What a way to start the month! I am so pissed. Social Worker finally got back to me. The person at the state level that needs to approve it is missing one document - a document that Art verbally approves of going into a locked facility. It doesn't matter that he has already escaped once from day care and tried other times. Or that he keeps wanting to take off here. If he doesn't approve to go with the social worker on the phone to hear, he has every right to refuse. He probably unhappily will or say 'whatever' but if he doesn't my only options are to place him in an unlock facility and wait for him to escape or drop him off at the ER saying I can't deal with him otherwise abandonment. In that case they would probably take all his SS leaving me with my $600 a month SS. She went through the first caseworkers paperwork and such a document was not required.
Hope all you that were in the deep freeze are thawing out.
Good morning charlotte, have to agree with you. I think every organization seems to delight in changing forms and regulations, in my case it was the state tax board. Could only file the new form but their link would not work.
In your case I think someone should stop and think about why you are placing him there. If everything was hunky dory (?) you wouldn't need them. Hopefully, the social worker will phrase it in a way that sounds acceptable to him. Sometimes they are so blunt it frightens people.
We are involved in our "end of life" plans. Our wills are 14yrs old and sooo much has changed in that time, but we never really thought about it. Wish we had done this a few yrs ago but things have changed even from last year. I hope DH is having a good day when we go in to sign the final papers. In our case I think using an experienced elder care attorney was a good idea.
Yes, he is still able to sign his name. I keep talking to him, going over things, hoping that at least the sound of it won't come as a surprise in the office. He will usually sign whatever I tell him to - at least at home. I know he's having problems with the new health care directives - I think he understands right when I explain it but again he isn't sure what he's agreeing to. The concept of what to do when he's dying seems to be totally new to him, although he talked about it frequently over the years and we both agreed and the kids all knew what we wanted. Will be interesting.
After a couple of frigid days the snow is melted and it's a beautiful day. Walked down to the mailbox without even a sweater. Have all the doors open enjoying the sunshine. Makes me believe there is a better time coming. Hope your day improves!!
Is part of the health care directives POLST agreement? I have had them (have about 4 copies). The lady at the memory care said she just learned about them when admitting a guy. Told her I already had them including an original for them.
The paper-pushers can be maddening. The state of New York, (like the Army, ha-ha) runs on its paperwork--at least in healthcare and social services, which are the fields I have experience of. The only way to deal with all these documentation issues is to be pleasant and helpful--totally lovely--act like you are earnestly and industriously trying to get the paperwork together and are very interested in it. Be very nice to all people involved in these kinds of things, because they can and will politely, quickly, and secretly just slip your file to the bottom...of 5,000. And you will never realize they are nailing you because...you were not incredibly wonderful to them. Grrrrrrrrr.
I approached hb about going and he gave the answer I knew he would 'whatever'! The rest of the night I got the colder shoulder, wouldn't talk to me or come to bed. Finally came in about midnight. Normal - wouldn't let me touch him. He has not wanted me to touch him in a long time. No different this morning. In fact he just got up at 2pm.
So tired of his two faces that he has always had: the cheerful, joking, happy person others see and the more serious one I have lived with. I get so tired of meeting people who tell me how pleasant he is, must be a joy to live with. Only recently do I sometimes tell them that is not the person I see -only others. It is not AD but the way he always has been just more noticeable now. When we are around others he will be one way and with just me the somber one. I guess I overlooked it for years but now am more aware of it probably because we don't do anything anymore.
Oh, Charlotte, the two faces made me sad for you. We also have the two faces at our house with people thinking he's such a fun nice guy and why they can barely tell there's anything wrong with him. Our other face is a confused, angry, selfish, mean old man to put it bluntly.
Got Medicaid approval. They want him ASAP since this has been going on since mid December. I told them it depends on the road going there if it is clear. Today it has slush. The even said they would come here and pick us up then bring me back afterwards. Hmm - have to think on that. Before I packed and moved his stuff while he was at daycare - don't know how I will now since he stays up as late as me.
Good timing because now I won't need to keep it so warm in here since he won't cover up with a blanket. I might be able to make the propane last until fall. The next week is forecast with lows in the teens and not getting above freezing during the day.
It is done. I couldn't tell him where we were going so told him we had to take his CPAP in to the VA in Walla Walla to be checked. When we arrived, one of the ladies took him back - gave him lunch. After I got all the paperwork done I took his close into his room, then found him sitting in the common area where they were playing some type of game. I should have just left because after I showed him his room he wanted to go with me. Thankfully - again - someone distracted him. About 1/2 the drive home Jas whined. I thought it was because she needed to go to the bathroom (or hoped) but she still did afterwards. The two of them have become quite close since I brought him back home. He would snuggle her next to him in his share, talk to her and she always sat in his lap in the car.
This time seem to be harder. Probably because he is so far away and this one will be it until I move him closer when there is an opening. Tonight is suppose to be 8 so that will be my focus to keep the water from freezing
It was a beautiful sunny drive. The hills and farm land was all covered with snow with the sun shinning off it. Blue skies. I talked a lot about it all when we were going knowing he will now see little of beauty like that now.
That was a tough one, Charlotte, but I don't see that you had much other choice. You're still taking care of him...just in a different way. And Jasmine will adjust in the same way that you will. Al Z. Heimer is rough on everybody.
Charlotte - I know how difficult this is for you - I've been there & done that. But, you had no choice - it was time. Like Elizabeth said - you're still taking care of him... just in a different way - those words helped me a lot after I made the decision. You must be kind to yourself now & know you did everything you could while he was living with you. It does get easier. It's already been 20 months since I placed my husband & I certainly feel better now than I did back then. You're in my thoughts.
I watched people place their spouse and then go and visit regularly even though it always reminded the patient and made them want to leave with them. I sympathize with all parties in that, but, it shows the damage that the spouse visiting can't tell that they're actually just torturing them.
The most common thing I saw in the 3 years Dianne was in there, was spouses being outraged at small things that weren't done properly. When the spouse can't anymore then the nursing home must be flawless or there is hell to pay. That's one of the manifestations of deep guilt and who wouldn't feel that in such circumstances? That's why it's so common.
When the placing spouse goes home alone, the overwhelming transference that takes years to develop suddenly bites hard in reality. The purpose we dedicate ourselves to suddenly disappears. That happens at the same time our own vulnerabilities surface finally because we do have respite and so we have the opportunity to have the truths of our own feelings emerge. That is a painful experience.
Or we might have my experience where my greatest hate was to have Dianne ask to come home which I would have been unable to deny and so I kept her until the wheels came off and when I went to visit her and took her down the hall with tears in my eyes to say how sorry I was for putting her there, she looked at me with empty eyes and no reactions and then got up and walked down the hall into someone else's room. Just one of many truly painful moments this disease has no shortage of.
I regret not understanding then that the person who was suffering the most was me. She had more people watching over her than I've had fantasies about but somehow I never realized how much I could use some of that kind of help. I don't regret that I never thought about my own needs until she was gone, but it would have been better for me if I had in retrospect.
I am glad he was not here last night. It got down to 5F. It looks like if the weatherman is correct, it may be 2 weeks before I can go see him. 6 of the next 10 days are forecast snow with lows in single digits or low teens almost every night - but that can all change. With him not here I can turn the heat down some when I am up to save on propane and bundle up. He never would so I had to run it warmer in here since the floor gets so cold. Last night I didn't sleep much. I set my alarm for every 2 hours. Even though I had the water running I still don't trust the heat tape and wrapping when it gets that cold. The cat, who usually sleeps all night, decided she would get into whatever she could. I opened to door to the cabinet under the bathroom sink to get heat in there and of course she had to explore making a racket! Think since the cold is here to stay a while I will pull the stuff out so she can go without knocking stuff over. I finally let her go outside when it warmed up to 19.
I phoned to see how he did. She said he didn't sleep all night - got up once to wander around. Had napped this morning which I told her is not unusual. She said he joined three other guys at a table for breakfast having a conversation with them.
Since it may be a while, as Wolf said sometimes not going too often is easier on them than going all the time.
Now off to the store before the snow comes if they are right. Stock up and hunker in!
Hi charlotte, although it's a different circumstance, when my dil put her AL father in a home, they went every week, but the nurses said he was so hard to handle when they left it might be easier not to come so often. The doctor told them try once a month, since he didn't always remember them, would gripe at them while they were there but "act up" (nurses term) when they left. It worked better for them, since it was in a different town, and her father seemed more stable. Of course, that was her father, not her husband - big difference.
I read earlier, sorry that I don't remember who posted, about attending a group of women who helped each other out. Just came across this in the AARP newsletter - not sure we have anything like that here, but would be nice. Hope you can access this link, there was a lot on there this time - but this jumped out.
Oh, the wind and snow have been blowing all night. For once I ignored the rocking and tried to sleep. Had everything shoveled nice last night - now big drifts. Winds have been steady 25-35 with gust to 50 or higher. Big drifts behind my car about knee high plus the same on the drivers side of the MH where the hookups are. Last summer we put a connection on the sewer hose right after it comes out of the bay. I think it was freezing there plus I cold see water had been leaking. I wrapped a pair of hb's old jeans around that area (the rest was already covered), been running hot water and salt water every so often throughout the night. I am thinking about dissolving some of the de-icer I have that is environmentally save, won't hurt pets, and pour it down the drain. Maybe once the winds die down so I can shovel the drifts away, I will see if I can take it off in the 'sewer bay' where it gets warmed by the furnace and pour it down if it appears to still be frozen. Looked this morning (had to look under RV until I shovel) and no leaking last night, so maybe my efforts thawed it and got it opened up more. Unfortunately, this cold snowy and windy weather is forecast to last another 5 days, cold weather for the next 10 days or long. Says it is 22 feels like 2. Winds are suppose to die down to 10-15 tonight. Positive - the wind has blown the snow off the porch, steps and out to the grass for the dog to go. Sage wanted to go out until she stuck her nose out then backed up!!!
I am glad he is where he can move around, be warm and safe. If he were here it would be day before he could go out which would mean fighting with him. Also glad on Thursday I went to the store and stocked up: cat food and treats, dog food and treats, and people food!!!
yes it is a beautiful day - if you don't have to go out in it!
Spent 2 1/2 hours shoveling and got the sewer running free. Tired and know I will be sore but at least wont' have as much after the next snow comes. We got another 3 inches last night. The winds had stopped so it piled up on the car, porch and the little area Jas would go which the wind had kept clean! Sage is so happy to be out running around and playing in the snow. Now to get warmed up and the wet clothes and boots dried for the next round. The sun has been out some which felt so good and pretty on the snow. The snow piles I made are almost as tall as me - I am 5'3". One is getting packed down as the boy next door plays on it.
Update: sewer was not running free. I removed the hose and found that was not what was frozen. It is in the gray water tank. I tried hair dryer but no real difference. Cranked the furnace up because some heat goes in the sewer bay. I dissolved some de-icer I use for the porch, steps and concrete in hot water then poured it down. No difference after a 1/2 hour. Went back out after an hour and seemed to be draining better. Anyone who prays, prayer that is keeps running would be greatly appreciated. More snow is suppose to start around 10pm to Tuesday morning: 2-4 inches. Even though I have heat tape where I can put it, I don't trust it. I know too many that did, it failed and their water froze up.
They closed the park which as people mad but so many thought they could with their 4 wheel/all wheel drives but only got stuck. The guy that they called to plow got stuck somewhere last night so hasn't gotten to us. The road in front of the park has 18 wheelers, cars and pickups stuck. The city managed to plow a single lane weaving around the abandoned cars. With more snow tonight it will only be worse. So happy Art is not here.
Yes your snow is supposed to start her in eastern PA within the hour an continue all day tomorrow into Tuesday. Wednesday windy. Temp now too bad though, between 29 and 35. That makes the roads bad though, as it melts with the salt and gets more slippery than if it was cold. We are spoiled here, we don't get the really cold below 0 degree temps.
Charlotte, You sure live in a harsh climate - desert heat in the summer and freezing in the winter. At least with Art being cared for, you can focus on your own survival.
All snow is gone here. It was cold last night but should remain above freezing in my neighborhood. I expect Leannah, who is in MD, will get 1-2 inches.
Leannah was worse this visit. The ALF has been reducing her Klonopin because she was sleeping more and being more sedated. They don’t like their residents sedated. Unfortunately, despite this reduction she was more sedated yesterday, and I saw her sleep at an activity last week (this is unusual for her, even when she used to sleep a lot more). Her behavior seemed to be off more. One of the nurses told me last week Leannah came out of her room with only PJ top on, wouldn’t allow staff to direct her back to her room and started walking around in circles (I don’t know if she meant if in a circle in a public room or the corridor in the ALF that goes around in a circle. Leannah made no mention of it and I suspect doesn’t remember. But very unusual for her.
Fortunately she loves watching the bunnies. They always have a female rabbit and its babies, or a pregnant females. One of the staff raising rabbits and brings in pregnant females and they stay there until the babies are mostly grown. Many of the babies end up adopted by staff and relatives of residents.
Oh Charlotte, I feel for you. Hope you have the right clothing to be working in the snow. Not sure how much we'll get but not close to what you have - the ice is a bigger danger to us. When I let the dogs out this morning both of the little ones slipped and slid right off the deck.
Didn't realize you got that much snow up there, have a son in Oregon, just south of the WA border - but closer to Portland - which would be west of you I assume.
We have heat tape on the pipes in our barn and have never had any problems. It is the type that plugs in when you need it -- I don't know a lot about the other types - other than the plumber recommended the type with a thermostat. I thought I'd get some in our kitchen but no way is that going to happen soon so will just keep water dripping and a little heater going under there.
Didn't sleep well last night. Had pain where I knew I couldn't hurt! I could really use a good chiropractic appointment but that won't happen anytime soon. About 4am I finally got the ice pack for my lower back. It was hurting, my hips were hurting and something was hitting the nerves so my foot was 'tingling' under my toes. Ice took care of that. My hips kept hurting so I had to keep getting up to walk some. Plus, to keep the sewer bay warm I ran the furnace at 66 instead of 60 (which keeps it at 56 in here) - can't sleep well that warm.
BUT - praise the Lord the gray water was running good. And, they are plowing the park. That is good but unless the guy plows the pile away from the end of our driveway like the guy did last year, more shoveling.
Learned something knew. Was out this morning chatting with the guy across from me. Him and Art would talk often. He told me hb was getting violent. He said they would be talking and laughing then suddenly hb would take a swing at him. He has never shown violence like that and wondering what the rest of the story is. Oh well, he is not here now so won't have to worry about it.
Snow, ice and 30mph wind - meant we had to cancel another appt this morning. It's an hour drive over there and just not worth the risk. The one for 3:30 this afternoon will probably be OK, road conditions should be better, it's closer and easier for us to get to. Rescheduled the first one for next Tuesday and now see they are predicting snow and flooding. Impossible to schedule anything right now with the crazy weather patterns, one of the downsides of living in the country. The old timers say if you want too know the weather "look out the window". That's sure true this winter.
Can't say I'm too disappointed, he has been so confused recently. I may try and take him by the lab this afternoon to check for UTI. I know this foot ulcer has been part of the problem. Is it the foot infection, a UTI or the medication?
Sure glad your water problem is cleared up for now Charlotte. Those things are so stressful, maybe you can take a day or two and just take care of yourself. Think I'm going to stay here in my chair with a blanket for awhile...not sure if I'm trying to come down with something or my mind is just overloaded with all that needs to be done and I sure don't want dh to catch something. Seems like everything I pick up lately has an article on caregiver burnout. How they neglect their own health, don't get enough rest etc -- but no one has any legitimate solutions.
Get that Cricut (?) out Sedgly and make something fun. I've never had one but see tons of ideas online - you can send me a picture, it's always more fun to share it. One son offered to buy me a DSLR if I found one I like. May take him up on it, I have a ton of photography equipment, all about 30 yrs old and need real film. I love real photographs but have to admit the digital is just so much easier. Down side is I don't print many out.
Nice thing with digital is you can have your favorite printed. I know you use to be able to take them in on a flash drive or card but now you can upload them to sites and have them printed out. I do Walmart but I know there has to be sites that do the higher quality pictures.
Going to do a load of laundry if I can find a washer not being used - running out of undies!! Then will try to dump the black water since the day is suppose to warm up to 34. Forecasting rain on top of all the snow tomorrow before temps go back down for a few days, so can be a mess. Depending how the weather goes, I might be able to go visit Thursday or Friday. Having to co-ordinate weather in two areas is a challenge. I know some of you know who have placed your loved one a distance away.
Just got my taxes paid -- tried it online for the first time and it worked great....hope it comes out ok on their end.
The snow has almost melted where the sun hits it but the wind is horrendous. Feels like the screen door is locked but just the wind blowing against it.
We've ran into a problem the last couple of days that is driving me crazy, but just now realized - this was the first thing, about 13+ years ago, that made me know it was more than just getting older. He could not process things -- I could say, go down Sunshine to Kansas and make a left turn. He'd repeat it right back, ...make a right turn -- and go down Kearny and so on. Gets directions and road names confused. We picked my sister up at the airport one day and he was going to make a left turn to come home -- I said no, turn right. Argument ensued till my sister finally said, no Hal, she's right this time. Coming home from Springfield we have to turn left -- he insists it's a right turn. Couple of years ago I'd just get mad and say OK, when you get to CA turn around and come home. Not just once but every time we came home from Springfield. Where is the library? Over off main street -- ????wheres that? Let's go over to the senior citizen center and have lunch one day -- wheres there a senior citizen center? Just off main street, near the library. Where's that? Across the RR tracks -- and could go on with the "who's on first" routine all day. Then start over again 5 min later. :)
He worries about where things are, if I say gee, that's clear across town he'll ask where, I can talk for an hour, tell him what's on the corner etc, where he used to go every week, but now has no memory of - but still wants to know where it is. Usually ends up with him getting frustrated and me being irritated. If I say don't worry I know where it is, that irritates him too :) He could probably just get in the truck and drive to places he knows, from some recall in his brain, with no problem. But give him street names and off he goes.
Art got so I had to give directions step by step - turn right at next street, wait until we get closer - turn right here. Once we turn, wait until almost there then turn left at the next road right there, etc. It was so exhausting and was glad when I took over even though I got tired of driving.
Clouds have moved in, sun is gone had to turn the furnace up.
Got the desire for sweets last night. Cut up a banana, covered it with marshmallow fluff and choco chips then nuked it. Cooked the banana a little too long so next time will melt the fluff and chips some first then add cut up banana. It tasted 'oh so good' - sweet, gooey and warm!
UGH - we're under another winter storm warning - hazardous winter conditions with winds gusting up to 37 mph causing near zero visibility in blowing snow & possible power outages. We are expecting 16 inches with rapidly accumulating snow which will make travelling difficult. The schools are closed & the possibility of closing roads. It started snowing this afternoon (Tuesday) & will last until Thursday morning. Then it starts to snow again Thursday night into Friday which will turn into wet snow.
I don't want any more snow - we already have too much! Before the snow started today, I went to fill the birdfeeder in the back yard. I was only half way to the feeder & sinking up to my bum in ice covered snow - it also pushed up my snow pants & exposed my bare legs to the snow. I turned around & went back in the house & tried out my new snowshoes for the first time. They worked very well - kept me from sinking. Glad the snowshoes had metal spikes on the bottom, which prevented me from slipping on the top layer of the ice covering the snow. Those cute little birds better appreciate those seeds - don't want to stop feeding them in mid-winter - they rely on that food source.
I know a lot of you are also experiencing crazy weather. Gotta love winter - NOT
Reposted a picture on my FB page of the groundhog behind bars "The Groundhog is currently in Bermuda awaiting extradition to WA state on fraud charges according to his lawyers'. WA state can be replaced by almost every state and Canada. Wonder if they didn't force him to come out when he would on his own?
Finally called to check on hubby (last time was Friday). He had made a friend of another guy. They have been plotting their escape along with some of the women. He also is being his normal self: flirting with the women. There is a woman in the end stages and he has been sitting with her holding her hand. That does not surprise me.
A week today since placement. Looks like weather might clear up enough to visit Sunday or Monday. Will see since it can change quickly.
update: I sent the first paragraph to my daughter. Her reply just shows how ignorant she is of her dad's condition. "Escape? I hope not! Flirting with the women? Is he 12? I guess technically you can't hold it over his head but that's got to be really hard on you. I'm sorry'
I replied no he is not 12, he is an adult toddler.
They can become almost like children. Not all. Some grow horns and ride around on brooms where Frank's wife comes to mind.
Up here the groundhog is Wiarton Willie and I'm informed that in the off season he makes a fine hamburger relish called 'Willies'. Good name.
I'm with Nicky up to my eyeballs in weather. Yesterday we went from snow to ice pellets to rain to ice to snow following a week of snowing where it's also snowing today but we're expecting some more freezing rain. You need a program to keep up. Take the scenery from Grumpy Old Men and triple it. This morning at 5:30 I woke up to a racket where the city truck were plowing and shoveling the walkway down to the next court while the snowplow was whirling around the court and one neighbor was scrapping his windshield while the service I hired was plowing out my driveway. I haven't found the newspaper in two days with all the snowing and blowing. Maybe in the spring.
I have five blue jays, a male and female cardinal, an orphan crow, nuthatches, chickadees, sparrows, and woodpeckers who ignore everybody else. I also have two grey squirrels and three black squirrels. One of the couples is a mixed marriage who've been together several years now. That grey has extra white fur inside the ears. They seem overly amorous at times - but what happens in the backyard stays in the backyard. When they're all flying around in the snow covered backyard where every roof and branch is piled with snow and the evening shows the people in their kitchens and houses with their chimneys puffing into the air as though everyone has a fireplace going.
I get living in Florida or California or even Maryland, but I do like living in a christmas card sometimes and I'm used to it and spring is now just over a month away.
Not only did we get a huge amount of snow as predicted, all that snow is hazardous when it covers the vents like furnace, hot water, air exchanger, dryer - all those multiple vents we have. That's what happened to my daughter after the snow storm. Unbeknownst to her, the drifts had covered their vents - fortunately she was outside yesterday morning shoveling a path for their old dog & noticed it. Her husband had to go & shovel around the vents because the snow drift was so deep it was up to his neck & he's 6'1". She called me early yesterday morning to warn me about my vents. Fortunately, my vents are OK.
My basement windows are now covered in snow drifts along with everybody else I spoke to - makes the basement dreary. I did manage to shovel out one of the windows - wearing my trusty snowshoes. Two other windows have a little space at the top where I can see daylight. I might venture out with my snowshoes to dig them out.
Nicky - good reminder. Hadn't thought about house vents in a long time. Mine are high since I am in a motorhome, but I do have vents on the roof that I am sure are probably blocked by snow and ice. but, no way am I getting up there to check! My sister had a stove that vented down under the floor so the vent was ground level . For some dumb reason whoever built the house did similar with the dryer vent. When she bought a new dryer, we cut a hole through the wall for it.
Do you spend a lot of time in the basement? Glad the snowshoes are helping to make it easier and safer to walk outside.
The winds started up during the night but the moisture didn't start until about 8. Now it is blowing 20-30, gusting to 40 with sleet but I can see some snowflakes so maybe it will change to all snow although the temp is forecast to go above freezing. :-( This is the time after snow that I hate because roads become a mess.
Sage couldn't decide whether she wanted to go out or not. Finally she went after about an hour of debating!
Everyone getting hit with winter weather keep safe.
It was 50 years ago today that I exchanged valentines with the little red headed girl in high school that led me to be here.
It took a lot of effort by a large group of people covering many thousands of miles and over a hundred years to bring me here. It may have started with my Swedish great great grandparents moving to Germany in the 1850's or my Prussian great great grandparents moving outside of Frankfurt a few years later or what brought about my MIL's grandparents to quit Edinburgh in the 1870's and emigrate to Toronto or what made my FIL's parents emigrate from Birmingham to Toronto in 1909 when he was a baby.
Somewhere my shoemaker great grandfather gave up making shoes in the little village they lived in and moved the family to Frankfurt. Dianne and I had 4 parents, 8 grandparents, 16 great grandparents, and 32 great great grandparents. A lot of people moved around and played a part in bringing all this about.
There was the dance in 1927 where my FIL told my MIL she was a real flapper as they danced the Charleston about the time my mother arrived in Frankfurt. My father popped out in a nearby town the next year. That was about when my in-laws drove around St Clair street in the used model T and took the pictures of open fields in what I knew as dense inner city.
While the in-laws were doing well having 4 children over about 10 years one of whom didn't make it, my parents were growing up in the war. A few years after it ended my mother worked as the ticket seller in a theatre where my father worked as an ambulance driver. He went to that theatre and hung around her until she went out with him. My grandmother hated him but (he told me with a wink many years later) he brought her his paycheck and took what allowance she gave him. My grandfather was killed in the war and my grandmother was raising three girls at a time when there just wasn't enough of anything. Dad was sure that was what got him in and when they accidentally got pregnant in 1948, they had to get married. That paved the way for me one year later.
The year after that while I learned how to walk, the in-laws in Toronto had an accident of their own. At the age of 43, they gave birth to Dianne who's siblings were ten plus years older. By then my father was a chauffeur for the US state department and they offered him the right to citizenship. Canada followed suit and he chose this frigging ice cube to live in.
That leads to my first remembered moment throwing up over the side of the Prince William in the mid Atlantic at 3 1/2 on this long journey of destiny to the ALzheimerspouse. We both moved in Toronto to the other sides of the same high school. Dianne skipped grade 2 and so was in my year. We never talked once in the first 4 years and I would never have still been there if it wasn't for Dick Aldridge the local football hero who wanted me on his senior basketball team and got the board of education to change it's mind that I could take all those buses and subways and finish there after all.
That's the story of how on that valentine's day fifty years ago we exchanged valentines where her's said "you score high with me" and mine said "you're just my speed" which led to us and all those stories in my head and which led me here where on this day, I told this story.
Charlotte - No, I don't spend too much time in the basement, but I want to - I'm making efforts to go down more often in the evenings. I like our basement - we have a nice finished rec room with a gas fireplace, a 65" TV & comfortable furniture, but I tend to feel too lonely there. I don't seem to feel quite as lonely in the living room on the ground floor. In the fall I made efforts & I was going down in the rec room just about every evening & I enjoyed it, but I stopped going when it got closer to Christmas & I've only gone a few times since then. However, recently I did sit down there to watch episodes of "When Calls The Heart" on Netflix - I don't have Netflix on the TV in the living room. So, I'll be making renewed efforts to spend time there. My husband was still at home when we had the entire basement finished, which cost us enough & the only reason we purchased a big screen TV, was to lure us downstairs - we both seemed to prefer the living room. So, we did spend quite a bit of time enjoying the big screen, especially the movies - it felt like being at the movie theatre - we had never had such a big TV. I must try to start 'letting go' of this loneliness that's engulfing my life right now. Maybe it's the time of the year, but I've been feeling more 'blah' than I did a few months ago.
Wolf - I enjoyed your wonderful Valentine's Day story. I don't have any special story associated with Valentine's Day except for a sad one. About 5 years ago, when my husband was still able to shop alone, bought 2 cards. My birthday is at the end of February, so he purchased a birthday card & what he thought was a Valentine's Day card - it was another birthday card with a heart on it. He gave it to me on Valentine's Day, but re-read it & realized he'd made a mistake - he was so upset with himself - I can still see the look on his face - broke my heart. He was so hard on himself when he made mistakes.
To lighten the mood, I just posted a Valentine's Day joke.
Even though my sad journey is long over, I still come here every day and feel so close to everyone here. I feel like I should contribute something once in a while.
Yesterday I received my "once a year" call from the Inter Valley Health Plan. They seem to feel like they need to take care of me and they've been calling me once a year to tell me I should come in for a yearly health check-up. I always tell them the same thing, and It's difficult for them to understand.
I tell them that I'm 97 years old and haven't had any medical problems for at least twelve years and since my Dear Helen left me eight years ago, I'm actually looking forward to a medical problem that would take me away, so I could be with her again.
I told the nice lady who called, that I'm still a happy guy here at Hillcrest (Old Folks Home) with friends and family close-by. I thanked her for looking out after me and recited my favorite poem for her. She told me that she understood my situation perfectly and complemented me on my passionate outlook. Her last words were "God bless you George" .........Giving me the Big Head again ......
Here is the poem that I recited for her.
Lord, when you see my work is done, Let me not linger on. With failing powers and weary hours, A workless worker in a world of work. But with a word, just bid me home. And I will gladly go. Yes, gladly I will go.
George, I feel the same way even though I am 30 years younger than you. I am sure you made her day.
This is the letter I sent the director last night:
"Finally made it there to visit Art today. I am basically pleased with his care. One issue with the bathroom clutter was supposedly taken care of. The other I didn't ponder on until on my way home. In hindsight I would of handled it better where Art is concerned.
When I walked into the room it reeked of poop. It reminded me of going into a outhouse on a hot sweltering day. I understand when you have someone in diapers it happens, but to leave someone else sitting in the room with it, especially sitting there with a plate of food, is unacceptable to me. I think I was shocked by it which is why it took until I headed home to process it. I understand Art slept through lunch but he should not have been fed in his room, especially with the stench in there. He said it didn't taste good, couldn't eat. Never thought about the stench affecting the taste.
Would you sit in an outhouse on a hot sweltering day eating your meal? I sure would not. When I finally said something their reply was 'yes he needs a shower'. So evidently they had delayed, been busy, whatever all day and never dealt with it until 2:30. Fine, but don't take a person's food in there expecting them to eat and/or enjoy it when it smells like an outhouse!
Please look into this matter. I would also consider it unhealthy eating in there like it was, even if he was not in contact with his roommate's body."
I finally did get him to laugh when I took him outside for fresh air and threw snowballs at him. We had a little snowball fight but after about 3 he said his hands were freezing. I understand why they keep it so warm in there but I could never tolerate for long. I like warm, but not that warm. I took my coat, sweatshirt and sweater off to just my T-shirt to be comfortable. I dressed warm because I had no idea what the weather in would be. Turns out they only have maybe 4 inches of snow, streets were all clean, not even a little snowbank. We have had over 16 inches in the last two weeks and more forecast for the next week plus cold weather. Propane was filled up the other day so have plenty for heat. Getting really tired of snow and cold - just like so many others across the country.
It is 40 degrees so the packed snow on the road in the park is turning to slush. When I came home last night, it was so bad I didn't know if I would make it to my spot. When I turned to corner to the road I am on, I thought I was going to slide into the dog pen! Thankfully didn't.
To George and Charotte, I watched a TV show a few days ago, an elderly couple had died during the night, no obvious cause. They were laying in bed with his arm around her. Turned out to be squirrel damage that caused some type of gas to seep into their bedroom. The sight of them laying there like that, like we've lain so many nights, made me think that wouldn't be a bad way to go. Just go to bed together and never wake up.
My Mother lived 11 years after my dad died and although she had AD she would occasionally have lucid moments and ask why she had to go through this. It just wasn't fair that she had to stay here instead of being with Daddy. I always agreed with her - it isn't fair for anyone us.
I talked with my oldest granddaughter on Friday about being the person who would step in and make the decisions for him if something should happen to me. She agreed but said she already knew he would fight going into a home. Told her that was true but she would have the authority to make the decision that would be best for all of them at that time.
Oakridge -I agree, just falling asleep together & never waking up is a wonderful way to go. My husband is in long-term care, so not beside me anymore, but that's how I want to go - like most of us I'm sure. I've never feared death, I fear how I will die.
My mother lived 16 years as a widow & my mother-in-law 12 years. I always felt bad for them because that was way too long to be a widow & really hoped that would not happen to me. Well... looks like I'll be alone for quite a while..... Ugh.... Since AD has been in our lives, I'm more ready for death than I've ever been. But, I'm in the land of the living & I have to make the most of it.
Early in his diagnosis I read the book 'The Leisure Seeker' and thought that would be a good ending to life if both of us had a terminal illness. I haven't seen the movie which they changed it some but the book I liked. One last memory packed trip together.
This has been a strange winter here, weather wise. We've had a lot of fog, frozen fog and drizzle, wind advisories, wind chill warnings (when it was so cold that mail wasn't delivered for two days), black ice alerts, winter storm warnings... Every day we watch the weather to see what the current issue is.
My nomination for the next weather alert is a Cabin Fever Warning! I'm not the only one who is really, really ready for winter to be over. Of course, around here the next season, spring, is also known as tornado season! With how strange the winter weather has been, I'm starting to wonder what spring might have in store for us.
Hi Jan - yes been a weird winter. Our winter was really mild until this month. Right after they pulled groundhog out of his hole the weather turned to real winter weather. All I know for sure is the mountains have gotten good snowfall so praying for a normal spring - no hot weather to melt it fast otherwise flooding.
Is it still February? Like others we've had a fairly mild winter but come Feb it turned hard winter and doesn't want to let go. I was out breaking the ice yesterday and found my daffodils are up about 4". I cleared them out and covered them with some other stuff then piled rocks around so the horses won't step on them. Put them in the pasture this morning though, trying to sell some things and have people coming to pick them up.
Wonder why with all the talk these days about community living, someone doesn't come up with a planned community for those living with AD. We could have little houses arranged in a circle around a central facility where the one with AD can go during the days or as needed. Have doctors, day care, long term etc. Parks to go for walks, maybe a little cafe -- but would be a community where everyone knew the problems, watched out for each other and have a sane person to have coffee with, maybe go to lunch or shopping and know your LO would be safe.
DH is in a bad place right now, which leads to anger on his part - and the results of some of the things he does frightens me. Not physically but -- we use a mail order pharmacy for our medications. Will have to finish this later.....got something that I have to go do.
OK Part 2 :) Ordered refills for dh and myself, plus ordered non rx vitamins etc. His came a few days ago. I vaguely wondered why mine didn't come the same time. I started to take a pill last night and no pills - no bottles - no nothing! Long story short, he had put ALL my medication and vitamins into his medication box, got furious with me, they were all his!! Even the ones with my name on them !! I checked early this morning and thankfully he had not put them into his weekly pill boxes yet. He has fought me before about taking over his medications -- but too much has happened and this is the last straw. I may have to keep them locked up. think I saw one on Amazon that had some type of lock. Thats one of his big pleasures, getting the mail and looking through everything. He gets angry if I get it first. This isn't the first time he's done something like this - but nothing with such serious consequences.
His mind is getting worse, not just his memory which is already gone. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. He looks and acts normal ( :)) but more and more I can see his "understanding/processing" is going. Definitely needs more care - and at a time when I'm having a medical problem myself - but he would have to be hogtied and dragged to get him to do to a day care or even the senior citizen center and is cognitive enough to know if I brought in someone to stay with him. He has no interest if I need time away or not - tells me to go, he's fine. Usually he has been and usually he just sits here and watches TV but -- times, they are a'changing.
I had a dr appt for tomorrow and had to cancel due to weather - also had to cancel his for today. I'm not sick, but a female problem that comes with age, giving birth and having a hysterectomy. Not serious-serious at this point, just painful. i always say, he'll outlive me, I'm wearing out fast caring for him :) But did tell him again last night, I'd take care of him for as long as I could but he had to understand I was getting older too. Of course he forgets it all before I get my mouth closed. Thanks for listening. I know you understand even when I can't find the words to describe it.