As I was responding to the comments on another thread, I realized I was moving into a new area. From my husband to his doctor :)
When we switched to a new insurance company a number of years ago, he was already showing problems with memory so we deliberately chose a doctor who specialized in geriatrics. I tried to talk to the doctor privately but he didn't listen to me. Next my husband asked me to make a list so he could talk to the doctor, which I did. But nothing was ever done, he and his nurses told him he was fine, everyone forgets names etc. But this was more than forgetting names - he didn't remember names when he was a young man. I also tried to discuss his medications, I felt he was taking too many but the doctor said everyone had a purpose.
When I went on medicare I had to switch systems and get a new doctor, and am so glad I did. A couple of years ago I was able to have my husband transferred to her. It has been so much better, I can talk to her without him being present and she asked me to attend his appointments with him so I was aware of what she told him.
We had to wait 6 months to see a neuropsycologist and, as I mentioned in another post, the day he had his first evaluation the doctor mentioned AD, he shut down and would not go back to finish the tests. He doesn't want to know. He is taking no medication for AD at this time, since he did not return to the specialist. He has a quick temper and can be mean and hurtful but is not violent. The doctor has told me I should go ahead and make some plans, research facilities etc. He is 80 now and is progressing faster.
Sorry you had the problem with doctors. This is all too common especially when the person is younger than 60. They say the disease starts 20 years or longer before symptoms show up. My SIL who was a blond we always called her a ditsy blond. She was diagnosed at age 55. She told me that she felt all that 'ditsy' was the early stages of the disease. My husband had some personality changes in 1985 that was called detached personality disorder. I look back and wonder if it was the beginning.
When my husband was showing problems - never hearing me - I sent him to the doctor who sent him for the neuropsych testing. when he told me the doctor called he said everything was fine. A few months later we were working in Nevada when the VA doctor there gave him a copy of the neuropsych results. The psych doctor recommended the dementia clinic. As others can attest to - they will often tell us every thing is fine when the doctor has told them differently. Since then I went to all his doctors appointments which the VA had no problem with. Allowing me in is considered giving his consent to talk to me about his condition.
Now that I am on Medicare and 65 I am trying to transfer to the senior clinic in town. The doctor I have had the last 4 years seems to not be interested at all in my. When I go in with a complaint he refers me to a specialist. He prescribed antidepressant for me almost 4 years ago and has never asked me once how I am feeling emotionally. Even though he is in his 50s I don't feel he has any idea what stress I am going through. He doesn't seem to care that since he lowered my thyroid meds so low after my hysterectomy how crappy I feel. The doctors at the senior clinic are suppose to be experienced in dealing with problems of seniors including dementia.
My husband's PA at the VA doesn't seem too competent either. When he goes him for his yearly checkup, they do blood and urine test beforehand. When we get there he looks them over, says all is fine and that is it. He doesn't listen to his heart or lungs, feel his glands, etc. I am assuming it is because I told him if he gets cancer or a serious illness we wouldn't treat it. He claims he has dealt with men with Alzheimer's before, has no problem treating things when they come up like behavior. I wanted to be sure because I hate driving 250 miles to Portland to his Neuro. He does have Medicare and should pay for a supplement so he can see an outside doctor.
So ya, many doctors leave a lot to be desired. I am glad you have found one that is working for you instead of against you.
When we were going through the process of trying to get DH diagnosed, I really felt like sometimes our voices made no sound, for all the attention doctors paid to what we said. Evidently none of the doctors we saw realized that people under the age of 65 could even get dementia. The only doctor who believed that anything was wrong (unlike all the specialists we saw) was DH's family doctor. He knew him, and knew something was different.