Was woke up at 5am with horn honking. I thought someone's car alarm had gone off. Nope. Got up to find Sage laying on the steering wheel vertical instead of horizontal which is probably whey it was honking constantly! Did have it covered with a blanket but hb had taken it off a month or so ago. Blanket is back covering the steering wheel!!
Neighbors are moving out. Well they say vacation but doesn't look like it. The ones in an old trailer with two teenagers. The one whose smokes drifts my way plus he is always coughing and spitting while he smokes - so disgusting. Now pray that whomever they move in does not smoke nor have a diesel.
Trivia question for the day:
Which U.S. state won't allow fake mustaches in church?
*Alabama *Delaware *Ohio *Massachusetts
Answer: Keep your fake mustache at home if you go to church in Alabama. It's illegal to wear one with the intention of making people laugh. We’re not kidding! According to lawyers.com, there’s an archaic law in Alabama that makes it a crime “to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.” Alabama is not the only state with dumb laws on their books. It's illegal in Rehoboth, Delaware to whisper in church. You are not supposed to eat peanuts while attending religious services in Boston. And, supposedly, it's against the law to kill a housefly within 160 feet of a church in Ohio unless you have a license
I just returned from seeing the fireworks on Parliament Hill celebrating Canada Day. Very nice show - tons of people. I know my husband would not have done well attending that - too loud & too crowded. I thought of him many times while watching the show, knowing he would have enjoyed it - before AD.
Went and checked out Guardian Angel Homes today. They have cottages instead of one big building - really nice. He is on the Medicaid wait list - #5. So who knows how long that will take - hoping by winter.
The first question the guy asked me ' you are looking for a place for you father?" I said no he's been dead since 1984. I am looking for my husband.
This is a question that I could never ask anywhere but here.
My husband is in respite right now. Strangely, I find that I miss him more when he is home than when he is in respite. I think it's because when he's here at home, some little part of me still expects him to be like he used to be--even though I know that's not possible. And DH also expects to be treated as though nothing has changed at all. But when he's in the nursing home for respite, I can't quite make myself expect him to be different than he is now. And I don't think he tries so hard to be normal when he is in the nursing home, which makes all the changes easier to see.
DH will be home in a week. Right now my brain feels like it has whiplash, adjusting to these different versions of (the same) reality. Am I crazy to miss my husband more when he is home?
You nailed it when he is home you are being his caregiver, not spouse. When you visit him you are more like a spouse than a caregiver. You don't expect as much and he probably is enjoying trying not to be 'normal.' You sound ready for placement.
Jan, I agree with Charlotte. Your reaction is nor,al.
And I went to visit my DH. The nursing home called my DD and told her I should go visit to say goodbye. He is on morphine and stops breathing periodically. I said my goodbyes and let him know we love him, and told him it was okay to go. I won't be going back. I was an emotional wreak all the rest of the day and going in to watch him die is just something I don't have the strength to do.
Got home and the power went off for ten hours. Hot hot and difficult to relax or grieve. At least I have a land line that runs without electricity so if I had received the call...
Jan K, I understand exactly what you are saying, and also that this is the only place you could ask the question. I echo your sentiments about the whip-lash you go through. Even when we know in our heads what's happening, sometimes the eyes and our hearts still want to see something else. I think the guilty feeling goes along with this same brain whip-lash.
Charlotte, I love the idea of your Guardian Angel Home cottages. We have something similar not too far away in another small town but the cottages are only for couples. Hope you get news sooner than winter.
bdq, I'm thinking of you and how you feel about this process of your husbands life. Each one of us handles it differently...since I'm sure you have been grieving for years, this is just another step in the process and I agree, you need to do what helps you get through it. Don't let yourself feel bad, nor let others guilt you....from now on, you are the most important person you have to take care of.
Take care bdq i think I know how you feel I say I think as I am not there yet, I have been finding it hard to visit the last while have been going at lunch to feed her but realized this is too hard on me she fights it all the way grabbing at me yelling wants to eat but is combatative it is very upsetting. Staff has said that is what they are there for So have decided I won’t go at lunch anymore but rather go when we can just go for a walk. HOwever have been away for a week and had to work at food bank this morning so ended up going at lunch. As soon as I showed up she took one look at me brightened up and said I Love You wow did that pull at the heartstrings I was in tears where did that come from. WE are in the final stages and I wonder how I will handle it when the time comes. Hang in there and do what is right for you.
Something funny happened today. We went outside after lunch for a little walk in the sun. She had on some very loose pants. She stopped and tried to pull up the pants I helped and noticed that her bum was showing thought that is strange. Then I looked behind us and there about 10 feet away were her depends sitting on the sidewalk. How that happened I have no idea but we went in got her changed then back out for our walk.
It used to be so hard for me to be able to let crap like spam slide off my back and not feel like everything was hurting me. Now its just a permanent part time job to let crap like spam slide. Take all the phone calls i get. Somebody. Please. Take all the spam phone calls I get.
My DH of 42 years, Ted, the love of my life, earned his wings this morning. Through his battle with Alzheimer's, he never grew combative, never lost his sense of humour, and stayed complacent to the end. Fir which I am truly grateful. He's in a better place now.
Wolf, I know what you mean about the spam and spam phone calls. I have caller ID and an answering machine on my land line, and of course ID from my contact list on the cell phone. I NEVER pick up the phone if I don't know who it is. If they want to speak to me they better leave a message.
And yes, Happy 4th of July to all. Had a wild thunderstorm last night that lasted for hours so no fireworks in my neighborhood. Probably tonight.
bqd - sorry for your loss. As we often say they are in a better place, free from the torment of AD. I know there will be things to deal with the next few days, but do try to get some rest and take care of yourself too. (((hugs)))
SPAM - I finally downloaded a free app on my phone that is suppose to block those robo calls - so far so good. Had to do something - they were calling at 7am and 10pm, all through the day. I use gmail and yahoo = both do a good job of weeding out the email spam. Now if we could get an 'app' that would block them here!
Thank you all so much for your support. I cried this morning, this afternoon I am more numb than anything else. The kids are coming tomorrow. I am so grateful for living in a very caring and supportive neighbourhood. I've had several offers of help ( but I don't know what I want/need), some visitors, help clearing ou Ted's room at the LTC (they only give you 24 hours to take away personal effects). I am sure my emotions will be all over the place over the next few days/weeks. I had pre-arranged Ted's arrangements so decision making right now is minimal. I highly recommend doing this for your spouse if you can. So other than a numb emptiness, so far I am okay.
Totally unrelated.... I cant seem to imagine what "Wholesale industrial dust" might be. Also kept giggling thinking about the "Wholesale scooter kids" but then i dont want kids of any sort. Especially someone else's kids.
My sister appears to think I am her mother and, since I have been willing to help her with her ridiculously inept life full of bad choices and even worse luck, she thinks I'd love the opportunity to take care of her adult children who seem to be following in her footsteps... worse in the footsteps of their brain damaged father who my sister "cared" for, for 18 years.
I have been so upset with them all asking for money to fix totally preventable problems. Cant sleep. Now am trying to sit with hb and watch tv. But he is spitting every 15 seconds or so. Has been doing this for several.weeks now. It is INTOLERABLE. Asking him why is he spitting is an exercise in futility, obviously. Telling him to STOP SPITTING is equally ridiculous.
Yeah I know they are not my responsibility and I shouldn't help them. Parents are dead. Father married a woman 20 years younger (she babysat for us) and, of course, left all his money to her. In addition to bad choices and bad luck my sister has been mentally ill all her life I believe. So, like with alzheimers, it is not their fault of course. So someone else is left holding the bag. Now one of the twins is mentally ill too. The sane twin just lost her job.
Bhv, I feel your frustration. There is no way that your sister and her family should be leaning on you. You have enough to deal with your DH. It's difficult to say know, particularly to relatives. I'm a guilt myself when it comes to my children. Is there a way you can direct your sister to some agency or other that can help her? You are at the breaking point and if this keeps up you won't be able to help anyone!
I woke up before six this morning. It was already daylight and I couldn't get the words and music of Amazing Grace out of my head. So despite the sleeping pill I took last night I woke up several times and although I always managed to drift back to sleep I was definitely restless. Today is supposed to be the last day of our heat wave, with temperatures dropping back into the80's for the weekend. Of course that means we will probably have thunderstorms. I hope I don't lose power again!
bhv, BOHICA. That's what some of my jobs were like. Thank God I never worked in a private company because some of the stories I heard come out of there were the worst. Owners using employees to get their yahyah's out whether they had delusions of grandeur about themselves or took delight in exercising their sadistic tendencies - and no one to stop them because they were the owners.
I remember one television commercial that captured one of the odd quirks about larger companies. It was that whoever told the boss that a good thing happened was viewed kindly by said boss - as though the messenger created the information. It followed one enterprising individual trying every which way to break into the meeting so he could tell the boss the good news.
My favorite example was my first time in LA attending a large meeting that included dinner in the huge convention room. Long before anything was happening some enterprising people hung around the table with the bigwigs so long, the hotel staff brought chairs and place settings for them. Seeing this, more (though less enterprising) people also came and some brought their own chairs and even more were coming. It was ridiculous like way too many people trying to get into a lifeboat. Suddenly you could hear Mr Bigwig complain loudly that this was ridiculous and all the wannabe's slunk back to their actual tables - which were easy to find because their names were on those settings just like mine was.
That was an eye opener for me that making the most of your opportunity and making the most opportunities weren't the same thing. There was no real benefit in being overly eager to show the higher up's how stupid you are. Plenty of time for that.
The worst job I ever had though was caregiver. Lousy pay, lousy working conditions, mandates that were more lunatic asylum in kindergarten than anything else. Man your post and watch the wheels gradually come off and fling into space. Long hours too.
I can make fun of it now, but I've not only never done anything harder, I've never done anything that came close to how hard that was. Hard on every level too. In just one aspect I only had two choices: feel for her all the way through where all feeling was already running on fumes, or twist my own arm off so I could detach somewhat and hopefully survive the ordeal that no comparison to working jobs or any other event in life can do justice to.
If I were you, I've already said, I would fix it in my mind that I'm doing the right thing. I'll tell you something. People don't like to admit how badly they screwed up or how twisted things became for them in bad situations. You're not going to get much first person information there so it's going to look like you're the only one. Not even close. In insane situations, insane actions are sensible.
Protecting the inmate who is spitting on you and threatening violence is an insane job. No way around that I can see. Which is why I would want to know whether solving this costs me $65k or $85K or whatever because that's how I know what I'm getting paid to do this.
If I ever had to do this again, I would get WAY more serious about my own self in my own life because I know all about how I got into this, but the second time around would be the first time I really understand that it's that person - not this person - I'm eventually going home with.
Thanks Wolf. Again. I had a feeling you would understand BOHICA. I am detaching from everything and everyone. I am making progress on house repairs in case I decide to sell. That also helps my psyche because I have to figure out how to do new things and use tools that are in the garage.
For example, I found some round blades for cutting metal. But couldn't find the tool. Next day spent organizing the garage a bit and I found the tool. It is battery operated. I was going to get rid of all those tools cause none of the batteries held a charge. So instead I bought a new battery on ebay. It came today. Charging now. Next I need to find the wrench to change the blade.
I was going to set up a separate bank account and pay myself, but CA is community property state so it would be a moot point to set up separate acct. But there is an account established when we had to start RMDs and didn't have immediate need for the money. So I am considering that my salary account.
Since my husband has no eye glasses to break, he wears sunglasses all the time - inside and out, even to daycare. He broke the first pair within a couple weeks trying to bend the bows. Somehow after a few weeks he still has not broken them even though he is constantly trying to bend them, especially the ends. He cleans them constantly which drives me crazy because he makes this annoying noise doing it. He has found another pair of sunglasses that were laying around and sometimes will sit with both pair on.
My assistant called me around 8pm last night, just as I finished everything at home and was ready to read. The temperature sensor in our server room e-mailed a warning. So I headed to the office and sure enough the AC in the server room had a problem. It if failed completely temps nm the server room would hit 100ºF and we could have damage to our computer servers.
So I shut down all unessential servers to cut on the heat generated. I called our AC support company. I got a call around 20 minutes later from the tech on call asking me to repeat the problem and said he would be there in 90 minutes. 11pm.
Fortunately he arrived earlier than expected and it took him an hour to resolved the problem, he had to replace a burned out motor in the outside AC unit. I left for home around 11:45pm.
And back at work before 7am. I plan on heading home early today.
I'm not sure what I would have done if my wife was still living at home.
Charlotte, I was wondering what he was doing without the glasses. That annoying noise is probably like Jim spitting all the time. It sometimes makes my skin crawl and I have to go.somewhere else. I am enjoying the picture of two pairs of sunglasses.
Well heat wave is here. Last evening it was 100 in the shade but hb didn't seem to want to go in the pool. Will see what happens this afternoon. Could be 114. He is still wearing jeans and Tshirt. Finally stopped putting on the sweatshirt. Last Tuesday it was.foggy and he put on his winter jacket to go to day care.
I won't be doing outside work for a couple days.
What a night Paulc. Cautionary tale. My hb likes to go places with me and would probably have sat peacefully in a chair. But I need to go through the go bag in my trunk. I am not sure I have the correct JIC supplies. Things change so quickly.
I keep remembering the things that annoyed me last summer and am glad those behaviors have not returned. But new behaviors must be dealt with. Last summer I was wondering if he would remember how to swim. No problem last year. He still hasn't gone in the pool this year. Weird. He is the one who always had to have a pool. I really wish we didn't have it. Am tempted to move just to get away from it. But this place is paid for, new place would have higher property tax, and he wanted to die here. Also there would be people around a new place probably. That would not be good.
I've been taking him for walks to try to build up strength because he was having difficulty getting out of the chair and up the stairs. It's already helping. But last time he just decided to pee at the side of the road. Didn't even bother to hide by a tree. Fortunately no one around. But I wonder if some self righteous mother came down the road would she call the police?
Can't tell you how many times I have seen men peeing along the highway not trying to hide what they are doing except turning their back to the road. You can't see their penis but you can see the stream of pee!
Does not surprise me he won't go in the pool. My husband use to love the water. Three years ago he refused to go to the pool, even the hot tub. I asked him why and he couldn't tell me except it scares him. That is not uncommon for people with AD.
You know how your car will make weird noises but when you take in to the mechanic it won't do it? The five years we have been hooked up to the big propane tank I have not been able to get propane from the MH tank. Today I call the gas company and asked if they could make it easier to unhook to take this thing for a drive. Right now you have to unhook from the big tank, roll the hose up (it's about 35 ft long) and leave on the spare tire when driving. I have it hooked into the extended stay we have installed so we could use the small tanks with it (easier to take and fill), so they connected into it. The only way to remove it if I don't want to take the hose with us is to unhook from big tank then twist it to unscrew from the extend stay. (you all following me?) Anyway, before the guy comes out Monday I thought I would try the MH tank one more time. Turned off the big tank and turned on the MH tank and I had gas!! Now I feel like an idiot but will still have him come out. The one time I did disconnect from their tank I could not get it tight enough so they had to come out and put some sealer (I was using plumbers tape) on the threads to seal it.
Fixed the sewer hose so easier to disconnect, now the MH propane tank is working - running out of excuses not to take this for a drive!!!1
The fourth of July was extra good for me. My DW was moved to memory care full time. I survived the last two months. The ALF managers came and helped me move her stuff. July 5th first morning to wake up on my own. My stress levels are down. It has been an ordeal. Thanks to those have cared and advised.
that is great to hear Rod. A new phase now where you can sleep in, relax and let someone else do the 24/7 care while you can be advocate and loving husband. Keep us update how each day goes for both you and her.
Rod star, I am glad to hear that the move went smoothly and you are under less stress. July 4 was a bad/good day since that was the day my DH passed away. I will never forget "Independence Day" of 2018. But as I move farther away from July 4, I find that I am feeling more relief and release than grief, thus moving me more towards independence as well.