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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 17th 2018 edited
     
    For Christmas I sent the only two grandkids I still had contact with money for Christmas. M is 12 and N is 9. N is the one that has twice said cruel things to papa about his lack of remembering. HB quickly forget if he heard it but since he was looking right at me when he said it I heard and it hurt. True he was maybe 5 and 6 when he said it but he knew what he was doing. He is a precocious boy who has been allowed just to say what he wants no matter who it hurts. M's card got there first so he thought I forgot him. His showed up two days later even though they were mailed on the same day. My son called before Christmas and N was telling me about next year he gets to play football. I told him I wished he would wait a few more years because of the danger to the brain. This made him mad and he refuses to talk to me.

    I live 24/7 with dementia. Yesterday there was an article by Brett Farve where is tells about not wanting his grandkids playing football because of the know damage concussions can cause leading to dementia. I sent it to my son and ex=DIL saying this is why i said what I did. She emailed back telling me her and my son will decide what he does (I never said not to let him, just that I wished he would wait). She said she had her dreams squashed and she would not do that to her son even if it means injuries. He deserves a chance to make his dreams come true.

    I emailed her back telling her just like I removed myself from the other grandkids lives I am also removing me from M & N. I told her they don't care anyway. Neither one thanked me for the money. They both email so they could have easily emailed me a thank you. Now all of a sudden N is too young to do that. This is also the person who when I complained about the other grandkids never thanking me so I stopped said she would raise her kids to manners and send out thank you's. I refused to talk with her last night. She sent emails and text through FB. A few years ago when she was living with my sister she was badmouthing her on FB and I called her on it. She unfriended me and despite our relationship improving over the years she never added me back. In my goodbye message I asked her if she had any idea how much it hurt to have family make comments about something the kids were doing or pictures of them they saw on FB and there I was, their grandmother, having no idea what they were talking about. I told her I have walked on eggshells long enough. I am tired of it. If Myra loves me so much then why would she never answer the text I had been sending her since June?

    I told her to leave me alone. I am too tired to deal with all the drama. Today my granddaughter texted me. Wonder why all of a sudden. I only texted back 'hi' to her and asked how choir was going but should have been in bed so will be interesting to see if she replies.

    I was always the 'peace keeper' per say, tried not to ruffle feathers but I still seemed to get blamed. This results in me rarely ever sharing what I feel or believe. Many people I know willingly share how they feel, what they think, etc. but I rarely ever will correct or contradict them. Someday I hope to find a friend who is as interested in the real me as I am in them.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2018
     
    Relationships are so difficult sometimes. Seem fraught with danger at.every step. I don't understand the lack of thankyous either. One of my nieces in NY is also a quilter and sewer. I have made several things for her daughter and I was shocked that she didn't acknowledge receiving the package. I found out when I saw my grandniece wearing the dress on facebook. A few months ago I made a very soecial thing for my niece that she had asked for and she still hasn't mentioned receiving the package or said if she liked it. So no more. I didn't bother saying anything. Just won't bother making anything more.

    I am grateful that two of my brothers are friends of mine and we always have each other's backs. I gess 3 out of 5 is not bad. There are many things on which we don't agree but we are able to just shrug and love each other anyway.

    Sending you a big virtual hug. Not the same as being physically with someone who takes you just as you are, I know, but still..... you are a.special friend of mine.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2018 edited
     
    Yes, Charlotte. You are way overdue for a friend who will accept you as you are. And who you can have some fun with. Sadly, you're stuck in the "house arrest" stage of an Alzheimer's spouse.
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    Ditto to what bhv and myrtle said. Families will do you in, that's for sure. One of the hardest things for me to come to terms with--and it's not really an Alzheimers issue, so I don't say much on this forum--is that the family members who cared about me are all dead--and the ones who are left don't care about me. I'm not being dramatic or a martyr--it's the simple, realistic truth. A strange feeling for someone who was raised in a big, extended family. While we were not particularly "functional" and were never the Waltons, the whole wacky, ill-assorted bunch managed to pretty much stick together and be there for each other when the chips were really down. The final example was the way we took care of DH and my mother, so neither had to go into nursing homes. Well, that's all gone with the wind. I didn't even get a Christmas card this year from either of my two surviving brothers and their wives. Just saying.

    And I sent a fairly decent-sized check to my step-granddaughter who graduated from college last month. The check has not been cashed, nor have I received any acknowledgment. Her mother's side of the family is quite wealthy, so I imagine my gift looked like chickenfeed not worth bothering with. But still.

    Obviously I need a new "tribe." I tend to form networks, so imagine with time I will develop an authentic family of people I'm not blood-related to. The isolation of caregiving and of having been in another state for four years is gradually wearing off--but I do like my own company, and the dog is fun and keeps me busy.

    I've been thinking about you and your post this morning, Charlotte. Hang in there, Babe--your turn is coming.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2018
     
    I also came from a large family. there was his 2, her 2 and then their 5. Of the 7 of us (her 2 and their 5) I always thought when things got tough they would be there. But, in this transit society we live in we are scattered around the country. Everyone has their lives which do not include their siblings, especially one like me that is different. I always said I was the 'black sheep' of the family until a good Christian lady told me I was not black but 'white' washed by the blood of the lamb. When our oldest sister had her stroke, it was not her kids that was there for her but us three youngest siblings - us until two dementia people was too much for me and brother that is 23 years younger than her- who are in the same age range as her own kids. They were too busy with their own lives for their mom who would and did do anything for them. So you never know. It is sad. If I had an emergency the only one that might show up is my youngest sister (8 years younger) but none of the others.
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    Yeah, I know the feeling. If I had an emergency I'd be dealing with it by myself--and I try to plan accordingly. Not whining...just saying.

    There's an old saying that is so true--we used to see these situations a lot at work: "One mother can take care of six children...but six children cannot take care of one mother."
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2018
     
    ttt
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 19th 2018
     
    He is driving me and the animals crazy!! The dog gets a treat when she goes out. I have stopped it but he still does. Poor thing - he just grabs a piece of food out of her dish so she sits there with this puzzled look on her face. The treats are in a bowl with a red lid sitting right on the table. The cat - every time I leashed her out, within 5 minutes he was bringing her back in even if she didn't want to come in. Then she would sit looking at me wondering why he brought her in. We have a 6 ft leash just inside the door, so basically she has to stay right around the porch. She is happy with that - just being outside. So I have decided she won't get to stay out long until he is gone to day care.
  3.  
    Charlotte, just to calm your mind...are you watching the Southwest Florida eagle cam at all? The eaglets are doing fine, getting bigger every day, and so cute. I take a quick look a couple times a day--makes me smile.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeJan 20th 2018
     
    Elizabeth, thank you for reminding me of the eaglets. I had completely forgotten - it was nice to watch again. I sent the link to a couple of friends, so they could also enjoy.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 20th 2018
     
    yes I do. they are so cute - growing up so fast.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 20th 2018 edited
     
    The cat kept wanting out and I told her no. Hb takes her out me thinking he was going to put her on the longer leash. Nope, lets her go. She is now at the top of the pine tree with no idea how to get down. He is out there banging on the tree thinking that will bring her down. Just scares her. Wonder how long this will take.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 20th 2018
     
    update: took her about an hour to find her way down the tree. Was inside 5 minutes - enough time to get a bite then wanted back out. So she is on the leash again.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeJan 21st 2018
     
    Took DW to Bible study at church this evening. Class for old foggies "Second Wind". Endured 20+ questions from noon to 4:30, we goin yet? She forgot hour and a half study on prayer befoe we got home. Then, when we got home hurry check all the doors, were they locked.
    typical time out. fun, fun, FUN.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeJan 22nd 2018
     
    I used to take my cats out for walks on leash and harness. Now that I am down to 2 cats, no more. One wants to go outside but he gets super-agitated outdoors, starts hissing, slaps my foot/ankle with his paws and won't follow me back to the house, so I ended up picking up a 16 pound muscular cat and running back to the house with him with only a few scratches. This same cat does well on 90 minute car rides and visiting my wife at her ALF. My other cat is terrified of everything and can't stand going outside. I've had other cats that enjoyed being outside on a harness without going wild.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeJan 26th 2018 edited
     
    Wish I had more time on my computer with a keyboard without DW looking over shoulder and asking questions. This left hand pointer finger typing on my Kindle lying sideways iis the pits. She sleeps lightly and we live in a 2 room ALF. eeeeeeeerrrrrrr. just venting and maybe hoping cancer is faster.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTime5 days ago
     
    Just vented over on the other site. Some poor sole is afraid the current Federal administration is not going to be helpful to him. Charlotte, you weree nice to him. wonder if my thoughts stay up.