The pacing has begun. Yesterday after lunch he was so agitated and pacing and standing over me I dropped everything and took him for a ride to do made up errands.
Now he has been pacing all morning. I went to check if he had a problem in the bathroom. Yay, he pooped in the toilet. No mess. To what depths we have descended. But I digress. When I ask if he had a.problem I am met with a screaming banshee. "No, I don't have anything around here. I'm waiting for you to come so we can go where we are going." Hmmmm, interesting. He hasn't put so many words together in a very long time.
When I tell him it is Tuesday.and we are not going anywhere, I am informed that I am the sort of asshole Charlotte would appreciate not hearing about.
We only have to go out once a week to get groceries. Why on earth would he think we are going somewhere every day? Yesterday I decided I better plan something to do in the afternoons at least a few days a week. So today I am going to try the golf driving range for a little while.Last time he only hit one ball, but we can waste some time.
Tomorrow is the big experiment with the Adult Day Care place. Support group with respite for him 4:30 - 6:30 pm. That's usually his beer time so that could be a problem. But I will try taking him out to dinner after. If he stays in there without trouble I will get the TB test and try a few days per week.
Yes, do the TB test so you will be ready. Even if the first time doesn't work out great, do not give up. I would make sure you bring this up at the support group. Hopefully since it is 2 hours you will have time to do more than introductions. That is my problem with the two I go to here - they are only 1 hour. I would also contact the doctor about medication to calm him. My MIL use to take my FIL out for two hour drives every day. You won't find me doing that - can't afford the gas and don't want to run the miles up on my old car.
Whatever - you need to take steps to keep you safe. If this mean medicating him then do it. Others here have many tricks they have used to get medications into them. Remember - our loved one is dying. Don't let it take you too.
If you are giving him nonalcoholic beer, then could you take one with you as a treat during your support group? If you explain to the keepers that they can use it to reward good behavior, they might agree. (perhaps you should pack a few extra bottles, others may get jealous. On the other hand, maybe this will start a new trend).
Starting day care was one of the most trying things I did. Glad that you realize how important it is to you and him to have the respite.
Haha Charlotte, I just knew you wouldn't want to hear what he actually called me.
Didn't get to golf today. It was hailing when I wanted to go. The only time he sits down is when I come into the living room. When I ask what he wants he talks up a storm, but I have no clue what its all about.
bhv, when my husband was pacing in the house, I would take him out for a walk, sometimes to the Tim Horton a few blocks away. Walking took longer, so it killed more time & he liked to walk.
When he'd get upset & tell me we didn't go anywhere, I made a 2-week calendar page & put in on the fridge & wrote down every little outing. I showed him the outings & he stopped nagging me. He still wasn't happy, but at least he stopped accusing me of never going anywhere. That worked for a while - was good while it lasted. And to be honest, there were a few times I wrote we went for walks when we hadn't that day. It helped him "accept" that he had gone out quite a few times that week. It was just a temporary fix, but every little bit helps. Perhaps that would help????
Thanks Nicky. Good ideas. A week or so ago I did get him to go for a walk. He has been afraid to leave our place. Generally refuses to go. I need to remember to NOT ask if he wants to go for a walk, but say, I am going for a walk. Then he will come with me cause of the shadowing. LOL. We are out in the country so no destinations in walking distance. But neighbors have horses. I think I will start bringing some carrots to give to Honey and Joe. That would be fun. Right now it s too cold. Winter arrived. We got a bit of rain. Even thundered last night. Two days ago there was a thump in the house. No idea what it was til newspaper next day said it was another nearby earthquake.
Things went very well at the Day Care place. The support group was a bit weird, but eventually I got some questions answered. The lady sitting next to me lost her hb just last Friday. She encouraged me to give this a try. Sign up for a month and see how it goes. She described how it went for her hb and it sounded like my hb might react similarly.
He went to the day care side easily enough, but kept trying to get back to me. Most of the time he sat in a comfy chair where he could see me. When he got agitated one of the caregivers suggested he sit where he could see me. The support group was in the craft room with a big window into the main area. The lady sitting next to me kept an eye on his movements too. She kept reassuring me it was ok.
I thought he would be annoyed when we left, but he was happy. I said it was later than our usual supper time so I thought we'd go get a hamburger. He got real happy about that!. Surprising because he normally would rather go home to eat. First choice had people waiting for tables so I went to one where I have been with my girlfriends. They have a Wed special of Loaded Burgers with unlimited fries. They have changed their fries since I was there last. Wow, I have never had such good ones anywhere. They have craft beers too. I let him have a regular beer. I had the amber one I constantly crave. It was so good. Hb liked the place very much. He kept saying how much he liked it there and he loved me. This was a very different experience. It works much better now that I know to just order for him. Our waiter was so nice and awefully helpful. So much fun. Definitely worth the trouble to go out.
So I will see the doctor to get the TB test and form filled out and try day care for awhile. Thank you for being with me in spirit Charlotte and Lindylou. I needed that.
Glad to hear it went so well. How often does the group meet? Maybe it will go well enough in time you could send him 2-3 times a week to give you a break.
Art has been different tonight. Nice but also confused. But I will go again.
Thanks Charlotte. The.group.meets once a.month. It was so weird I don't know if I will like it for long. Will try again.
The social.worker said he recommends sending them on consecutive days so they "imprint" and get used to going there. Every other day is preferred by caregivers, but more difficult for the alz person. He did make an interesting comment. "When someone starts.coming here we don't get just one client, we get two. The one with dementia (or other health problem) and the.caregiver." I had been thinking about two days, but he says three is better for a person with dementia. In his experience two days.aren't enough to maintain the imprint.
Next step see his doctor and then set up an initial evaluation appointment.
Hb was so happy. I couldn't believe he wasn't annoyed. It was a two hour meeting! He went right to bed and sslseot til 7am and was even snoring. Not so happy about that, but it has been weird that he hasn't been snoring for several months. He seems to like people watching so perhaps the Day Care will be good for him. There are something like 55 people there. He said they have had as many as 91, but the people in the support grouo said it is not too crowded.
My husband started with M,W,F and had no trouble. I changed the Friday to Thursday because he often was not getting home until 4 which means a long bus ride - they leave day care around 2:30. It makes for a long weekend especially when Monday is a holiday! M, w, f are the days they have the largest number of clients there so going on Thursday gives him a break from the bigger days which when I visited was noisy.