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    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2018
    I couldn't sleep last night. Went to bed around 1 am. Normally I will wake up when he gets up, but not today. He came to find me at 10 am. He's been up since probably 7. He didnt seem like anything was wrong. still living in fear of poop, especially since he tracked it all over the new carpet. But I didnt see any evidence of it when I got up. I cleaned around his toilet first. I have added another night light in the bathroom since he seems to be peeing on the floor in front of, or next to the toilet. May look into lighted toilet seat soon. I got that bathroom floor fixed in the nick of time! Downstairs no sign of poop so did normal morning routine. Then looked in the bathroom. There was a mess, but all in the toilet. Not on the floor. We are still getting used to the depends. Got him changed. Amazingly no poop on the clothes. That's a first.

    He had the tv on, which was good since he sometimes has been unable to turn it on lately. But it was on soccer. Saturdays are going to be tough now that football is done. He kept following me and then stood there and talked for almost an hour. He kept talking about they did something, about not understanding what was going on.

    I tried remaining calm and listening to try to understand. I said normally I don't sleep so late and he could wake me up earlier. He said that wasn't it. Most of what he said didn't make sense. But he did put together some sentences. Like "I'm going to have to try to get it" At one point he said something like he didn't know what was going to happen or what he should do, but "You know me".... Tears popped into my eyes at that point because I havent known him for quite some time now. At one point he said something like "I'm still here". He doesn't understand what is going on or what is going to happen but he is going to have to try to do it himself. He kept patting his jeans and talking about the guy who puts poop in there and he doesn't know what to do about that guy. (He didn't actually say it like that, but it seemed like that was the general idea.)

    I just pretty much listened for an hour. A couple times I said something like you know us, we figure out what's happening and what to do together, you and me. We'll do it together.

    He seems calm now. We are watching the Dog Whisperer. He even took a.little nap. I figure I shouldn't leave him alone. I am going to try taking him outside for awhile. I think he was confused because I didn't get up and he didn't like what was in tv and didn't know how to change it and figured that "they" wanted it that way. At one piint he asked if this was our place.

    Generally he is not aware of having a problem and is more likely to lash out at me if anything bugs him. So this was completely different behavior. It has me feeling a lot more empathy.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2018
    (((Hugs))) to you. Sounds like you handled it real well. Great job.

    My morning was different - he couldn't figure out how to turn on the shower. He had the water on but couldn't figure out how to use the handheld and getting the water to come out it. Oh well.

    Hoping your day continues to be peaceful.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2018 edited
    Thanks Charlotte. He helped me out on the hill for a little.while. he seems very much more confused today. But seems happy if I sit here with him. Worrisome.

    Sorry about the shower. Must be more difficult in cramped quarters. For awhile now I have been washing his hair at the kitchen sink. I got a tray so he can lean back like at the beauty shop. He likes that surprisingly enough. He doesn't take a.shower very often. Only if I strongly suggest it. And now I have to stay there and give him a soapy wash cloth and tell him what to do with it and manage the temp of the water and turn it on and off. Soon I imagine I will need to get a.chair.and handheld, but not yet.

    Fri we got his teeth cleaned. I have been doing a better job getting him to floss and brush when I help him shave. But I don't do that every day. He understood most of their directions and was a great patient. As.we.were.leaving, he told a lady in the waiting room not to worry it is fun in there. That was pretty cute.

    Man, it is eerie out there right now. It was hot working on the hill. I change.all my clothes after. But by 4pm the temp had.dropped significantly and it was hazy over the valley below us. Now the sky is an eerie grayish pink as the sun goes down. We might get some rain later this week.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43*
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2018
    After reading your ladie's comments today and wiping my eyes, all I could think of to say is that if it were me in your men's place all I would want would be either one of you there.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2018
    Thank you Rodstar. I keep feeling like I am not doing very.well, but am not coming up with ideas to do better. So your comment means more than you can know tonight.

    I hope you are.having an ok evening.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43*
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2018
    Last Thursday tried something new.

    Checking here, here ckecking there, tryin to keep up. The 24/7-365 caretaker pace is tough. Tried to go to my own doctor's appointment by my self while visiting daughter stayed with DW. Half walf way thru got SOS text help, my wife'internal radar had detected tbat I had gone off grid. Suspicion on high alert.
    Now how will I get past that? Even if I ppaid someone, got hospice ect.

    I showed my doctor to showing what i go thru. With his permission i recorded rest of appointment. Didn't need it because as she saw me it was over. But daughter did not fell so good.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeFeb 13th 2018
    Rodstar, sorry to hear about your wife's behaviour. Perhaps you need to find someone who specializes with dementia patients - like from the Alzheimer society. She's not the first to be resistant. Can your wife stay alone or does she dislike it? My husband did not want a stranger in our house, but it got to a point where he didn't want to stay alone. So when I told him I had an appointment(my reason for leaving) & he'd say 'no', I'd asked him if he wanted to stay alone, he'd say 'no'. So someone there seemed a bit better than being alone. He never really liked it, but I knew I had to get respite whether he liked it or not - it was either me or him. I had someone from the Alzheimer society staying with him - always the same person, so he could get use to her. Didn't mean he necessarily liked her, but she became a familiar face - he was safe & well looked after, that's what important. Before each visit, I would wait until I saw her car in the driveway before telling him she was coming or often I'd wait until the doorbell rang - so he had less time to get upset - advice from the Alzheimer society. He was never too happy about the visits but would forget about it shortly after I returned - until the next visit & we'd do the same thing again...

    Oh yes, you will need a good reason for being away - one she will have to accept. Mine was a doctor's appointment for my menopause. When he became impatient with that, I told him it wasn't my fault I had menopause & that I belonged to a support group to help me & if I didn't attend the doctor would kick me out of the group. He believed me - even asked me if I was feeling better - so nice to hear, because he cared that I felt better....
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeFeb 13th 2018
    Rodstar, my friend, Cindy, works with dementia patients. When patients are looking for someone, even if the person has been dead for decades, she says something like, "he had to step away for a few minutes and when I see him, I will tell him you are looking for him." Repeat as necessary.

    If the person is really agitated, Cindy will try to find something for them to do. Like get a laundry basket full of towels and ask her to help fold them. Surreptitiously unfold some and put them back in the basket. For your wife, perhaps your daughter could take a bag of the hats your wife knits (crochets) and toss them on the couch and pick up each one and talk about the color choices and what kind of person might like that particular hat. Could be an endless game. Could make up multiple groups to donate the hats to and sort them into piles for each organization. But don't actually donate them because you will need them for the game tomorrow.

    Could try behavior modification. Since you will have to start small, you might want to take her to an activity at your assisted living place. Sit at the back, and once you are both settled, make an excuse and leave for 10 minutes. Come back for awhile. Leave for 15 minutes. Come back for awhile longer. Gradually increase. Even in assisted living, if they won't sit with her, you can hire someone to come in for a few hours.

    Cindy's nursing home has some activity boards or quilts. They are relatively small but have a variety of things to touch and play with, like ribbons, buttons, zippers. Or nuts and bolts, screws, locks on a.board. Ask your activity director if she has heard of these things.