Paul - have you met with the new financial planner/attorney? If so are you even more confused?
The other day it dawned on me why he was probably crying. That was probably when they were missing his antidepressant. After a couple days home making sure he had it, he stopped the crying. I know if I forget in the morning to take mine by evening I can cry very easily. I am really ticked because of that. With the weather getting below freezing I am again battling finding ways to make sure he doesn't get cold since he won't cover up with a blanket when sitting in his chair. I didn't want to go through that this winter. Me - my feet and me are wrapped up in a blanket since the floor is cold too. There they had them in bed by 7 and up between 6-7. At first he was going to bed by 8 and waking up early. Now he is up and/or awake until 11 or later and lays in bed until 9 or 10. He is not sleeping well nor will he use his CPAP which is why he is not sleeping well. But I choose to not fight him on it.
I was not expecting the new care company to have someone by Thursday so did not plan on going to the support group meeting. But, she showed up. He was pouting when I left - smiling when I got home. She said he pouted for about a half hour then started talking. I assume he did that most of the four hours I was gone. He did refuse to eat but he made himself a sandwich after she left. She even did the dishes which I didn't expect.
Charlotte, it's good to hear a little lilt in your voice this morning. I'm grumpy, depressed and tired, LOL. We had a beautiful, unexpected day yesterday but today back to the dreary, wet cold. I feel so much better when the sun is shining.
Was good to talk to my kids today and not hear the panicky sound in their voice, they are learning to deal with their loss. I'm trying to gather pictures for them but years ago I had divided my pictures between the kids. Once digital became so popular, I took a lot but didn't print many. Tried once to go through the old memory cards and see what was on them but were many different types. The kids are safe and will come through this OK, my family is all spread out but they are all in touch which makes me feel good. I feel so bad for the people who are still looking for their families -- can't imagine what they are going through as there simply isn't enough to identify individuals.
We are dealing with a medical problem now with DH, home nurse supposed to come three days a week, but didn't show up Friday nor did anyone call. Just one more thing to worry about. Last week was so bad I told my neighbor I felt like I had officially passed the "old person" mark. Just more to deal with than I could handle and felt so helpless which was new for me - but I think it's going to be the norm more often now.
Have a horse that needs to be treated for advanced arthritis every day, he hates the taste of the med and will do everything to avoid it. Finally got smart, mixed it with a spoon of molasses and a few oats and let him eat it from my hand. He thinks he's getting a treat and I don't have to fight with him - would that it was so easy with dh, LOL.
oakridge - my daughter wanted me to send pictures of her childhood but I didn't want to. My solution: scanned the pictures and uploaded to shutterfly. She could download any she wanted. I need to get back to doing more for her to choose from.
Thanks charlotte, I've not used shutterfly but when my grandson died, and both my sisters, I took pictures of my old pictures and sent them e-mail. shutterfly would probably have better resolution.
The new GP my niece found for me has really delivered. He's made an appt. for me with one of the best surgeon's in Vancouver; I'm to see him on Dec. 11. I don't know how he did it, but I'm grateful and optimistic. It will feel so good to get rid of the pain.
Still confused but I haven’t paid for services yet.
I am now resolved not to ge the traditional LTC insurance, too big a chance of not being able to afford the premiums 10 years from now. I am going to look into a hybrid LTC policy that ties in LTC with life insurance or an annuity (Medicaid makes that more complicated). I am considering using this financial advisor, she got into the business after seeing parents and in-laws not being prepared for growing old and dementia. Her company is a fudiciary, which means I pay them rather than them getting paid by the makers of the products their customers buy.
Still need to interview more eldercare attornies. At least to ensure that this first one’s charges aren’t outrageous.
My son and I visited Leannah today. We brought the Thanksgiving meal. That part went well. Afterwards Leannah was demanding Internet access and being able to buy stuff at Amazon and being able to contact me any time of the day. Not going to happen.
I guess 1 out of 2 things being positive is good. Glad the dinner went well.
I know once he is gone I would not be able to afford LTC insurance - can't even afford life insurance.
Day went OK here. Basically just another day except he is restless. Let him go 'check' the mail four times before I finally said it was a holiday so no mail. Last night was a bad night. I just ran out of patience, he got angry, walked back to the bedroom, hit something along the way but accused me of throwing stuff at him. Told him I can't wait for a place to open up to place him. Came back begging on his knees while crying to not place him, he wants to be here with me. Honeymoon is over!!
Something paulc said reminded me of at least one light moment these days. For a few months I've been being billed, online, for my pregnancy tests. Each time they were a little more forceful, I did respond they had reached the wrong person but finally gave up and they kept coming. Last week I received a very nice (not) letter regarding my pregnancy and if I was having money problems they would try and work with me. I actually laughed thinking someplace in this world a pregnant woman is maybe wondering why she was never billed for her tests, LOL.
oakridge - make sure you let us know when you are due and if a boy or girl!!!!! LOL
It has been three weeks since I moved Art back home. The first two weeks were pretty good as far as my not being stressed. The last week is going back to the stress and frustration before he was placed. He has had to relearn to do some things for himself. At the facility they do most every thing for them. I refuse to wait hand and foot on him when he is still able to do some things for himself.
His comprehension is way worse. He is at the stage where even if it is right in front of him he doesn't see it. He will look for the dog, ask where she is when she is cuddled up in his arm beside him.
He has trouble finding words for what he wants to say. BUT - he has no problem making up a story for what just happened, what he saw or someone on TV said. I know it is his reality and I never contradict what he says except if it matters. Been a long week with just day care on Monday.
My cat was not happy this morning when I would not get up and feed her. Every morning she gets a spoon of canned cat food. She is still on daylight savings time cause by 8 she wants it. She tried her normal of pulling things out of the little cubby next to my bed but didn't work. She finally did something she knew would get me up -honk the motorhome horn. As soon as she saw me jumping out of bed, she ran to her food bowl. We know who is the real boss!!!
smart cat :) I answered but lost it, hit the wrong button I think. Feels like I'm losing it altogether. As Sedgly said (think it was her) we are aging right along with them but no one seems to notice.
there is a post on Facebook about a guy who is missing. He took off to a town about 250 miles away or if to the Oregon Coast to gamble 500 miles. Here is the post:
#SILVER ALERT - "James Henson expressed to his daughter he wanted to go camping near Cougar, WA and left approximately 10 30 hours Monday morning. James left his cell phone and is easily confused and disoriented due to his vascular dementia, and does not have medication with him. His daughter noticed James had withdrew money and now may be heading to a casino since he likes to gamble. Possibly heading to Cougar Washington area or to Spirit Mountain Casino in Oregon."
My response got a of negative remarks:
Charlotte Charlotte another sad case where family members are not being responsible. Going to the local store is way different than going clear to Cougar. Even going to the local store they have gone to thousands of times, it only takes once to get confused and end up hundreds of miles away scared and lost. 3 Manage Like · Reply · 3h Jordene Yes, he would have been so much happier locked in their back room which is illegal, amoral and impossible. Sounds like he still drives fine and manages his personal care. They knew immediately when he was missing so they watched him closely. What a thoughtless clueless comment.
Please forgive me if I've already posted about this.
A couple of months ago DH got very unsteady on his feet. It got to the point where he would start to fall, and have to catch himself. Well, we could certainly see where that was headed. Since he has osteoporosis, a fall could have been very, very serious.
After a bit, I remembered something that another caregiver had written. Her diabetic mother was in a nursing home, and her condition had started to decline a lot. She finally asked the nursing home to check her mother's blood sugar, and found out that she no longer needed insulin. When they stopped the insulin, her mother's condition improved.
I read up again on all of DH's meds, and took his blood pressure reading several times a day for a couple of days. The next day I stopped his blood pressure medicine. Within a week I had him at his doctor's office, and the doctor said several times that stopping the medicine was absolutely the right thing to do. (We saw her again today, and DH's blood pressure was perfectly normal.) The near-falls are now a thing of the past.
What really scares me about this is that if DH had been in a nursing home, he might have become one of those people who are fastened into a wheelchair because they are a fall risk. There's certainly not a lot of medical investigation into problems that develop in the nursing homes DH has stayed in for respite. It makes me wonder if any of the people we saw sitting there every day in a wheelchair had a medical problem that could have been helped, instead of the staff just pulling out another wheelchair.
You are right. In general, they don't take the time to figure out what is going on. It takes a concerned loved one to find out and then you need permission from the doctor. Unfortunately not many have loved ones who will educate themselves and/or question what is happening might be related to medications. We have many here whose spouse started leaning, falling or other things that were traced back to medications.
An example was when I placed my hb the started giving him his antacid every day where I only gave it when needed. Well, after placement he started getting watery diarrhea and making messes in his pants. I researched and found that can be a side effect. The head nurse agreed to stop it for a week but she needed doctor approval. After a week they started again even though the diarrhea had stopped. She needed the doctor's order to stop it. Well - they didn't need a doctor's order to not give him his antidepressant daily!! Good thing I didn't find this out until after I removed him otherwise I would really have a fit.
I tried to make an appointment with another eldercare attorney. An initial meeting would cost $4,500. They would need lots of information prior to the meeting and process it. I explained that I am evaluating lawyers to determine which one to hirer. No budging. I did get some other cost information over the phone. But $4,500 is too expensive for just kicking the tires.
Hb had a dental appointment Tuesday. It was about two hours - had a stainless steel crown on one tooth, filling in the canine tooth his bridge was attached to and a little piece of tooth that was left (had a crown which came off years ago with a rotten tooth underneath). It he seemed to be doing fine but at times didn't respond when asked if he was OK or to do something (like open mouth, bit down, etc.). The rest of the day and yesterday he seemed more confused. Just wonder if all that Novocaine had an effect? I know the prevailing thought was it doesn't affect the brain like anesthetics.
Took my car to get the dent the neighbor put in it. He found a guy that will pound it out best he can for $200. It won't be perfect but that will be fine. To get perfect would require a new bumper. I am still considering saving my pennies to get it painted lavender or purple - maybe one of those metallic purples. The other option would be two tone - white with the hood, trunk and top sea green like was common in the 60s.
Oh goodness Paulc, I can't believe an initial fee of $4500! We only have one Elder Care Certified attorney here in our town and I've been waiting to call him. Wondering if I should just make an appt or check put some others, but if that's what they charge to "kick the tires", I'm flat out of luck.
Hi Jan K, not had this exact problem but dh had taken medication for diabetes for a number of years. About 3 years ago he lost 40lbs and began eating better. This last year he got more outdoor exercise than ever. I kept saying he didn't need all that medication since his numbers were almost normal. He refused to change anything, very protective about his medications. But I talked to the dr saying I'd like to review all his medications and keep only those which were necessary. We did and she agreed that we could stop a couple and cut back on a couple more. I don't really know if there is any difference in him, but I feel better since I firmly believe all those medications react with each other.
He has been driving me crazy for a couple of weeks till I finally remembered when he had a bladder infection awhile back - it was similar even though he didn't show symptoms. That was when I I learned something so simple could make such a big change in their their thought process. The doctor did make sure today that I knew to withdraw the Aricept while he is taking this antibiotic as they can have some serious conflicts. Had she not made a point of it I would have just continued with everything. I'm fortunate I was able to get him in with my own doctor last year which makes it much easier for me. His geriatric doctor would never even discuss the changes in him and when I tried to make appt he just said it was normal aging.
They are building a big, beautiful ALF just a few miles from us, the first ones are ready, the little cottages - the facilities for the more advanced stages are still being built. It's not for us, he would go crazy without his animals - and the cost is probably way more than we could afford. But at some point, we will have to make some changes. I say I'm aging faster than he is, but I had to get my DL renewed this week and I could not believe the change in the picture! Said I'm going to cut the picture from the old one and paste it over the one of the old lady. It has been a few years but my goodness, what a difference the last few years have made. We are older than most of you and I do seriously wonder what's going to happen when I can no longer care for him. I've begun to check into options, we do have an apt where we could have live in help -- but not sure how that would work out. So hard to try and make these decisions alone.
In out motorhome there is a cabinet above where my husband sits. It is filled with his handyman stuff like nuts, bolts, screws, tools, etc. Most have never been used in 14 years. Tonight he started pulling the stuff out saying this is mine, not mine, etc. Asked what he was doing - said he was packing his stuff because someone told him he had to move out. Have no idea where that came from - probably somewhere in his dying mind.
He no longer recognizes the motorhome as our home even though we have lived in it for 14 years. Since I brought him back home a few times he has asked if this is ours or similar. So the 6 weeks he was gone disconnected his memory of the motorhome be 'home'. I knew that might happen so it has not upset me.
Oakridge - I hope you can find some solutions that ease the stress you are under that is taking a physical toll on you.
oakridge, I've had one charge me for an hour (400), one who spent 90-120 minutes with me for free, and the one wanting $4,500 up front. I hear many eldercare lawyers will do an initial consult for free. My issue might be that I live in an area with many high income families and these are all highly ranked lawyers.
Charlotte, I suspect the stress of the dental appointment and being out of routine could account for the changes you saw.
Charlotte, my DH had a long period that he didn't know this was his home. We had only been here 7 years but he thought "home" was where he grew up in East Haven CT. Also he was often packing his "stuff" because he was going to leave and that he was divorcing me. For months he had his suitcases packed in the car. of course he didn't remember he no longer had any car keys.