Not signed in (Sign In)

Vanilla 1.1.2 is a product of Lussumo. More Information: Documentation, Community Support.

    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2018
     
    Hi Nicky. . Yes I live in cottage country. In 2007, before my husband started showing obvious signs of his disease, we tore down our cottage and built a house. The kids live in Ottawa and we're finding it difficult to come to visit, but
    Now that hubby is basically in end of life care in Long Term in Shawville, they are making more of an effort.

    That's one of the reasons I came back to the message board. I realize I need more support than I have been getting, and I can also share my experience with what it's been like having my husband in a facility for the last three years.

    I found this board very helpful and supportive before he was placed, and I know that there are lots of members who are going through/ or have gone through what I am experiencing now..
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2018
     
    bqd - I'm sorry to hear your husband is in end of life care. It must be very difficult for you. My heart goes out to you.

    My husband is also in long-term care. In June of last year, he was placed in a private residence for 5½ months, which didn't really work out. Admitted to his 1st long-term care in mid-November, then his 2nd in January - this facility is much better & suits his needs. So, now he's in Aylmer, just 6-8 minutes from my home.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2018
     
    I will post this info here but no where else. My ex-brother-in-law who raped me at 12 then threatened for years to do it again (never told until a few years ago) and also tried when my younger sister was 12 but she got away and told of which nothing was done, died the 9th at age 74. So glad he is finally dead but wish he would have owned up to what he did to me, my sister and who knows how many other little girls over the years. I wish he would have at least said he was sorry and wrong. I feel sorry for his boys and grandkids because they loved him. He died of colon cancer - been fighting it for 3+ years, so it was not a painless death thank goodness. I know I should not feel that way but I do.

    I called on facility today and got put on the Medicaid beds wait list. At least I started instead of procrastinated on it.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2018
     
    ((((((((Hugs)))))))) Charlotte.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2018
     
    Hi Wolf, I just now had an opportunity to get back online, and read your post from June 6th I believe it was. In reference to grief, my oldest son died of acute leukemia just 3 weeks short of his 14th birthday. He lived 5 months from realizing something was wrong till he died. That was many years ago but if I sit still and let myself remember the grief is as sharp now as ever. If I hadn't had other kids I'm not sure I would have made it. It was years before I felt like I was past the mourning time. No, there is no manual for grief, be it your child or spouse. For awhile I would wake up in the morning and think that if I just didn't open his bedroom door, he would still be there. Also couldn't break the habit of setting his place at the table. Thought maybe I was losing it, but Dr said no, just devastating grief. He recommended I get a job, picking tomatoes or some such if necessary so that I would be so tired when I came home would just want to sleep. I did go back to work, not picking tomatoes though :) Outwardly it looked like I was moving on but inside nothing had changed. I've never been the same person I was before his illness.

    Now my kids have kids, and even grandkids. Last spring our oldest grandson was diagnosed with stage IV Pancreatic Cancer, he was 36. We just had time to fly out, had a day with him, had to call the ambulance the next morning and he died 24 hours later. So fast his parents and brothers were not able to get there till just at the last. I was with him when he was born, and when he died - the same as my own son. The grief is still there, not quite like it was years ago. Don't know if it is because there was a degree of separation, he lived in San diego, we are now living in MO. Or maybe I had learned to accept what can't be changed and now my job now was to help his parents through it.

    When you get to be a certain age, you have most likely had to deal with death. There are so many variables that need to be addressed as I think each relationship has it's own special "pieces", so we feel the grief differently.

    Rambling a little, watched my Mother and sister both go through AD, now my husband. We went through a rough patch but medication seems to help, or maybe I'm more accepting. But I still say, over and over, I want my husband back. At 81 now, I don't know how many years he has left, or how long we can continue in this stage. Other than the AD I think he is actually in better health than he has been in years. I'm 5 years younger but it will probably be a close call when that time come, the wear and stress on me is showing. I can certainly understand your feelings about making a new life alone.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2018 edited
     
    oakridge, I've always believed the death of our own child is far harder than the death of our spouse. I'm sorry that your oldest son died from leukemia at such a young age. I wish no parent had to bury their child. I feel for you and your husband where your phrase 'just devastating grief' is as meaningless as any other phrase imaginable.

    I feel similar sorrow for the younger among us who still have to raise children and earn a living while their spouse goes through AD. I know enough about life to know that there is no comparative with useful meaning because horrible events and their devastating effect have as much to do with those involved, as it does with the events themselves.

    A roomful of people might judge that both the event and the person's response shouldn't warrant the term devastating, yet the person judged weak isn't pretending to be overwhelmed - they are. I have no use for such ideas as what should be or how we should be. I have enough experience to know that all life forms in events have a nearly infinite range and no two stories or participants are identical. Yet all life forms would like to be happy, to trust, to have companionship, and to get a little help.

    The world is full of stories of animals - lions, elephants, bears, dogs, cats, horses, birds, fish, and even octopus (octopii?) who remember acts of kindness and times of friendship their whole lives. It's language that makes humans more complicated along with our over developed brain which does differential equations about as well as getting along with someone else.

    Look at our stories. Charlotte's abuser dies and good riddance but who removes the effects? Your son who has his life taken barely out of childhood. I know more such heart wrenching stories and what those events did to people than I would ever have wanted to.

    I know them the other way too. Stories of such giving and sharing and sacrifice, not to mention outrageous fun and love, that they can be just as overwhelming - especially for a person who has no such things or feels they don't. Or a person who feels they had such things but will never have them again.

    That's true of my endless summers as a child. I'll never have them again. That's true of my graduation from high school. I'll never have that again. Or falling in love and wanting to marry that person. I'll never have what that was again. I had one friend who committed suicide at the age of 26 who hated life after loving high school.

    I don't know what to say to all these things where I find that my own life where I lost the only person I truly loved to have been more than I could cope with where I don't believe my last three years have been about grief for Dianne as much as my own struggles with what all that did to me. Struggles such as continuing when all hope and desire seem gone.

    By what nature we react or assess or resolve, I can't say because each person is an island unlike any other by the infinite threads in their weave united only by the one common bond that links all together - that life is precious however much 'just devastating grief' there is.

    May we all find our way in our time until we don't where the conceit of living forever in a limited life span is something most humans can do most of the time despite having eaten from the tree of knowledge - said the nail to the hammer and saw.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2018
     
    Hi Bonnie, good to hear from you.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2018
     
    Wolf.... do we have a psychic connection? I am struggling here but don't know what questions to ask. Gotta go get him changed and to day care. Then errands and, hopefully, golf. Perhaps that will help.

    Last night I slipped out for a.few virtual minutes to.see.the horses at the Christmas Lodge. Went for a.walk in the apple orchard with them. Daisy put her head on my shoulder for awhile and I just leaned back against her strength. Who knew horses knew how to hug?
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2018
     
    He is getting so confused especially in the mornings and late night. Tuesday means having to get up at 7:30 vs 8 which seems to make a difference. I have to remember to give him melatonin at 8 so he will go to sleep otherwise he is in bed, pretending to sleep but I know he is awake until after midnight when I go to bed. This morning I set his pills out, the bottle of liquid vitamin, and his cereal - he just had to get the milk out. Come out and he is pouring the vitamins on his cereal. Not sure how much he got in there but he ended with cereal with vitamin flavored milk!! Then I see him mixing his pills in his cereal. Now I know I will have to watch him more carefully, not assume he will remember.

    As for grief, I have had much experience with death. Growing up on a farm animals who became friends die when needed for food. Cats and dogs killed usually by the train - mostly cats. Found one big old tomcat with a bird still in his mouth cut in half by the train. I had a pet skunk whose death affected me the most. Had a friend when about 10 whose horse was spooked by a car falling on her. Another friend killed in a hunting accident. My Junior year in high school a friend complained about her arm hurting - doctor said bursitis. A couple months before graduation she turned the steering wheel quickly breaking her upper arm. Then diagnosed with bone cancer and she died a year later. And the list goes on from grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents, friends, etc - some old, some young. While trying to get pregnant, each month was the death of a child that never made it. This continued for years and probably the most painful. My son turns 42 today. We adopted him when he was 2 and his sister 1. I know my hb never bonded with them and not sure I did. We rarely see or talk to each other - nothing in common. His life and his sister's life (have not seen her in 11 years) are so different than our - their morals and beliefs are almost the opposite. So, if something happens to them I don't know how I would feel. I don't think it would be that deep grief oakridge has for her son.

    I think each one of us has a long history of people they have lost. We all have different ways to deal with the losses. Some feel the loss deep and debilitating - others go on with life without having much grief like my brother. The majority of us are somewhere in between. But we all have the pain of loss and deal with it in our own way hoping when we come out on the other side of grief we can continue on in this life.

    Sun is out after a cool day (70) yesterday and rain again last night. Today is forecast 90. It is already warmer at 8:50 than yesterday.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2018
     
    That's the thing, Charlotte, figuring out there is yet.another thing to watch out for. I just realized he doesn't seem to be shadowing me any more. That's a big relief. But now he is doing this stupid spitting thing every 10 seconds or so. Seems like every time you get used to one circumstance it gets replaced with something twice as annoying.

    They made gliders today at day care. They were real.happy the pilot had a.little plane to play with. Someone wrote his name on it. I can't tell you how depressing that was. He apparently waits for me all.day. He sits in the nurses office in the later part of afternoon in a chair so he can see me when I walk in. He told her, "Here's my wife." But then he wouldn't come with me. He got really angry with me saying he is talking here, not me, and there is something he has to work on. The nurse finished her phone call and finally got him to go out front and then he got in the car. So far no talking all afternoon. Weird.

    But I got to play 9 holes of golf. Hooked up with two ladies. It was a lot of fun. I sent that recliner back and got new dining room chairs instead. It was to use up reward points from when I got new carpets last year. The points were going to expire. So I got faux leather dining chairs instead. Assembled two of them this afternoon. Little bitty allen wrench to tighten black bolts against a.black background in tight spaces. My hands hurt, but they are really nice looking and way more comfortable than the caned chairs I had.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2018
     
    Went to visit hubby again today. It really is difficult to visit when he is so unresponsive. I could only stay for 15 minuets or I would have broken down. I remember going through this phase with my father. In the end I couldn't visit at all. To lose the two people who ere closest to me is really too much. Some people might think I'm cold, but I know he is well looked after and what can I add?
    We will be reading the Alzheimer's Poem at hubby's funeral. I'm trying so hard to remember the before.
    It's such a beautiful day today. Sun shining, not too hot. In former days we would. Be out on the lake, taking a tour or fishing. Some of his favourite things
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2018
     
    bqd = remember we all deal with life, death, grief, happiness, etc. all in different ways. What is right for one may not be right for others. I have detached myself emotionally best I can from my husband but for many here they would never consider doing it. Nothing wrong with either way.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2018
     
    (((((HUGS)))) and WARM thoughts bqd.
    Anyone who might think you are cold doesnt matter one bit. He is well looked after. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty. If you have hospice they can help you both through this.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2018
     
    bqd - sorry to hear it's so difficult for you. Just wondering what is the Alzheimer's Poem.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2018
     
    Thank you Charlotte and bhv for your support and comments. I know that we all handle grief differently. And I do care with all my heart. And I know I will grieve differently when he passes.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2018
     
    And Nicky, I didn't mean to exclude you. I'm not sure where I got the Alzheimer's poem, perhaps in one of Joan's blog?
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2018 edited
     
    Nicky I will look for the poem when I'm on my pc and not my ipad
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 22nd 2018
     
    Last night at the support group meeting they were talking about the book 'Creating Moments of Joy'. It is written with Alzheimer's patients in mind but I guess can be used for anyone. Oh, when I left he was pouting for being left with a "babysitter". When I got home he was out trying to catch the cat. "S" said she told him the cat needed to be on leash and he was adamant she did not need to be so opened the door and let her out. I will say she is getting easier to catch. Guess the newness of the freedom and/or the escape is wearing off. I went to water my potted plants and she came up to play with the water running out from the bottom so I was able to catch her. I am getting better at not getting mad just telling him to let her go - she will come home when hungry!

    Today we were at the store checkout when I was trying to punch in the 'handle' on a 12 pact of Diet Pepsi when he reached over and ripped it open. I told him to stop and asked why he did that in an angry voice I guess. He walked away - where he went to not sure but he did come back. This is getting more normal for him to take off when he doesn't like what I said. When we got in the car I explained he needs to stop doing that. He is becoming just like his dad and sister taking off and one day he will take off and not know how to get back. One more reason for placement. Me, to escape I either put my headphones on or go to the bedroom.

    Back to the book. On the way home I was thinking again about 'creating moments of joy' for him and I have yet to find something that will. What I see is those moments when he greets other people: the bus drivers, the neighbors, the doctor, others in the park, use to when he saw the last two grandkids, when he would catch a fish (which he won't do any longer), when he was bowling (was on a men only and we were on a mixed team until we adopted the kids then just he bowled), playing softball, being an usher at church, otherwise social things - but he never got/gets 'excited or joyful' when meeting me. I have tried to think back if he ever was happy to come home to me and/or the kids. I can't remember any time. Maybe before we adopted the kids in 1978. I do know after we adopted them (they were 1 & 2) he never seemed happy to be home. The only thing I find he enjoys doing with me is going for drives or to DQ - but I don't enjoy the driving just to drive. And to take off where I would want to go is at least 3 hours to the mountains which makes for a long and expensive day. His mom use to spend hours driving his dad around but they would take off up to NH (lived in Wilmington, MA) or go visit family in the area.

    Conclusion: I have no idea what I can do that would 'create moments of joy' other than sending him off to day care. I have really lost any desire, too. I could walk more around the park like we use to but then I end up with my knee hurting. Like we all experience eventually - I get tire of hurting.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJun 22nd 2018
     
    I never heard of "creating moments of joy." I always tried to be kind to my husband, to act in a friendly manner, to give him little treats, like a short car ride or a dish of ice cream, and to avoid scolding him or otherwise rubbing his nose in his inadequacies. It was not hard to do and he responded with better behavior than if I had been mean to him. But . . . ."moments of joy"? You've got to be kidding.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 22nd 2018
     
    Creating Moments of Joy: (from Amazon)

    "Jolene Brackey has a vision. A vision that will soon look beyond the challenges of Alzheimer's disease and focus more of our energy on creating moments of joy. When a person has short-term memory loss, his life is made up of moments. But if you think about it, our memory is made up of moments, too. We are not able to create a perfectly wonderful day with someone who has dementia, but it is absolutely attainable to create a perfectly wonderful moment; a moment that puts a smile on their face, a twinkle in their eye, or triggers a memory. Five minutes later, they won't remember what you did or said, but the feeling you left them with will linger.

    Jolene Brackey began her career as an interior designer after graduating from Iowa State University. But she soon realized that she derived great joy from helping people improve the interiors of their lives, rather than their homes. When she left her interior design job, the first job available was in an Alzheimer' special care unit as an activity director. She didn't know what Alzheimer's was but she knew she liked older people. Before long, she realized that God had given her a gift. She found ways to create positive outcomes and moments of joy for the individuals with the disease, their loved ones, and professional caregivers. Eager to share her practical solutions and insights, Jolene began speaking at educational seminars. Her message of hope, encouragement-along with generous helpings of humor-was warmly embraced by family members and professional caregivers alike. So, she established a business, Enhanced Moments, to help guide people through the Alzheimer's journey."

    She was not a full time caregiver. She could go home after her 8 hours. She did not get beat down by the daily grind of the disease. And there are those out there, even some in our group last night, who can do this to the end. Those that said they look for ways were the ones taking care of mom or dad.
  1.  
    Someone recommended that book years ago on this site. I got it and found that it didn't really speak to me or to what I was going through. Too airy-fairy.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 22nd 2018
     
    I've been trying to think of some things we could do together just to get out of the house. He is losing so much muscle by just sitting there all.day. he doesn't seem to be bored. Just me. I was going to take the Palm Springs Tram up the mountain now that it is somewhat warm up top. But then talked myself out of the cost because he wouldn't really get into it. Then I realized that it doesn't really matter if he would get into it. He won't remember it by the time we get home. But if I can find things he doesn't hate, and things that he is physically capable of, he seems to enjoy the moment of being with me.

    Depends if I can bring myself to enjoy the moment of being with him. Depends how the clean up and dressing process goes.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2018
     
    We would go for picnics. Something we used to enjoy together. I did this with him even when he was in the first nursing home. I'd pick a place no more than an hours drive from the nh. Pack a lunch that included a least one pb and j sandwich ( his favourite) stay maybe an hour and then I would drive him back to the home. He seemed to enjoy the outing and got a bit of exercise as well.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2018
     
    That's a good idea. We had a really nice picnic basket and would take wine and cheese to the beach. Niw he is lactose intolerant and alcohol free. PBJ is a capital idea.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJun 24th 2018
     
    It certainly did create his moment of joy. His eyes would light up the moment I unwrapped the sand which for him!
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2018
     
    I'd like to see a book about how to provide a caregiver with moments of joy. Somehow the needs of the caregivers get lost in this whole process. But we certainly need moments of joy as much as the people we are taking care of.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2018
     
    Yeah. That's what I am searching for. Some things that might bring me some joy even though I have to keep him in tow. Keeps seeming so complex even for a small outing I just go do yard or housework instead.

    Fri I got him to take another walk. More like a slow motion stroll, but he is winded.when we get back. A bit later I see his shoes oicked up some tar from the road and tracked all over the carpet. So I spent an hour or so trying to clean that up. No good deed goes unpunished. But I am thinking I should try it again but put some clean shoes in the garage just in case.

    Then have to get him cleaned up. He got his teeth cleaned on Friday. Last week he wasn't able to figure out how to floss. They gave me all kinds of tools ad instructions how to floss his teeth for him and how to brush them. I read somewhere that I should be brushing his teeth twice a day. So far he can brush if I hand him the brush. He doesn't know his to rinse any more and sometimes tries to toothbrush his chin or hair.

    I am having a difficult time accepting this 'requirement'. I remember lindylou dreading having to feed her partner. So many things I told myself I could never do.....
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2018
     
    We both have always only brushed our teeth once a day - in the morning. They say it takes 24 hours for the 'little buggers' to regroup to start the work on your teeth and gums, so once a day is fine with me. My husband has never ever flossed his teeth. Dentist may have tried to convince him to years ago, but never got him to do it. If something was stuck between his teeth, he had a straight pin he used - didn't like toothpicks. I do need to get him in. A year and a half ago when I took him in for free x-rays and exam, that dentist said he had no cavities but wanted $850 to clean them - guess there is some gum disease - and also needed clearance from his doctor to clean them. My new dentist said that was outrageous fee. I have dental toothpicks I bought years ago from a dentist that I still use. I have never saw any like them in the store, so use them until they are not usable anymore.

    He is off to day care - yahoo!!! This weekend seemed to be less stressful than previous weekends (3 day weekends). Maybe because I didn't try to have him help me do anything.

    Saturday I spent over an hour chatting with a nephew on my dad's side. He is the son of a half-brother that I only saw a few times. He was from my dad's first marriage and was only 2 years younger than my mom. I only vaguely remember meeting this nephew when I was about 5. In fact, I have a picture of me sitting next to one of them when I was 4 1/2. He said it was his younger brother 'j' who is the same age as me. It was shortly after that time his mom divorced his dad moving to CA with the boys. His dad was an alcoholic just like our dad except my dad stopped drinking on a condition to marry my mom. It is funny have a guy 5 years older than me calling me Auntie!! We connected up via ancestry.com. He has traveled to England to track down the 'Box' family there. The little he has told me is interesting. Wish he lived closer than San Diego.

    Now what to do today? Maybe call another memory care unit and get on their list.
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2018
     
    I'm with Charlotte. I never tried flossing my partner's teeth. Purpose of flossing would be to keep her teeth going for the rest of her life. I determined that the teeth she had would last that long if not longer. Also did not want my finger bitten if she found my work invasive. Stopped taking her to the dentist for cleaning eventually when she no longer understood what was going on. Some of these "rules" about cleaning and flossing don't apply when there is poor cognition as to what is going on. This is my opinion anyway. It took some encouragement to brush her teeth, but she accepted it. Rinsing and spitting I took my chances. Life's adventures.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2018
     
    My husband avoided the dentist for years, and his teeth are broken and cracked. I couldn't force him to brush his teeth and he would have been offended if I had tried.
    It doesn't matter now, because he is on puréed food because of difficulties swallowing.
    I haven't been to visit for a week because I haven't been feeling well. Guilt is piling on but I have to ignore it until I am feeling better.
    Going to be hot on the weekend!
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2018
     
    Good point about getting bitten. Fortunately he was able to floss most of them today. I was amazed he followed directions to open at the dentist. He can't always do that at home.

    I found what he tracked on the carpet the other day. A small blob of grease from the garage door ooener fell on the floor. There seems to be a rule that cannot be broken that if there is a miniscule blob of something messy the PWD MUST step in it and track it as far as possible throughout the house.

    Cleaning it up I got it all over my hands. Had to use Goop to get it off. Allergic to that. Hands hurt like the dickens now. But afternoon wasn't all bad. Been avoiding digging up.a suspected leaky sprinkler. Finally did it today. Amazed that it was just a.cracked fitting - screw in type. So no need for glue. Yeah! It was weird. When I came in hb followed me in kitchen. He had tears in his eyes as I told him about the sprinkler. But he didn't insist on going to see it.

    Oh yeah. Had to move some bricks. Scorpions underneath. They are so tiny. It just seems like they should be about ten times bigger. Last year I got stung by one that was in the house. Those little buggers have a big sting! Fer sure, fer sure.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2018
     
    bhp, don't feel guilt. You aren't well and you need to take care of yourself first.

    My father took poor care of his teeth. He would brag how good his teeth were at dentist visits but I learned later this wasn't true. In his 80s it took 2 sessions for the dentist to do a cleaning, and this was every 6 months. I could tell by looking at his toothbrush that he wasn't cleaning properly and learned to accept that he would have to spend a few hours in the dentist chair getting his teeth cleaned. He didn't mind. Charlotte, yes, $850 is a obscene amount for a cleaning, even if extra work is involved.

    I believe that my wife's teeth are in pretty good shape because she uses a good electric tooth brush. I've seen her brush her teeth and it is scary. She also flosses but I don't think she remembers all of the time. I believe that being the daughter of a dentist has helped her keep the habit and desire to keep her teeth clean. But I do see her not caring about it at times and I suspect that will increase.

    If they aren't flossing and you need to do it for them consider an water pic instead. I do both flossing and water pic for myself and it helped. My son used a water pic when he had braces but wouldn't use it after they were removed (he does floss). I believe that doing both has helped my teeth and gums. I think a water pic would be easier than flossing someone else's teeth and less chance of being bitten (hadn't thought of that one myself).

    Flossing isn't for removing food stuck in teeth but to prevent plaque buildup, especially close to the gums. Proper flossing involves rubbing the floss against the tooth up and down 10 times each side of a tooth. Once plaque is on your teeth the only way to remove them is in a dental cleaning.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2018
     
    They have come out with at least two studies in the last couple year that say flossing does not help cut tooth decay. But, it does help gum disease. As I said, I rarely floss. I might use it if my toothpick can't get the food out between my teeth, otherwise I don't. I have a couple teeth that are so tight it breaks the floss, not to mention my fingers hurting from the floss wrapped around them.

    What is boils down to - is doing what works for you with the end result you want.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2018
     
    It took a while to get the words out, but this morning while waiting for the bus he asked if we could take off east in the motorhome. I knew his reason but asked him anyway - to see his family. I should have just explained why we can't afford it: gas and need new tires on the MH. Instead I first said there was no family left except his brother and nieces. His grandmother, dad, mom and sister were all gone. Then I told him we could not afford to drive the motorhome anyway and why, so he dropped it. He is going through that phase of talking about his parents more. Hope it doesn't last long.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2018
     
    We are in for a really hot and humid weekend-temperatures in the high 90's and with the humidity it will feel like 110.
    DD is coming up tomorrow and staying until Sunday (Canada Day). I will enjoy the company because it can be lonely up here in the middle of nowhere. She will visit her Dad on the way here. It won't be a long visit. Seeing her Dad that way is really hard for Daddy's little girl to see him this way and he is becoming less and less responsive.
    Perhaps we can spend some time this weekend going through pictures to use at his service.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2018
     
    Hard to think of Canada being that hot. I always think of being that far north it would not. I am glad we don't have the humidity here otherwise I would definitely crank up the MH and move!!

    Called two more places today. One that ALT told me took Medicaid does but not until after 2 years of self pay. I laughed when she said that. Then almost cried when I hung up. Monday I will go tour Guardian Angels place and they said they can give me the info as to how to go about placing.

    I see we got hit with spam again.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJun 29th 2018
     
    It's very unusual for us to have weather this hot, except for maybe a day or two. This time it is predicted to last a week!
    Our normal temperature is in the high 70's or low 80's.
    I neglected to say in my previous po st that I am sure my DD and I will share much laughter and tears as we go through. The old photos.
    Good luck in your search, Charlotte. I hope you find something soon.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2018
     
    My DD took a fan in to her Dad yesterday. LTC is on the second floor of the hospital and it can get quite warm up there. And with this heat wave it's hot in the rooms. On top of that they are doing construction on a dialysis unit on the first floor below LTC so air flow isn't what it normally is.
    Good news was that DH was a bit brighter and more responsive (relatively). He at least smiled for DD. At this point we take what we can get.
    The lake will be crazy this weekend because of the holiday and the heat. I am going to stay inside and watch from the quiet of my home.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2018
     
    Ninety one degrees and humid here in southern Ontario. It's projected to get even hotter tomorrow and the whole week is set to be like this. I shut the windows just two days ago after having them open for almost the entire month of June. My brand new air conditioner isn't a week old and the guys that sold it to me pointed out that I would notice it's efficiency in my bill this year. I told him that was certain because my bill for air conditioning for two years now has been zero...nadda.

    The whole area has extreme heat warnings out because combined with the high humidity this weather can be hard on people with respiratory problems and if people exert themselves too much. I have the thermostat set at 80 degrees and it was running before eight o'clock this morning. It makes me wonder who that person was who went through periods like this last year without anything but the fan to run to cool things down. Every last thing about my life shows me glimpses of how much this disease cost me. I'm watching NOVA and some baseball while my ribs are broiling in the oven reminding myself (partly by posting here) to appreciate the things I have inside of me - and not just talk about them.

    I wasn't going to use the stove and then realized it's an oven outside anyway and the air conditioner is going to run anyway while this hot spell is here. It's a holiday weekend in both countries. Canada is celebrating tomorrow on July 1. The USA is celebrating the 4th of July. If you add them together you get France's national holiday on July 14. For me this weekend always marks the kickoff of my month touring France. I watch the Tour de France every year because I could care squat about who wins what - but it's glorious to sweep around France looking at everything from the helicopters they fly around in.

    Happy Canada day and happy 4th of July to everyone.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2018
     
    Yes, it's definitely hot here also. Wolf, you will certainly see an increase in your Hydro bill - especially living in Ontario. I know I use to live there & our son lives in your area & I know his Hydro bills are high. That's one good thing about this province - Hydro is not expensive.
    • CommentAuthorMitsou
    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2018
     
    Wolf – you are so right about the Tour de France. Growing up we always had it on the tele and I did not pay much attention to it then. But now that I am away I have been watching it for years because as you say it’s like a trip to France. Many little French towns really try to get the Tour to come to their towns because it gives them so much publicity; however, if they are on the route they have to get their roads done, the buildings painted and so on, and everything needs to be clean. This year they’ll start from Noirmoutier-en-l'Île, on the island off the coast of Vendée and they’ll only go 16 km out of France, to Spain near Carcassonne. I can’t wait because I have not been back home to France since 2014 on account of DH illness. They’ll start on Sat July 7th. It’s a shame that DH doesn’t understand anything anymore because we both used to talk about the Tour all the time and now I have no one who cares about it. If you watch the Tour often you still get to know the racers. Even though he is not French, but a Slovak, I like Peter Sagan who is the speed racer and wins the green jersey often.

    The funny thing is that in the US they call our national holiday, “Bastille Day” and no one calls it that in France. (If you said "le jour de la Bastille" in France, they would not know what you are talking about.) They just call it “le 14 Juillet.” Did you know that at the revolution on July 14, 1789, when they took the Bastille jail there were only 7 prisoners in it? That’s all. Also most people don’t realize that the French revolution was ½ against the royals and ½ against the church, which is why France is now the most secular country in Europe.
    • CommentAuthorbqd*
    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2018
     
    Mitsou and Wolf
    I also watch the Tour, it's like having a hovercraft view of the little towns of France.
    Years ago my family toured France, going through many of the places the tour goes, and staying off the major roads. My first real experience with round a bouts. Now that I live in Quebec I am used to them.
    Watching theTour brings back a lot of happy memories.
    Wolf, I don't own an air conditioner but I do have an air exchanger which helps take the humidity out of the house, I run a dehumidifier in the basement all summer long, and my house is r3000 insulated. All this means my house stays about 8 degrees F cooler than thef outside temperature . And I rarely open my windows.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeJul 1st 2018
     
    Hydro isn't just expensive in Ontario, it's FUBAR with Hydro One and all the rest of the nuts things we do. But I get a cheque/check from Ontario for the sales tax I pay because I'm a senior citizen with a very modest income - and that amount is more than what I pay an entire year in sales tax. They even subsidize my property taxes. At least we hoofed out that nutbar who spent like a drunken sailor on shore leave and replaced her with the brother of the national embarrassment of a few years back. Ahh politics. Thank God we're not supposed to talk about that.

    I do know Peter Sagan and I knew the Schleck brothers and Contador and so on and I do watch for the day the peloton manages to stay in front, but mostly I am a fan of the whole thing except for the Dutch corner and the imbeciles that run with the riders dressed in some outlandish costume. I can watch the Tour in French thanks to French being as official a language up here as English is, thanks to the Brits tricking them where Canada never went to war with the USA in 1812 because it didn't exist then. Samuel de Champlain was never Canadian. He was French.

    If Napoleon hadn't been so busy in Europe, he might easily have turned his eye to this mosquito infested land, rich in rocks and trees, and I would be speaking French...well, the Quebecois dialect. There is only one reason Canada exists which is that despite all the forts the Americans built like Fort Detroit, it wasn't worth it to seriously go further north where Manifest Destiny was already a handful going sideways. This comes into context when you realize that the battle of the Alamo was in 1836, just 24 years after 1812, and that the battle of the Alamo was just 25 years before the Civil War started. Canada exists because the USA was already rich in rocks and trees and stayed busy elsewhere.

    Some things don't change though. We have always taken their unwanted from the Acadians who moved up here and the British sympathizers in the 18th century, through to the black people that we actively smuggled in in the 19th century, to the migrants that are steadily coming up as we speak. On the other hand half our prison population is indigenous, so don't be impressed.

    This period isn't about any country. It's about populism which France just narrowly escaped electing Macron, where it caused Brexit, the new Italian government, and a host of wacky politicians who want to turn back the clock now that the long and unprecedented post war boom is out of gas in pretty much every country not named China.

    That's a problem in a world so white guy oriented that Europe is still considered a continent which it isn't and history is strictly a whitewash of what white guys did. Well, that doesn't play so well in other places.

    That's all we really need to understand of the main brush strokes of the world today. The new kid in town is asian exactly like the europeans are - just opposite ends of the same continent. Europe is never going to see it like that. Those ideas are just the table setting for the real story which is that our long run of increasing prosperity has largely run it's course leaving us all very prosperous but not booming anymore. Instead those funny looking guys are booming and that guarantees that populism is actually just beginning.

    For those watching NAFTA, it came into effect in 1994 agreed to by "the three amigos". What will happen if it is ended as is likely? Nothing. Except that trading prices and trading volumes will adjust. The same is true of Britain and it's messy divorce from the EU. Things change, like horses to steam to gas to electric or paper trails of transactions - things come and go - except for the Tour de France, where every year a few hundred yahoos race each other all across France on bicycles for 23 days! How cool is that?

    Alonzo Bodden at the comedy festival in Montreal

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vU3MyxRKK_E
    • CommentAuthorMitsou
    • CommentTimeJul 1st 2018
     
    Wolf – I watched your link to Youtube and loved it and people there did too as they roared when he said “..It is fascinating to meet Black people who came to North America intentionally …” I had a visit from a friend from Martinique and she was not happy to be called African-American because she said I am French and from Martinique, though sun-tanned (she said “je suis bronzée.”) You are so lucky to watch the Tour de France in French – I wish I could.

    I am pretty fed up with all the ancient French royals for not having supported Canada and fought the British harder. The same can be said about the sale of Louisiana, which was at the time 22.3% of the US land territory. It was a French resident in the US, Pierre Samuel du Pont de Nemours, who made strong recommendations in 1802 to Napoleon 1er to sell the whole Louisiana territory to the US through Jefferson, and it was for only 3 cents per acre! If not for that sale, about a quarter of the US would still speak French like you do in Canada. That could have been better in the long run here and kept this country from becoming so belligerent with the rest of the world (but we are not talking politics here.)

    I could also have become Canadian instead of a US citizen. My father was Armenian and super strict. When I turned 21 I wanted out and to travel the world, like students want to roam through Europe, but I was in Europe so wanted to travel to North America. It would have been easier in Canada because at the time they welcomed French citizens and even offered a place to stay and some money, but it was a cold climate and I was tired of the Paris weather. So when some Armenian friends of the family offered to sponsor my entry to the US I took it. I had to get a “green card” as I knew I’d have to work and at the time it was super easy – not many French people wanted to emmigrate to the US (they still don't) and I received the green card in 2 or 3 months, even before I had made my travel plans. I did “bum” somewhat as I traveled to 23 states and Canada through Greyhound buses, all alone. Since then I have also traveled to 65 countries, mostly alone. I have to remember how much fun I had traveling alone and not be afraid to do it again now that DH is in AL. Whenever I can start to travel I do believe that Canada will be my first choice --- but not in winter. I hear you talk about the heat – well I have lived in GA and now TN and summers are very warm and humid and one gets used to it. Well just another week to wait and the Tour will start!