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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 17th 2018 edited
     
    For Christmas I sent the only two grandkids I still had contact with money for Christmas. M is 12 and N is 9. N is the one that has twice said cruel things to papa about his lack of remembering. HB quickly forget if he heard it but since he was looking right at me when he said it I heard and it hurt. True he was maybe 5 and 6 when he said it but he knew what he was doing. He is a precocious boy who has been allowed just to say what he wants no matter who it hurts. M's card got there first so he thought I forgot him. His showed up two days later even though they were mailed on the same day. My son called before Christmas and N was telling me about next year he gets to play football. I told him I wished he would wait a few more years because of the danger to the brain. This made him mad and he refuses to talk to me.

    I live 24/7 with dementia. Yesterday there was an article by Brett Farve where is tells about not wanting his grandkids playing football because of the know damage concussions can cause leading to dementia. I sent it to my son and ex=DIL saying this is why i said what I did. She emailed back telling me her and my son will decide what he does (I never said not to let him, just that I wished he would wait). She said she had her dreams squashed and she would not do that to her son even if it means injuries. He deserves a chance to make his dreams come true.

    I emailed her back telling her just like I removed myself from the other grandkids lives I am also removing me from M & N. I told her they don't care anyway. Neither one thanked me for the money. They both email so they could have easily emailed me a thank you. Now all of a sudden N is too young to do that. This is also the person who when I complained about the other grandkids never thanking me so I stopped said she would raise her kids to manners and send out thank you's. I refused to talk with her last night. She sent emails and text through FB. A few years ago when she was living with my sister she was badmouthing her on FB and I called her on it. She unfriended me and despite our relationship improving over the years she never added me back. In my goodbye message I asked her if she had any idea how much it hurt to have family make comments about something the kids were doing or pictures of them they saw on FB and there I was, their grandmother, having no idea what they were talking about. I told her I have walked on eggshells long enough. I am tired of it. If Myra loves me so much then why would she never answer the text I had been sending her since June?

    I told her to leave me alone. I am too tired to deal with all the drama. Today my granddaughter texted me. Wonder why all of a sudden. I only texted back 'hi' to her and asked how choir was going but should have been in bed so will be interesting to see if she replies.

    I was always the 'peace keeper' per say, tried not to ruffle feathers but I still seemed to get blamed. This results in me rarely ever sharing what I feel or believe. Many people I know willingly share how they feel, what they think, etc. but I rarely ever will correct or contradict them. Someday I hope to find a friend who is as interested in the real me as I am in them.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2018
     
    Relationships are so difficult sometimes. Seem fraught with danger at.every step. I don't understand the lack of thankyous either. One of my nieces in NY is also a quilter and sewer. I have made several things for her daughter and I was shocked that she didn't acknowledge receiving the package. I found out when I saw my grandniece wearing the dress on facebook. A few months ago I made a very soecial thing for my niece that she had asked for and she still hasn't mentioned receiving the package or said if she liked it. So no more. I didn't bother saying anything. Just won't bother making anything more.

    I am grateful that two of my brothers are friends of mine and we always have each other's backs. I gess 3 out of 5 is not bad. There are many things on which we don't agree but we are able to just shrug and love each other anyway.

    Sending you a big virtual hug. Not the same as being physically with someone who takes you just as you are, I know, but still..... you are a.special friend of mine.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2018 edited
     
    Yes, Charlotte. You are way overdue for a friend who will accept you as you are. And who you can have some fun with. Sadly, you're stuck in the "house arrest" stage of an Alzheimer's spouse.
  1.  
    Ditto to what bhv and myrtle said. Families will do you in, that's for sure. One of the hardest things for me to come to terms with--and it's not really an Alzheimers issue, so I don't say much on this forum--is that the family members who cared about me are all dead--and the ones who are left don't care about me. I'm not being dramatic or a martyr--it's the simple, realistic truth. A strange feeling for someone who was raised in a big, extended family. While we were not particularly "functional" and were never the Waltons, the whole wacky, ill-assorted bunch managed to pretty much stick together and be there for each other when the chips were really down. The final example was the way we took care of DH and my mother, so neither had to go into nursing homes. Well, that's all gone with the wind. I didn't even get a Christmas card this year from either of my two surviving brothers and their wives. Just saying.

    And I sent a fairly decent-sized check to my step-granddaughter who graduated from college last month. The check has not been cashed, nor have I received any acknowledgment. Her mother's side of the family is quite wealthy, so I imagine my gift looked like chickenfeed not worth bothering with. But still.

    Obviously I need a new "tribe." I tend to form networks, so imagine with time I will develop an authentic family of people I'm not blood-related to. The isolation of caregiving and of having been in another state for four years is gradually wearing off--but I do like my own company, and the dog is fun and keeps me busy.

    I've been thinking about you and your post this morning, Charlotte. Hang in there, Babe--your turn is coming.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2018
     
    I also came from a large family. there was his 2, her 2 and then their 5. Of the 7 of us (her 2 and their 5) I always thought when things got tough they would be there. But, in this transit society we live in we are scattered around the country. Everyone has their lives which do not include their siblings, especially one like me that is different. I always said I was the 'black sheep' of the family until a good Christian lady told me I was not black but 'white' washed by the blood of the lamb. When our oldest sister had her stroke, it was not her kids that was there for her but us three youngest siblings - us until two dementia people was too much for me and brother that is 23 years younger than her- who are in the same age range as her own kids. They were too busy with their own lives for their mom who would and did do anything for them. So you never know. It is sad. If I had an emergency the only one that might show up is my youngest sister (8 years younger) but none of the others.
  2.  
    Yeah, I know the feeling. If I had an emergency I'd be dealing with it by myself--and I try to plan accordingly. Not whining...just saying.

    There's an old saying that is so true--we used to see these situations a lot at work: "One mother can take care of six children...but six children cannot take care of one mother."
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 18th 2018
     
    ttt
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 19th 2018
     
    He is driving me and the animals crazy!! The dog gets a treat when she goes out. I have stopped it but he still does. Poor thing - he just grabs a piece of food out of her dish so she sits there with this puzzled look on her face. The treats are in a bowl with a red lid sitting right on the table. The cat - every time I leashed her out, within 5 minutes he was bringing her back in even if she didn't want to come in. Then she would sit looking at me wondering why he brought her in. We have a 6 ft leash just inside the door, so basically she has to stay right around the porch. She is happy with that - just being outside. So I have decided she won't get to stay out long until he is gone to day care.
  3.  
    Charlotte, just to calm your mind...are you watching the Southwest Florida eagle cam at all? The eaglets are doing fine, getting bigger every day, and so cute. I take a quick look a couple times a day--makes me smile.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeJan 20th 2018
     
    Elizabeth, thank you for reminding me of the eaglets. I had completely forgotten - it was nice to watch again. I sent the link to a couple of friends, so they could also enjoy.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 20th 2018
     
    yes I do. they are so cute - growing up so fast.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 20th 2018 edited
     
    The cat kept wanting out and I told her no. Hb takes her out me thinking he was going to put her on the longer leash. Nope, lets her go. She is now at the top of the pine tree with no idea how to get down. He is out there banging on the tree thinking that will bring her down. Just scares her. Wonder how long this will take.
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJan 20th 2018
     
    update: took her about an hour to find her way down the tree. Was inside 5 minutes - enough time to get a bite then wanted back out. So she is on the leash again.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeJan 21st 2018
     
    Took DW to Bible study at church this evening. Class for old foggies "Second Wind". Endured 20+ questions from noon to 4:30, we goin yet? She forgot hour and a half study on prayer befoe we got home. Then, when we got home hurry check all the doors, were they locked.
    typical time out. fun, fun, FUN.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeJan 22nd 2018
     
    I used to take my cats out for walks on leash and harness. Now that I am down to 2 cats, no more. One wants to go outside but he gets super-agitated outdoors, starts hissing, slaps my foot/ankle with his paws and won't follow me back to the house, so I ended up picking up a 16 pound muscular cat and running back to the house with him with only a few scratches. This same cat does well on 90 minute car rides and visiting my wife at her ALF. My other cat is terrified of everything and can't stand going outside. I've had other cats that enjoyed being outside on a harness without going wild.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeJan 26th 2018 edited
     
    Wish I had more time on my computer with a keyboard without DW looking over shoulder and asking questions. This left hand pointer finger typing on my Kindle lying sideways iis the pits. She sleeps lightly and we live in a 2 room ALF. eeeeeeeerrrrrrr. just venting and maybe hoping cancer is faster.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeFeb 14th 2018
     
    Just vented over on the other site. Some poor sole is afraid the current Federal administration is not going to be helpful to him. Charlotte, you weree nice to him. wonder if my thoughts stay up.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeMar 1st 2018
     
    ttt
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeMar 1st 2018
     
    did i i kick all the spamers out with the ts. if i omited gettinf a thread bach please forgive.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeMar 1st 2018
     
    Spams tic me off, sorry
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeMar 3rd 2018
     
    Rodstar43, I have pulled this up several times of late and it makes me smile every time. It just strikes my funny bone.
    Spams tic me off too.
    How're ya doin, my friend?
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      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMar 3rd 2018
     
    I'll vent about the inconsiderate people who let their vehicle run not thinking where the fumes are going to. There is a guy that moved in next to us (on the drivers side) that lets his old truck run before taking off or when he is working on it which he is not suppose to do but the park does not enforce it. This morning it was running at least 15 minutes while he waited for his girlfriend to come out. I finally went out and asked him how much longer because the fumes were going into our MH and I had a headache from them. don't know why I say anything because people like him do not really care. He also smokes non-stop outside (as does his girlfriend) so I can no longer open my window when he or she is home. :-(

    My other vent is Art and the cat. The cat will go in and out, in and out, all day on her leash. I tolerate it to a point and will leave her out longer even when she wants in. Not him. I put her out, he brings her in within minutes. She only has bout 5 ft of leash so sits on the porch or will hide under the step. He thinks she wants in if she is on the porch. Arggggggggggggggggg
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeMar 3rd 2018
     
    Arggggggggggghhh
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeMar 3rd 2018
     
    That is ond thing aboue an RV. park if u don't Like your neighbor, on ocf of you may leave soon. What as bout the Oregon side?? Hermiston area?
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeMar 4th 2018
     
    bhv, Bonnie, are you alright?
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeMar 4th 2018
     
    Hi lindylou, Yes I am OK. My Argggggggh was in sympathy with Charlotte.

    I went to the Adult Day Care (ADC) support group last Wed. Hb just paced and watched me through the window, but another lady said her husband took awhile to get used to the place and it ended up being good for him. I have an appointment with his doctor to get the form signed and TB test. Then will set up initial evaluation meeting. They suggest that three consecutive days are best for the person with dementia to imprint on the experience and I think that makes sense. I was going to just do two alternating days, but I think I am going to try Tues-Thurs. The lady said she told her husband they were going to try something new for a month and see how it goes.

    He misplaced his tv remote and I have been searching high and low and even outside and still cannot find it. Although he had been unable to even turn the damn thing on lately.

    I had started programming the thermostat to come on when he gets up so I could sleep a little longer, but the damn thing wouldn't keep time. So I got a new one that has wifi and installed it the other day. Pretty proud of that. Now I can nudge the temp right from my chair or desk. I thought that was the height of laziness, but since he currently JUMPS out of his chair whenever I get up and follows me around, it is really nice to just surreptitiously change the temp. I think it is running the heat pump more efficiently too. Somehow the air feels cleaner and it is quieter. Not sure how that could be, but suspect the other one was turning on the aux heat. Gotta check the usage data before and after. Last year I never put on winter clothes because I had to keep it so warm for him. This year - this month - we have winter and I actually am wearing a mock neck turtleneck. I wore one to the support group and even put on a little makeup and a necklace. Whoo Whoo.

    It is a full moon. The ADC confirmed that the full moon always causes strange behavior changes. I hadn't had a problem for a few months, but the last couple of days have been troublesome again. Friday night I was cooking and somehow offended his majesty and couldn't get him to leave the kitchen. Was afraid to turn my back so I turned off the food and left everything sitting there and went for a drive. Thought about going to San Diego for a few days, but just drove around the neighborhood, pulled onto a dark dirt road and read a book on my tablet for a few hours. It was actually nice. When I looked up it was dark and had been raining and I didn't even hear it. Went home and of course he didn't even say anything. I finished the food and gave him some. I ate in another room. He didn't say anything. He had apparently been looking for me cause the kitchen was all rearranged. His majesty is sitting on his throne watching the magical television and apparently happy for now. It is so weird now, I turn the damn thing on with my remote and his face lights up and he says, "Oh look, here it comes!"

    He had another temper tantrum when I tried to get him to change the "underwear" this morning. I've been giving him lactaid and immodium with lunch and he is pooping in the toilet. Yay! It had been an awful mess for 10-15 days a month since July 2017 or before. I've been tracking food since July. It's been nearly three weeks since any big mess.

    LOL. I was just realizing that I, once again, have motor "mouth" when someone asked how I am. Can't seem to stop "talking". Hope that doesn't discourage you from asking. I wanted to thank you, in particular. I felt like you were with me the entire day last Wed. I had enormous confidence that day. I felt the presence of a number of you too, but Lindylou, I would not have handled it quite as well without feeling you there with me. Whenever I wanted to get up and flee, I felt your hand on my shoulder telling me to give it a few more minutes.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMar 4th 2018
     
    Rod = I have looked in Oregon even Hermiston. Moving to another state means a lot of changing things, more than just moving to another place in WA. I think the thought of changing doctors is the most daunting although I don't like the VA's PA he has. I received a notice time for his yearly with the VA. This time I will demand he do some sort of physical other than blood and urine test. I will leave the room if it will make the PA more comfortable.

    Bonnie - glad that day worked out. Maybe going to day care will help him like my husband. Being around other people, other than just me, can be good for them.
    • CommentAuthorlindyloo*
    • CommentTimeMar 5th 2018
     
    bhv, (Bonnie). I was thinking of you Wednesday. And I hope that you (and the day center) give his going there the time it needs to work out. I found that it was very much easier to be "my better self" when that self was rested and refueled. Which was impossible when proving 24/7 care all the time.

    Speaking of refueling I'm going to pull the cottage on the lake to the top, for a bit of "virtual" relaxation for anyone who wishes. I'll stock the refrigerator with comfort food and dust off the furniture.

    While Worcester MA got a great deal of rain and some high wind, it was nothing like what happened to the coast where many are still flooded and without power. I have heard that another Northeaster is on its way for mid week here.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeMar 5th 2018
     
    My great niece lives on the East End of Long Island. She had pictures of the beach and storm damage on facebook yesterday. She found a bottle with a message inside! A couple from Connecticut put a list in it and wanted to see how far it would get. She added her name and sent it on its way. It was a really really pretty bottle too.
  4.  
    I always wanted to find a message in a bottle.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2018
     
    ttt
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 15th 2018
     
    I'm going to vent, scream, cry and like Bhv, tend to ramble on and on because there is no one else to talk too. It all sounds so trivial till you go through it over and over day after day. I was doing pretty good but want to get a small garden in and worked all day.....this evening he's ranting at me about where I want to put the plants. Sun or shade, next to the water line or avoid the black walnut tree. I go over and over it till we end up in a fight, which is all my fault . He has no concept about planting, he just expects to wake up one morning and go pick a tomato. Same with the house.....why do I get tired? I've been in the house all day. Clean sheets on the bed one day, next morning he spilled urine so had to strip everything down and do it all over again. But house fairies take care of that. Why do I have to put meat out? Because we have to eat - oh don't bother he'll eat what we had last night. How does he think meals appear? It all sounds so trivial but saying it over and over till I want to scream makes me crazy!!

    We are going to have to have our bathroom floor torn up to get to a leak, which means we'll have to use the upstairs toilet a few days. It's going to be a major problem...he doesn't understand anymore, he can't do it, put the plumber off this week but we have to get it done. Think I'll put the camping toilet in the laundry room for him,afraid he'll fall down the stairs. I read one woman say no matter what she needed....it was always, wait, this program just has 15 minutes to go.oh boy do I understand that - can't tell you how many times a day we go through this. But it starts over and so he has to wait again. Have to explain what's happening which means I can't enjoy a program. Now direct tv has changed the way everything shows up on your screen. It was already bad enough but he can't understand this...the buttons mean nothing to him, he wants the old one back...till I say forget it!!! You can't get it back.

    Even though he is 81 he thinks I'm about 30 when I say honey, I'm almost as old as you are he gets upset. Why should I be tired? Why should I need someone to help move the small dining table upstairs and the big one down. Was a major thing for him, he wanted the table that matched the hutch down here. No reason and takes up more room. Most of the time he prefers to eat on a TV tray. Oh yes, while I'm venting, lol, he wants me to dye my hair he always loved my bright red hair and even though I'm not gray it isn't bright red anymore. Almost every day we argue about it.....he seems to feel I refuse just to irritate hm. I'd love to be 30 again with beautiful hair but time catches up with everyone.

    Well I got mad so left him outside with the hose so better go see what's happening. He won't remember anything though so it will start all over. Thanks for listening, at least now I can go out and hopefully have a little more patience.
  5.  
    Vent away, Oakridge--we have all been there. I sure do remember those days. Sending lots of good thoughts and support by ESP.

    This will not last forever, even though right now it probably feels like it. I can't remember if the group has discussed a Day Program, an aide coming in...some kind of respite for you. It would probably be a good idea. Have you looked into anything? I know that Bonnie (bhv) and Charlotte's husbands go to day programs.
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeMay 15th 2018
     
    thanks for the venting. You may not realize it but it also helps many of us to know we are not alone in this nightmare.

    My husband is no where near that bad. I think I have more of a problem getting mad than him. He is on a low dose anti-depressant which when I forget I know it. I think I really need to up mine. I know I enjoy when he is gone, dread when I know it is near time for the bus to come.
    • CommentAuthorpaulc
    • CommentTimeMay 16th 2018
     
    Oakridge, will the "Yes we have no bananas" approach help with your husband. When he asks for something always say yes but then put it off (into infinity). "Yes, I'll look for hair dye the next time I go shopping" and then don't do it. Avoid discussing the garden with him, or say that is an interesting idea and you will think about it. Arrange for the plumber without consulting him. Agree that the new Direct TV interface sucks and you wish you could do something about it.

    I realize that this doesn't not help with the ordeal of going through this every single day (or multiple times a day). That this is all on you, unfortunately. I'm only hoping to make each frustration a little less frustrating for you.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeMay 16th 2018
     
    Oakridge - I agree with paulc. I use to agree with my husband when he told me things were not "working well" - I would tell him I had trouble also, even though I knew it was him. I also told him I'd "look into it" to appease him at the time. I only wish I'd done those things sooner. It took me a while to be able to agree with him when he was saying something that didn't make any sense - it sure made my life easier once I did. At first, whenever he'd say something that was incorrect or ridiculous, my first reaction was to disagree with him & explain why that was wrong. Of course that made the situation worse. I really had to work hard at "shutting up" & thinking before I responded.
    • CommentAuthorCarolVT
    • CommentTimeMay 16th 2018
     
    I endorse what Charlotte said about it helping to know we are not alone and I agree heartily with paulc and Nicky! It is so hard to get/keep that separation to be able to respond after thinking.
    • CommentAuthoroakridge
    • CommentTimeMay 16th 2018
     
    Thank you all for the positive suggestions, I think in trying to keep peace and provide what he needed, I have been reacting to his moods when I need to be proactive. I have always tried to protect him. Sadly, we have outlived most of our close friends, I checked into respite/home care help -- we live way out in the country. They do have someone who can come out but it's primarily to help with health care functions, which he doesn't need. I couldn't justify the cost to just have someone come in to help with the house, meals etc since he wouldn't want me to leave anyway. I was so upset last night I was actually ill this morning - but he is happy as a lark. Remembers nothing. I'm going to try some of your suggestions and if he gets angry, he'd be angry anyway. There is no one but me to care for him, and since he doesn't remember much anyway, I'm just going to try and ignore some things, insist on going someplace alone occasionally. He us fine alone for a few hours, he'll just watch TV, the worry is he'll try to cook -- is good at turning on the gas and not turning it far enough to light. If I make sure there is something he can heat in the microwave, he should be fine.

    I'll tell him I'll check on getting my hair colored at the beauty shop since I'd be afraid to try it myself. He always loved my curly hair, now he tells me to comb my hair, I say I did, and he'll say comb it again, LOL. I can't change these things but I can change how I react to them. I have been ignoring the things I love to do because I was always trying to make things easier for him. I'm going to move my sewing and painting supplies upstairs - and leave him down here to watch TV. He doesn't like the idea and suggested we reactivate the TV up there so he can be up there with me. I feel so guilty for wanting to get away from him but if something happened to me I don't know what would happen to him.

    I'll forget the garden and plant a few things in tubs, I have to have flowers and herbs, so will put them right at the front door. He always "forgets" we need to get a small deck built at the front because the ground is so uneven, he has fallen several times and I've even had trouble with it. I will just hire someone to put in a small one, and set my flowers on it. I'll let him sleep as long as he wants in the morning, that has worried me - but I'll consider it me time. I got a gift certificate for Mother's Day - so that will give me an opportunity to put my plan in effect. He will want to go but it's at the mall, which he hates.

    I would have to have him hog-tied and carried out to go to a day care - plus I was surprised at how expensive they are. I think if I can develop a way to have more time alone, to do things I enjoy and/or just be alone - I won't be so stressed all the time. I haven't had a pedicure in two years, one of my little pleasures. When I mention going he says he can do it :) But -- I am just going to be a witch if necessary - and insist on going one day, and going alone. It might be rough the first few times...but better than the alternative. I so appreciate everyone listening to my woes, I sometimes feel if I can't get my feelings out I'll - I don't know what I'll do, it just builds till I explode.....I feel so petty and disloyal. We have to have the bathroom done and it requires a plumber so I am just going to make an appt for next week and get it done - no matter how much he protests. At least I'll feel better, LOL.
  6.  
    Good problem solving, oakridge. One more suggestions, though: Either take the knobs off of the gas stove when you aren't using it, or when the plumber is there ask if he can install a valve for the gas that only you will know about. Don't trust an AD patient around gas. Never assume that because they haven't done anything in the past or you don't think they will do anything that you are safe. Oh no. Some of the AD mischief described in buried threads here is hair-raising.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2018 edited
     
    Hi there Oakridge. Sorry I haven't been around for a few days. As you expect, I can relate to what you are saying. Especially like you said, "I was so upset last night I was actually ill this morning - but he is happy as a lark." Boy oh boy, that stuff makes me see red.
    I don't have the repetition problem any more. I was always pretty good at answering the same question as if it was the first time. He drove me bonkers with the remote control. Now he can't seem to turn on the tv any more. For a long time I had to play dvds for him because he got so upset with the commercials. Now he laughs at the commercials more than the program especially if there are dogs. Now I can put on the western channel all afternoon. Been doing that for weeks. They are repeating now, but he doesn't seem to notice or care.
    When we watch new programs at night he sometimes asks what happened. I used to try to explain it. I don't try any more. He continues to ask. I pretend I didn't hear. He doesn't seem to notice. Lately I have been recording Saturday Night Live. Pretty difficult to follow, but he laughed at several rather complex jokes the other night. That was interesting.
    When he was shadowing me I brought my small sewing machine downstairs and did some projects in the dining room so he could watch tv. I can do some design work on the computer, but need to work upstairs again. I think it will be better this time. I used to have to set a timer to go down and change his dvd.
    I used to try to involve him in projects like sprinkler repairs or trimming trees. It became too cumbersome.and downright dangerous. He was constantly undoing what I had just done. Just thinking about how things have changed over these years. From when he didn't know how to fix sprinklers but kept insisting on doing it anyway. Re breaking what we.just fixed. Refusing to allow me to fix the programming. Now he comes to watch, gets bored and leaves.
    Your mention of a pedicure reminded me of the series of classes I took.at the Office on Aging. One homework assignment was to pick something as a goal to do for ourselves that week. I picked play piano. You might pick the pedicure. Your homework assignment is to follow through and go do that for yourself.... by yourself.
    Now things are drastically changing again. I think I will start a.new subject.