I am Starrkat (74 years old) and my husband of 24 years was diagnosed with Alzheimers 4 years ago. He is currently 82 and in physical great shape. Three years ago, we came up to NH from Florida for the summers. The first 2 years the adjustment was nearly impossible and I cut both trips short. Tried again this year and surprisingly he has adjusted well. We no longer have a 'husband wife' relationship.....more of a mother and a son.....and I am suffering from that loss. The day to day routine of his caretaker is overwhelming at times and I keep wondering if I will ever be able to live a normal life again.....and then the guilt hits from this thought!! Any other spouse feeling the extreme loss of your relationship?
Welcome Starrkat. I would say we are all feeling the extreme loss of our relationships. The caregiving can be overwhelming - is there someone nearby that can help you? Family, friends? Is he ready to be placed? Sometimes we don't realize our spouse needs placement or I should say it's the caregiver who needs to have the spouse placed. There's a lot of info available here & lots of caring people to help. Let us know how you're coping.
starrkat, every loss my husband suffered in his battle with dementia I felt a loss in our relationship, as we transitioned from husband wife to patient /caregiver. Every thing he could no longer do brought a change to our relationship, as I took over more and more duties in the household. People tell me there is life after, but it will never be the same, and any new relationship I will probably look at from a caregiver's perspective. Maybe life on my own is what is ahead of me.
WElcome starrkat we all understand we have been there and some of us are still there. This is a place of support so come often and use it. It is difficult but you will get through we all do you just have to make sure that throughout this process to take care of yourself.
Glad to here he adjusted well this year. Do you have homes both north and south? where in NH are you? My husband is from Wilmington, MA. We use to live in Londonderry and worked the summer of 2006 at the Exeter Elms Campground.
Yes, we all grieve the loss of our spouse which is why it is the 'long goodbye' which I think applies more to a spouse/partner than parent, sibling, grandparent, etc.
Do not feel guilty for any of the feelings we may have. I often wonder will I be physically and financially able to have a life after AD (in our 11th year). If so what kind of life will it be?
Welcome Starrkat, you must be very strong. I don't think I could do that. Jim does better when staying home. I think this disease leaves everyone feeling the loss of relationship... it's sad.... but unavoidable. I'm sorry you are suffering.