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    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeNov 1st 2018
     
    This morning on the local news, they said that now that halloween is over, we can concentrate on the holidays. Aaugh! Say it isn't so! I think it's going to take me more than a couple of months to get into "holiday" mode. (However, we are moving the snow shovel into the apartment, so I guess we could say it's officially winter now.)
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeNov 2nd 2018
     
    Today, Nov 2 is windy (was all night), sunny and warm (67) - got my shorts back on. Just have to do my laundry - they were washing his when I went to pack his stuff up. Now to see how his first day home goes.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeNov 2nd 2018
     
    Still confused tonight. Told him to go to bed and he started crying - didn't know why. He didn't know where the bed was. Did I do the right thing bringing him home? Or is he in that period of a lot of tears for unknown reasons? Only time will tell.
  1.  
    No judgements here, just my personal opinion, and others may disagree. I think since the care was so bad and meds were not being given correctly...and since you are able to provide the care at home, even though it's not easy...I think under these circumstances you did the right thing. He may still be confused and crying at times at home, but at least you know he is safe, meds are being given correctly and his basic personal care is being done. It may not be perfect, but it sounds better for him than in that facility...while you continue to try to get him into a better facility.
    • CommentAuthorRona
    • CommentTimeNov 3rd 2018
     
    I agree with Elizabeth. My initial reaction was as long as the facility was fine was to not bring him home. But under the circumstances what choice did you have. Now I just worry about you.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeNov 3rd 2018
     
    thanks for the confirmation. I am fine for now. The 6 week break helped a lot. I am determined to not let 'me' get in the way, to not let resentment and anger get the best of me.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeNov 4th 2018
     
    Meantime, in a galaxy far, far away, Carol Burnett was doing a Star Trek parody thing that even now is beaming out into space. More reasons why the aliens never contact us.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-tAyQAS6JY
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeNov 4th 2018
     
    Has anyone heard from Rodstar? It's been a while since he's posted. Hope everything is OK with him.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeNov 4th 2018
     
    Last I heard he was in a lot of physical pain. The stress from his wife had caught up with him. I will email him to get an update.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeNov 5th 2018
     
    Charlotte, how's it going with hubby back at home?
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeNov 5th 2018
     
    Well, evidently the crying is a phase he is going through, not just unhappy with where he was. Trying to get him ready for day services and he is crying he doesn't want to go. I have no idea when the bus will come so I have him ready now, 8. He will go even if he is crying as he gets on the bus!

    His memory is shot. Use to be I could tell him it is bus day and he got up and ready. This is the first day and not been good. Time will tell if it keeps up.

    Yesterday we drove up to Moses Lake to meet our son who had a down time on a big load he was a pilot car for. His ex-wife and kids met us there too. He had no idea who any of them were. When we pulled in I pointed out our son and told him who he was. His comment was 'he is?" and then shut up looking upset he didn't know. We went in to Shari's to eat and as much as we tried he wanted nothing to do anyone. After about an hour he started to get up to say he was going for a walk. That pretty much ended seeing the grandkids. Too many people, too much going on he couldn't follow or be a part of.

    I sent an email to Rodstar. Will let you know what I hear unless he post here.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeNov 5th 2018
     
    from Rodstar:
    I am getting over diane's passing ok. Been a month now.
    Little problems I ignored during her last months are becoming big problems.
    1 Head is as bad as ever - worse.
    2. Looks like I got a squamous cell cancer under bottom of tongue. 1/2 diameter now.
    3. Have not been able to have biospy done because blood platelets keep going lower and lower. Way under low bar. Thrombocytopenia
    4. Thyroid has gone wacky. Cod and hot sweats every day now.
    5. Potassium out of wack
    6. Kidney messed up - Third stage kidney disease
    .

    If it were these little things I would be ok.

    Being a single adult is different.

    Caretaker duties take their toll.
    My Tinnutes (ringing in the ears) is out of control.
    From old military rifles noise.
    How is Bonnie?

    He is having a tough time of it. Caretaking just made all his problems worse.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeNov 6th 2018
     
    The crying could be a direct result of his Alz. I can't remember remember the technical term but it can result in inappropriate crying and laughing. I'm not saying to ignore the crying and its possible cause, but it might be part of progression and out of control.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeNov 6th 2018
     
    Interviewed a new eldercare attorney yesterday, over two hours. I now feel that I understand Medicaid less than before, he said at the beginning to forget everything I think I know about Medicaid because it is probably wrong. He was right.

    A few notes that might be helpful to others.

    1) POA. I have one written by my family lawyer that has served me well. But he wants to write a new one that is 15 pages long to cover every contingency. Yesterday afternoon I checked with some other caregivers and eldercare POAs are often 15-20 pages long.

    2) There are different approaches to take to preserve my assets. He understands that my wife is not ready for a NH, so no Medicaid yet and I will continue using her retirement funds to private pay her ALF. But actions I take now can affect her Medicaid eligibility when the time comes. For example, how I sell my house could result in her not being eligible for Medicaid.

    3) On Friday I was told that I was approved for a LTC insurance policy at a reduced price. The lawyer recommended against it, that traditional LTC insurance has had major problems. Over 100 companies offering policies have gone out of business, it just doesn't make sense for insurance companies. Now, most of the companies merged with other companies. And in cases where another company didn't buy them the benefits were covered by an insurance pool but people collected only 25-50% of the expected benefits. Only two big companies offer traditional LTC insurance and he agreed with my fear that I might not be able to pay premiums after I retire. So I will look into hybrid plans which combine LTC insurance with annuities and/or life insurance. These are offered by life insurance companies which have better track records. He said the premiums tend to skyrocket if you wait until after age 62 to buy one so I have just a couple of more years to make a decision.

    4) While my assets are simple (house, retirement accounts, small investments) it isn't considered simple. The lawyer owns his own financial planning company but recommends another company to his legal clients as much better. The financial planner has had a first look at my financial information and the initial phone call will be 90 minutes instead of the normal 60.

    5) This is all very expensive. He works on a retainer system, I pay for setup and then starting with year 2 pay a set amount of money a year. This is to encourage me to contact him if anything comes up, otherwise clients avoid giving him information being afraid that this will cost them another $600. I realize that setting up a relationship with an eldercare attorney will make life easier for my son and sister-in-law in case anything happens to me. The costs cover anything that would involve my wife, including setting her estate after she passes.

    I'm going to shop around. A co-worker has a list of the top rated eldercare lawyers in my area so I should interview them, if for no other reason than to compare prices.

    And this lawyer is familiar with FTD and my wife's facility.
    • CommentAuthorCarolVT
    • CommentTimeNov 6th 2018
     
    Adding to Paul's comments about POAs: We just got Durable Powers of Attorney for financial matters. DOPAs for Health are written separately here. The financial DPOA lets us act as if we were the person and runs six pages of specifics. Our lawyer said (more or less, not quoting here) that health facilities want to work with the family and are predisposed to accept any indicators, but financial institutions are very picky because they don't want to be accused of giving anything away. My DH hates any kind of "secretarial" duties, so sent me with his DPOA to cash in some old bonds at our local bank. I got no respect until I produced the recently signed document with the specific language that the manager needed. Then I was a valued customer. The manager said that most DOPAs are old and vague. They want to see something signed in the last five years. Since all legal matters are way more complicated than they may seem on the surface, I'm sure there is more to DPOAs than I know here and that not all financial institutions have the same guidelines.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeNov 6th 2018
     
    Fortunately we don't have assets to worry about so qualifying for Medicaid was easy. I do have DPOA on him that covers financial and medical. I also have a POLST which is important that no one talks about. I did find out reading the contract with the memory care he was in that if they are where the POLST is not available, the will do CPR unless they have a medic alert with 'no CPR' engraved on it. That is something I need to do - find a jeweler that will do it.

    there was an article yesterday about men admitting they are hesitant to do CPR on women for fear of being accused of sexual harassment. Stupid they will have to worry about that. I guess the big part of CPR they fear is 'mouth to mouth' which now is no longer recommended. Stats for success with CPR are low and many if they do survive end up with brain damage.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeNov 6th 2018
     
    Many banks illegally refuse to accept POAs and DPOAs and insist on their own paperwork. I've been told that the banks are wrong and the best way to handle POA problems is to inform them you are moving your money to another bank.

    Got names of 3 more high ranking eldercare attorneys (advantage of where I work). Two share a practise 2 miles from my house and I saw one of them 4 years ago. I was told everything was fine, but some of my plans are changing, in particular, selling the house in 2-3 years. So I will probably pay for an hour of their time to re-evaluate and get their recommendations. Then there is the other lawyer who should provide a free 1 hour meeting (or what I call now a sales pitch).

    I hate making these types of decisions but I think the costs will vary a lot, as will recommendations.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeNov 7th 2018 edited
     
    I voted yesterday. We used mail in ballots the last few years.because he couldn't do the voting booth alone and they wouldnt let me help him. Don't know if his vote counted last year because he couldn't sign his name very well. I think they had me sign it for hm as well. I turn them in at the polling place because I want to hear all the info I can before I vote. And, yes, even in June of this year he understood enough and communicated enough for me to fill out his ballot. We were always similar, but never identical. And that's how I knew he understood enough in June for me to feel ethical in casting his ballot.

    Was interested to see how it would work since he died in August. Read that I could mark the ballot deceased and turn it in that way. But, surprisingly, they didnt send a ballot for him. So sometimes their system works.

    Then I went to the hardware store, pool store, and grocery store. I have been amazed how difficult it has been to go grocery shopping since he died. My sister and niece, whose daughter/twin died in July, have the same trouble. Anyway, yesterday went rather well. Driving was easier. Felt normal for the first time. And had success running errands.

    Made salmon last night. First time in a long time. Had stopped because he couldn't resist stirring it up while it was on the stove, turning a beautiful fillet into a disgusting mush! Last night no one touched my salmon.

    PS I heard from Rodstar. My goodness life is just not fair. He is still reeling from his wife's sudden death. Like with my husband, things had finally settled down a bit, and we were feeling like maybe, just maybe, things might be peaceful for just a bit, and then our spouse just died. Now Rodstar has added health issues to confront on his own. He said, "Just when you think you have a handle on it, the handle broke."
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeNov 7th 2018
     
    Bonnie, glad he communicated with you too. He definitely is going through a lot of medical issues - issues that were there before but now that the stress of his wife, he is probably realizing more how bad he is.

    Sitting here last night when I saw a flu shot ad. I signed paperwork for Art to get one when he was in the facility. Called this morning to see if he got it. Nope - he was gone to day care the day they gave them. When I asked if it was normal not to tell the person in charge of that resident they didn't get it, she had no answer. Evidently, they do not. So I will take him out to get his today.

    That is 3 screw-ups on medical issues as far as I am concerned: the antibiotic, the sertraline missed doses (which I know they would deny) and the flu shot.

    Doing fine so far. This morning I got a little ticked off at him. I was late getting up. I usually get up at 8 to take the dog out, feed the cat and dog, get myself dressed before he gets up. He was 'asleep' when I got up at 9. He got up right after me. There is not room in the MH for two people to use the bathroom area at once. So, I let him get dressed, brush his teeth, shave and comb his hair while I waited.

    So far I have endured toilet not flushed, plunger (only used for drains since it does no good for toilet) covered in pee because he must think it is clogged when it is he can't remember how to flush it; toilet seat up; his jabbering much of it not making sense. Last night he was in his PJ's then put his shoes on. Asked where he was going he said something like: I was going to take a walk down the trail out there (pointing towards the window) but decided not to!
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2018
     
    I hope that Rodstar comes out of this. As to bhv's comment about what it's like going shopping now for herself and some of her relatives - I think that affects quite a few survivors of very serious events. It doesn't affect every type and it's not as simple as saying 'survivor guilt'. It's more like an invisible wall of resistance based on our ethical outlook. Even as we work to get our feet on the ground and need to build up meaning in the changed reality - we also may have a deep seated feeling that it's not right that we can have those things.

    I think it may help to remind ourselves at times what we would have wanted for our spouse if they were in this situation and what they would want for us. That's not the only thing to overcome in learning to allow ourselves and help ourselves feel enjoyment but, like I said, I think it's one of the unspoken ones for quite a few.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2018
     
    Wolf, that's an interesting take on shopping I had not thought of. I think I will share that with my sister and niece.

    It's more than that. Funny really because I never gave much thought to the process of shopping. I do grocery shopping at the AF commissary on base. We have developed a friendship with a number of the employees there. They like both of us because we smile and are nice. Jim always looked people in the eye with respect. Some of the ladies went out of their way to help him shop in the early days of alz. Some gave him a hug.every time. Now they are sharing how many years they have been widows and wishing me well. The first few times just all of that was overwhelming.
    In later.years it became a dreaded chore because he could no longer help and, in addition to shopping, I had to be ever vigilant regarding what he was doing. The ladies helped me find him if he got lost. Cashing out is far more complex than you realize till you get to that point. Now there is no one rushing me, no one to keep watch over, no one with such a limited diet. I am overwhelmed with the choices.

    And being around people is very difficult. More than three people makes me uneasy. And even one or two can only feel comfortable for a limited time. That's getting easier. But sometimes there is a strange experience like I know my body is there in the world. I can see the other person talking, might even be able to hear them, but another part of me is not there in the world with them. That part is watching from afar and doesnt want to be there any more. Then my brain says "MUST go home now."
    • CommentAuthorDRA
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2018
     
    It makes me feel better to know that I'm not crazy for hating to shop. I am someone that always loved shopping with my husband and the first time I went alone, even though I had shopped alone before, it was so hard. And now after 4 months, I just run in get exactly what I have on my list and if I can't find it, I just forget it and hurry home.

    Today I got some insurance forms and it was marked "not married". That really hit me hard, I feel as though I have always been married and still am. After almost 48 years of marriage and being together 54 years it hurts. And, then on top of that I received a mock-up of our tombstone to approve and that hurt more.

    Some days I think I'm doing OK and then a day like today it hits me all over again.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2018
     
    I also had trouble shopping when my hb was first placed 1½ years ago. I would sit in the car in the parking lot & cry. When I finally was able to get out of the car & shop, I found myself getting teary eyed & sometimes having to leave quickly. The first time I went grocery shopping & was waiting in the '12 articles & under" cash, it hit me how alone I really was. It took everything I had not to cry. But, I'm much better now. I still don't enjoy shopping alone, but I'm getting use to it. It does get easier, eventually. I'm also getting better at buying groceries for one - because I threw out a lot of food at the beginning.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2018
     
    It doesn't seem odd to feel very strange around other people where there are quite a few comments like that in these archives and that was my experience as well - although I was told that and became aware of it later. I couldn't tell that I was ducking everything and wanting to leave and not communicating normally. My performance wasn't on the radar where, as I've said, I felt so alien in my skin and life that I was almost entirely absorbed in saving the patient. I wasn't sure what that meant but I knew it certainly wasn't how I was at that time.

    I've never shopped. I buy things I need and leave. A couple of times this summer I sat on the steps leading to the garage door reminding myself that I used to be so distressed that I often had to sit there a minute and build up the oomph to get into the car and go do my chores. That was when I had her at home and because until that last year she didn't get into trouble, I would sneak out after she couldn't handle going anymore and there was something about that transition from the cuckoo's nest in the house and the normal looking things going on out there. It was so odd to sit there this summer for no reason other than to remind myself how peaceful it is when you're NOT being water boarded for a living.

    I told my sister just the other day that the problem with being human is that we never celebrate that we don't have cancer. We worry about getting it but we never take a minute to realize we don't have that which is a very good thing. I watched my wife eat her last spare rib. She lost the ability to make two hands and her mouth work together. Gone were hot dogs, hamburgers, corn, spare ribs all of which she liked. My sister and I talked about that too from the perspective that our teeth were starting to call it a day and I told her I was buying baby back ribs regularly because I was having as many before I can't as humanly possible and even then I plan to gum the ribs to death.

    That's one of the pitiable ways to think about all this. First we go through serious duress knowing it's going to get worse, then when we've been thoroughly beaten up and our spouse's pass, we go through serious duress without knowing it's going to get better. That's a lot like needing the car to seriously perform exactly after the battery goes - which doesn't end up mattering for some time because few know where they want to go anyway and shell shocked people tend to take time to recover before the idea of 'driving' somewhere means something.

    Instead as with Rodstar, the resources we muster to keep going for them somehow doesn't translate to ourselves. Instead, as I said, there is a dam of things backed up that piles on at the worst time. I hate what this disease does to the spouse as much as I hate what it does to them.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2018
     
    I never had a problem shopping alone - prefer it. I always did the shopping by myself usually while he was at work. After I placed him it was weird to not shop for his foods, but I enjoyed not having to supervise his packing groceries. He has trouble bagging them. What I enjoyed was just buying what I liked. When I brought him home, believe it or not, it was hard to think back to what he liked even though it had only been six weeks. I look forward to just shopping for me in the future, but most is fresh veggies and things that don't need a lot of cooking.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime6 days ago
     
    Hello to whoever is out there. Hope you are having a good weekend.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    Hello yourself. We are covered in snow here which is sticking around in these 24F/-5C temperatures. Ten days after halloween and, no waiting, right into winter. More snow is expected tomorrow and the day after. Even if this was December 11, this would be early snow. We're fortunate to have a white christmas where, around here, the winter equinox on December 21 really does introduce winter. Halloween introducing winter is new.
  2.  
    And we just experienced a record (for this date) daily high of 87 degrees F in sunny Central Florida!
  3.  
    Sang this morning, and then lunch at the diner with choir friends. Just came in from walking dog. Cold, windy, but sunny and clear--winter coat weather for me, while out for 40" to an hour at a time with the dog. Have to sing tomorrow for a local Veterans' day ceremony. Guess I'll wear my American Legion cap. We had snow flurries yesterday, but it didn't stick. Next predicted rain/snow will be Tuesday night. I don't think I have a preference about shopping alone. Sometimes I shopped alone, sometimes DH came along. (While he was still able to do it, of course.) Either/or. After he died, it wasn't anything I even gave a thought about. Interesting discussion.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    We have had lows in the 20s - the first night neighbor forgot to plug his heat tape in. He said he was going to do it this weekend. So at 5am he was out trying to unfreeze it. I took the dog out is why I saw him. Asked if he had another water hose - he said yes. Told him if it were me I would hook it up and deal with it later. He gets home from work at 7:30pm so was out in the cold dark redoing his water hose. Mine - so far so good. Didn't leave the water running the first couple cold nights when down to around 25 so figure my heat tape is working!! Yahoo!!!!

    I will take this cold any day over the fires going on in California. I pray no one here is in the areas or have family/friends in the area.

    New neighbors moved their rig in on the other side of us. Appears to be a young couple with a boy about 5 and according to him they have twin babies. Now sure when the family will move in. My request was: non-smokers, no diesel, no yappy dog, no children. Well I can deal with the children - the little boy was being all boy yesterday. He would run then fall on his knees sliding across the grass. Will have to make sure I keep the dog poop picked up.

    Things are OK with Art. I have to leave the toilet room door open especially during the night and morning so he can find it. Leaving the toilet seat up most of the time but as long as he pees in the toilet I can deal with it. I have gotten short a couple times but catch myself and change my tone. The social worker referred us to one of the in-home care companies. Met with her Friday. Will have someone come on Tuesday around 10 for two hours to take him to the park showers except the week of the support group they will come that Thursday 4-8.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    Hi Charlotte, sounds like things are going way better than expected. I’m glad. Hope he’s crying a bit less.

    I am nowhere near the SoCal fires. Was interesting watching the DC10 doing air drops. It was flying way far below the news helicopter. Seemed upside down. Jim would’ve loved watching that. He was the kind of pilot who could’ve handled that kind of dangerous flying.

    I had a nice time grocery shopping this week and bought some interesting things to try. Then went to BX and bought an iPad. Veterans Day sale. I’ve been setting it up and am using it now. Way easier to use than old tablet that isn’t holding a charge very long. This is my first foray into Apple land.

    Temps have dropped here. Santa Ana winds are wild and cold. Usually they are hot. Humidity was down as low as 2 percent in some places. East coast folk probably can’t imagine that. I’m amazed I didn’t have a bloody nose. Might have to switch to long pants. Probably no more swimming. Toying with replacing spa heater.

    Haven’t traveled in so long, am having trouble remembering what to bring. I have notes all over the house.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    "I have notes all over the house" - have to laugh. When do you leave?

    for veterans day I took him to Great Clips for a free haircut, then to Applebees for their free Veterans meal. I had the riblets which I love. I need to remember to just order water with a lemon because we don't drink enough soda to be worth the $2.89 each.

    He hasn't cried in a few days, so that makes it easier.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    Sounds like a good Veterans Day. I should have gone somewhere. Could have had free meal at BJs. Too lazy to go out.

    I’ve got awhile before I leave. Just fooling around with things I don’t normally use like a watch. Found one of his old ones. Funny, can’t set the year beyond 2009. But it keeps time and can show any time zone around the world. Found a world time alarm clock too. It is the size of a credit card. Been meaning to embroider my jeans cause I splashed chlorine on one leg. Designed an embroidery today. Will try to get that done tomorrow. Machine embroidery.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    Many places are still doing the free veterans meals or services on Monday too. Google 'free veterans meals' to see if any are around you.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    Just wanted to share this:

    Grief
    never ends...
    But it changes.
    It's a passage,
    not a place to stay.
    Grief is not a sign
    of weakness, nor
    a lack of faith...
    It is the price of love.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    Hello all, we had our first real snow today, and ice, then more snow. DH is so surprised it's winter - he had so much "planned" or at least thought he did - and now....guess who gets to do all the fun stuff.

    Unfortunately, our youngest son and his wife lost both their homes in the Camp fire in Paradise, CA. Nothing left but the chimney.....they just had time to get out, his wife had already left so he had to grab the dogs and go. They finally met up that night, and now it's really beginning to hit them they have nothing left. It also took our home we built many years ago, was such a special place for us because all the kids would come up on the weekends and help. The Honey Run Covered Bridge was just up the road from us in the canyon, we had so many special memories there. Even though we've not lived there for about 20 years it still feels like a part of our life has gone forever.

    DH is declining, although he still thinks he's fine. I think it would be easier if he was better or worse, this stage where he thinks he can still do anything - at least for the few seconds it flits through his head. Then he blows up at me for either doing or not doing something. I'm not much younger than he is and not as strong as I used to be.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    I had mentioned before, and I worry more about it now, how long I will be able to care for him. I know this is a bad time, I'm pulled in so many different directions, trying to help kids, talk to relatives, friends, I know everyone is concerned but finally had to turn my phone off - reached my limit. For four days we've not even slept much trying to stay on top of everything and now I'm beginning to have a melt down. They are safe and staying with friends right now so nothing for me to do. Holidays coming, DH doesn't want me to put up any decorations, no dinner - no nothing. he just says no reason to. His life is basically over - but mine isn't....or maybe mine is too. As long as he continues with this disease I am stuck too.

    I always wait for the first snow, love it, but today -- it just seemed like one more chore :) I think I'm grieving, like in the poem from Nicky, it's a passage.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    Oh oakridge, so sorry about the losses in the fire. I can’t get over the irony of calling it the Camp fire. Glad you and he are safe. I’ve been in SoCal too long. Not sure how I’d handle snow any more.
    Last year my hub didn’t understand about Christmas any more. I put up decorations and he liked them for the most part. Some confusion about turning the tree lights off. I was happy he didn’t remember about the outside lights. They were a fiasco two years ago.
    We have a virtual Christmas Lodge here. Someone will bring that up to the top soon. It is a great way to stay sane through the holidays.
    Sending virtual hugs your way. (((Hugs)))
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    Oakridge -so sorry for the loss of the homes and all their stuff. Thankful they are safe.

    No wonder you had a melt down. Caregiving is stressful but when you add you kids loosing everything, you wanting to help but can't, all the emotions that go with it - that adds up. It is not just the caregiving that brings us down but all the rest of life added to it.

    Our life is hopefully not over, but it definitely is on indefinite hold. I think that is what got me down. The six weeks he was placed I got a glimpse it is not but was not enough time to have an idea of the future.

    He got home just in time for us to make to Old Country Buffet before 4 for his free veterans buffet. The 4 was for me to get the senior lunch special.

    We are in an inversion so the sun has not been out for 3 days - high in the 30s,low in the 20s. This means no sun to heat up the MH during the day. So today it was just plain cold outside and inside hard to warm up despite the furnace and electric heater running. So I dug out a blanket to wrap up in. We came in after dinner when I wrapped up in a blanket. He said he wanted to, too. Never been able to get him to do it. But sent him back to the bedroom to get his Seahawks throw which I had to get cause he could not find it. Comes out and threw on his chair to sit on. There already is a blanket he sits on from last winter I gave him to cover up with which ended under not on. I lost it, got mad cause he wouldn't put it over him. He wanted to sit on it but I pulled it out from under him with him getting angry. Told him I have to wash it not him, so he wont' be sitting on it getting it dirty. Of course he has forgot about it.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTime4 days ago
     
    Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I know they'll be ok, maybe never quite the same but ok. They were talking about taking early retirement now and moving back here but have encouraged them to keep working since they are at their peak earning years and that will make a big difference in later years. I think our own situation lately, then the shock of the fire was just too much for me. I often wonder at what point I will go down. Today was definitely a melt down...not anger, just....melt down,lol.

    Many people think the fire started from a campfire but actually started in an area called Camp Creek although you'd think fireman would thought ahead on that one :)

    I can't remember when we went out to eat. I've stopped and picked up food a few times but would be nice to go to a real nite out. You mentioned pictures, each time I go throw things I can remember so much - almost like someone else's life. DH had no memory of all those trips and he loved them so. Thinking I'll make a college of out times with the kids and keep in the living room, if nothing else it will help me to remember I was a real person once.

    I prebought propane this summer it just keeps eating higher. We can go through a tank a month so will have to be careful this year. Electric is cheaper than propane and heats the whole house although not the same. Some really cold areas, but that's country life.

    DH is one of those people who never wants to get rid of anything but I think this fire situation has made me more determined to go through what we have. Nice things but don't fit our life now and since it all falls on my shoulders I'm just going to do it. I know it will cause fights but he'll get over them as soon as things are gone and maybe it will help me find it easier to handle the place. I know the happier I am the easier it is to accept his care. I keep working on the things that can't be changed - at least my reaction to them. Happy snowy evenings! I watched Hallmark Christmas movies and made me hungry for hot chocolate :) had my one cup a year, don't really care for chocolate but it tasted good.
    • CommentAuthorMoon*
    • CommentTime3 days ago
     
    Oakridge,

    I was sorry to read about your family being affected by the fires. It is so devastating to lose everything like that. Gratefully, they are safe
    and will somehow put their lives back together. You certainly didn't need this additional stress on top of taking care of your husband.
    I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTime2 days ago edited
     
    Because there are no postings today, I'll tell you that my 2nd surgery failed, too. Since this summer I've been trying to get some relief from the pain, in essence, looking for another surgeon. I'm pretty tired from it all. The problem seems to be in the B.C. medical system. We pay a hefty tax for it (other provinces don't), but, from talking to friends and relatives in Saskatchewan and Ontario , we are not getting good care in B.C. The doctors are fed up, too. My niece has found a helpful champion for me (her doctor), and I'm feeling more hopeful. So, how are you all being served by your medical system?
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime2 days ago
     
    Mary I am so sorry the surgeries have been failures. I do hope you can find one somewhere else in Canada where they can truly help. In our travels we have met many Canadians that come down to the US for medical care. People can complain all they want about cost and un-affordable healthcare here, but we do have good available if you have good insurance or money. Being on Medicare now sometimes they refuse treatments. When I was on Medicaid I was never denied treatment, but then I did need any big medical treatment.

    The inversion finally moved out, sunshine came to visit after 3 days of none, and made it to 50 today. 35 right now suppose to get down to 27.

    I haven't killed Art yet either!!!!
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTime2 days ago
     
    Mary. I am so so sorry. Had high hopes for this one.

    Oakridge, I made a large collage of our photos. It tells the story from when we got married and each of our families. I was really glad a I did it. Hi would stand there in th hallway sometimes and point and say that’s me, that’s my sister, oh, and that’s you! It sometimes amazed me.

    I experimented going out to eat once in awhile. It became difficult because he didn’t understand the menu, ate with his hands, and got confused easily. I found if I ordered a burger and fries and the beer he liked it went well. He even said he liked that restaurant.

    Charlotte, that’s how I measured success many a day.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTime1 day ago
     
    https://www.kgw.com/article/news/man-with-alzheimers-sent-on-one-way-flight-to-denver-among-scores-of-patients-stranded-in-hospitals/283-614971020?fbclid=IwAR0Q0_S9O2EcPMxzEjNGspc7Sv7u_ieLRzjThM2HlmQwmshFMfM43iw1M_o

    We all know why these things happen - no help out there when it is needed.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTime22 hours ago edited
     
    For everyone who enjoyed Peanuts (from BBC):
    http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20181112-good-grief-the-beguiling-philosophy-of-peanuts?ocid=ww.social.link.email
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTime9 hours ago
     
    An excellent romp through some truly fine stuff.
    • CommentAuthorbobbie
    • CommentTime47 minutes ago
     
    release took so long to get here and then was over so suddenly. Death came on Tuesday and he isn't hurting anymore. I can't even remember how to post on the right place at this sight.