I go into the kitchen to prepare dinner. 30 seconds, wait for it, I hear the recliner snap closed. Into the kitchen he comes. Just stands there watching me. Then he reaches over and turns on the kitchen light. I don't need the light. In fact it hurts.my eyes. I am tempted to ask him if he is doing something, anything.... in the kitchen that he needs the blankety blank light for. But I don't. He doesn't understand or speak english any more.

I don't know why this bothers me so much. He is in my way. I don't say excuse me any more I just go where I want and he generally moves out of my way. If he doesn't move quickly enough I just stand there waiting. Generally the look on my face seems to be enough to make him move. Sometimes the look on my face is enough to drive him back to the tv room. Nit often enough though.

I have tried to tell him how it bothers me for him to just stand there watching me. He thinks that is quite funny.

I am making a sign for my car to remind me to RELAX. I am spending more time on the road taking him to and from Day Care. (The bus didn't work out. May revisit after another week or so if we get the meds right.). I keep telling myself it doesn't matter how slow people drive or how much traffic there is because the point is no longer to get from point A to B. The point is to waste as much time as possible. First waste as much time as possible till time to prepare meals. Then waste as much time as possible until it is bedtime. And..... wait for it..... repeat.

Last week there was nightmare traffic on the way hime from the VA. Coachella music festival. I ended up going the long way around and wanted to stop at my favorite restaurant for burgers.and beer. He likes it there. No dice. He wanted to get burgers and go home. Too much activity I guess.

I guess I alternate between feeling like a.zoo animal being watched and laughed at, and being the zoo keeper, preparing food etc and cleaning up after the animals.

Just venting I guess. There's.really nothing to be done about it except to keep my mouth shut because, of course it is not his fault.... don't take it personally.... yadayadayada TENGO DOS PALABRAS PARA ESTO Y NINGUN ES FELIZ NAVIDAD!

I used to mutter that under my breath in Minnesota when the cars with bumper stickers like " Farming is America's bread and butter" or "I'm a farm wife and proud of it" blew through the stop signs looking surprised that they couldn't stop due to the icy roads. I mean Minnesota has two.seasons, 4th of July and winter. And it was flat there so I could see them coming and I would stop on the road with no stop sign and just wait for them to plow right on through.

SHOES AS ENTERTAINMENT

He has three pairs of sneakers on the bottom shelf of the coffee table next to his recliner. For the last few months he has beeen constantly fooling with the shoes. Puts a.pair on. Takes them off. Puts on another pair.

I noticed he was struggling with the laces dragging on the floor. He got into the habit of tucking the ends of the laces under the tongue of the shoe or near his instep. Interesting that he was.able to problem solve. It would have been easier to just tie a.bigger bow or double knot it, but whatever. He kept having difficulty with one particular pair so I put in shorter laces. Whoa.... now he has trouble reaching the laces around to tuck in the side. Keeps endlessly trying though.

Then I saw an ad for elastic laces. My sketchers have them. It's.beautiful. No tying at all. Much more comfortable. But the price was.a.bit much for laces especially since there was no guarantee that he would accept it. Then I found a YouTube video showing a.way to do it yourself. Just a 1/4 piece of elastic. Lace it up. Find a tension you like and sew the ends to the shoe. Cost about 50.cents. Magic!

I did that to his oldest pair. Sometimes he.wears them all day without all the fidgeting. But other times he is too confused that they don't tie. Just slip them on. I will.wait awhile to do that to the other shoes. He is currently putting on two shoes but they are often different type of shoes, or they are on the wrong foot. So I figure it won't be long before I will be putting on his.shoes. Then they will all have elastic laces! Even simpler than those velcro shoes that he won't wear.

Is that who has been whispering in my ear? Thanks elizabeth.

you sure got that right Charlotte. There are a lot of us running on automatic "burnout?" I only have a few hundre feet more than you. It is our jail - cave - dungeon. We are trapped.