My husband may still be grieving his not being able to drive, but he is very different lately. Lack of caring in appearance to a mild degree, flat personality, leaves things half done even if that means in the middle of the floor or sidewalk, unable to sort junk from needed things. He is still very capable intellectually, but his common sense has taken a nosedive.
I was letting him do things as I thought it helped his self esteem, then subtly redoing them as suggested in note in support group. Now it is overwhelming me as I have MCS and exposures exhaust me. It is easier to do more and more myself. Is this wrong? He is still at early stage as far as I can tell. Please, I need your input. Sandy
You are right --He has been treated for depression for years, faithfully takes his depression medicine. He is on aricept, namenda, and seroquel as well. He also is affected by winter darkness and gets most depressed at holidays. None of this is happening in August.
Multiple Chemical Sensitivity. I was in a major teaching hospital in ICU for a week where I was diagnosed. It is serious and I have to live in isolation as chemically free as possible. I have allergies, but medicine takes care of them. There is no medicine or cure for MCS. Only isolation helps. Chemical exposure makes me very ill - fragrances, soaps and detergents, petroleum products, cleaning products, smoke, formaldehyde, and on and on.
So I cannot have help come here or attend any sort of meetings. When my dh is in residential care, I cannot visit him. My older son will take over then but I hope to postpone it as long as possible. I love him very much.
These symptoms you describe are frontal lobe symptoms. I would guess that his disease is progressing to that part of his brain. I know I've posted this before but it is a good article that describes frontal lobe impacts. http://geriatrics.modernmedicine.com/geriatrics/data/articlestandard/geriatrics/332006/366189/article.pdf
Regardless of diagnosis, I am becoming more and more convinced there is a lot of cross over and mixed dementias. AD can impact the frontal lobe and FTD will eventually impact the memory areas more common in AD.
My DH has lesions in the subcortial white matter of the frontal lobes only and is also very functional but has many the issues that you describe.
Catherine, that is very interesting as my mil always insisted my fil had frontal lobe dementia, not AD. But much later my sil who just died was diagnosed by Duke U. Hospital as having AD as did all 6 of my fil's siblings. Could you tell me more about what it is that resembles frontal lobe dimentia. My fil also had Parkinson's that had dementia, so maybe the picture was clouded. He was diagnosed and treated at Univ. of Va. Hospital.
Thanks you. I shall use the link you have provided. I am anxious to learn all I can.
I am no expert but what I was trying to say is that his symptoms indicate damage in the frontal lobe. I wouldn't even begin to guess if that is from FTD, AD or maybe even VaD. My husband has frontal lobe symptoms but it is because he has vascular damage (ultimately he will probably be diagnosed with VaD) in the frontal lobe of his brain.
The frontal lobe controls your personality. Flat emotions are definitely a frontal lobe sign as is not caring about your appearance or other people. Judgement, planning and completing tasks is usually an executive function which is also controlled by the frontal lobe of your brain. Like your husband, mine's IQ is intact but his common sense and ability to use the clues we pick up to make decisions is impaired. This is all exectutive function frontal lobe tasks. He thinks more simply and is starting to miss the meaning of things in normally paced conversation (again missing the clues).
I too just find it easier to do things myself. It is too hard to go chasing around after him and/or trying to fix it all afterwards.
Catherine you are so right. Intact IQ with no judgement is so hard to deal with. Outsiders don't see anything wrong and think we are the ones with the problem. This is what made placement so difficult. My husband could figure out how to escape the facility just by watching visitors come and go. Once he was out he had no idea what to do. Very sad. He has FTD
Hi, all. Several years back, I began noticing that DH was having hard time with projects. He could always take apart a small carburetor and clean it and put it back together with no problem. 4 or 5 years ago, he started asking me to watch him take it apart so I would know how it went back together. I would try to draw pictures or tag items but is was a real struggle for me. I do not do these kinds of things well; I never have. It always turned into a fight and a yell at me match because "I wasn't paying enough attention." Lately, may be a year or 2 back, he stopped doing these kinds of projects. Thank goodness.
He is still so smart about most things, but he just can't keep some projects together. He does carpenter work and does not have problems understanding measurements. (he is having more and more problems with finances and money but measurements are fine.) He has, however, made mistakes in marking the wrong number on the tape measure. He will measure out 23 1/2 and know that it should be 23 1/2 inches but he will mark 21 1/2 inches on the board. This was another sign. I would watch closely and literally have to start a fight to double check for him in the beginning. Finally, he started letting me check his measurements and marks.
I was looking for a good place to post a couple of items and this looked like a good one. I also happened to be the last to post here some time ago.
We had two coffee-pot incidents this week. Nothing major thank goodness. In the past, he would forget to put coffee in our electric drip pot and make hot water. This week, he has twice put the water and filter and coffee in but not closed the coffee basket and not plugged it in (thank goodness for not plugging it in). The first time, I did it and we got coffee. The second time, I ignored the fact that I saw it and let him ask for coffee. Then I "found" it and told him what I found and plugged it in. then today when I went home at lunch, he was looking down and sitting in a dark livingroom. I asked if he was feeling sick. He said no that someone stole his two packs of Allen wrenches. I said that I would go to the garage and look for them. He insisted that that was not necessary as he had looked really hard. I insisted that I might be able to find them. So I went out and both were in their usual places. When I came in with them, he said "boy, am I a prize or what." I answered that is why we have each other to help out. That is where we left it.
Some times he realizes that things are not quite right but mostly he blames me for all problems. It really helps my mood when he acknowledges it once in a while.
Mary, My hubby is having the same problem finding things. He also fears being a burden. He looked for the hedge clippers and could not find them. He has always been very organized and everything is always in the same spot so when I went to look they were right where he always put them. He could not understand why he had missed them. It is frustrating to watch him struggle. I think he is doing much better but he feels he has lost his identity.
My Lo has not been able to drive for over a month. We are together - for now - 24/7. He is in the early stages and very high functioning. However, as I am with him so much now, I see that he is much worse than I realized. Can't remember, gets mad at me if I try to remind him. So far, I have been able to be patient as he really looks like he is suffering - tears at times. It must be awful. I put off my activities for a while to spend time with him to get our new schedule established. I know it isn't healthy for me to be without outside activities so I will be going back when I think he is comfortable - as he can be.
Ladies, I've been in those stages and they will pass. I found that my husband dealt better with my "finding" things if I didn't take him with me when I "found" them - I just took the items to him and gave them to him and watched HIM put them up (so I would know where to go get them next time!) <grin>
We have a coffee pot that has a timer, so I get the coffee ready and set the timer before he can do so. (This is after two messes - yes, it took me two times to learn!) I also purchased a spare Mr. Coffee while it was on sale, so that should he accidentally cause the coffee pot to die, I'm prepared (I can't wake up without my coffee!)
Also, remember that the reason button is broken. When you try to remind them of anything (even though you desperately want them to remember, they can't) it confuses them and causes them anxiety, which they, in turn, take out on you. Acceptance of what they CAN remember and still functionally do is extremely hard.
The magic statements are: "Go with the flow" (to keep YOUR anxiety, worry and anger in check) and "tomorrow is another day - hopefully better than today was" and "I CAN DO THIS" and most importantly "I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS BATTLE"
Dagma3, you have a long road ahead and we will be here for you during this. If something comes up, go to the "search" section at the top and type in the word that closely resembles what you need help with, and it should give you a discussion group where we have discussed what we have each done in that situation. Remember they will go through many stages, and we want to help ourselves and our spouses through them with the least tension, anxiety and stress.
Mary!!- One day you and I will have to meet! I have enjoyed our exchanges in the past. <grin> At least he isn't hiding his wrench sets for you to have to find. I still haven't located one missing hairbrush. Heaven only knows where he put it!
This week my husband couldn't "find" the fork on his placemat at lunchtime. Some of the can't find it is visual agnosia. They literally can't see what is in front of them.
Interesting thought. I'm going to think about this one. We have actually been looking at the same thing and he doesn't "see" it until I pick it up. Then he will give his head a little shake like shaking out the cob webs.
Starling - what if they always couldn't find what was in front of them? Does that make it normal?
I can't even begin to think of the times when he would go look for something and couldn't see it even if it was right in front of him. The number of items that were lost and that I found. Sometmes it was my fault and sometimes I was his hero because I did find it.
therrja, I really don't know what to say. Something like the fork on the placemat, in the place where forks are normally put on the placemat are one thing. Not "seeing" stuff you are looking for can be a whole bunch of other things.
BUT, a lot of us are looking back and recognizing that some of the weird things we lived with years ago were actually dementia symptoms. And it might be that searching for something and not seeing it is one of those things.
My husband had two hearing aids. We originally thought his problems involved his not being able to hear. He failed the hearing tests. But in reality he was tuning us out, which is actually a dementia symptom. He probably has hearing problems TOO. But that wasn't the main problem.
I once had a boss that regularly would storm out of his office and scream that I had LOST a file. I would go into his office and find it on his desk or credenza. Once came out with the file and handed it to him and found HIS boss hanging onto a filing cabinet for dear life and almost falling apart with laughter. Dementia? Lack of patience? Disorganization? Don't have a clue. He literally was the most abusive boss I've ever heard about and I stayed in the job because my husband was dying from a heart condition and cancer. Once I realized my husband wasn't going to die, I quit the job. His behavior really could have been dementia because it is a lot like what some of you have reported.