the decision as to whether memory care or assisted living would have to be their choice. I need to find a place first.
Naughty me for second guessing myself. After see how far along the ones there appeared I was thinking how out of place he would be. Then he gets in the shower this morning and couldn't remember how to turn the water on, where the soap was, etc. I watched him and had to tell him to turn it off and soap up. And who knows how he will be when a place comes available.
Another hot day - up to 106 but said it feels like 113. Just running one a/c will keep it around 84-86 when it gets this hot. But I sit with my little fan blowing on me.Tomorrow is suppose to be the 91 with Sunday 88 before heading back towards 100. A positive of all the smoke in the air is it does not get as hot. I posted a map on FB with all the fires on the west coast. We never hear about them, but there are more than one would think up in BC. It is their smoke and fires in northern Washington that visits us!
found a movie hb enjoyed - Naked Gun 2 1/2. You don't have a plot to really follow just plain stupid funny.
I'm sure the criteria for assisted living must be different at different places. When I placed Mom they did all the medications. She was not allowed to have any of her own. They took care of all her laundry, baths etc.
She had her own room, L shaped with the living room just large enough for a sofa, a few occasional chairs, TV and her china hutch full of her special things. the top part of the L was her bedroom, it had her bed and vanity and a bathroom with a commode and sink.. no shower or tub...
She never figured out where she was. She'd call sometimes and ask me for a ride as she thought she was at a truck stop, thank God for caller ID... She would have had no idea about fire alarms or anything. She stayed there until she lost her ability to walk....
Then moved to what they called "the medical section" . It was basically like a hospital room...made me sad...
Charlotte, Im beginning to think we will always second guess ourselves...
I called today to join a local ALZ support group... it meets once a month... the 28th is the meeting day... we will see how it goes...
Charlotte - both my husband & I really enjoyed the movie Naked Gun 2½ - just hilarious. Also, Naked Gun 33 1/3 - gotta love Leslie Neilson. I wish I would have remembered about those movies when my husband was still at home. It would have been great to see them again & laugh.... laughing was something we rarely did the past 5 years. I'm pretty sure those movies would have made us laugh.
I had been dreading Thursday, because DH had an appointment with a new doctor about a potentially serious new medical problem. Well, the good news is that we didn't have to go to that appointment. The bad news is that when we got into the car to go, the car had absolutely no brakes. The pedal went right to the floor. The miracle is that we found out about the problem here at home, rather than at a busy intersection or a parking lot far from home. Even so...
I didn't want to alarm the neighbors by screaming in frustration, but I did have to get out of the car and pace back and forth for a while before I could even explain to DH why we were not going to the doctor. Then I had to arrange to have the car towed somewhere (obviously not the place where they supposedly fixed the brakes a month ago!) to get it fixed. And there is yet that doctor's appointment to get through. So here we are on Saturday, with no transportation, and prescriptions are waiting at the drug store, and we are out of a number of things in the kitchen (It's amazing the things you can't cook without eggs!) and I'm just hoping nothing happens that requires a quick trip anywhere before we are mobile again. I really miss the days when we had two vehicles and two drivers, and everything wasn't my responsibility.
Getting good at paperwork for government. Filled out the admission application for the VA home in Walla Walla. The memory care cottages are not open yet - said they are having a hard time finding qualified CNAs. Had to send copy of the DPOA, birth & marriage certificate, DD214, various other copies, bank statements, etc. I just had the marriage license left to copy when I ran out of ink! Had to run to the store just for ink to print one page. After hb got home from day care went to the post office to mail it. So now to wait. They have a waiting list but I felt a glimmer of hope when she found out he had already been OK'd for Medicaid Long Term Care. At the VA there should be more men where the other two places I toured they were mostly women. It is 65 miles away. If he were to get in I could either drive a couple times a week or move there.
At least there are options and I am getting proactive.
My mother had a doll. It is common for women. I have not seen a man carrying one around but if they were a father involved with their kids, I could see it.
When I visit my husband, I've often seen women carrying a doll & talking to it. I haven't seen the men with a doll. I'm wondering what my husband would do if I gave him a doll? He would not be able to associate it with a baby. Giving him a doll or a magazine, would probably be the same for him.
Mom had a koala bear, she held it and stroked it, then tossed it aside...... Dad had a stuffed cat the last 2 months, that never left him..... they had him in one of those chairs (don't recall what they called it) that recline just a bit and had a tray...he kept the cat on the tray and named it kitty... when he would go outside he talked to it telling it to leave the birds alone etc while he petted it.....everyone else was irrelevant but Kitty was very important.
When I had my Dear Helen in a LTC home. I noticed several other ladies there that seemed to be attached to little toy dolls, so I brought one for my Dear Helen .....She tried to eat it. I left it with her even though she had nothing to do with it and it disappeared from her room. About a week later, I noticed another lady had it and was very much attached to it and I was happy to see that the little doll had found a nice home.
I remember for a while there they were not giving dolls or stuffed animals to nursing home residents, feeling that it took away from their dignity and infantilized them. I know for myself, if I were demented and in a facility, I would love to have a doll or stuffed animal. I hope if I end up that way that they will let me have one. (Probably should put that in my advance directives!)
One of the things we tried was a muff. Ladies at th hospital made them and sold them in their store. It was a muff with all kinds of tactile things sewn inside and on the outside of it. Didn’t work well for us but a good try. A new lady arrived a couple of weeks ago and I notice she wears this apron a lot it is covered with different things, beads etc all kinds of things handing off it she seems to enjoy it.
SS has changed their rules so spouses no longer have to file yearly Representative payee forms. But "Exempted payees must continue to adhere to reporting responsibilities such as keeping detailed and accurate records of how they use benefits in order to provide an accurate report to SSA when requested".
From what I read, they will send out notices that we don't. If you try to file online, being a spouse it will not let you.
Exempted:• The spouse of an individual entitled to title II benefits and/or eligible for title XVI payments.
Note: The spouse of the beneficiary does not need to primarily reside in the same household to qualify for the accounting exemption. For example, the beneficiary may reside in a nursing facility and the spouse serving as the payee may reside at a different address.
Hello, hello, hello! I may not post, but I read it every day. I'm always interested to see what's new with everybody (like Art's glasses) , even though I may not make a comment.
Same here. I'm interested in what people are saying & I read it everyday, but don't always post. I don't always feel I have something of value to write about.
Ditto here as well, Charlotte. When I read your posts I sometimes think, "Come on, Life, give this girl a break." And then when something works out I think, " I hope this gives Charlotte hope."
We are all amazed at your ability to figure out mechanical things and fix them, and your diligence in filling out endless forms, which is even more meaningful for those of us who have tackled stacks of forms. I hope you can feel our energy reaching out to you.
OK, will give you something cute. My husband is still letting the cat go/out. Thursday night when I was at the meeting the caregiver said he let her out twice which he managed to catch her. Back to Tuesday I think it was, she got out on me when taking the dog out. The dog goes out into the yard, the cat goes running by her across the road to the field. The dog 'woof woofs' at her like chewy her out. cute! Yesterday afternoon the cat was out on leash - will spend most of the day out except to come in to eat and drink water. About 8 I see my hb pacing around outside. Went and asked what was wrong. He said he couldn't find the dog (he calls the cat a dog). I said she is at the end of the leash and he points at it in a neat pile by the MH. I knew right away he let her go of which he has no memory.
Last night at 2 am when I took the cat out, I called her a couple times to see if she would come - nope. Then Jasmine did a couple of soft 'woof woof' and here she comes running up to her, they touch nose to nose then Sage takes off again. It was so cute, like Jas had called out, she checked in, then went off to play again. She didn't show up until after 9 this morning smelling of pitch so she had been in one of the pine trees behind us. Even though Jas acts like she doesn't like her, evidently she does care.
Hey Charlotte, sorry I haven't checked in. Too much business to take care of. Things are settling down. I'm so worried about Rodstar. We may never know. This is priceless about the dog and cat checking in. I love it. When we inherited my father in law's small dog, it felt like walking a cat. A neighbor had a black and white cat and when we would walk by my little dog would lay next to the fence and they would caress each other through the chain link. Seriously, petting each others face and touching paw to paw.
I had a gecko on my front doormat last night. Been here 21 years. First one.
Rodstar finally answered my email. He downsized from a 2 room to 1 room now that it is just him. He also has had family visiting; enjoying the less stress and now to visit his wife anytime without the responsibilities of caregiving.
First time I saw one was in Albuquerque on the wall inside a store in old town. Then the fall we worked in Florida they were always on the windows - sometimes looking in other time inside watching.
Oh good. I am so glad to hear about Rodstar. My Grandma had cameleons (sp?) In FL. They were much smaller than this gecko. I have a fav picture of two lizards on our screen. Not sure why it always makes me smile.
What a day. There is so much smoke outside it smells like you are right next to the fire. There is a light breeze so you can see the smoke moving across. It actually looks like fog because it is settled near the ground. They are saying it will be at least Tuesday before it may clear a little but until fall comes and the winds change - as long as there are fires up north, then we will have the smoke.
Trying to keep him in has been a challenge. He is so restless. I guess I could have taken him for a drive, but just taking the dog out the smoke gets to me. He did go out a couple times - once to take the dog out and don't know why the other time. Came in and coughed for a while.
They were talking about smoke in the air on the LA Dodgers game I watched for a while last night. We have an unusual number of fires going up here too.
In some ways forest fires like volcanoes do a lot of good because the burnt areas provide a rich opportunity for new growth and most lava provides rich soil after some time. The problem is property and people. We can't let square miles of forest burn and so we fight them which makes the forests denser and more full of dry wood and so more ripe for fire. Global warming doesn't start those fires but it makes many areas much dryer and with denser, dryer forests it takes less to get one started and it takes more to try to combat it. Everybody probably knew that already.
Here is a laugh for the day that only we are allowed to laugh about!
I couldn't figure out what my husband was doing in the bathroom when he was suppose to be eating before the bus comes. (This is the second time he has done this - first time it took me a while to figure out why the roll of tp was weird.) He was putting a new roll of TP on but instead of just putting the holder through the roll he first stuffed the cardboard from the empty roll inside of the new roll, then was trying to put it on the holder. When he does this it shoves the cardboard center of the roll out some taking the TP with it but he also smashes the empty roll to get it to fit. This also according's the roll of TP making it too wide to fit in the holder. Thankfully I caught him before this happened so I was able to straighten it enough to fit.
added 8pm He keeps bring the cat in because she sits on the porch. He wanted to go for a walk. I told him if the cat can't be outside then he can't go out either. My blood is boiling and he is pouting. Aren't I a meanie.
Spam again. Good morning, everybody--just checking in to say hello. We almost need a new discussion for "What Our Pets Are Doing" or something like that. We've had some cooler, very pleasant weather--and I can't keep Bandit inside. Rollin', rollin', rollin'. Every time I try to get involved with something, he decides I need something more interesting to do--like taking another walk or playing with all the dog toys.
he made 7 days before breaking the end of the bow off. I have been trying to keep an eye on him but his morning I was reading - looked over and it was broke. Can't take much more of him. The problem with facilities is no male Medicaid beds - seems the female beds come available more often.
Will add the day: he has let the cat go twice already today. First he let her off the leash but was able to get her to come in cause it was treat time. Got home from the store, I had brought groceries in then went back out closing the door. He came out and the cat who was sleeping when I came out, went running out. He never even saw her, said he didn't do it -again. She is still out running around 2 hours later.
Went to Taco Bell for lunch. There was a table with kids who were noisy and he was getting upset. Was able to keep his mouth shut. They left when another family with kids came in. While the parents were ordering the kids took off screaming through the restaurant and this time he yelled at them to be quiet and stop running before I could stop him.
sitting her wondering which is worse: not remembering the life you had or remembering the life you had not knowing if you will ever have it back - different but still a life?
He slept until almost noon. has not stopped pacing for the hour since. Is it a full moon? Yep - wonder if that is why we both are worse - him pacing me depressed.
Went to tour a small Memory care set up like foster homes - actually is in a remodeled house. It reminded me of the foster home my mom was in where they bring them all out to sit in front of the TV - all sitting there like zombies! That is not what I want for my husband at this point. He is still mobile. The place smelled like they use a lot of air freshener - gave me a headache. As I was leaving she asked me what else was wrong with my husband besides Alzheimer'. I said nothing - healthy as a horse except his brain. She then asked: no diabetes, parkinsons, etc? Said no. conclusion: he is too healthy for them.
That is fine with me. He needs a larger place where the residents are still mobile, can interact with each other and/or the staff, where there are activities and some type of life. Only three I looked at have that but having to wait for a Medicaid bed can be a while. Just if I can hold out until that places comes available.
I have been thinking of the options the Medicaid social worker gave me. I have 30 days (less now) to place him. If not I have two choices: send him to day care the 5th day and have a home health aid come in a few hours on the weekends. The other option is to reapply for the Medicaid long term care. Not sure what will be worse - having to get up earlier for that 5th day (I dropped it cause the bus came at 8 instead of 9) and having someone come in on the weekends? What would he/she do in a motorhome?
I keep thinking of moving into an apartment which would cost about twice what I am paying now and selling the motorhome giving up my dream of RV travel. Guess I could travel in a car and tent camp! But, if I do it before placement, I don't know if Medicaid would want a say in how the little bit I can get for it is spent.
Aww Charlotte, I've been to places like that with the zombiized patients lined up in wheelchairs....sad... I wouldn't want that either....
Too healthy for them??? I don't mean to sound cruel but do they only take those that are content to just sit until they are moved?...
What does that mean , the 5th day?
I think the same way about having someone come in here... what would they do? Aside from watching tv... I think nothing and I'm not sure I want some stranger in my space.......and I know I wouldn't trust them to take him anyplace.....
If your dream is RV travel I really hope you can keep it... some days it feels like we've lost so much we need to hold on tight to any dreams we still have... good luck with whatever you do.
5th day - he is approved for the VA to pay for three days and COPES to pay for 2 days but I only use one of those days now because I don't like getting up an hour earlier.
I am funny - I don't like anyone else doing my laundry - probably most is old and worn - not white and like new. I wear things until I can't wear them any longer. I mend my pants/shorts if they are wearing out - usually in the inner thigh until I can't anymore. It is hard to find clothes that fit me right the way I am built plus I hate spending money on clothes anyway. My house may not be the cleanest and I hate cleaning but not comfortable with someone else doing it probably cause it is cluttered.
That was my thought too = they only want ones that are not active.
Hi Charlotte, If you go with the 5th day, do you have to have a person come in on the weekend. Getting up early may be worth having the extra time to yourself. After following your posts, I don't think either of you would be happy in an apartment. I hope something works out for you soon.
yes, I would need too let someone come in a few hours a month on the weekends. I need to clarify what a few hours is. Plus, it would need to be someone willing to go walking with him. The woman that comes once a month on Thursday is nice but she can't walk a lot. In fact I get nervous watching her go up and down the stairs since there is no rail outside.
I wonder if the 4 hours on that Thursday can be included? hmm will have to ask.
When I was considering in home care they said the person would interact with him like doing chair exercises, playing games like tossing a balloon back and forth. I couldn't visualize that til I saw them doing that at day care. Problem I had was figuring out what I would do.
Chair exercises? tossing a ball in the motorhome? lol
Monday I noticed water leaking from my car. Tuesday I took it to Toyota to make sure it was nothing more than the a/c condenser dripping. No such luck - cracked radiator. Cost twice what the plugs and coils cost. about 1/3 is the radiator and hoses, rest is labor. I know it is 17 years old, so it should not surprise me but it only has 150,000 miles on it. I do hope this is the last for a long while.
Was good girl this morning! I went swimming - first time this summer and soaked in the hot tub. Felt pretty good.
Oh Charlotte so glad you went swimming and that it felt good. Not so happy about the car. Actually it might work in a motor home. Chair exercises would. I saw them tossing a balloon. A very nice man with severe alzheimers had a beautiful smile on his face doing it. It brought a tear to my eye watching it. Like Sedgely said with the grass. They have other busy things they can try too. I never git to that point.
This is the calm before the storm. Hb's oldest son, wife, two kids (6th & 3rd graders). Will be here soon. Youngest son a little while later with his wife and 21 month old. My two brothers, niece and sister in law come tonight around dinner time. One brother and niece will stay with me. I am comfortable with them. Hb's sons have been very nice and quite chatty with emails and text messages. Youngest says it will be nice to see other family, but his primary ourpose is to reconnect with me! I thought I was invisible and irrelevant in their lives. This should be interesting.