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    • CommentAuthorJazzy
    • CommentTimeMar 30th 2018 edited
    It's been six years or more since my dh has been diagnosed and four and a half since he has been in LTC.
    The progression has been slow and very changeable. He was a yelling, swearing very nasty man and then he went into a nice boy very quiet pleasant fellow. Now he is back to the bad boy stage.
    last week I took him out for lunch as he has been every docile for a few weeks. When he asked for a coffee refill and the lady didn't come as soon as he wanted her to, so he got up from the table and with cup in hand he went across the dining area and yelling "I need a coffee, I need a coffee". I finally got him back to the table. Thank goodness we didn't get kicked as I have cards to give to staff to let them know about his dementia.
    Then Monday I had to take him to Walmart as he insisted on choosing his own t-shirts. It just went from bad to worse as he didn't like anything and loudly let everyone know. We then went to buy flower pots for my deck. They were on the top shelf and we couldn't reach them. He decided to find a clerk and went down the aisle yelling 'HELP,HELP,
    HELP" at the top his lungs.
    Then yesterday the floor nurse informed me that they are having a time with him as he thinks he works at the residence and moves residents to their room that can't be left alone and then took a very disruptive resident to the hairdressers after the PSW told her she would take her after their break. she causes quite bit of problems if taken to soon.
    He now thinks he is a PSW not a resident. He is back to yelling and screaming at the staff and just causing lots of upsets.
    They are now afraid if I take him out and he refuses to listen to me he may turn on me. I can't take him out to a restaurant without a family member now.
    I'm just very tired of this disease and what it does to our loved one.
    It's been 18 years since we first notice the symptoms and six and a half from diagnosis.
    I'm tired. Tired of being blamed for all his problems, tired of being berated for caring for him, tired of all of it, but I still have a long way to go. He is physically very healthy.


    Hugs Jazzy
    • CommentAuthorxox
    • CommentTimeMar 30th 2018
    Yup. Ups and downs, though I heard that usually once they are beyond the angry stage it doesn't return. I guess it can. I suspect that taking him out overstimulates him. Despite his requests might be better not to take him. Or just for lunch but no shopping, put it off by saying you will do it another day. My SILs don't want me to take my wife out because they are fearful she might refuse to return to the ALF.

    So after a couple of months of calm I noticed my DW was getting manic. The nurse I talked with agreed and told me that she was angry with me for not being intimate with her for years, DW didn't mention anything to me last weekend. Sure enough I was notified that they are adding a new medication for her and her doctor asked for a 90 minute caring plan for her. One of her sisters will join me. This is a first, all other meetings were meetings with ALF department heads, this is first time the doctor wants just a medical meeting, and we just had a phone meeting 2 weeks ago.

    Yup, a long journey. I wonder if you should make fewer visits to the ALF. You don't seem to be benefiting from them. Ask the staff what they think and if you do visit less find out if he does better. Sometimes we just interrupt their normal schedule.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMar 30th 2018
    Jazzy - so sorry you had to endure that behavior out is public when you were just trying to do something nice for him. I am sorry, but my opinion is not take him out no matter what he demands even if others offer to go with you. If he insist on picking out his clothes go online, take pictures or buy them and take back what he doesn't like. But do not take him out.
    • CommentAuthorJazzy
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2018
    Hi All

    On Monday our DD took her Dad to visit his baby sister who was in a hospital about an hour away. She has breast cancer and it was her birthday. He was very good. He only tried to get his way once on the trip when he wanted to stop and ask for directions and she said no as she has a maps on the dash board computer. He finally gave up and was very good for her.
    I wish I could have the same relationship bu that is wishful thinking. Not going to happen.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeApr 8th 2018