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    • CommentAuthorCmac
    • CommentTimeDec 9th 2018
     
    Hi, I am new here. I married my husband just two years ago. He is a paraplegic and takes a lot of meds. Well he was forgetful and stuff but we just thought it was his meds. Then the doctor said a brain injury from the accident that caused him to be cripple almost 30 years ago. Thing is he has all the symptoms of alzherimers. His mom has it and so does his dad and grandfather. My problem is the anger issues. He thinks I lie to him about what he forgets, he gets things confused and becomes angry. Like he brushed his teeth 4 times in two hours then said who used is tooth brush because it was wet! My daughters hate him, and at times so do I. He screams and then does not remember doing so. We have no health ins for him because if we apply for disability he looses the workers comp coverage for his back injury. And they want cover his brain prob. I am lost as to what to do next.
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    I think I'd start with a neurological work up to get a definitive diagnosis. You need to know for sure what is really wrong--then you can start figuring out how to address it. There are different "umbrellas" of programs and care for whether it is traumatic brain injury or an Alzheimers type of dementia. Keep us updated. I'm sure others will be along with suggestions. Welcome to the place where nobody wants to be--but there is a lot of support here.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeDec 10th 2018
     
    If he is disabled, he should qualify for Medicaid through the state. I think consulting an attorney who is knowledgeable in this area is warranted. How old is he? My sister had a back injury from work and had both workers comp to deal with that and then other medical insurance.

    How old is your daughter? You have only been married two years. If your daughter is under 18 and it is affecting you, you might have to consider divorce. But, I think a lawyer would be a good place to start and neurologist who can nail down the diagnosis. A traumatic brain injury can indeed go from MCI (mild cognitive impairment) into Alzheimer's or it could be the progression of the damage to the brain that is causing anger and memory issues, no actually Alzheimer's Disease.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeDec 10th 2018
     
    Hi Cmac, Welcome to the site. I agree with Charlotte that you need to deal with the insurance issue ASAP. A person who has been injured on the job is not required to go without treatment for other health conditions. The fact that your husband is getting workers' comp for a back injury does not mean he can't get health insurance that covers other illnesses. As far as disability goes, I'm not sure what kind of disability you're talking about. I encourage you to talk to a lawyer about this. Maybe a place to start would be someone who deals with elder law or social security disability.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeDec 11th 2018
     
    I think an eldercare attorney should be able to help. If our husband has changed over the past 2 years even if the problem is not dementia the strategies for dealing with the situation is probably similar. Legal, medical, and your own health. Since the laws are different for every state go with a lawyers advice, and the right type of lawyer.

    In terms of his anger, the only control her have is your own behavior, not his. He doesn't remember, he is confused, he doesn't understand. It is important to live in his world as much as you can. This means avoid arguing with him. Try to change the subject if it is one that angers him. Say you will look into it.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeDec 11th 2018
     
    Hello Cmac, and welcome to the group.

    ... My problem is the anger issues. He thinks I lie to him about what he forgets, he gets things confused and becomes angry....

    This has been, and still is, one of our problems. Last fall the specialist told me to try and not get angry with him for forgetting -- that he really doesn't remember. Even if it was a minute ago, once he forgets it's the same as him never knowing. I'm a long way from perfect, but it did help. Doesn't mean it helped him though, he gets angry when he gets confused, sometimes with me, sometimes it's with himself. He has a home nurse 3 days a week right now and one day he's very honest about his memory and the next time he is flying high, although she is here to take care of his foot, she has become aware of his memory problem and handles it very well. I'm getting better about just ignoring the anger and go on with what needs to be done, and later he will have forgotten all about it.

    Was only a month or so ago I posted that he didn't want anyone to know anything was wrong -- but now he tells people right up front he's lost his memory. The podiatrist asked him a question last week and he said ask her, I've lost my memory. The dr replied.... so now you just carry it around with you:) We all smiled but was more truth to it than I like. I'm clueless about your other problems but I do know there are a lot of people on this list who have been through about everything you can imagine and will have good suggestions.