i don't know if i can do this, i am having a panic atack. it is terrible. you can't know how bad a panic attack is unless you have experienced them. i am just praying to get through this. i haven't had a panic attack in a few years. they are terrible. you just feel this terrible rush of panic and get flushed and you're heart races. i have taken 2 nerve pills. the first one didn't help. i take lexapro and dr recently put me on topamax for terible headaches. maybe this is what is causing me to panic now. my dh is so bad. his condition has deteriorated so much this week and he wants me in the room with him all the time. tonight he wanted me to go to bed with him at 8:00pm,i laid down with him and that is when the panic attack hit me. i can't live like this. i love my dh and i love my children and my little grandchildren. my life is dedicated to them. but i don't know if i can do this. for the first time,i have had to face the fact that dh is dying and he won't know me before long, i have called a couple of his closest friends and told them they needed to come see him while he still knows who they are. i think me having to speak those words out loud has done this to me. i have prayed and prayed for god to give me strength. if i break down and can't care for him and he has to have nursing home care,we will lose what we have worked so hard for all our lives. he is only 52 yrs old. this is just not fair. he went with me to pick up his prescription this evening and he left his truch over at his dad's house. i thought his dad saw us. we left and went to town to the drug store and when we got back my sil said everybody was hollering and looking for dh. they thought he was lost. she said i was going to have to start leaving a note saying he was with me. i told he our son knew we were going. i don't know why but that upset me too.i am not going to call everybody and let them know everything. am i wrong? our son knew. all they had to do was call him to check. i am just on edge and everything is getting to me. i am getting calmed down as i write,i hope and pray it lasts and that terrible panic stays at bay. i hate it. i have got to be strong. dhs regular neurologist added welbutrin to his meds. he did not think he would benifit from cymbalta,that is what the dr at the er wanted to put him on this weekend. dhs meds are: razadyne er 24mg, lexapro 20mg, xanax .05mg as needed and at night, trazadone 100mg nightly, celebrex 100mg twice daily, prilosect twice daily, abilify was .05 daily,dr has just increased that to.05 twice daily, and keppra 250mg twice daily, and now welbrutrin [i don't know the mg yet.] please please pray for us. jav
Jav, Is there not anyone you can have come help you thru this..too much for you to deal with alone Another comforting soul would help ground you tonight..please try to get someone to be there with you tonight..I wish we could be there in more than spirit, but know you can contact anyone to "talk" with thru this forum.
Jav, I will pray for you. It is obvious you are doing more than your best to care for your husband. Are your children or your husband's family able to provide you with any respite?
Jav - we hear you, we care. Call your son, SIL, someone to sit w/you for a hour or so, you need human touch. In the morning, call your doc & see what he can do for you. Call the Alz Assn & see how they can help you w/his care. Even tho your DH is so young, contact an elder law attorney to see what your finances are and how to conserve them. It sounds like you are already calming down, I hope so. We are there w/you in spirit & heart, dear Jav, really we are.
Jav, thinking of you and hoping "things" have settled down for you. I do know what anxiety attacks feel like. I had my first one just a few months ago in March. I had been having TIA strokes due to caring for Lynn, then my dad’s sudden death... it was too much. I thought for sure I was having a heart attack, I know the feeling you are talking about. I learned coping techniques, breathing skills, etc to help curb them off when they start. Bio feedback basically. I haven’t had another severe one in months. Maybe you could look into that? It is so overwhelming in the beginning. Take everyone up on their offers of help. You need some breaks, to help keep you healthy. Thinking of you ~Nikki
I echo Nikki's advice. When I was a young mother (27) I had 5 children of young ages and was physically and mentally worn out. One night I woke up with what was later diagnosed as a panic attack. I too thought I was having a heart attack and my husband took me to the ER. From then on when I had a panic attack, I knew I wasn't dying , only felt like it. I was taught coping techniques also and gradually the attacks ceased. I learned to lie down if possible and concentrate on breathing slowly and rhymatically until the panic subsided. I do hope and pray that you find someone whom you can confide in who can help you when you feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of your responsibility. This is not something you can readily conquer and it is a very real illness. Do not hesitate to come online when you are anxious, someone is usually awake during the night and knowing that you have a person to talk to helps.
Oh Jav, I'm praying that you are able to be sleeping peacefully right now. Yesterday had me 'gulping air' as well . I don't know what to do or how to handle so many of the issues that we are facing now.. and although I say WE, the truth is its not WE.. its just I. I woke this morning thinking I've got to talk to somebody.. I've got to hear some rational person tell me what to do.. If there was a nice little checklist for what to do and what NOT to do..someone would be rich. I don't know if I can do this either, Jav. I'm going to try my best but when smooth waters suddenly turn into rapids, it takes more air than I can gulp sometimes.
Every evening brings on a negative surly comment that is the closing statement of my husbands day. It refers to my lack of interest in him romantically. With that comment he stomps off to his room and although I don't show it.. the jab does its intended job of causing hurt, guilt (I should be more romantic) and disgust (how can someone be bullied into being romantic). There is a point..or points, I think, where we all just hit the wall. Its not the same point but its the same wall. I'm hoping that we all can have a better day today.
Jav, Hopefully, you are feeling better this morning. Handling every issue that comes up alone is very stressful. Then having family members doubting you, would send anyone into a panic attack. I have only had 1 panic attack, however, I thought either my head or heart was about to explode. I am glad you came to this board & found friends to listen & give you advice. I am sending prayers of strength to you. (((Hugs))) Kadee
Jav, the next time this happens, at any hour, 24/7, call the Alzheimer's hotline. The phone number is: 1.800.272.3900
They are great with practical advice and with sending you information, but the first time I called them I was very upset and just needed to talk to someone, anyone, right now. That is why they are always there.
Actually call them now if you are still feeling upset. This forum is great, but sometimes no one is actually here exactly when you need them.
By the way Judy, you need to call them too. They probably have that checklist you are looking for but they certainly have that human voice both of you needed.
JAv, my heart goes out to you..Have you thought about asking your son or DIL to "babysit" for 2-3 hours once a week? Either day or evening so you can do something? It could be going to a quilting party or bowling or just a movie, but it sounds like you have support in your family and just having that escape to look forward to can be a lifesaver. I echo the others, call someone, you are not alone in this..
Caregiver's Bill of Rights: http://www.suddenlysenior.com/pdf_files/caregiversbillrights.pdf
The checklist someone asked for: http://www.theribbon.com/articles/carechecklist.asp
Legal and financial issues: http://www.theribbon.com/articles/legalfinance.asp
Legal and financial issues by state. You can pick your state from the pull down box. I've found this pretty accurate when I checked Pennsylvania which is an unusal situation since state and federal law do not match. http://www.elderlawanswers.com/Default.aspx
A short article on behavior. Not as good as the large one on Joan's Blog page, but not a bad introduction. http://www.theribbon.com/articles/behavior2.asp
Grief, mourning and guilt http://www.theribbon.com/articles/grief.asp
Going home http://www.theribbon.com/articles/goinghome.asp
I just found The Ribbon, so I'm using thier articles a lot. They are pretty good. Also read just about anything on Big Tree Murphy. http://bigtreemurphy.com/
jav, have you looked to see if there is a support group in your area? You might be able to find a couple of kindred souls there, people you could call when everything caves in on you, people who can call you when they need a shoulder. Sometimes this site, wonderful as it is, isn't enough, you need living, breathing people.
Please also do as Starling urges, if you need to be "talked through" a panic attack, call the Alzheimer's Association hot line. It is obvious that they've helped Starling a lot when she needed it most.
Jav - I don't know where you live, but you may be eligible for Medicaid to pay for a nursing home when the time comes. There is this law called The Spousal Impoverishment Law, which is designed to help. I think each state has it's own criteria, but in California the community spouse can keep $90,000 of community property assets (aside from the house you live in) and still qualify the other spouse for Medicaid (Medi Cal in California). So when he cannot perform most of the ADLs (activities of daily living) you can qualify for help with a nursing home.
JAV I am praying for you. Please contact an objective person who can hear you out without offering advice or telling you stories of how they have been through the same thing. Look in the phone book for your local mental health clinic or call any of the local churches that offers counseling. Your state of mind is of high concern right now. Please take care of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jav, I hope you are doing better at this point. please send an update when possible. Some of us (me) have had panic attack and know what you are going thru. take deep breaths and get out of the house for a bit alone or with a friend. it helps alot. if your DH continues to deteriorate so suddenly, if it were me, i would go over with his drs these meds he is on, it seems like quite a bit for one person, and sometimes the meds in combo with others can cause these unwanted side effects and loss of function. you can do it, we all have our moments of panic here, divvi
Jav, I know where you are coming from. I have panic disorder, which means lots of panic attacks for no known reason. Go to your own doctor, you may need an rx change or a dosage increase. There are many drugs for panic atacks, but they need time to build up in your body. Talking is a great way to calm down - maybe check for a crisis hotline in your area. My panic attacks are under control, but if I had to deal with these and husband with AD, that might be more than I could take. I will pray for you as only one of these things can be devastating.
Jav - Prayed for you immediately, just now, when I read your post...I too echo the concern of all here & do hope things are better now. This journey is one that God will & can help you with...He will give you strength so you are right to ask for prayer ~ It is hard to deal with those who "mean well" in their concern for your husband, but i totally recognize and agree with you about getting protective of your decisions, etc....You do know your husb the best, and you must do whatever you need to in order to maintain your own sanity. I have no idea how long you've been married, the relationships prior to AD with his family, etc., but, this disease can change ALOT of things, including relationships we thought were solid...take care of YOU! I have never called the Alz 800#, but after reading that post from Starling, probably will in the future...sometimes this disease is just too much to handle, depending on the moment/day, and those close to us many times simply do not have the capacity to understand and offer comfort. Stay on your knees...you'll be in my prayers in the days ahead. Much love, Debbie
thank you everybody, i went to the dr and go meds to help me through this. he gave me xanax,i already take lexapro. he has been our family dr for over 30 yrs. so he is aware of my previous problem with panic attacks. i am better,but very weak,its like i have been physically sick and trying to recover. after drs app i went over to our daughters house and just slept for a while. our son stayed with dh. daughter and son came today with our to little grandchildren,that usually really cheers dh up. he wasn't cheered up much,but he wasn't crying.that crying just distroyes me. that constant sadness is terrible. i am better and thank you all so much for your concern. thank you all so much and god bless you. i am just so tired,i'll go for now. jav
things are much better with dh today. he is not doing the crying and grieving today. he started getting better yesterday. that was about to send me over the edge. i am better also. although i do have to take a pill or a half of one still. i will get through this. he is better,therefore,i will get better. he things the meds are helping him. one dosage was adjusted to a higher dosage and could have started helping,but he just started the welbutrin and dr said that would take awhile to get in his system. whatever it is,he thinks it is working and he says he feels better and i am not telling him any thing different about the meds. i have done alot of praying and i know we have had a lot of prayers for us and for that i am etenerally grateful. thank you,my friends. jav