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    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeMay 1st 2018
     
    On my page-a-day calendar I found something last week that really made me think. It said, "If at the end of the year, you'd accomplished one thing, what's the one accomplishment that would make the biggest difference to your happiness?". Note that the question didn't say "to be a better caregiver" or "for someone else's well-being" or "for your appearance" or "to make your house more organized"! It said for your happiness! Wow, what a concept!

    I really like the idea of going into May thinking about a resolution or at least a slightly different priority. Since there are eight whole months left in the year, there are a lot of things that could have significant changes made by the end of the year. And, by golly, I think I'm going to work on something. Maybe a couple of somethings.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeMay 1st 2018
     
    Jan K - I like your positive attitude - good for you if you can make a significant change in your life by the end of the year. I'd like to think we all could.

    I certainly like the idea of happiness & would love to be able to accomplish that. But for caregivers, widows/widowers, I think time & lots of time is the only way to accomplish that. At least for myself - my husband is in long-term care & I miss him terribly & it kills me emotionally to see him like that. I've joined a couple of groups & enjoy those outings, I go to the gym & I'm enjoying the time spent with my granddaughters, but.....happiness still eludes me. I fully realize I must redefine the word "happiness" - I just can't seem to do that, yet. I never realized that being happy was so much work - it certainly was never work in the past - I was happy - it just happened. I also resent the fact that I must work so hard at being happy - I know that's a negative attitude - must work at that too...... I'm anxious for the day when I can truly say I'm happy again....
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 2nd 2018 edited
     
    I emailed Joan about the spam last night. (Sigh . . .!)

    Edit: Update (8 hours later). Joan emailed me back and said she would take care of it.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeMay 2nd 2018
     
    It is cold and rainy here in Southern CA. My niece moved a year ago to NYC. She posted on Facebook today saying NY has exactly one day of Spring between Winter and Summer. Made me laugh.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2018
     
    "She posted on Facebook today saying NY has exactly one day of Spring between Winter and Summer. Made me laugh."

    She is describing Washington DC.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2018
     
    Wow = yesterday was a busy day. My friend that use to live here and now in apartment was in the ER with appendicitis. I was there with her from about 11 to 2, then left to get her puppy to take back to her place and wait for HB. As soon as he arrived we left for the hospital. Left the ER to go to pre-op where it was about 4:45 when they took her in. She drove herself to her doctor which is about 30 miles away then back to the hospital all in acute appendicitis. They were done by 6. Waited until she got to her room, visited, then left about 7:30 to go get some dinner then home to the now two dogs - who Jasmine does not like, and cat who they adore each other. When I brought Lou Lou home she the cat immediately attacked her and that kept up for much of the evening.The house was not too bad of a mess when we arrived home! At 10 I took the dogs out to pee and of course Sage had to go out. She got herself tangled - again - so hb went to untangle her by unleashing and letting her go. Didn't see her until 7 this morning. she has been sleeping all day. I was so afraid she would get into a cat fight or a coyote would get her. I did take the dogs out at midnight and 2am but no sign of her. No more of him be allowed to untangle the cat.

    I have to admit when we get together in hospital surroundings all we can seem to do is laugh. We did it 4 years ago when she broke her ankle and again yesterday. Evidently we left an impression because word got to the floor she was on before she even arrived that we could be a rowdy bunch! Don't know if it was the ER or pre-op that passe the warning on! We weren't there long after she arrived in her room because another friend was there. But evidently another one that can get pretty silly arrived and they carried on! I was totally exhausted last night - not only from the long day but hours of laughing. Too bad more days can't be as much fun - escape my reality.

    We had a mild winter an warm spring. Summer is approaching as our highs every day are usually in the upper 70s to 80s.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2018 edited
     
    Last Tuesday my Retna specialist checked my right eye and was happy with 20-400. However he wanted pictures. They did an angiogram of eyballs. Right one as expected but, left eyball had a small tear in retna. So, Five minutes later, I was in the laser surgery chair. That procedure hurts like he....... now surgery both eyes within one week. The doctore said the tear was most likely six months ago. So, the infection in the right eye led to diiscovery of retna tear in left eye. I am blessed. So much for routine cataract surgery.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2018
     
    Whew. What a journey. I keep hearing how routine cataract surgery has become, but don't know anyone who has gone thru without some sort of complication. Sure hope things settle down for you for awhile.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2018
     
    About 15 years ago, I had a cataract operation in my right eye. Two years later that eye had an extensive retinal tear where most of the retina separated and I had an operation to have it re-attached and had a scleral buckle put in to hold it in place. Some seven years ago I noticed some floaters in my left eye and the optometrist confirmed I have a cataract there.

    I had that laser stitching done back then but it didn't stop the detachment of the retina and it really did hurt after several dozen firings. My understanding is that cataracts coming in pairs is fairly common and that a retinal tear should be mended as soon as possible. So I agree it's probably a blessing in the long run that it was discovered.

    If you don't already, you might consider having an annual eye exam for a few years having them check on the state of the repaired retina as well as any changes to your vision. As you've seen we might not notice unless it gets checked. I go annually where I have a cataract right now. I just went two weeks ago and was glad to hear that the cataract hasn't changed and the scleral buckle continues to be in good shape.

    One story. I had a gas bubble inflated in my eye as part of that retina detachment. I also had to go through it awake. He drained the eye fluid in order to put on the buckle to hold my retina down. When that bubble started breaking up a month later, I had dozens of bubbles dancing around with every single movement my eyes made and our eyes dart around a ton. The story though is that for some reason the surgeon didn't understand, that pupil froze in place and while that's terrible in snow on a bright day, it means I can instantly see in the dark when the lights go off - just out of that one eye.

    I was blessed too because I was warned that I would probably only get partial vision back. When you've lost sight the way I did, that sounded pretty good. But after years of gradual improvement, it's come back miraculously to where I have 20/20 with my glasses on. I hope your trials and tribulations with your eyes this last while have ended.
  1.  
    One time in the good old days, my Dear Helen and I were visiting our close friends, Louie and Lorene. It was a hot summer night and we were sitting outside, enjoying a quiet, moonlit evening. We could continually hear dogs in the distance. They were not really barking, it was more like howling. We would hear one far away, then one from down the street, then one from Louie's neighbor, then Louie's dog would occasionally chime in and he was quite loud. Lorene suggested that Louie put him in the garage.

    Louie refused to pen him up. saying Fido needed to participate in the howling because it was a social thing and Fido was telling the other dogs .......... "I'm Here Too"

    Now....... At this time of my life.......Older than dirt...... ... Remembering my sad caregiving days of long ago and how this website saved my life. I'm still drawn here, like a moth to a flame, even though I have nothing to offer except this .......... I just want to tell everyone loud and clear, that ............."I'M HERE TOO"
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2018
     
    Hi George. I am glad you are here too. Hear you loud and clear.
    I like it when the dogs and coyotes in our neighborhood do that. We have California Quail.and they do that too. Especially in nesting season. One quail will say.something and then another a bit farther away will answer. Sometimes we lose count of how many different voices are out there.
    • CommentAuthorBama*2/12
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2018
     
    And, I'm here to. Like George I'm older than dirt. I had my 90th birthday in Feb. I'm still living alone and driving and doing well. I come here often but I don't post. I want to know how everyone is doing and meet the new members. Love all of you. We welcome any of you to our Facebook page. Charlotte can give you details.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2018
     
    Just wondering what Facebook page? I have an account but I don't really use it.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2018 edited
     
    Bama - great to hear from you. If you are talking about the group started a few years ago with people from here, I left it long ago. I forget what it is called. It is a closed group which means you have to ask to be invited and the admin needs to add you. Anything you post there can't be seen by non-members. There is another FB group I belong to called "Alzheimer's Spouse Journal and Support Group". It also is a closed group where you have to ask to join. The admin tries to weed out spammers, lurkers, etc. so you can just say you know me - it might help..

    George you are welcome to drop by any time you want to. Same with Bama and any of the others that have been here for a long time- part of the family here.

    Had to take my friend back to the ER yesterday - could not keep anything down. Turns out she has an obstructed bowel - otherwise a hernia that popped out the incision where the camera was put in. They put an NG tube down last night - how horrible that is - in hopes of pulling enough back out of the intestines so it will go back in. Today it is about half the size she says. Her most pain is the NG tube in her throat. I told her last night she looked like she had a big green booger (the liquid was green). Got her to finally smile! Today I told her it looked like a brown booger - the liquid is not brown. Told her she is now pooping through her nose!! Got smiles out of her but won't say what she drew on a piece of paper!! Her friend is keeping LuLu today and tomorrow. If she is still in the hospital Tuesday then I get her which will make Sage so happy - Jasmine not so happy.

    I have written about Jasmine wanting to go out every time I get up during the night. Yesterday we were gone over 8 hours and she didn't pee in the house. So I know she can go longer if she really wants to.
  2.  
    Another older than dirt member checking in -- I guess I must have turned 90 just weeks before Bama, and I'm still in fine enough shape to mow our five acres (but maybe not all in one day like I used to) and do lots of computer stuff related to an archive we've established at a local university to preserve the important history of the company where I spent my personally rewarding engineering career. Even nine years after the death of my precious Frances, I still check in here daily to keep up with the goings on of a shrinking number of cyber soulmates. But I'll admit to having to bite my tongue sometimes out of impatience and disappointment with those who seem satisfied to settle for grief rather than working proactively to move on to an AFTER like Marsh and Texas Joe and various others of us have seemingly been able to do. I believe any of them would tell you that your AFTER is what you make it. Getting down off my soapbox now, I just had to wait for a nice rain shower to pass before I could feed our deer herd. April is historically our dryest month here in Florida, so this was a very welcome shower. Dry season reminds me of back when I was in high school (that was a VERY long time ago) in Mississippi and we'd be at football practice in stifling late August heat. Someone would spy a cloud and the shout would go up, "Come on down Raymond!"
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2018
     
    The folks you mention as having worked proactively to move on -- yourself, Marsh, and Texas Joe -- remarried. That's great, but I hope that the fact a surviving Alz spouse does not remarry does not mean they are satisfied to settle for grief.
  3.  
    Not at all. I think elizabeth would be a good example of someone who has largely moved past grief by opting to make other positive changes in her life situation. But she made it happen -- she didn't just sit and wait for something to happen. However, I probably should have just kept my thoughts to myself -- I didn't mean to demean anyone -- I was just wishing everyone could be able to move on to whatever AFTER lifts their spirits again.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2018
     
    Oh, good! I think that widowhood is probably like other aspects of life in that what happens depends not only on what resources you bring to the table but also what opportunities present themselves.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2018
     
    Speaking of people who were on this site some years ago, I 've been thinking of Coco. Didn't she live on Hawaii, the Big Island, where the volcano is erupting? But I think she said she lived nearer the west side of the island, so maybe her home is not affected.

    Bama and Gourdchipper, If I'm 90 and still able to live alone, drive, operate a mower, or do computer stuff, I'll consider myself a success. Your well-being is proof that it's possible to survive and even thrive after Alz caregiving.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2018
     
    Gourdchipper, you brought up a good point. I have befriended a lady from another site whose husband recently died. She is making every effort to move on, she doesn't want to be stuck in grief. I told her about this site and the thread for widow/widowers. She checked it but said it was too depressing because it seemed they were all stuck in their grief and didn't or couldn't move on.
    • CommentAuthorlongyears
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2018
     
    Spam, spam and spam again. Obviously whatever Joan thinks she is doing isn't working . . . but it's probably like spam phone calls . . . there are millions of them, and not nearly so many of us.

    Here is a suggestion.

    Instead of ttt . . . how about just "sticky" which is ordinarily only Widows and Widowers." Just post everything there. The spammers may not notice. Or maybe not for quite a while.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 7th 2018
     
    I don't have any on the discussion home page.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeMay 7th 2018
     
    I also don't have any spam on the home page right now.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 7th 2018 edited
     
    The reason long years saw the spam and Charlotte and Nicky did not see it is that Joan deleted it shortly after it was posted, which was after 1:00 a.m. EDT.

    The reason Joan knew about it is that I could not sleep and when I saw it, I notified Joan.

    The reason I could not sleep is that I am a worrier and the reason I emailed Joan is that my knee-jerk response to a problem is to solve it.

    The reason I have these traits is that they are part of my nature. An engineer might say that's the way I'm wired. A pious Christian might say that's the way God made me. Being neither of those things, what I believe is that each person is an individual, with their own strengths and weaknesses. Everyone is different by nature and also by their unique upbringing and experience. That's why different people respond to the death of a spouse in different ways. So there is no point in being impatient with or disappointed in or critical of someone who you think is stuck in their grief or cannot or will not "move on."

    IMO, this topic is more suitable to the W&W thread, but I'm posting my comment here, since this is where the subject was raised.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeMay 7th 2018
     
    Myrtle, I was .just about to.ask if you, too, were an engineer, when you answered that question. Thank you, and Joan for fixing the problem.

    It is apparently summer time. Too hot upstairs to sleep. I opened all the downstairs windows and turned on the whole house fan. GUESS WHAT? Hb has forgotten his obsession with the windows!!! He did not run around after me closing the windows!!!

    And.... with my new wireless thermostat and smart phone I can see that it is already 4 degrees cooler up there.... without getting out of my chair. Which is also a big plus, because if I get up, hb leaps out of his chair thinking someting exciting is going to happen.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 8th 2018
     
    Myrtle, I talked to what you said up on W&W.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 8th 2018
     
    Today they took my friend back in to repair the hernia she got from the appendectomy. When the anesthesiologist came to talk to her I said no Versed because it is not good for someone with compromised memory which my friend has from 2 strokes. She,, the nurse, in her high and mighty way asked me how I got my education to know this. I told her my husband has Alzheimer's disease. I have to educate myself on the dangers of drugs and medications for people with dementia. She says oh and shut up. The anesthesiologist said 'no problem'. She already was still having confusion from the anesthetic from last week. We all know it takes a while to wear off plus she has been having morphine or fentynl for pain which can cause confusion plus it was not until last night they started giving her more than saline in her IV. She had gone since the 1st with no food. She started feeling better getting some nutrition even if it was via IV.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeMay 8th 2018
     
    I'd like to know if anyone has had an autopsy done on their spouses/partners? Just wondering if it really makes a difference to know exactly what kind of dementia. Is it beneficial for the adult children to receive this info? I haven't discussed this with my kids because I need to know more about the pros & cons.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 8th 2018
     
    I think genetic testing would be more informative. My husband has a strong family history of AD. His doctor tested for the two best know hereditary genes - Presen1 & 2 - he had neither. I did it because his nieces are terrified they or their children will also get it - their mother was diagnosed at 55. If my husband had the gene then I would tell them they could check for that if they want. Thankfully he does not have either. If we had bio children I would test for the Apoe4 gene. They say if you have none, then you have a 25% chance; if you have 1 then you have a 50% chance; if you have 2 you have a 75% chance. But just because you have them does not mean you will get AD, just that you have a greater chance.

    I also have a strong family history so am getting tested for the Apoe 1, 3, & 4. I am not only interested in the Apoe4 but 2 &3 since they have a strong barring on heart disease. I need to find where I found the info, but I think if you have 2 you should not take a statin drug - I would not anyway, nasty stuff.

    Yes, an autopsy would give 100% that he has AD or it could also show a mix of dementia. There was one lady here who after her husband's death and his brain was donated to research, they found he had a combo of AD and LBD.

    If you do either have the autopsy or do genetic testing, they probably will need some counseling to understand and know what to do with the info. But most AD is not genetic.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 9th 2018
     
    I think Charlotte is right that test of your own genes would tell you more than an autopsy of your parent. If I understand it correctly, an autopsy would only tell you what kind of dementia the deceased person had. It wouldn't tell you what chances their descendants had of getting dementia. My father died of dementia (probably Alz) at age 78. My mother died with all her marbles intact at age 98. What would an autopsy have shown me?

    As far as genetic tests, until they come up with a cure, I don't want to know.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeMay 10th 2018
     
    I agree - I don't want to know ahead of time if I'll get dementia. Many years ago, I had a friend who found out her mother had Huntington's Chorea. Some of her siblings got tested & some had inherited the disease, but she did not want to be tested. Since there was no cure, she did not want to know. I totally agreed with her. Unfortunately, she died of Huntington's a few years later.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeMay 10th 2018
     
    Nicky, having a brain donation is vital for research, especially if a spouse was part of a medical study. Best to prepare for the brain donation beforehand, I believe that the brain needs to be removed from the body within 24 hours by an expert.
    • CommentAuthorJan K
    • CommentTimeMay 11th 2018
     
    Last night I was thinking about what the caregiver journey has been like. Because of current events, the image that came to my mind was of the relentless flow of lava that has been pictured so much recently. This giant lava monster goes wherever it wants to, and destroys everything it touches. And you can't call 9-1-1 for help, because there's nothing that can be done. I have to say that living with dementia feels somewhat like that.

    But then I started thinking about the number of people who have already been evacuated. In that number, there must be at least a caregiver or two. And not only may they not have a home to return to, even the very ground their houses sit on could be destroyed and useless for longer than their lifetime. I don't know how you could possibly deal with that. It made me very thankful that I am only dealing with one monster at a time.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 12th 2018
     
    Is anyone still in touch with Coco? I think she lives on the island of Hawaii, where the volcano continues to threaten the population. I hope her home is OK.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 12th 2018
     
    I thought of her too. I've been watching the full USGS debriefings and even if the lava goes below the water table it will be very localized eruptions while there continue to be zero signs that something more serious is developing other than a subterranean lava shift probably triggered by stresses that set off that 6.9 earthquake.

    The Hawaiian chain of islands are being created by a hot spot under the crust which is stable in a way somewhat comparable to the red spot on Jupiter. It's easy to show that the oldest islands have moved from the hot spot and that Kilauea and other volcanoes are sitting above it, even as the new island is starting to form off the coast.

    I've 'attended' all the town meetings and it's something to hear them all know that they live in an active area just as icelanders and the vesuvians know. That may be similar to the japanese knowing their islands are just off a major fault zone. Thanks to global warming, we're starting to get tornadoes here.

    At any rate I hope for everyone's safety and was glad many were allowed back to get their animals out.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2018
     
    Coco has been writing about the volcano on FB. No indication that her home has any damage.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2018
     
    Thank you, paulc - I am glad to hear that.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 15th 2018
     
    I filled out the initial paperwork to see about Medicaid. I am not sure why he sent out only 3 pieces mostly about any medical coverage. The stuff I printed out from online had all the financial questions. I was going to send them in too but figured I would wait. All I know is he drives me crazy which adds a lot of stress. I try to explain why it is OK for the cat to stay out on leash even though she sits on the porch - she is on leash, can't go any further - but he thinks she wants in. She meows if she wants in. So the cat and I are happy when he is gone and not trying to force her in.

    I tried to explain to P why I don't want to move into an apartment now. I have not decided what I want to do when he is out of the house. Today as I was coming home from the chiropractor I was able to put it in words: I won't know if I will have the courage, desire or ability (financially and physically) to travel until he is out of the house and/or gone. I am basically sitting in limbo like the rest of you are. And as I told P a while ago - if I move into an apartment and sell the motorhome I feel like I am giving up my dreams.

    Was 92 today. Not ready for the heat. I would have been happy to stay spring a little longer! At least the next few days are suppose to be in the 80s.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeMay 16th 2018
     
    Charlotte - just wondering where you are living - wow, it's so hot where you are! We are still in spring weather. This morning at 6:30 am it was 42 here & it will be 72 this afternoon. We use Celsius, but I converted it.

    I understand how you feel about being in limbo. Even though my husband is in long-term care, I too don't want to move right now. My kids have suggested that I sell the house & move into a condo or apartment. Especially, since this is a new house we moved into 5 years ago, moving from our home town & there are no happy memories shared with my husband associated with this house. Actually, there are no happy memories with him associated with this entire area. We already made a big move 5 years ago & I don't have the physical or mental energy right now to move again - not no mention financial. Before making such a huge decision again, I must be in a good place emotionally & I'm not at this time. I started to speak to a psychologist to help me bring happiness back into my life - because all I feel right now is "yuck". Whether I walk into my house or walk/drive around in this city, I feel "yuck". I use the word "yuck" for lack of a better word - I just feel "flat". I'm not depressed(even though my daughter-in-law thinks I am) - I need to work at finding happiness again. Funny how I never had to "work" at finding happiness in the past. If I can be more positive & somewhat happy again, I may not need to move, but I must find "me" again, before making such a decision.

    I feel I won't be completely emotionally "stable" until my husband passes away - I won't be at peace until he's at peace. Just wondering if that's the case for the widows/widowers out there? Would like to know if once your spouses passed away, was that state of limbo gone? Was there a sense of "freedom"? I realize it will be difficult after his death, but hoping it will be a bit easier moving forward - I fell stuck right now.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 16th 2018 edited
     
    My oldest granddaughter turns 19 later this month. The last time I saw her she was 1. About 9 years ago my DIL found a blog she was doing. We followed it for about a year when I stupidly sent her an email asking her mom where I could send her a birthday card. Her mom blocked the blog. I have tried over the years to get her mom via her mom's email address to send me an address but she would not. Until she was 8 I had a PO box to send presents to. Then they moved and her mom refused to send me a new one. I tried calling her church ward she would have attending before moving but instead I found out she had never told them she had been married/divorced. I don't know how he thought of my granddaughter - the circumstances of her conception and birth. He said he would talk to her new bishop but that went no where. Her parents have worked with the Mormon church to keep my son and us out of her life since we are not Mormons. But now after searching for a year, trying every angle I could think of, I found her. She doesn't live with her mom but back in Virginia (did live in CA). I sent her a message through Facebook - now wait to see if she answers positively. My son never had the money to go to CA to find for his visitations even though they had joint custody. Her current husband is a police officer whom she said would make his life miserable if he pushed it. So he decided to wait until she was 18, try to find her and reconnect. It is a long, sad story of mother using the child to punish the father. She is special to me because she was the first baby I was able to hold and not fall apart. (I was never able to have children) She still has her blond hair and beautiful blue eyes!

    Today is our 47th anniversary. He doesn't know and that is fine with me. Even if I said something, it would mean nothing to him. I consider finding my granddaughter all the gifts I need today.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeMay 16th 2018
     
    My DW is sliding downhill fast. ,She is regularly forgetting who I am. And now our our adult kids are being forgotten too. anexity, fear and paranoia attacks are frequent even with meds. She questions me over and over what do I do, who has died or alive 40 or 50 times a day. She at least is not combative but cannot stand to be in the room with out me for mor than a few minutes.
    The cancer is very slowly spreading too. I survived my near blind experiences of April but, I getting really tired of this routine. My chronic painc is on high to. Not enough time to plan or do any thing for this situation. My vent for today.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2018
     
    Charlotte, happy anniversary. I'm glad you found your granddaughter and hope she responds positively.

    Nicky, I'll try to answer your question about widows and the state of limbo on the widow thread
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2018
     
    nicky - I live in south central eastern Washington near the old Hanford Nuclear Plant - in the desert. Summers here typically average 90s with occasional low 100s during the summer and winters usually 20s at night, but going down to zero is not uncommon.

    My sister and her husband stopped by yesterday on their way to a blues festival north of here. Previously they parked behind us, outside the park and had no problems. Last night about 9 the police showed up telling them they can't camp there. Someone in the park complained to the manager who instead of coming to speak with me called the police evidently upset he didn't get his $47 if they stayed in the park. I feel like confronting him and throwing him the money he was so worried about loosing. People have parked back there in their rvs for months, most recently a person lived in their MH parked off the road while remodeling a trailer in the park. One of the park workers said they are having a problem with people parking at the end of the park coming in to use the bathrooms. That has been going on since we moved here. Truckers like to park walking in to use the showers. In fact, not long after we moved here a guy was standing by the locked door going into the pool, clubhouse and bathrooms for someone to open it so he could go in. When I told the office they were not concerned. Anyway, so they took off down the road to a rest area about an hour away to spend the night.

    Before she left hb was at it with the cat. She wanted in but I told him to leave the leash on her cause she would want right back out since we were all outside. Instead he unhooks her and shoos her away, so she got to spend another night out. At 8 she was at the door crying to want in to eat.

    I did find out something interesting from here - beware of possible negative results when doing ancestry DNA. Evidently my sister who died 1 1/2 years ago oldest son 'J' had a test done. His wife had been working on family trees for years. Test reveal his dad was not his dad. To verify he had his sister do the test which showed they had different fathers. This explains the difference in attitude their dad had towards 'J'. My oldest brother's daughter was talked into doing it (that brother and sister had the same father) which showed the guy my brother and sister thought to be their father whom our mom was married to at the time, was not their father. It was confirmed by getting the results of my brother's stepsister from a second marriage which showed nothing in common. The tangled webs we spin! My sister who was here last night had it done as did another sister 6 years older than me. I do hope it doesn't show any difference. My dad always denied my younger sister and brother were his. I would love to find out he was not my bio dad which would explain his hatred towards me but it would hurt my younger siblings.

    I do have respite coming in tonight. Hb will get home at 3 and I will leave at 4. The meeting is at 5:30, then be home by 8.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2018
     
    Saw you are home. How'd it go? Is the cat ok?
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2018
     
    He was mad at me again - refused to eat while she was here. I just got him to make a sandwich. I brought cookies home - told him he had to have a sandwich before the cookies!!

    The cat slept all day - she burrowed into his cloths and slept until he got home from day care. He almost let her go again after I got home and was out watering the flowers. Thankfully didn't but she is out on her leash.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2018
     
    That cracks me up - refusing to eat. My hb is like that too. So funny.
    I hope you were able to relax a bit while you were out.
    Hugs to you my friend.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2018
     
    It was a good meeting. The Tuesday one has 25-30 way too many for an hour meeting. Tonight we had 7. Was so different - we all did a lot of sharing and talking.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 19th 2018
     
    I downloaded my husband's medical reports from the VA. When the social worker visited in January all he talked about was his parents (mom 2001, dad 2010) and sister (2014) dying. He didn't know where his brother was or whether he was alive - he is just not in contact with him. He also could not remember who his wife was. That goes along with the day he was trying to figure out what his ring was for. One of these nights while he is sleeping I am going to take it off.

    I think I will increase his sertraline to 50 mg and see if that helps. I might just increase my antidepressant too.
  4.  
    Charlotte ...... I always enjoy reading your stories and I'm so happy that I'm done with all that.

    After my kids moved me into an old folks community named Hillcrest,. I was continually reading stories about Hillcrest being a really great place for us oldies, and I wholeheartedly agree. It is great and I'm happy to be here.

    Now, without much to do, I've been thinking about this. What is it that makes the Hillcterst community so great? Is it the beautiful facilities, the activities and entertainment, the wonderful friendly staff, the church relationship, or exactly what makes me happy to be living here ............at the age of almost 97 years ?

    Well ...... After some high powered thought, I think I've stumbled upon the answer. For me ......... It has very little to do with the facility where i'm living. It's all about being with people who are in the same boat with me.

    Thinking back throughout my life with my dear Helen, It's always been that way. All of our friends that we enjoyed such happy times with, were in the same boat with us. In other words, we had the same interests and values.

    My interests and values certainly changed a lot when my dear Helen acquired dementia and I went through some sad years as her caregiver. But fortunately, on the internet. I found this site..... I found others who were in the same boat with me. Wow ....... what a blessing ....... You all helped me so much when I badly needed help .. And I'm still a part of this caring group.

    So now ...... My interests and values have changed again, but I've found others who are in the same boat with me....... It's mostly a matter of getting over the loss of my lifetime partner and finding others who are in the same boat with me........ I've found that I can enjoy life again.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 21st 2018
     
    I just sent Joan an email about the spam.