Good Evening/Good Morning - depending on when you read this,
I posted Friday's blog on Thursday night - I may be out all day tomorrow (Friday), so I wanted to make sure it was up.
Please log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com, and read - The Eyes Have it. It was quite an experience. Please post your comments here.
For those who can't find the blog - a reminder - when you go to the home page, you need to "refresh" it by hitting the little squiggly arrows to the right of the address bar. :)
Joan, that was a moving and inspirational blog today. I am glad you were given the gift of having “your” Sid back, if even for the moment. I am glad you were able to recognize and treasure it. The eyes, they truly are the windows to the soul….. the light -the twinkle in Lynn’s eyes is back. A gift I will cherish always.
Joan-the saddest part of this disease is when I look in Bill's eyes and there's nobody in there-not even a soul. He has lost everything and doesn't even know it.
Joan, I cried when I read your blog today. It's amazing that you share your blogs with him and he then realizes what he's done to you. If this is so awful for us, can you imagine how they must feel?
Joan, I am so glad Sid became aware of what he was doing to you and himself and he tried to make up for it. I'm sure he did and I hope you will keep it in your heart for future use. Mac is okay MOST of the time but sometimes when I am telling him something he gets a look in his eyes as if I am speaking Swahili or something.
Joan I am so happy that your Sid realized what happened. I am overwelmed by your blog tonight. He will do whatever it takes and try not to hurt you again, but you know that the Alzheimer's devil is always lurking close by. So savor your time with your love.
I agree dazed, it is fortunate that Sid can still comprehend that way. Lynn wouldn't be able to read it, much less comprehend it *sigh Bluedaze, that is so tragic... I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you. This is what I despise the most about Alzheimer's, the robbing of ones core, their very essence.
Joan - Thankful that you and Sid were able to "connect" one more time...perhaps this will be a bridge into more "connections" in the days ahead...it does happen ~ At least it has for us. There are many many days where we 'connect' and it is a blessing each & every time...Thanks for sharing with us ~ Just keep telling Sid how much you love him...He will hear you...He will hear you...
How wonderful that he "came back" to you. There are times when DH can become a playful child. Probably when the prozac really kicks in.But that is as good as it gets. He has been with his daughter for three weeks now since I could no longer cope.I have seen the AD devil in his eyes many times as well as the complete darkness.
Joan, how precious will be that moment for you in the future... you will remember your Sid's s words and love . I ,as usual, have put into a poem my response to seeing the stranger in DH eyes several years ago.
Vacant Eyes ,
Vacant eyes,, Vacant stare, Where is the person Who was once there?
Used to be vivacious eyes, Filled with mischief and intelligence, Sparkling eyes, Loving eyes, Eyes shining with brilliance
If eyes are the mirror of the soul Then where has that soul gone? Where is the essence of the man That I married so long ago?
Is it waiting to emerge again When the long night of agony is over Will we someday and somewhere in God’s heavenly kingdom Have our companionship and love And revel in unfettered freedom?
Until then I will continue to care lovingly For this stranger who lives with me And look past the vacant eyes and the vacant stare Remembering the man that used to be
My wife M has had the blank stare for quite a while. Her head sort of hangs down with her chin almost on her chest. She hasn't "come back" in a long time. I can see AD so clearly in recent photos of her. Everyone in the photo will be looking at the camera lens, except M who will be looking elsewhere, blankly. Its as though something in her visual system has shut down.
i am reminded of the classic 1953 cowboy movie "Shane." After the final gun battle with evil hired killers, Shane mounts his horse and rides away, never to return. A little boy that loved Shane runs after him shouting "Come back Shane, come back!."
I cannot even imagine the fear AD patients feel when they are diagnosed. I have seen glimpses of those eyes already although my DH is early in his disease. Cherish those memories when he gets through the fog, it tells you he is still in there somewhere. The only positive I have seen with this disease is how much more I appreciate the moments when we are truly a couple. They are priceless and I wish I could re-experience them through the years with my new appreciation. My heart goes out to you...
Joan, I know you have all your blogs, but I think you should frame this one and have it in a prominent place for future reference. Thank you for sharing such an endearing episode of your life with us. Lee...
Joan, I am so glad you had that time together. You are right, it may not last but at least you had this. Hopefully, it will help you keep going for a while.
My husband (stage 7) is at a point where "no one is home" a lot of the time. Even with that there are moments where he will be back and say something that is perfect for that moment. In a way I live for those moments as they give me the strength to keep going.
One of the episodes I remember from the Ronald Reagan experience was what one of his children said (don't remember which one) about the end. He said that his father's eyes had been cloudy for years, and closed for months, but just before he died, he opened them - they were clear and blue - he looked at Nancy with love, and then closed them forever. Knowing nothing about Alzheimer's Disease at the time, I listened to that comment with skepticism, thinking that he was saying it for "effect". It was a good line for a eulogy, but now I understand, and now I believe it.
I finally drove out of my neighborhood to see Bill. I drove by an ocean that last week was dry land. I bring something from Bill's past every time I visit. Today it was a beautiful well illustrated book about tennis-a sport he loved. Nada. He actually fell asleep on page 1. This while seated at an activity table. At my request they have cut way back on his meds. He still sleeps as much but gets feisty when they change him. I just have a difficult time accepting that hs is gone while his body is so healthy.
bluedaze, have you tried any music? You might be able to reach him with that. My husband likes to hold my hand, kiss me and very occassionally he will "wake" enough to tell me he loves me. Sometimes I tell him about something I saw but that rarely elicits any response. He still likes to look at magazines but I know he isn't really reading them any more.
One of his lines that he has said often lately as he is getting ready to sleep is "stay with me". I stay with him until he is asleep and he seems comforted by it.
I truly believe that my husband is still in that body and sometimes he is able to peak out and see me. There are many others in the facility where he is and you can often see that glimmer of understanding in their eyes where there is someone home for a bit.
Didn't I tell you, Joan, that you would see love & appreciation in his eyes again, didn't I tell you? These things come & go, it's frustrating, so frustrating, but the love that some of us have been fortunate to have had is not so easily destroyed. From time to time it comes out & overtakes that monster, but it's there and always will be in one way or another. I would get so angry w/my DH because of the annoying, stupid things he'd do & then I had to come along, clean it up & set things straight again and he rarely understood what all my fussing & yelling was about! But never did I think that HE really meant some of the hateful things that he said, it was just too out of character. He never treated me in a hurtful manner. So it had to be the disease, it just couldn't be HIM. Have a little trust & faith in that love, he's frightened, he's trying to hold on to you & his life. And he has faith in you, he knows he can yell at you, and you will still be there to take care of him, but then sometimes he thinks 'what if she's not?' And panic sets in. (However, and I speak again from experience & doctor's advice, sometimes the disease does make them believe terrible things, even that you are not always you, so it pays to be careful.) But, for the moment, it sounds like all is well--and that you are keeping dry!
Oh, bettyhere, I always listen to your wise advice. I have faith in your experience, knowledge, and compassion. I never thought I could be content for just a glimpse of my real husband, but it went a long way in sustaining me - to know that he is really in there.
A word to everyone - we are so very lucky to have bettyhere, carewife, sandi, ruth, and others who are coming to the end, or have already been through the end, to share with us, their experience and advice.