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    • CommentAuthorbobbie
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2018
     
    God took care of that. on Tuesday, Nov. 13. Death took too long to come and then came too quickly. I don't even rememer how 5o post. Yall understady.
    The hurting stopped on Tuesday.
    • CommentAuthorCarolVT
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2018
     
    Best Wishes to you, Bobbie.
  1.  
    So sorry for your loss, Bobbie. A release for him, I guess, but so hard for those left behind--despite all the hardships of caregiving.
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      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2018
     
    Bobbie, I just went back and read all your posts, and it has been a long, painful journey for you both. Now you can rest and recover. It takes time.
    I hope you'll keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
    P.S. Do you still have sensitve-stomach Lucy with you?
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2018
     
    Sorry for your loss. Even though we want for them to be out of pain, confusion, etc. there is still that loss for us.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2018
     
    Bobbie, so sorry for our loss.
    • CommentAuthorbobbie
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2018
     
    I still have stomack Lucy with me. She is not wanting to eat now. I don't understand why after the long years of health issues, he had to have such a painful
    death. But it is over, and he is with God and not hurting. Now what. I guess there are still floors to sweep and clothes to wash. Now I am a widow. Thanks to all of you.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2018 edited
     
    I think you'll gradually ease into being a widow. It's not easy, but then it wan't easy watching them suffer. Thomas Hobbes wrote "a short but brutal life." Bur we do have glimpses of joy throughout.
  2.  
    Well said, mary75*.

    I remember when I was 35 and my brother died. My mother and I were at his bedside all afternoon and evening and it was late when he took his last breath. I drove home in the wee hours of the night and was somewhat dumbfounded to see that the traffic lights were still working, other cars were hurrying to other places, and the world, in general, just kept on turning. Of course I knew that this was the way it was, but a part of me wanted to shout out, "Stop. Don't you know that a person has died here?" It was very surreal.

    And now, two years after my husband died, I still spend too much time bumping around in this new life and not really knowing how to make it meaningful. Generally I'm trying, but sometimes it takes too much energy or just seems pointless.

    bobbie, yes, this is a new reality for us. There is a certain healin to performing menial work like sweeping floors and ironing. It reminds us of the ordinariness of life and keeps our bodies busy while our minds try to process what has happened. You will figure out what is soothing for you and hopefully rediscover some meaning to life.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2018
     
    Neither wife or widow, sounds like trying to balance on the fence, now the decision has been made and you have a new pathway to follow. Your status has been determined and it's back to one foot in front of the other. In the same way you learned to go from wife to caregiver you'll learn the ways of widowhood. Life is hard, dealing with a loved one with AZ is hard, I would think your days will become easier as time goes on. Your husband is gone and you will begin to discover the person you've become.

    As we proceed further down this path I know I'm changing as well, can't honestly say I like this person. I look in the mirror and sometimes don't recognize myself and worry that the person i was may already be gone. I try and keep memories alive of the man he was and all the wonderful times we had but some days the fatigue wipes out everything but the present.

    Rest, sleep, as much as you need to, don't feel you immediately have to begin a new life, it will come in time. Now is the time to think of yourself - put your needs and desires first.
    • CommentAuthorbobbie
    • CommentTimeNov 21st 2018
     
    thank you. Right now I think I just feel numb. He was in the care center, so I was used to him being gone. I knew it was coming, but not "right now".
    I imagine as the numbness wears off and real life comes back, what I'll do is what people say "one day at a time".
    I didn't feel like I was a fence sitter. I just meant that I had to make the decisions, but still wanted to share them with him. I just could never accept that he
    did have dementia----vascular. He had always been the smart decision maker---which suited me just fine. What help this siteis.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeNov 22nd 2018
     
    The AARP newsletter this month, which I just got to this evening, had a large section on caregivers. They stated after the death of your spouse, you initially have a lot to take care of and something to do. But it's the second year that hits the hardest, when you have to learn to build a life on your own.

    With this I'm going to try and watch a little tv. Just being able to share my desperation with others on this site helps knowing I'm not really hanging out there alone.
    • CommentAuthorbobbie
    • CommentTimeNov 23rd 2018
     
    he has been in the care center for 4 years and I visisted twice a day. It was about 5 minutes from the house. I began the grieving process so long ago, I cam
    having a hard time feeling much right now. Kids and gkids have been here for Thanksgiving and the house has been full. I pick up the ashes on Tuesday and then
    what?????
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeNov 23rd 2018
     
    You will figure it out. I would think you might take them home and have a good cry. Then start taking it one day at a time. Probably nothing to hurry doing and I would imagine you are tired from the busy day.