Charlotte, could you take a picture of him with your phone, email it to yourself, and then just print it out on copy paper--at least it would be something current to use temporarily.
Elizabeth, Earlier, Charlotte said that this place does not want a picture of her husband as he looks now. They want one from 30-40 years ago. Charlotte, these people must think you have a lot of time on your hands.
I wasn't able to provide either of the two care homes the picture they requested. "Okay" they said, and that was the last of it. There were couple of other things they wanted, too, but in the end, they weren't necessary either.
I did find one from 1997 that was taken where he worked when he was awarded employee of the year. Been going through the photos and the only ones he seems to recognize are his parents. He does recognize himself some but not me, even from back in the 70s.
Looking through the pictures did remind me of things we use to do like fishing, hiking, camping.
Wanting a 5x7 is kind of weird because even when we all had photo albums who gets that size made? Now there's so little available in the way of photo shops it might be easier to take that employee of the year photo to Walmart and ask them to scan it and produce something 5 x 7 for you. Up here we have a chain called Staples which may or may not be in the USA, but they have someone there who's meant to help with using the photocopiers etc, and I don't know if Walmart has an employee charged with doing that but I bet they do.
I've been workig for days scanning pictures and going through his service record and scanning his award certificates. His sister had told me about going with her mother to an award ceremony and she wanted something to remember that by. I thought she wanted the certificate and the picture. She thought I agreed to give her my husband's Distinguished Flying Cross Medal. In what universe would I do that? She came to my house the day after he died, I thought to help choose pictures for a story board and help plan the funeral. She was completely unhelpful. Then she went through everything in is office telling me what she wanted. I was totally shocked, confused and felt totally disrespected. Then she kept ollowing up that day with emails wanting me to drop everything I needed to do. She wouldn't tell me which medal.she wanted. I found I coud buy her another one. So I put together a.summary fir her and gave her one of the certificates with the gold seals. And I packed up all the antique picture frames of her parents and grandparents that were on his wall. And I packed up every bit of paper from when we handled her parents' affairs. And I drove it down to her office. She wanted to come to my house and go through things some more and I am not going to do that again. Apparently she has no idea how badly she and her husband disrespected me before the funeral, but she says I can get " retaliatory" in my emails and I should go back and review what I said. WELL.... that's not going to happen. I thought my emails were quite restrained actually. I've decided that even though I was married to her brother for 36 years, I have no idea who she is. We speak completely different languages. From completely different cultures. Weird cause her background is Norwegian, mine is Swedish... Maybe it is military vs civilian. The things I felt disrespected about had to do with military and she has even less of a clue than most civilians. So perhaps it is not her fault. But then again, when we were in the hospital she asked me why her brother didn't call her. And her behavior just after he died was exactly why he wouldnt call her. I am a bit sad because I thought we were finally getting to know each other over the last five years or so. But now I don't think I will ever see then again. If I do hear from them, I will just happen to not be available.
They will take whatever picture I bring in and either enlarge to 5x7 or reduce. It is for the frame they put outside their room to identify them (helping them to know which is their room and they also include a little bio of them with it. It was sad because I have pictures of him from him as a child to now. According to him, none of them look like him. So I am not sure how he sees himself. I think his problem with many is he has a mustache which he doesn't now and can't remember having. He does like the couple of him he sent me while in the Navy and laughs that on the back he sent me a Christmas post card with his picture on it starting with 'my dearest Charlotte'. Of course this was before we ever met. In fact, the next letter from him told me we needed to stop writing because he was getting married in the summer. The following Christmas I sent him card hoping his marriage was going good, etc. He wrote back saying it didn't happen. The woman was staying with his parents until he got leave and they caught her going out with other men. We started writing as his ship heading home from the Philippines, met May 5, got married on the 16th. The other picture he loves and has him laughing is one of him sitting on the couch with our dog Sheba laying on the back with her head resting on his shoulder.
Bonnie sorry they are causing such much turmoil for you. I just don't understand people but death can bring out the worst in people, especial family members. I never really got along with my husband's family, nor mine for that fact. He was so different than the rest of them, the first and really only one for generations to leave New England except to winter in Florida. I have been debating how I will handle it when Art dies concerning his brother. I would definitely let his niece know that we keep in contact through FB, but his brother I have not decided. Yes, he let us know when their mom, dad, and sister died, but have not heard from him in 3 years. He also put in a claim for taxes paid on the family home two days before closing on the sale. I wanted proof since he told me more than once they were coming out of their dad's Social Security check, but was told if I delayed closing on the house they could take us to court. 9 years of taxes add up. So yes family can stab you in the back. I have always been glad my parents never had anything to fight over.
Take care Bonnie, no need to rush it. Enjoy the fall. Our weather has turned cooler - days 70s and have to turn the a/c on when that afternoon sun heats it up, then nights upper 40s/low 50s. Almost have to turn the heat on but the sun warms us up enough by 10. I still am wearing my shorts - can't give them up yet and probably wont' until the days are in the low 60s. Leaves are falling which with the light breeze gives Art lots of leaves to sweep off the patio. I will miss him not here to do that. He will miss it too.
Bonnie, I am so sorry you are having to go through this ordeal with this sister. You are right not to let her in again. It is like even thought you were married to her relative for decades, even though you've lived through the caregiving, and even though you are dealing with grief, it is very important to her that you know you were never part of their family. Not really. I can't pretend to understand, and at a this point I think understanding means to crawl through ugliness and discover some digusting points of view that are better left to them. It s not you. It took me a while before I could just shake the dust off my feet and move on. Best wishes.
Charlotte carrying you in my thoughts as you move through these next few days.
Thinking about the both of you, Charlotte and Bonnie. So much to deal with, in different ways. Wish we were closer, to sit around the kitchen table and have coffee.
Got his clothes moved in. The nightstand furnished has just the top and one shelf, no drawers, so I stopped by thrift stores on the way home and found a nice two drawer one for $15. the picture I ended up using was his high school graduation picture. There was a nice one from 1997 when he was employee of the year where he worked but he said it didn't look like him with the mustache and glasses. I found his graduation picture this morning - asked if it looked like him and he said yes.
Paula, that was going to go with me didn't. She scheduled other things this morning - wanted me to wait until noon but I said no. Later she texted me to ask how it went 'fine, on my way to find a nightstand'. She texted back 'nice', your a lucky girl'. I texted back 'Why am I lucky? My life is being torn apart?' I haven't heard back. My response probably caught her by surprise but her remark didn't night sit right with me. I normally am not one to speak out like that.
Charlotte. Where's that lifeline? Was it elizabeth who would throw that out to us. ----+------+------+------+------+-----+------+-----+--+---+-------+ Hang on. We're on the other end with you. So sorry Paula didn't come through. Glad you found a picture that looks like him. Where else, but here, would that make perfect sense?
I will be thinking of you all day tomorrow. Be very very careful driving home. I'm wondering how or if I'd be able to do that. Hopefully there are back roads. I had to hold on for dear life when I drove home from the hospital. We should meet at the cottage tomorrow afternoon.
He asked about the night stand on the backseat. I told it was for his room at assisted living that he is moving to tomorrow. He said 'OK". Who knows, maybe it will go easier with him than I anticipate. Driving home no back roads to take. Have rivers to cross with limited number of bridges, but I will be fine. I will force myself to wait until I get home.
Charlotte, I know how you feel - I went through that with my husband. To my surprise, it went smoothly - so your husband just might surprise you. He's probably more ready for this move than you think. Good luck - we know you can do this, you're stronger than you think..... look at everything you've already been through. I'll be thinking of you.
I'm doing pretty well overall. Spent all day yesterday poring over irs tax rules getting ready for appointment this morning with a tax adviser. All that prep was well worth it. He answered allof my questions, talked me through who to do the forms, and agreed that Inwas fully capable of doing them myself. Charged me far less than I expected and says I can call any time. I think I might take this afternoon off and maybe play golf tomorrow. I am holding onto that rope Charlotte!
Update: When I was packing his CPAP up he asked what was going on. Have spent the last 1 1/2 hours in melt down trying to find a way to do it without a lot of resistance. I am trying to get him to agree to 30 days respite for me, then we will go from there. He is half accepting. Going out to DQ for lunch then will head over.
I made it. He calmed down at DQ. I called Laura, the Health Services Director and left a message he was not doing too good with it. When we walked in and started meeting people they distracted him which helped. When I left about an hour later I had one of the CNA distract him so I could leave. His roommate has not moved in - not sure if that is a positive or a negative. While I finished putting stuff away, the head nurse took him for a tour and he came back with ice cream. He seemed surprised his name was on the door and all his clothes were there. I told them I convinced him this was a 30 days respite for me, 30 days would be up before he knows it. Watch this be something he remembers!!! The aide was talking to him when I left calling it 30 day respite for me too.
Cried when I got to the car but pulled it together to drive home.
His parting gift to the cat - left her out!! She came running when I got home then disappeared again.
I guess now I can be part of the 'life in residence'. Will have to read up on that thread. Laura said to call whenever I want to see how he is doing and I can come visit any time, take him out to lunch or home for a visit.
thanks for all the good wishes and luck in a successful placement.
Charlotte, every time you mention taking Art to lunch or home for a visit, my eyebrows go up. Why risk rocking the boat if things are going OK? Would you being doing it for him or for yourself?
That was a good idea to say respite for you. I forgot that was how they said to try day care. But when I took him there he just followed me in. Gourdchipper has a good point, but I am thinking you both might enjoy outings for lunch or DQ. Wait awhile before considering home visits. So funny, "Watch this be something he remembers!!!" I can totally relate.
Gourdchipper is right about taking him out. Wait until you are very, very sure the situation is under control and then do it in little steps. You can always bring some food into the facility and have a picnic with him. Residents love this. Fancy napkins. Favorite soda. Special attention.
I'm glad you got him settled, Charlotte. Now you can catch your breath (and keep the cat safely inside). I agree with Gourdchipper and Marche about bringing him out--especially about bringing him back home. Why would you want to do that? I think it would only get him confused, and not be a benefit to him. Let him get settled, and visit him there. I've known a couple people who placed their LO's, and when they brought them back to the house for a visit, the LO didn't even recognize that it was their house. (One brought her spouse home, and the other was an adult daughter caring for her mother.) You have done the best thing for the both of you--now don't drive yourself crazy with second-guessing. It's time to take care of You. Lord knows you've just about killed yourself taking care of him. This is your time now.
Charlotte, he is there because you are here. In other words he's safe (from getting lost, from getting into harm) and he's surrounded by people who will care for him. Art sounded like my Dianne did which is that AD generally made her more docile and content. In that place he'll have opportunities to participate at a level suited more to him. It may be that Art will not have nearly as hard a time with this as you will. Time will tell.
You've gone a very long time always with the stress of keeping it together and watching out for him. You were doing that when I first arrived on this site. Don't underestimate the shock and adjustment that comes with such a fundamental change as this. You've already seen that emotions long kept prisoner want to come out and maybe some of that is healthier for you in the long run.
I hear in your thoughts about going to take him out, your commitment and feelings to your relationship. He's lucky to have you and while it will be easier with a little time to go and do things with him, it may be wise to listen to the advice given by Gourdchipper where many of us were asked to stay away for a bit to let them settle down. We've also heard many stories that many settle down in the NH and that visits and taking them out have worked fine.
Right now and for some days, I would try and stay in the moment and let some of this catch up. Don't think too much about the future right now and let the past catch up a bit while both he and you settle down just a bit.
I agree with not bringing him home. After I placed my husband I didn't bring him home - I'm worried he'll recognize the house & think he's "home" & would not want to leave - he'd be very unhappy when I brought him back. I don't want to do that to him.
I make him smoothies about 3 times a week & he loves them. Also other homemade treats that he would not get at the facility. Like Marche said, you can always bring him his favourite food & he'll love that - makes your visit extra special for the two of you.
Reminds me of a couple of times when I went to pick hb up at daycare. He was always trying to escape and was very crafty. He watched how they used the keypads and would go try that. I was amazed he didn't stumble on the code by accident. When they were opening another area of the building and people were going back and forth he followed their movements and slipped by several of them. Fortunately someone was at the front door. Anyway, they would generally have him sit in the nurses office and wait for "Bonnie". A couple of times he was confused when I got there and didn't think he could leave. Dolores had to walk him out front with me and tell him it was ok to go. I think because they were usually telling him he was ehlping them.check if all the doors were secure!
Charlotte, this may be very good timing for Art. Because he is still able to enjoy some activities. Some places even do field trips with higher functioning people. I am tempted to volunteer to help.chaperone trips like that at the place I was going to place hb. Not sure I will ever be ready to volunteer though. Been in the trenches a long time.
We may be riding similar emotional roller coasters for awhile. Last night I noticed the moon was about half full. My heart started to tense up. Then I found I was giggling pretty sillily when I realized I don't have to fear the full moon now. I keep leaping from one extreme to another. One moment I am proud of what I accomplished for the day. The next moment I turn a corner and my heart leaps into my throat and I can't even breathe for a moment and then tears with no idea what started that. I'm going with the flow and also feel like part of me is outside of me and just watching what's happening, trying to learn from each step along the way. I think Wolf does that too. Maybe everyone does.
I also agree with what has been said about bringing him home he needs to get use to his new home. Bringing him home can just be confusing for him and you may have to continually relive what you are going through now. I realized that my ideas of what was best, wouldn’t it be nice if she could just come home for awhile then go back happily, was just that my idea of what would be best. In reality what Was needed was a calm and consistent Environment with little change in routine. Any change would create anxiety because she would have to try and make sense of what was happening. Just about every day when I visited we would go out for a walk sometimes a little drive maybe lunch but I never brought her home. AS Wolf has said slow and easy everything will fall into place you both will develop a new routine. Good Luck Charlotte you are doing great just stay the course.
Charlotte, I took my husband out quite frequently, often to a nearby farm stand/ice cream place (he was admitted in the Spring) and sometimes just for a ride on a country road. He really enjoyed getting out. If I the weather was bad or I didn't have enough time, I'd just take him somewhere else in the facility, either the rec room or the front porch. I had planned to take him home for a few hours about 2 months after he was after he was admitted but the say was beastly hot and humid, so I didn't. In retrospect, that was a good idea. When I visited him, I never mentioned the word "home" (although he talked about it sometimes, referring to the house he grew up in). When my visits ended, I let him think that I was going somewhere else in the facility - I'd say, I'm going to wash my hair now; I'll be back in a while, hoping he'd think that I lived there, too.
I phoned about 9 to see how it went yesterday. The nurse said he was fine, she saw him up for breakfast this morning and walking around. I will wait until tomorrow or maybe Friday before I go and take the dog with me. The dog was really funny and surprised me this morning. I laid in bed until 11. The dog was cuddled up next to me about at my waist. Every time the cat came up for some loving she growled and nipped at her. Of course, the cat thought Jas was trying to play which she wasn't.
I need to start weatherizing like so many others here are doing. I need to cut the foam and heat tape off the water hose and redo it. I need to check on one because I think it may be what caused the breaker on the 20 amp to trip a couple weeks ago. The other night I noticed the pedestal light flicker so I unplugged the heat tape and have not seen it since.
Thanks for all the advice and opinions. I really appreciate the support.
Charlotte, that.sounds heavenly to just relax in bed cuddling with the dog. Sounds like she knew you needed comfort and she was going to be the only one to give it! Told the cat you were her person first! Dogs are so smart. Our Doberman was so attached to hb, but she got confused when he took her out in the ravine to run around sometimes 10 times a day. Then sometimes he got angry with her for no reason and she would come hang out next to me. She seemed to understand that it wasnt his fault, or hers, and she'd just wait it out while we protected each other. I miss her terribly, but am not ready for pets. But, on the bright side, my friend has asked me to spend the afternoon with her puppies. Her husband has health problems and no longer feels.comfortable driving. But there are handymen working on their house today and he is afraid the dogs will get out. So I get an afternoon of puppy kisses and dinner with friends out of the deal!
Yesterday I was going to finalize the financial stuff, but everyone was busy. I was on hold while they were helping other customers. Can you imagine? So I hung up and went and played golf! So there. Didnt need a groovy tool holder for.that either haha.However I forgot it was the third Wed. A big group of men have a tournament. They were slower than expected. I didn't get home til 3:30. But did get one financial thing taken care of. Very annoying. I have to have new accounts in order to switch to my SSN with two of these companies. But golf was fun. I caught up to two gentlemen who were a lot of fun and very encouraging. I didn't score well, but they say my short game is good. My aim for putting is much improved and I am getting much much closer to the hole. So happy with progress overall. On the final par five I hit a.monster drive and two, count 'em, two monster three woods. Everytime I do that I hear Johnny Miller saying, "amateurs have no business carrying 3 woods in their bag. They can't get them in the air." Well.. tada!
bonnie, sounds like a good afternoon. The financials aren't going anywhere. Awe - the puppies. Who doesn't love puppy kisses! Just like grandchildren, you can spoil the and then go home!
Went to see Art today. He was doing good - still in the same closes I dropped him off in Tuesday including same socks and underwear. I made them aware of that. Tuesday and Friday are his shower days so he will at least change them then. He probably does not have any idea where they are anyway. I forgot to check to see if he had even brushed his teeth. I will check on Saturday. I took the dog in and she was excited to see him and all the other residents! Paula met me there so the visit was more fun. The three of us together, especially her and Art, have lots of fun. He did keep asking how long he would be there. I kept saying 30 days. Hopefully by 30 days he will feel that is home and not ask.
On a nice note, I just received a letter from SSA stating I will no longer have to fill out the Representative Payee report since I am a spouse. It was never a big deal but always nice to have one less ting to do.
Speaking of brushing teeth I find that upsetting. Don’t know what others experiences are but LIsa’s teeth have really deteriorated. Had hygienist seeing her every 3 months but not much she could do. Hard to get near her to brush so I think they just give up. She would bite on the tooth brush at times on the fork or spoon not knowing what to do as a result the teeth are all chipped. About the only way to do anything would be to sedate her which is not going to happen. Hygienist has said they look awful but nothing seems to be hurting her or no real deterioration of teeth other than enamel thin and teeth chipping. Sigh, just another part of this disease that is awful.
I was not going to visit today but his refill came today to I took it in and traded it for the one that is almost empty. They told me how pleasant he was, friendly and flirting with the women. He had his shower and clean clothes.
He was walking alone in the hallway, was happy to see me. We walked around outside, watched the guys trim the tree on the other side of the fence. We threw the branches that were in the fenced in area over to them for something to do. We sat down and he cried over being there, not understanding why and wanted to come home. So typical of what others share.
I noticed his bed was like it was yesterday - bottom sheet, pad, bedspread folding laying on the bed and the blanket was on the nightstand. It was like they never made his bed. Also, his CPAP had been taken apart and put in the night stand drawer which really upset me. They should not be doing that. Tried to find who did it but no one there knew - said they would find out. Suggested putting a sign saying not to take it apart. Also asked about the bed and they didn't know. Said maybe he didn't sleep in it - slept in someone elses or in a chair. I said but his bed still should have been made not exactly how it was yesterday. Said they would check into it.
I should go tomorrow to see if his bed was made and make sure they didn't mess with his CPAP but I can't deal with another encounter of tears and wanting to go home saying he doesn't like it there. So will wait until next week. Tuesday he has a dental appointment so will probably wait until then.
didn't look like he had used his new toothbrush - the toothpaste didn't look like it had been squeezed. They said they gave him a small deodorant since there wasn't any. I told her he has not used it in years - didn't need to.
My experience in placing my husband in dementia facility was that I traded one set of problems for another. The transition is hard; both of your lives are suddenly upended and your expectations are that they will improve for both of you. That is and is not true.
First of all, watch and learn what the system is for doing things. Typically, who makes up the bed? When is it made. Are the covers folded and then put over the resident after he is in bed? Go in to visit during all shifts and see how things are done like eating, bathing, housekeeping, activities.
CNAs have their hands full trying to get all of the work done on a shift and often, if there is a problem to deal with, it puts them far behind. CNAs don't usually stand there and make sure the resident brushes his teeth; they don't have 5 minutes times 20 residents for that. I made teeth brushing one of our activities when I visited. I also often remade his bed. Too often the aides would just pull the covers up in the morning over a wet pad. It was infuriating, but it was a continuing problem. I brought it to the attention of administration. Things would get better for a few weeks and then the same old thing would start happening again.
You have to take a deep breath and accept this new reality and then try to problem-solve the problems while not antagonizing the staff. It is hard work and there is no feel good feedback for what you are doing. No one cares but you that you are doing what needs to be done and are, in fact, sometimes doing what the facility agreed they would do. It is a shell game. The good thing is that you aren't caregiving 24/7 and totally burned out. The good thing is that now there is a team of people (oh, yes, some are more competent than others) caring for your husband and you are the leader.
But, and a very big but here, you have to develop a rapport with the staff so you are all on the same side. Compliment them. Get to know their names and stories. Bring a bag of candy sometime other than Halloween and Christmas. Instead of criticizing for some job not done, ask nicely if one of the aides could give you a hand when she has a moment to help with a clothes change or bed change. Two people working together can make quick work of some of the aide's jobs. They will appreciate your help and attitude.
As I watched the hard work these aides do day in and day out with little training and minimum wage, I found that I wanted us all to be on the same team because that insured that my husband was being cared for when I was not around.
I echo everything Marsha said. It's a difficult thing to go through in so many ways and yet he is 'friendly and flirting with the women, has had his shower and is wearing clean clothes'. Of course he reacts when he sees you but he is also safer and as Marsha said, you and the staff (who have a lot of experience doing this) are on the same team. The truth is it's a common reaction for spouses who have placed to make a serious issue out of anything they find wrong. This is a heart wrenching experience for both and things we find wrong can seem serious. It might be a different approach asking Art how he slept and if he has no issues with how he slept, the bed may say more about how hard this is than that there is a serious issue with the bed.
In my opinion, Art is likely to be fine there in the hands of a staff that takes care of people for a living - which is not to say that specific things will come up because they do as Marsha addressed and I echo as my experience too. I did go in at odd times to have a look and it took me months to settle down somewhat. The truth is placing our spouse is easily harder often on us because our whole world has gone spinning around too and we have to work our way through that alone.
I used to worry sometimes reading your posts about what trouble he could get into at a moments notice. Like going for a walk and truly getting lost where it takes the police hours to find him. Like doing something wrong with the stove or electrics and starting a fire. That didn't happen but it does like the time Dianne turned the burner on and tried to cook with plastic which set on fire filling the house with thick smoke while she panicked - and all without any advance notice that such a thing might happen. Art is safe from things like that and if anything ever did happen, the staff is around him and is experienced in getting medical help quickly.
You're on the same team and it's going to take weeks and months to settle down. While he's in clean clothes, showered, fed, and flirting with the women, my concerns are about your well being and the deep life shock this transition simply has to be for you.
The twists and turns of this disease always amaze me. Lately Lisa has been in a very good mood, mainly calm laughing, joking seeming to understand some things. She hasen’t watched TV in a couple of years but all of a sudden she is watching TV focusing on it Even commenting? Nice dress!Well you know what I mean she doesn’t really communicate but things are coming out that you can understand. She is making the staff laugh. Almost like she is regaining some of what she has lost? How does that work? it is fantastic to see her like this.
Rona, that is an amazing transformation for Lisa. I'm sure we all hope this phase continues. Fantastic.
As always, sending virtual hugs your way, Charlotte. I add my vote to making the staff members of your team in caring for Art. And remembering that this is a huge adjustment for both of you. I was very near making the decision to place hb. But I knew if I did and he seemed like he was enjoying the place I would have had a difficult time processing that. Even as I surely would have wanted him to be comfortable there, I would have been feeling something like, how dare he have such a wonderful time after ruining my life. I mean seriously this disease messes with the brains of two people in very different ways.
I haven't been able to read these posts for a couple of days now, because our area was hit with a tornado on Friday. I was out of power for 36 hours. I was lucky - only power outage. One of the spots the tornado hit was 1 -2 kms from where I live - too close for comfort!! So many without homes - just devastating.....
bqd has not posted in a while. She lives about 1 hours from me & I'm wondering is she was affected by the storm. If you're reading this bqd, let us know how you're doing.
I debated whether to post her under those in residence. I choose here.
I have gone 5 out of 7 days although yesterday he was not there. I just took his clothes that I washed back while he was away at day care - they were happy to see him back. I waited until Sunday evening to go. He was walking down the hallway alone when I called out his name. I had to call again before he turned as the dog went running to him, then made her way to greet all the others in the TV room. He looked so tired - like he had not slept in days. I took a root beer and 2 melatonin with me. He loved the root beer and took the pills. About an hour later we went to his room, where the bed was now made, got him in his PJ's, into bed, made sure he had his CPAP on. They said he was still sleeping in the morning when they went to wake him up. He didn't want to get up until they told him it was day care day which they said seemed to make him happy.
Today he had a dental appointment and needs about $1000 in dental work - a filling, a steel cap and what is left in the gum of a tooth that lost the crown and just has some in the gum. Found out Medicaid pays for dental if the dentist takes it which they must since they told me to check into it. What a relief! I just got off the phone with the DSHS financial officer wanting to know why they want me to pay $700 a month which is a lot more than she indicated. She told me she has filed an exception and waiting to hear if the state will reduce that amount.
He is having trouble with liquid stools/diarrhea. I just sent a message to his doctor about a RX for anti-diarrhea med. Probably the change in diet. He thinks he only has to fart but it is diarrhea. After he changed his poopy underwear I checked his butt crack, which they told me was fine and it was not. It was raw and the rash in his groin area had come back. After I went and got the desitin, I told the nurse and she is going to tell them to check daily, so we will see.
When we got back to the facility there was a woman trying to escape through the doors and the CNA's could not redirect her. Art said hi to her. put his arm around her's and took off walking down the hallway joking with her! I had thoughts of pulling him out because of what it is going to cost, but after that and the underwear mess, this is where he needs to be. Except when I am there he seems happy. He was disappointed I did not bring the dog.
I called Guardian Angels - he is now #2. I am going tomorrow to check out the memory care cottage, to see the difference between the two. Besides making sure he gets some care, I am tired of the drive. 15 miles one way is not bad - all freeway, and I have done it almost every day, even if twice a week it still would be too much. I just don't like long drives.
My cat has decided 4 am not 6 am is play time. Since I put 2 sided tape on the window screen, on the slide where she was starting to claw and the foil bubble wrap she wanted to play with, she decided to play with whatever is in the cubby hole on Art's side of the bed. Of course not quietly or it wouldn't be fun to play with! Hooked her up at 6 and put her outside while I went back to sleep. This cat can be outside for 2 hours and not get tangled up, but once I am up she gets tangled on something about ever 1/2 hour or sooner!
Charlotte I've been thinking about you all weekend. So many things to figure out. I am hoping you are having some pleasant moments to relax by yourself. Hugs, my dear, and here's hoping the cat gets back to.a better sleep schedule.
I made the cat happy last night and me this morning. At midnight when taking the dog out I let her go. Usually I leash her up and sits on the porch waiting for us. She took off but stopped to look at me as if to say 'you are not going to come after me?" Told her to have fun. She did run across the yard when I took the dog out at 2 and 4 (yes, she has to go out every time I get up!). Like I thought if she got loose more she would not run as far, at least not at night. She was at the door at 8 yelling for me to come let her in!
Yes Elizabeth ... The boards certainly are quiet. So I'm thinking I have something to contribute.
........ A TIME TO GRIEVE
My sister sent me this when I was going through the worst time of my life. I'm thinking I should share it with my friends here. I personally thought it very meaningful..... It helped me a lot.
Norbert Tackman explained that his wife had died after 49 wonderful years and when a good friend's husband passed away, leaving her consumed by grief, he felt the need to help her so he wrote her this letter. ______________________________________________________________
What could have been is gone. What was, is still in your memories. You will always think there must have been more you could have done. More times you could have said "I love you." Times you think "Why didn't I hold him more? Why didn't I do this or that?" You did all those things. You just need to remember them.
Remember the times you held hands as you walked. When you held one another and kissed. When you shared a sunset or a walk through a garden. Remember that great vacation you had together. Remember when you made love and shared that special time. Remember how your love never dimmed but got stronger over the years.
Remember when you first met and fell in love. Then go through your life remembering the special moments, one after another. When you had children. When you laughed or cried. That trip to get away. Visiting friends. A party. Going to church. When you redecorated the house. Little things that only you and he shared.
Push out of your mind the memories that make you sad and replace them immediately with good memories. Something that makes you smile.
In the weeks after his passing, the relatives go on with their lives. Your friends don't call as often and you're left alone. This is the time to be more involved in your favorite organizations, your church, your friends, in other words, keep busy. Be with other people. Push yourself to do things, no matter how small. Don't feel sorry for yourself......You have so much to offer to others and your fellowship will give back twice as much to you.
There's nothing wrong with crying. It's part of the loss. It's part of the grief. Accept the aching need to have him back and tell him you love him. And always remember to say , "What a good life we had."
He knew you loved him and cared about him. just as you knew he loved you and cared about you.
Remember, he is watching over you. He doesn't want you to suffer. He wants you to be happy for all the time you had together. God Bless You.
Thanks for sharing that beautiful letter. It brought tears to my eyes, and made me think of all the good years I shared with my husband. Sometimes I forget those happy times. I hope you are well and enjoying your days.
My son and 10 year old grandson came to visit today. We went to see Art. He didn't know who our son was but we had a good visit until we went for a walk outside. Grandson and Art were goofing off. Art challenged him to a foot race so off they went. Unfortunately this 71 year old man who sees himself young stumbled and slid across the asphalt parking lot on his side. He was skinned by his eye and has road rash on the side of his face, gravel cut into his hand which required 3 stitches, and had booboo's on his arm and knee. Of course they required he go to the ER to rule out concussion, brain bleed or broken hip which were all negative. Glad I am not there tonight as he keeps wanting to know why he hurts. By the time we left, about 4 hours after it happened his eye was turning black and blue.
I had to bring his cloths home to wash again because he had gone through all his clean jeans. He only has 4 pair, none of them were dirty or had accidents, so didn't need to be changed. Both pairs of his PJs were in there too. Neighbor suggested printing out a sign saying he doesn't have to change every day unless he has an accident - only his socks and underwear and tape to his closet door. So I will and put up when I take his clothes back tomorrow.
George--That is a nice letter--good to think about.
Charlotte--What a shame Art got hurt. It sounds like it was just one of those things. The child wouldn't have realized that he shouldn't be running with him like that. The aides are probably supposed to put 100 percent clean clothes on the patient every day. I would talk to the supervisor about this, besides putting up the sign--make sure it is OK not to change everything daily. There may be state regulations or something like that. (I don't really know--hope you don't have to go out and buy a bunch of additional clothes for him.)