HAPPY EASTER!! Wishing everyone a bit of peacefulness today.
It's also April's Fool - wouldn't it be nice if our lives today, was just a cruel April Fool's joke & tomorrow everything would be back the way it use to be............
Here is a poem I think can be appreciated whether one is religious or not. It reminds me of the renewal promised by this season and of the fact that all creatures are imperfect.
Pied Beauty By Gerard Manley Hopkins
Glory be to God for dappled things – For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow; For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim; Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings; Landscape plotted and pieced – fold, fallow, and plough; And all trades, their gear and tackle and trim.
All things counter, original, spare, strange; Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?) With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim; He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change: Praise him.
Kim Campbell did an Easter post today. This is how she started it and how true it is:
"Many people sacrifice their own interests, jobs, relationships and dreams to care for someone else, and often feel like they don’t have any help. They watch the days, months and years go by, wondering when their own lives can begin again!"
This is the rest in case you want to know:
"Easter Sunday echos the message of deliverance, freedom and hope found throughout the bible and teaches us that God is a God of new beginnings!
No matter what you’re dealing with, even if it looks like 'the end' sometimes, just remember that God is in control and He is able to deliver you and give you a new beginning.
Charlotte - I haven't heard the name Kim Campbell in a long time. Are you referring to Kim Campbell, the only female Canadian Prime Minister? She was Prime Minister for just a few months, over 20 years ago. Or is it another Kim Campbell? Just curious.
Kim Campbell is Glen Campbells widow. When Glen was a live she started a group called 'Careliving.org' where she posted about her experience with Glen and help for caregivers. She also post in facebook.
Charlotte - Oh, sorry about that. Now that you mention it, I do remember reading articles about Glen Campbell & his wife Kim was mentioned. I would not have remembered otherwise. That's why I asked - I found it odd you'd mention a former Prime Minister...
Well, it poured snow all morning--we must have had nearly four inches. Now at around two in the afternoon, it has warmed up, and most of the snow is gone. Crazy weather.
Charlotte, glad to hear that problem has been resolved. (We hope). It seems that these problems come in bunches. In December I had a bathroom faucet replaced and the kitchen faucet repaired. Well by Feb I had to have the kitchen faucet replaced. What a waste of money for the kitchen!
One thing I love about this apartment is that there is absolutely no maintenance to worry about. I never thought I would want to live in an apartment--always had houses, and loved them. But apartment living is so simple and easy. And there are always people around.
Bhv, how are you feeling? Did you ever call the doctor, or go in?
Yes, I do still have the Ohio house. I plan to go down and get it on the market as soon as I can shake this pneumonia. Looking forward, I believe the time will come when I want to go into some kind of senior living community, and I need to try to make sure that I've got the money to do it. Even if I do decide to try to age in place in my own home for as long as possible, I'll still need the money to pay for services I might need.
My understanding is that the US housing market is generally recovering and expected to continue (generally) doing that. Interest rates will likely continue to creep up though paying out more on savings. The assessment is the amount of growth in valuation minus the total cost of ownership versus the opportunity cost of holding it.
The opportunity cost if a house was worth 200,000 at a 2% risk free savings rate would be $4,000 annually. If it costs me $7,000 a year to have it (property tax, insurance, maintenance, water, heat), then the house would have to increase by $11,000 the same year to equal selling it and earning that income. That equation changes as risk free interest rates rise to 5% where that house would have to appreciate by $17,000 to keep up with selling it and earning the interest (17,000 minus 7,000 to own it equals the $10,000 interest). Income taxes paid because of the extra income also have to be taken into account but that might be mitigated by what tax shelter opportunities there are such as some 401k aspects have or up here RSP aspects.
Then there is the annuity aspect. If I were entering a senior living community, I would be looking at filling the gap between the cost of being there and my current income and I would do that by tinkering with the annuity I set up just before entering it. If I had that $200,000 and interest rates were 5% (more normal) at the time, I could draw a steady $10,000 from it, but the annuity is also eating into the principle where if I'm 80, I'm not really interested in a 25 year payout. Fifteen would be the max and I can easily draw close to $20,000 out of that annuity a year for fifteen years and have a bit left over.
Don't mind me. Just thinking out loud.
edit - I just set up an annuity table and $200,000 at 5% pays out 19,500 a year for 15 years with $5,700 left over.
People complain about housing loan interest rate going up. I remember when we got a loan for 12% that was great. I think our last one was a VA loan at 8% - not sure as that has been years ago. And let's not talk about the variable interest rates that people could end up paying 18% on a home loan.
My fever has broke, so I think just this linger cough which I am told can take 3 weeks. My hb is so bored. He is still coughing but think I will send him tomorrow morning to day care. He broke the bow completely off his glasses. Got up from my nap yesterday and saw it - has no idea how it happened. I told him that is the 4th pair in a year and the VA will not give him anymore. He handed me his phone and said he didn't want it any longer. Probably because he doesn't know how to use it. I will give it a few days. If he doesn't change his mind I will cancel it - save me $10 a month.
He keeps letting the cat out. When I left to go do laundry she was on the leash. When I came back she was no where to be found. Not sure what happened. I know when I tell him to put her on leash when she wants out, he is confused as to what to do. He seems even more confused after being sick.
When DH's sister and brother-in-law sold their NY home of many years to retire to Virginia to be near adult children and grandchildren, they simply rented a very ordinary, two-bedroom apartment and lived there happily for the next twenty years. They wouldn't even consider purchasing a house or even a condo--which they could have easily afforded. My brother-in-law used to say with a relaxed grin, "I don't want to own anything." I never really understood that viewpoint--until recently. I'm not sure I want to own anything anymore either.
Charlotte, I'm worried about that cat. It sounds like you and Art may be on the mend--I hope so.
Elizabeth, I sure hope you are able to regain enough strength to tackle the sale of the house. You must be absolutely exhausted after your illness. The same goes for Charlotte and bhv.
I agree that an apartment can be a great place to live. After leaving my parents' house, I lived in apartments for 20 years. One was gross, but most were very nice. I would love to live in an apartment again but I doubt if I ever will because I will never be able to clean all the junk out of my basement during my lifetime.
Wolf, your ability to analyze these numbers is amazing. If I ever get close to cleaning the basement I will send you my financial data and maybe you can tell me what kind of place I can move into.
Myrtle - you can always find someone to clean it for you. Either look for someone who will buy all you don't want to take with you or find someone to do an estate type sale.
I am feeling better. Took a hot shower then I came back and put water to simmer on the stove. Seems to help. I am coughing less and so is Art. I will keep him home one more day. He will be bored stiff but hopefully the coughing will let up.
Charlotte, I am glad you and Art are feeling better. Boredome is a good sign of that. Actually, I wonder how often we see signs of bordom as something else in dimentia patients? My DW even used those words today, "I'm bored". She is over her cold for sure. However, when they get bored, the attention they need goes up. Be interesting to see what others have experienced with bored spouses that the are cadetakers for. Or, are we mireading the situation?
I just lost a long response so that tells me no one needed to hear that stuff anyway.
Thanks for asking elizabeth. The pharmacist recommended BroncAid and that got the wheezing somewhat under control til I could see the doctor today, no, yesterday (Tues). I filled prescriptions today. Have an inhaler. I haven't had this since I lived on the east coast. I have allergic asthma. It is hard to tell if this inhaler is working. I primed it and it counts the dose down. I am breathing easier.
But on Sunday, hb started sniffling amd coughing. So Monday I called and told them he wouldn't be coming to day care this week.
I am still up because not a good evening. Hb pooped in his pants again and apparently my tone of voice was not nice enough when I begged a grown man pretty please to give me his poop covered clothes so I could wash them. He doesn't like me. Oh darn. He wants to kill me. He doesnt know the half of it. Then he peed all over his pants. This after wiping snot all over his clothes and house because he has no idea how to blow his nose or take cough medicine.
Bhv, I think this was discussed already, but are you researching placement? I think the day is getting nearer. (This is your friendly, neighborhood, retired public health nurse speaking.) The dementia is going to get him--please don't let it get you, too. I'm wondering how you will be financially if he is placed--will you be able to manage?
Glad to hear you are breathing easier.
Charlotte, glad to hear you and Art seem to be coming through it.
Myrtle, just call an auction place or an estate liquidator and discuss this. There are people who will come in, do a basement (or attic, or whole house--whatever) clean out. They'll take all the junk to the dump, and auction off the good stuff for you. That is what I did when we left NY at the end of 2012--it was a huge downsizing, and far easier than I would have thought. Make sure you pull out what you want before they come in, because they work very quickly. I did not separate enough of my Christmas stuff, and ended up with a little too many of my decorations going to the auction. lol But I wouldn't have been able to use all those glass ornaments with hooks anyway--kids and pets.
Exhaustion is definitely a factor. I can't even imagine driving the eight hours yet, and then doing all I have to do once I get there. But I'm sure it will all work out--I'm not obsessing.
It sounds like everybody's sick. Hopefully those things go away soon.
Myrtle, I'm happy to try and help if financial questions come up. I believe that in the USA you guys get a 1099-s form or something among your closing transactions and that's the form the IRS uses (I believe) to determine whether the $250,000 per spouse tax exemption on selling your 'primary' residence applies. The condition for that applying is to live in that house for two of the preceding five years. That could possibly apply to Elizabeth or anyone who has made a capital gain on their primary house.
Just this morning, one day after giving out sound financial considerations, I got a call from a law firm in Montreal trying to track me down. Oh oh. But they mentioned Rolls Royce which was the first company I worked at and which disappeared from Canada many years ago. They owe me money on a pension which I never thought I would ever see even though I remember calculating it as just $50 a month. Instead they hired a legal firm in Canada to find me even though Rolls Royce hasn't been in Canada for some twenty years.
It's not the money although if I ever become normal again, my smallish income isn't going to be enough. It's not just what I always know - which is that no one knows what will happen next. It's that the person I was is real and valid and still counts now - and while I'm sitting here feeling lost still overall to be honest, some of the people I gave up on hired a legal firm to find me and help reconnect my previous life back to me.
The person I notice we haven't heard from in a while is Mary75. I hope you're well Mary.
Wolf brought up a good point Elizabeth. To write off the capital gains, at least the first $250,000 you have to have lived in it 2 of the last five years. That should be an incentive to sell sooner rather than later unless you plan to buy another house.
I woke up this morning hurting all over. No temp just pain. How much Art is in I have no idea because he never says. I do have the water simmering again today since it helped with the coughing last night.
I knew the time was coming, don't know if being sick rushed it. He was sitting with this puzzled look while twisting his wedding ring. I asked him what was wrong and he said 'I don't know why this is here'. I told him it was his wedding ring. I asked him who I was but could not come up with the words. I have sensed for a while he really didn't know but maybe now the day has arrived. I am mixed on how I feel about. Knowing it was coming got me prepared. Guess we are even in a way because I have not known the person he has become either.
Wolf, Your Rolls Royce story struck me funny as my DH worked 1 year at Memorial University in St Johns Newfoundland in 1974. So he got a Canadian Pension after he retired in the US (1994). After it gets converted to US Funds I still get about $66.00 a month. Even that adds up after 24 years.
Charlotte, whether we're strong and come at everything like you do or not, it's still hard and we're still a person, and we still hurt inside. I'm sorry that your relationship with Art is evolving in this way. It's the same with bhv, and it's the same with Jazzy - each in it's own uniqueness. I don't feel sorry for any of you but I empathize in ways so familiar they are painful connections to the sad reality this experience is. You've come a hard road and you've borne up to it like a warrior. I've said before and I still hope that some kindness opens up for you down the road. You deserve it.
People generally don't want other people to feel sorry for them. That's the only reason I said that that way. It's a lie. On the other hand the connection isn't like that because I'm a member of the tribe and I have my own scars to prove it. When the crisis points come, try to remember that what you're doing actually is very hard. It's not you - it's the nature of this beast.
Charlotte - you mentioned "if being sick rushed it". Yes, I believe being sick affects AD. If affected my husband. In January 2017, my husband had pneumonia & during the 2 weeks he was on antibiotics he changed physically. He started to walk hunched over with his arms swinging - he looked like he'd aged 10 years in 2 weeks. Even though he was over his pneumonia, it went downhill quickly after that, both physically & cognitively. The "vacant" look was much more often & he started to stare to the right downwards - even when I said his name he didn't always look up. Up until then, when we were just walking around or he was pushing the grocery cart, he had "looked" fairly normal - he use to walk straight & would look either straight ahead or look around. It wasn't very obvious he had dementia, until spoken to. But after the pneumonia, he had that vacant look almost all the time. He didn't know where the bathroom was & once in there didn't know the difference between the toilet, sink, shower or tub. Could not wipe himself. Could no longer shower by himself - I had been helping him a bit before. Had trouble getting dressed. Was constantly going in & out the front door during the evening & of course continued to keep me awake at night. He was also getting more aggressive with me, often in the middle of the night - because he wanted me to get up. Just to name a few. Family & friends noticed he had become worse. I'm convinced the pneumonia had everything to do with his decline.
Thanks Wolf. Last night when I went outside and screamed at the moon, probably frightening the neighbors, I was ultimately able to go back inside, after awhile, by remembering that I am a member of our tribe and you, among others, understood that scream.
Hello, tribe. (I like that word, bhv.) Well, I am not getting better--the infiltrate is now also in the right and left upper lobes of my lungs, as well as the left lower lobe. The doctor has put me on doxycycline and running more tests. I get a PPD today (have never been a reactor), and a Cat scan of the lungs on Monday. Still coughing a lot, no energy, low-grade temp in the evenings, and night sweats. Good grief. I'm still managing OK as long as I take it easy and rest a lot. Friends call daily, and DD is suggesting she come up. (Not necessary, of course.)
Elizabeth, This sounds serious. Are they sure it was actually pneumonia? I looked up PPD and I see it's a TB test. It seems unlikely you'd come in contact with that bit whatever it is, I hope they identify it so they can treat it properly.
They ran some other tests yesterday--looking for Legionnaire's, mycoplasma pneumonia, or whatever. I think it is mycoplasma pneumonia (commonly called "walking pneumonia"), because that is the one where you have a dry cough...i.e. you're not coughing up anything you could put into a specimen jar. Fortunately I am tolerating the doxycycline well, as long as I am careful not to eat too much, it isn't nauseating me. The PPD skin test isn't reacting--I didn't expect it to--I doubt very much that I've been exposed to TB, but they have to rule it out of course. I've lost 17 pounds so far--yay!
Two months on the sofa--plenty of time to think and reflect on things.
Elizabeth, Thinking of you and I hope the doxycycline is helping you. Two months on the sofa sounds like a wonderful idea until you're forced to lay there that long. Hope you received positive news with the test results. Get well soon.
Hmmmmm, more spam. I decided to post anyway--hate coming on in the morning and seeing that nobody has been here. Thank you, Ali M. The update is that the pneumonia is still spreading--the primary rushed me over to the Infectious Disease specialist yesterday. Without delay he did a whole bunch of lab testing, then plunked me into a big reclining chair and started an IV. So I have four more days of outpatient IV antibiotics--the doxycycline is discontinued and I'm on two new oral antibiotics. And I have a Heparin lock wrapped up in a dressing on my left forearm that I can't get wet. So Lord knows how I will get a bath and wash my hair. (Very carefully, ha-ha.) I am actually feeling better and have more energy, so go figure. Then I get another chest X-ray next week, see the Infection guy next Weds. and the Primary next Friday.
It feels so weird to be a sickie--I was always the strong, healthy one who took care of everybody else. When they take my medical history...there just isn't one. But the two months (so far) has given me a chance for peace and reflection that I think has been very worthwhile. It has forced me to focus only on myself--to care only for myself--no socializing (except on the phone, text, email)--no activities out in the community with choir or Irish cultural center--just me. I think a lot about how to use the rest of my life--this illness has been a huge wake-up call that I won't be here forever, and that I shouldn't just fritter my life away...what is really important--what are my own unique gifts (if any) and what should I be doing with them.
Not sure what this has to do with Alzheimers. I guess you could just call it a postcard from the Aftermath.
Oh my Elizabeth - this sounds very serious. I sure hope they find out what's wrong soon. You seem to be in good spirits.... good for you. You're in my thoughts & prayers. Keep us posted.
Elizabeth, I'm alarmed by the new developments. I just KNEW there was more to it. I wish I could help you. Do you have someone to tale care of Bandit if you need inpatient treatment?
I just typed a response to the last part of your post and I now realize that it's too far OT for the general "April" thread, so I'm moving to the "Journeys Somewhere Else" thread.
One of my friends has offered to keep Bandit if (God forbid) I have to be hospitalized. She had a poodle for 12 years, so is familiar with a dog like him. There is also a boarding kennel that I trust, and for another option, the daytime petsitting service can be available for boarding if the situation is dire enough.
Elizabeth, Hoping the IV treatment cures you. Back in 2015 (a year before the end of ALZ nightmare) I had a 6 day hospital stay for lower left lobe pneumonia. Had never had pneumonia before. Dr. insisted the only cure was antibiotic meds that were not available in oral form. I have always been skeptical of Dr.'s but was too sick to protest. It took me about two months before food tasted good and to regain my strength. I wish you well and I do believe your positive attitude will help you. Hope you will soon be able to take a stroll in the park.
Elizabeth, I too am concerned about your health. I've read all the posts and it has been a while that you have been sick. Maybe it's not such a bad idea if your daughter does come just to get things for you, help you bath and wash your hair. Please let us know how your next Dr visits go. I sure hope you don't end up in the hospital, especially after all you've been through. I wholeheartedly agree with you about figuring out what to do with the rest of our lives. I need a purpose and something to make me happy and something to excite me. Life is short and we need to appreciate and treasure all that life has to offer for however long we get to be here.
Celebrated my 56th birthday yesterday. There has to be more left for me. I don't feel like my life is over, even though my husband's was taken early. I just feel like there will be more, don't know when or how or what it will be like, just that I will have more.
Happy birthday Sass and don”t worry your light will shine again just something you cannot just make happen but it will happen. YOu will have more. And Elizabeth I hope you are well soon I know what you mean hate to be sick. But you have a good attitude and are looking forward to all the things you have in your future that is a good thing.
Question: what's your feelings on using ECT (electro shock therapy) on someone with dementia because they are so depressed? Another group I belong to they want to use it on her husband because he is in a deep depression. Her doctors convinced her this would be the best for her husband to improve his quality of life since he has basically given up. Years ago I belonged to a depression support group and those that had - lets just say some results were not good. I gave my opinion and what I know of others that had it, non-dementia people and she got upset. I told her she ask if anyone had experience or knowledge then got upset with me for giving my opinion. I made sure I put my opinion in the "i" not that she shouldn't.
My cough is slowly getting better. Will be so glad when it is gone. I have been looking into apartments but when you add internet and washer/dryer (a must if I move into one) we are looking at $1000 a month easily - twice what I am paying now. They doubled the w/d fees here. They said the rates were the same as when the park opened 14 years ago and needed to be raised to come in line with other parks. (the same excuse they gave for the rent increase). Since I am feeling better I hope this next week to go over to the other park to see when they expect to have the new area open so they will have spots. I would rather go into one of the older sites because their grass area is a little bigger.
Charlotte, in my apartment complex laundry rooms the washers are $1.50 per load, and the dryers are $1.00 per load. They are big, commercial machines.The dryers are very efficient, and I've not had any trouble getting even heavy things dry on the $1.00, but if you needed just a few extra minutes, you can't just put in 25 cents and have it run for a short time. You would have to put in another $1.00. I'm glad your cough is getting better--it's been quite the season for "bugs" this year. When we are long gone, bacteria and viruses will still be here--along with coyotes, cockroaches, and Alzheimers. Sigh.
Sass, I'm doing fine keeping my wrapped wrist dry while taking a bath and washing my hair. (I just lay my head back in the tub and do shampoo/conditioner with one hand.) My daughter is tied up with three kids and a full-time job that recently doubled her workload--I'm not a martyr, and if I needed help I'd be the first to ask for it--but I don't think she needs to come up.