My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease on July 2nd. I've suspected that he had AD for the past 3 years. Both his parents had it. I asked my husband to talk to the doctor last year at his physical. Imagine that when he came home and told me that the doctor told him to take one asprin a day. I thought he had a quack for a doctor. This year, he seemed to be getting worse faster. I was determined to take him to see his doctor and to have a physical with an eye out for the disease. I called the doctor and scheduled an appointment myself. My husband had a MRI and we were referred to a neurologist. Although I suspected it, it felt like a slap in the face when we looked at the results of the MRI - my husband had 'significant atrophy of the frontal and temporal' sections of his brain. Based on his history, the neurologist believes he has AD and not frontaltemporal dementia. I guess, time will tell. I lost it in the doctor's office. . . which I find myself doing periodically. About the time I don't think I can take it anymore OR out of the blue, it hits me and the tears come streaming down.
The 1st month I dealth with getting a durable power of attorney and a durable power of attorney for health care set up. I also fought the insurance company to get his Namenda perscription paid for ($203/bottle! I almost had a heat attack). Now I need to work through other legal issues. I'm getting recommendations about putting all the assets in my name so that I don't have to sell everthing to get my husband the help he needs in later years. I'm not sure where to start. I've recently started looking in the out years for possible assisted living, in case it is needed. I found a place that is within 2 miles of our home. They have adult day care, respite care and assisted living. I really liked the place. I haven't taked to my husband yet about it. He will lose it. He doesn't think he has anything wrong because he has 'beat the disease'. He obviously isn't living in my world.
In trying to find help, on another caregiver message board, someone suggested this site to me since it is for spouses. Not that I want anyone else to go through what I am going through but it is nice to know I'm not alone or going crazy. My husband is 64 and retired. I'm 52 and still working full time. My job is stressful and I travel periodically. I'm starting to get worried about leaving him home alone while I'm gone but I haven't addressed the need for other care. I'm sure he will be dead set againt it. Has anyone gone through this that can give me some tips for what I should be doing?
Welcome, you are not crazy, and you are not alone anymore. If you haven't read Joan's blog for today, do so. It is all about why taking care of a spouse with this terrible disease is different. No matter who the caregiver is, there is pain, but it isn't the same kind of pain.
It is not unusual for our LOs to be in denial. Most of them either think there is nothing wrong with them, so it has to be us that have the problems. The rest of them don't understand what is wrong with them.
Diane, hi, and welcome to our little family. You and your husband are much too young to have to deal with this disease. I hope we can help make it a little more bearable for you.
I can't answer your question, but I'm sure others who can will be along shortly. I HAD a stressful job in which I traveled periodically, but not often, and when I did, I was able to take my husband along. He'd done a lot of traveling while he could still work, and was happy to go with me. Now my company is going belly-up and I'm working at home pulling together the company bankruptcy papers. I'll have to find ways to care for my husband when and if I find a new job ... presumably take him to an Adult Day Health Center, which I've been researching.
Whereabouts do you live, if you don't mind telling us? People may be able to give you more detailed info if we know. We have a thread, "Where Are You From?" -- it's interesting how far-flung this group is.
Glad you made it over. Lots of us here are members of both forums. Good info and support at both places..........BUT this one is more for US marrieds and our unique issues. Welcome.
Having said that ... you found a place you really like that has day care, respite care, and assisted living. So you could use their day care for routine work hours, and respite care for when you're traveling, couldn't you? Which could help you decide whether you like the place enough for assisted living in the future.
If you're asking about how to get your husband to go, a lot of people have posted that they tell their LOs they will be working at the center, as a volunteer or whatever. Typically, these centers understand that it can be hard to get an ADLO to go there, and they'll work with you to find a way to coax your husband into trying it. Often, once they get used to it, they love it, so I'm told.
I already asked my husband, point-blank, if he would mind going to an ADHC when I have to be gone at work or whatever. He SAYS he's okay with it, but I haven't actually had to try to get him there yet. We shall see...
I had a session with our psychologist this afternoon and mentioned this support board. She had no idea that it existed and asked me for the web address so she can let some of her other az spouses know about it. I told her that I didn't post alot but still spend considerable time reading the posts of others. It is a great place to be.
Welcome Diane and Sheila, I can't answer your questions either Diane as my situation is different and started much later in life. It will help you to read Joang blogs and the other discussions, when you can. There are many here who are in the "Boat" or have been in the boat. Good luck to you both.
Welcome to my website. Since your husband is newly diagnosed, I am sure you are overwhelmed with everything - go to the home page of this website - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and click on the section on the left that is titled - Newly Diagnosed. There is a lot of helpful information in there. Also, I would suggest doing what I wish I had known about in the beginning - on that same left side, scroll down and click on "Understanding the Dementia Experience" - it is extremely helpful - actually, the most helpful information I have read about what Alzheimer's Disease is, and how it affects the person who has it.
Go to the top of this page, click "search", and write in EOAD (Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease) with the "topic" circle filled in. All of our discussions by and about those dealing with EOAD will come up. It is considered EOAD when the diagnosis is before age 65. My husband was 63 when officially and correctly diagnosed, but he had been showing signs of problems for at least 4 years prior to that.
We are all going through the same experiences and emotions here - I am sure you will find the support you need.
Diane I am so sorry to hear your husband has AD. I am 54 and am working full time. My DH is 54 diagnosed at 50 and has been on disability since. I think whether or not your husband can stay home alone depends on the type of symptoms he is having. I think my husband is entering the latter phase of stage 4. He is not in denial about the disease, has alot of insight into his reduced capabilities and is cooperative. He is able to stay at home alone and still drives but not often. When I travel, a neighbor and another good friend check in on him. Thankfully he does not wander. His brother, who also has AD, early in the disease progression disease had problems with getting lost so he could not stay home alone. They tried daycare but he disliked it because he was still pretty "withit" otherwise . They had LTC coverage that covered home care, so they chose this option. We do not have LTC so I too am becoming more concerned about daycare etc. I am sure it will be a very difficult and heartbreaking when we reach that point.
Diane, talk to an ELDERLAW attorney (NOT an estate planner) before you go about transferring assets. In my state (RI ) it doesn't do any good; assets, except for your own IRA and retirement income, are considered joint. You can keep your home, though. It is different from one state to another, though.
As Betty Rollins said in one of the early books about confronting breast cancer, "first you cry." And coming here helps.
Briegull I have been wondering about the "putting everything in your name". I understand that doesn't work in WV. We can keep the home and 1 car and some money. We have a trust situation set up in our wills for tax purposes but I don't think that applies to assets.
Thank you all for your support. There is a lot to look through on this web site. Although my journey has already started I definately have a lot to learn. I will make sure to talk with an elderlaw attorney and one I feel confident with. I'm already feeling confident that I have a place to share, learn, get support and support others if needed.
Diane, basically as far as getting rid of assets other than giving to spouse is concerned, these things are true in all the states: there's now a five year lookback period on giving away money. The period starts when your spouse goes into a nursing home. At that point your assets are split in half. The NH gets his income (ss, retirement etc) and half of your joint or separate assets (including the 529 you set up for a child or grandchild, and the money you set aside because it came from YOUR work) except for a certain amount - in RI it's $4000, Okay, so now you have his half of the assets up to I think it's $104,000. Now from his half set aside the 4000 or whatever it is in your state. From what's left you can buy a burial policy (and I think one for you too), a new car (but you can only have 1 car), make some house repairs, and in some states an annuity for you - be sure it's the right kind, there are very special requirements there and they vary. And then his half, what's left of it, is spent down. When it's gone, he can go on medicaid.
Medicaid is where the middle class meets the poverty line. BUT: you have your half of the assets, your own income, and hopefully an annuity. And the house. They can't take your house. Now whether or not you have enough money to pay for the taxes and upkeep, of course, that's different. When YOU die, Medicaid can claim repayment and demand that the house be sold to pay them. But there are ways to avoid this, or some of this, hence again, see the elderlaw atty.
Oh, and re STUFF. Medicaid is not interested in STUFF. You can give STUFF (antiques, rare books? whatever) to your children who can sell it and tuck it away for you quietly. DON'T sell it NOW.
Welcome Diane, as you can see by the previous post.. this is a wonderful forum with the most caring people. Share, vent, rant, cry and scream.... I did all of these and them some in the beginning. Still do in fact! We are all different in age and the paths we are on, but our journeys are the same. Where you are now, someone here has been and will help. Keep posting, it helps ~Nikki
Diane, I did what you are doing - trying to get everything lined up and be prepared. You didn't say whether or not you have any children. And if so, whether they are close by to help watch him when you are out of town. Do you have a chaperone phone for him so that you can locate him should he wander? Verizon and Sprint both have them. My husband has to be reminded now of how to speed dial me for an emergency, but I could find him by his phone, if necessary. I also gave my work and cell numbers to my neighbors on either side and across the street. Two of them are retired and keep an eye out if he is outside. I too, work out of necessity (he was diagnosed at 67 and will be 70 in two months) and he is staying at home alone, though I have an in-home care and adult day care lined up. So far, he tells me "I'm not there yet" and I haven't forced the issue. Every day he is going downhill, so it won't be much longer. One woman said she took her husband 6 times to adult day care, and the 6th time he refused to get out of the car. I'm hoping that when I have to force the issue, that I'll find the right words and he'll go (I'll even pack him a back pack with his favorite snacks, portable DVD player and 3 favorite movies so he can watch them while there!).
Diane T- Welcome..I too am a new member of this site and love it. My husband was diagnosed in Feb at the age of 60 and I clearly remember the tears I shed at the diagnosis. It hit me like a ton of bricks even though I knew in my heart that he had it. You will find this place to be a great support and a wonderful source of information..We look forward to your companionship...Sandy
Diane, I read your initial message and I think you are already doing a wonderful job in assuming the responsibility of learning how to take care of your financial assets, your husband's medical care, and learning all you can about this journey of Alzheimers which you through fate have been chosen. YOu are showing a remarkable strength ; you have now found a forum of caring people who are here for you. Welcome, I am sure you will contribute as much as you receive .
lmohr, there are a number of reasons for putting things in your name while your spouse is still able to sign documents. One really good reason is so that you have the legal right to manage assets -- sell assets, change accounts, close accounts, etc -- without a big hassle over needing your spouse's signature when s/he is too disabled to cooperate any more. You wouldn't believe how much of an ordeal it can be to do something as simple as close a Verizon account if it's in your spouse's name.
(I had a horrible time with Verizon when it was my father's account, and he died, and I was executor. The jerks.)
Some banks won't accept a POA to close an account even when it's a joint account (low-level clerks gone wild with power). Some of us have had to ... ah ... get documents signed at home and bring them back to the bank.
Welcome, Diane, and Sheila. this site will become your best friends! the input, knowledge, and companions here will serve you well. glad you are part of the group. divvi
I am collecting documents that will allow me to do business in my husband's name. The one for the bank, which I just got will require that his signature be notarized. Not an easy thing for me to get done. Since everything already is in both names except his IRA which now allows me to do the banking for him on it, I might not actually need this document, or I might.
Thanks again to everyone. I definately have a lot to look at. My husband and I did go see an attorney today but he ended up being an estate planner and he looked like he was right out of college. We aren't going back. I did get hold of the Alzheimer's association and have 4 names of elder care attorneys. My journey continues. I had not even thought about closing credit cards, etc. Most are in his name as primary we me secondary. Checking and savings are me primary with him secondary. More questions just keep coming up.
It was a good day today with my husband. We were able to discuss the possibility of nursing homes and he has agreed to go with me and look at some. The door is open :) I kept it at a level that said IF we need it and he was good with that.