just found this site - am locked in my room with my 2 small dogs while my husband rages around calling me all the names under the sun as i asked him to walk the little dogs on the grass as it was getting too hot - he escalates so quickly lately - then he is telling me he is normality and loves me - the seesaw is affecting me but i am frightened of getting him into care as i do not know how much his behaviour is just related to me - he seems to behave better for others but aggressively to me - i know i am not perfect and try to reason adds to the situation - what to do - he said he would kill anyone (police) if they come to take him away as i threatened to have done - i do know i should not have said that but i was at the end if my coping ability at that point too ! this has been 2-3 years of gradual decline into a very difficult situation - the neughbours do not speak to me which adds to my feelings of inadequacy - i give him a lorazapam (ativan) to calm him down if i can but have also taken it myself in angst - i have no one to help day to day - his 90 year old mother will have him for a day or two a couple of times a year however that is not udeal - he will not go anywhere else - saying this is MY HOME. i am grateful i found this site to know i am not alone after all - i feel like the world’s worst wife and carer most days !
Hello again--I see you have posted the same thing twice. One thing I have seen mentioned is to be sure you have a "go bag" packed for you and the pets, so if need be you can grab it and get away to a safe location. Also make one room in your house your "safe room", where you can go in and lock the door, and you and the pets will be OK. Always have your cell phone and your keys on your person. (These are some suggestions that I remember others have made.) I think if you have not done this already, you also need to consult an eldercare/estate planning lawyer--you need to get things in your own name and not let your husband have any financial control. This has been discussed a lot--it's important in any kind of dementia.
sorry you have to come here but I'm glad you have. Lots of help and understanding here.
My husband loves everyone but me. he is so sweet and kind to everyone but not me. He started to change 18 years ago and four and a half years ago he went to Longterm Care and it was best for both of us. There are days when he is very sweet to me but always verbally upsetting. I just never know what to expect
Your guy may say he doesn't want to go but the best things I can tell you is if he is ranting and raving and you have to lock yourself in a room then call the police. Do that when he is at his most aggressive and let them take him to a physic. That way you will be safe. Nothing, hot house or money are as important as your safety.
My wife has bvFTD. The anger episodes were bad. Be sure to alert the police to your husband's condition so if they encounter him they can hopefully act appropriately and take him to a psych ward rather than jail. You should see an eldercare attorney and discuss this issue. A good lawyer will know how the local police will act and how to best ensure the best results. My son (then in middle school) called 911 on my wife twice in one week. The second call resulted in her going to jail (I picked her up around 11:30pm, no bail required) since she refused to go to the hospital and the social worker wouldn't force hospitalization (the police wanted to take her to the psych ward). And lawyer fees came to around $7,000 but forced her to accept having a paid caregiver at home. Knowing what I know now I think I could have forced the psych ward instead. She eventually moved into an ALF after her psychiatrist and neurologist recommended the move to her.
Take care of yourself and your dogs. There is some good advice posted here for you.