having to make more and more decisions that limit his ability to do things. The new car is so unlike the old one, it was easy to say I would do the driving and he seems to have accepted it. He did ask last week if I was ever going to let him drive it and I said no, he didn't argue.

    Yet, if you stopped by for coffee you might not notice anything unusual about him. He has an uncanny ability to seem so normal unless you're around him a lot. Our youngest son and his wife have decided to move back here when they retire, they lost everything in the CA fire and the memories are so bad - still so much to do with the properties they are constantly reminded of it. But that's about 8 years away -- a long time when you're dealing with AZ.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeApr 16th 2019
     
    Other non-dementia news, two of my dogs got in a fight with coyotes last night. I think the females are giving birth about now and they are much more aggressive. I let them out about 10:30, and checked a bit later and the little one had slipped her chain, so I got a light and went out back to look for them - and could hear the fight and the little one crying. I started running, and calling, they were all the way down to the creek. My german shepherd always comes when I call so wasn't long till I could see his eyes coming towards me -- but darned, it was like a horror movie. I could see all these eyes out there. Once the GS was with me, I ran closer and the little dog came running. As soon as she was close enough I picked her up and started back, keeping the light turned on the coyotes. I was too afraid to go down there alone. From her cries I thought she would be injured, and there were several area that looked like they had tried to bite her. She has incredibly thick hair and there was no broken skin. I bathed her this morning since she smelled terrible. I had to take off the shirt I was wearing as soon as I got in the house. Never thought about a coyote smell but something sure stank on her. I've always figured the GS is big enough to hold his own, I've seen him confront one close to the house, but she is just a little bite sized dog, which is why we keep her on a long leash when she is outside. About 2am they started howling, sounded right outside our bedroom window. Woke the dogs who started barking. Must have woken dh too as he asked about it this morning. I've never figured out what they are doing when they begin those pack howls. Think I'll put my shoes on and go down to that area and see what I might find.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeApr 17th 2019
     
    So sorry to hear about the coyotes. While all is OK for now I doubt the GS would be able to hold off multiple ones. Unfortunately the loss of other predators provides room for coyotes to move in. I wonder if the dogs can be lot out unsupervised for now.

    Would a harness be better for the little one than a leash since she slipped out of it last night?
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 17th 2019 edited
     
    Hope puppies are doing good today. Thankfully Jas won't even go beyond the patio without me following which during the night is a pain. But, since I have seen the coyote just behind out there, I need to. As for the howling - there will be times when there sounds like a pack off to the east and another group off to the west. They seem to be howling back and forth to each other.

    My computer is back with a new motherboard and so far so good. Total cost was $225 plus tax. Cheaper than a new one! Nice to have it back where I can type and not hen peck!

    I feel like I am coming out of that horrible grief time. The crying is less often. It was like the dream from a couple weeks ago. It was where I was in this weird sleep where I felt someone coming in (when someone walks on the steps it rocks the RV), looked to see him walking towards the bed; when I got up he walked away disappearing. I took it as he would never be back. So maybe coming to terms with it, slowly. Took me 11 years to let the wall down to feel and acknowledge reality.

    Received a call from the lady at adult protective services. She was getting reading to head over to the facility. Evidently she is in the process of investigating a few other complaints. She asked if they have let me see his records yet = said no. She said they have to. If I want copies they can't charge me more than 25 cents per page. She also said she has spoken to them about locking the residents doors so they can't get in because they are not suppose to. Found out she is in the same office as the social worker. In fact, she overheard the SW talking to me and asked her about it, so when she received the complaint it was no surprise. She said when she goes in she tries not to let them know who she is there checking up on but we all know they will have a good idea. I have a meeting with the director on Friday to review how things are going. Could be interesting!

    I think I will go to the store to look for a stuffed dog or cat that looks like ours. I mentioned it to him the other day and he said 'OK' which surprised me. There is one lady that has a window sill full of stuffed animals which he thinks are real - always comments on how cute they are sitting in the window!

    Update: computer not fixed.

    Updated 4/18/19 - took in and of course it was working fine. He said next time bring it in open so it shows what has happened.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeApr 18th 2019
     
    Ah computers, we get so dependent on them, then they drive us crazy. Glad to hear things may be working out for Art at the facility. Toy stores used to have those little realistic dogs than ran on batteries, they would bark and walk around. Don't know if they still make them but he might like one as long as he couldn't get to the batteries. When my Mom was in a home several of the women had dolls they would carry around, some of those vinyl baby dolls looked very realistic.

    I am still trying to come to terms with this disease. Have decided than unless something unexpected happens, we will stay here; even though it will mean hiring help. I think another move would be disastrous for him. We have had such a hard three years since moving here I would dread to have to make another move myself. I am making progress, slow but still progress, on cleaning out our possessions. Some things it's really hard to do but I've had several boxes sitting here for months trying to get them to the thrift store and I don't even know what's in them anymore. We have boxes and boxes of books, but nobody wants them anymore, nobody reads books - especially the religious ones. DH wants to keep everyone but I've gotten past that.


    He is able to wear a shoe this week, first time in 8 months. His right leg has lost all the muscle, looks strange with the bones so prominent. The left is smaller too but nothing like the right one and there was nothing wrong with the leg - was always the foot, but he had to stay off it. I read online last night when the nerves don't give a signal to the muscle it withers away - I guess when he was up he put all his weight on the good leg.

    I'm glad your concerns are finally getting some action, that's what it takes -- the squeaky wheel gets the grease??
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeApr 18th 2019
     
    Hi Paul, you are right, the next day when I let the dogs out the GS made a beeline for where it all occurred. For now I'm keeping him on a long tie out. Plenty of room to move around but not enough to get that far. DH wants to shoot the coyotes, but I don't nor do I want him to wander around with a gun, but I'm told if you just shoot at the ground when you see them they will move out of the area in a short time. Not real sure about that as we live in the country, lots of wooded areas and lots of wildlife comes to the creek for water. We have 3 underground springs so water all year long.

    The little one didn't exactly slip her leash, it came undone at the clip. My husband was able to make some kind of knot so it can't happen again.

    DH is calmer this week, not sure if he has accepted more after the doctor talked to him, or just the nice weather making him feel better. His "gastric" problems have eased off since we took him off the Namenda (thank goodness) but he did decline very fast for a couple of weeks after. He always knows my name and the name of the kids but not the grandkids or friends. If I show him a picture he sometimes says he recognizes the person - just not sure who it is. Strange how he has lost so much but when the leash came undone, he fixed it as well as he always could before I even knew it. Last week I was looking for someone who has the equipment to clean out the creek, he got angry and said he could do it in a weekend. He hasn't even seen the creek in almost a year and after two years of no maintenance, there are downed trees, debris piled up etc. But you know, I'm almost glad he just sits in his chair most of the time now. If he tries to help, he gets angry - at everyone but himself.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeApr 18th 2019
     
    Oh Charlotte, meant to tell you I read up on coyote howls and their meaning, you are right, they often do call to one another to determine where they are or to other packs to warn them off.

    And...toy dogs are still pretty popular I guess. Don't know if they would be practical for Art but they are so cute I'd like to have one myself :)

    https://www.amazon.com/s?k=battery+operated+toy+dogs&ref=nb_sb_noss_2
    • CommentAuthorSedgly
    • CommentTimeApr 18th 2019
     
    Hi all, we had snow again last night.

    We don't hear the coyotes here very often any more. I am struggling with getting a pup or not. It seems your LOs do well with them. Our daughter had one flown in today from the Bollinger county rescue in Missouri. She will bring it over Sunday and if Jim does well with it I just may get one. We lost our 17 year old basinji mix just over 3 years ago and haven't had one since. I realized today if we got a pup it would likely out live Jim.. it might sound cruel to say but at least I wouldn't be alone....

    He is doing well but is more confused lately...it is what it is...
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 18th 2019
     
    I got another dog for him hoping he would take it with him when he walked but he never would. In fact, he never paid much attention the first three years, only the last year.

    It only took a couple hours for it to act up but differently. I took it in and he said he had never seen that happen. I asked if the screen so he plug in to a external monitor and it was fine. So he ordered a new screen that will be in tomorrow - no charge to me.

    I bought him a little stuff brown and white dog and a bunny that says "happy easter" when you push on it's belly. If he doesn't act interested I will set them in his windowsill.

    Oakridge hope the calmness last.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeApr 19th 2019
     
    oakridge, correct, don't let him touch a gun. I know many people in rural areas who hate coyotes and will shoot them. These are areas where coyotes are not native, but have invaded due to elimination of their enemies.

    Charlotte, I'm glad your repair person will replace the screen at no charge.
  3.  
    I still visit here every day and relate so much to the sad stories. You were all so helpful to me when I really needed help. I haven't contributed anything for a long time and am feeling a little guilty about it.

    Yesterday I received my "once a year" call from the Inter Valley Health Plan. They seem to feel like they need to take care of me and they've been calling me once a year to tell me I should come in for a yearly health check-up. I always tell them the same thing, and It's difficult for them to understand.
    I always tell them that I'm almost 98 years old and haven't had any medical problems for at least 15 years and since my Dear Helen left me, nine years ago, I'm actually looking forward to a medical problem that would take me away so I could be with her again.
    I told the nice lady who called, that I'm still a happy guy here at Hillcrest, old folks home, with many friends and family closeby. I thanked her for looking out after me and recited my favorite poem for her. She told me that she understood my situation perfectly and complemented me on my passionate outlook. Her last words were "God bless you George"

    Here is the poem that I recited for her.

    Lord, when you see my work is done,
    Let me not linger on.
    With failing powers and weary hours,
    A workless worker in a world of work.
    But with a word, just bid me home.
    And I will gladly go.
    Yes, gladly I will go.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 19th 2019
     
    I went today with happy expectations which didn't last long. He was not in a good mood and refused to eat lunch. I also found they were still on the old doctors orders not the ones from the new doctor. Instead of giving him the acetaminophen 3 times a day they were still giving him the 600 mg ibuprofen 3 times a day. I met with the director and new business manager - took her a while to find the paperwork I brought back on April 11. The one and only nurse knew about it but never processed it. Got things worked out aka me cooled off!

    I mentioned he looked like he had lost more weight. They weighed him saying he had gained a pound to 198.6. I said no way since he was 188 on the 11th. Took him out to dairy queen for lunch which he didn't eat it all. Then went to the VA to weigh him:186.8 on three different scales. Went back to give them the paperwork showing the 2 pound weight loss. The new business manager has ordered for their scales to be checked. She also wondered if they are really weighing him.

    Then as I was leaving the receptionist brought me a bill from their pharmacy. It was for an OTC decongestant capsules and acetaminophen - neither which were for Art. Tried to cal Omnicare, the pharmacy they use, but could not get through. I hit to leave a message where it said they were closed even though the billing statement said they were open until 6pm pacific time but it was only 4. Then called Silverscript, the part D rx, and told them when the bill comes in not to even bother processing it since they were not his. Besides that was the day I brought him home after finding him in the dried poop.

    Now back home hoping for a nice evening just need to forget how upset again he was when I left - despite asking a couple different women if they could distract him.

    The screen came in for my computer but the guy had not come in by 4 to fix it. Hopefully he will make it in so I can get it back. I am tired if typing on my kindle keyboard!!
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 19th 2019
     
    Just dawned on me - full moon time. Maybe why he was having a bad day.