My DH can do lots of things for himself. But today I found out he can clean up his messes! As I was coming in from taking the dog out, DH was coming onto the back porch with the kitchen tablecloth in his hand. He very calmly (thank you Sertraline) said, "I turned over my coffee on the pretty tablecloth". I said well that's okay, well clean it up. He said - I think I already have. He had taken the tablecloth off, brought to the back porch, taken some papertowels and cleaned up the spill from the chair and floor! He said he didn't know what kind of stain remover I used for the tablecloth! Took him to the laundry room and showed him and let him spray it on. He did good. Before Sertraline, he would have been all upset and not cleaned it up.
Good for him and for you, Vickie. It's amazing what these drugs can do. My Dh is much easier to live with since he's on Risperdal. But I don't think it has increased his functioning at all, if anything he seems to be declining faster.
Jeanette, I'm so sorry he is declining so fast! We just never know, do we? But anything to make the daily living better for them and us is a good thing!
My DH can make his coffee, toast, put his dishes in the dishwasher. He can feed himself, get the mail. If the phone rings he hands it to me. I don't know if he can't open it or doesn't want to talk. He will make the bed, but not smooth the sheets. He can take out the garbage, but sometimes it is the wrong day. If the plumber comes and I am out, he can't tell him what to do. It never knows what day it is or season. He has no empathy. If we watch tv and the story is sad, he will say what is wrong with her? He knows that I am his wife, but could not remember how many kids we have recently. He can't remember anything I tell him and constantly asks me the same questions. He no longer drives, for which I am so very grateful and never mentions driving. I have seen more decline in the last several months than in the past.
There's not much my wife can do on her own, and she doesn't start any projects. Thus, I was really surprised this morning to find her making the bed for the first time in over a year. She actually did a pretty good job, except that the pad I have under her was wet this morning so in the wash. I'll slip it in before we go to bed.
My DH can perform all personal care: showering, shaving, choosing clothes, getting dressed, brushing teeth. At night he needs visual or verbal clues to remove his partial and place it in glass of water. He can load dishwasher, put in detergent, and turn it on. If he unloads the dishwasher, he has great difficulty knowing where items are stored - will "guess" and put them anywhere. He can operate the washing machine and dryer. (I look over his shoulder to make sure he adds detergent and softener - once he ran the washer with water only.) He can set the table, but often puts the fork on the right and the knife on the left. He feeds the cat. He cleans up hairballs (UG!) He cannot handle any bills or checkbook chores. He writes very little (items we need on shopping list). He "reads" the newspaper - (not really - I see him look at the same section over and over). He cannot operate the remote for the TV other than "on" and "off". He has trouble with the telephone. He will not have anything to do with the computer. He is very calm and even tempered at this point. His Meds are Aricept and Namenda. More often now than in the past,he struggles to find the words that he wants to say. He cannot remember anyone's name. Sometimes in the evening, he gets "lost" looking for the bedroom. He loves music and attends concerts.
My dh can brush his teeth and shave as long as I have put the razor and toothrbrush out (with toothpaste on it) He can dress himself as long as I have the clothes put out. He doesn't do much else. I'll have him dry the dishes but he doesn't remember where they go. Doesn't always remember where the bedroom or bathroom is. He doesn't remember anyone's name either. He doesn't even try to read anything anymore
DH is almost completely incapable of helping anymore, just because he simply does not understand what he's supposed to do and how to do it. And cannot follow any instructions. Today we needed to do a little cleaning so I asked him to get out the vacuum cleaner. Where is the vacuum cleaner. In the hall closet. Where's the hall closet? I showed him. He got out the vacuum cleaner and put it together but said it wasn't working. Well, he hadn't plugged it in. I pulled out the cord and plugged it in, asked him to vacuum in the living room. He vacuumed a portion of the KITCHEN, then started to put the vacuum cleaner away again. He ties the hose into an elaborate knot. Not necessary. I just took it from him and finished the job. He followed me around and I kept giving stuff to him to put away. He did some of that, if he understood where it was to go. He understood wastepaper basket but not the plastic recycling bag. Understandable, because that's new. BUT there was a first in the garden this afternoon. We were sitting in the lawn swing and he was apparently bothered by some weeds he saw and actually got down on his knees to pull them. That's the first time this year. I was delighted to see it because he has always loved to work with plants and soil.
Watch tv if someone turns it on. cannot use the remote. Go to the restroom, but someone needs to clean up after him. Put on a pullover shirt, sometimes backwards. Put on his own eyeglasses. Walk about 15 steps with a walker. Stand up, usually. Go to bed Get out of bed Feed himself if food brought to his chair and cut up for him That's about it, folks.
Sheltfan, G is about the same level as yours...tries to help, but it usually ends up a mess or an accident...more frustration all around. Our pup was attacked by another dog and is going thru a very lengthy healing, and G is absolutely zero help. He just watches me do everything, Once in a while he will attempt to empty parts of the dishwasher, but that's an accident about to happen. He can dress himself, but the clothes must be carefully checked over for spots etc.Help in nearly all quarters is the daily plan.
This gets so confusing for me because on the surface it seems he can do most things but then we just agreed he was not to drive anymore and there had been a few problems there. He can do: Dresses himself without help or prompting (although not as well as he once did). Takes his own medication and keeps track of it. Cooks when he wants to and is able to follow a recipe. Walks all over town. Walks himself to local bars/restaurants and listens to music. (However, not too good at tracking his "change back." Finds local (45 minutes away) minor league baseball games and has driven himself but now I'll take him. Finds music events he wants to attend.
Years and months ago I posted he seemed to be able to do that which he enjoyed but nothing else. In a way that hasn't changed much. But he doesn't have the energy for any of the above activities like he used to so the decline is obvious to me. He gets VERY TIRED after any activity especially anything considered a "chore."
He no longer takes initiative to do much of anything except the few activities he really likes. He looks more and more to me as his assistant (cruise director I sometimes call it).
This morning I asked him to go help a friend of ours who recently had surgery. He helped her do a few chores like putting suet in the bird feeders, replacing a screen over an opening in her deck skirting, but as soon as I entered the room he tried to get me to take over. It was almost humorous as he sounded like a child trying to get out of a simple chore. After we got home he went to bed. Everything seems to exhaust him, plus I think he's depressed because of the driving.
Soon I guess my list of things he can still do will be shorter. Now, the things he can do require more time, more help, and take a lot more of his energy.
Oh, and most importantly, he can walk the dogs and feed the dogs. However his judgment is impaired in that he thinks it is okay to let them out in the side UNFENCED yard off leash and it is NOT.
I have been straining my brain as I read through all of your responses. For the life of me there is damned little my wife can do. She can walk, sometimes alone but mostly with assistance. She will occasionally take a sandwich in hand and eat some of it. She smiles at us.
That is pretty much it. We have to do everything else for her.
Thunder, I'm very glad for you for the last item in your list "She smiles at us." My DH smiles very seldom. He mostly looks cross or worried. When he does laugh it's usually about something pretty silly, but I'm glad. But he did smile a lot at our baby granddaughter yesterday. She is a big smiler herself so those two get along just fine, except when she screeches. She's at the stage where she loves to make noise.
My husband can take care of all of his ADLs but needs to be supervised as he has no judgement. His language skills are affected so he points alot and calls most everything "that". I do alot of guessing about what he means which is frustrating for the both of us. He is in good health--other than FTD. I've been lucky in that he has not been aggressive but pretty easy going about doing things. His main problem is no short term memory so a lot of repeating, aggitation, and the need to be constantly in motion (walking around the house/block, going to the mall, etc).
My husband can not talk, walk, use the toilet, dress himself or feed himself. He seldom makes eye contact and does not smile or frown. But when I walk into the nursing home in the evenings and say "Hi, baby. I'm here". he puckers up and raises his face for a kiss.
It's sad to look at my original post here about year ago and see all the things listed there that dh can no longer do: He can no longer: - shave, shower or brush teeth. I wash him and shave him and instead of brushing his teeth he eats an apple and we have the dentist clean his teeth more often. - He can still fix his own sandwich but only if the fixings are right in front of him, cut into the right size. - He can still physically ride a bike but can’t find his way ANYWHERE except his obsessive desire to take the main road into Rotterdam. So he can no longer go anywhere on his own. - Will no longer mow the lawn, although he would be physically capable of it. - Will only go to bed if I get him ready, stand him beside the bed, turn down the covers and gently nudge him into it. - Can no longer choose clothes but will sometimes object to the shirt I’ve chosen and wait till I’ve found a different one. . Finish a sentence of more than a few words, or express complex emotions except to say "This is not good."
He can still: - cut his food and eat it if it’s pretty straightforward. - eat anything that I leave out on the counter, table or stovetop (but will not look in fridge, cupboards or freezer.) - do a few simple chores: set up the clothes mill for me in the back yard, or take it down - bring the empty garbage bin back to the house - empty the kitchen trash basket into the garbage bin - take out the compost and empty it into the compost bin. - help me pick cherries or blackberries - crack walnuts or peanuts (but will eat them all, cannot collect nutmeats in a dish) - get in and out of the car by himself and fasten or unfasten his seatbelt (although he sometimes sticks it in my slot) - work the push-button controls on his new recliner (I’m surprised, but he really likes the new chair and likes to show it off to company) - arrange Rummicub tiles in a row by number (more or less) - watch TV with apparent interest. This works better with a limited number of programs (sitcoms) with recognizable characters. - look through a newspaper or magazine with apparent interest (absorbing absolutely nothing) - participate in games, quizzes and activities at daycare. Won a pair of socks at bingo the other day. (I was amazed, he must have had some help.) - pull on his t-shirt and pull up his pants after I have helped him get his feet into them. - take his jacket from the hanger and put it on, or take it off and hang it up - put on his own shoes and socks and tie his shoes. He can put on his watch, and his reading glasses but he seldom does. Claims he has never worn glasses - tell me to slow down
Jeanette, After reading your post I had to go back and read what you wrote last year. That's sounds like my hb now. What stage would you say your hb is in now? When was he diagnosed and what meds is he currently taking? Just curious, I know, no two are alike,just so many similarities. Also, my hb likes to go outside on the deck and kill bugs,keeps him entertained for a long time. Says that will be all the less that will be biting him. He also does word search puzzles for hours on end! Doesn't want to do anything that looks like work,except mow with the riding lawn mower.
I think Siem is a solid stage 5, maybe closer to 6. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer in November 2008 (after a few years of increasing cognitive decline, memory not so much so he may have FTD). At that point I think he was stage 3, his decline has been fast. He is 67. He is on Exelon, 4.5 mg twice daily and Risperidon (for anger and agitation) .5 mg daily. I tried to stop the Exelon recently but he was clearly more agitated and less cooperative, so we went back on. At diagnosis I think he scored 27/30 on the minitest. His score last week was 8/30. I should have added above that he still goes to the toilet on his own, also at night, but is not very good at aiming or at cleaning himself, so I'm trying to introduce a little supervision, which he is resisting.
This is a list well worth printing out since things do change and sometimes it is hard to recall every thing that changed and when. What can my DH do: Get up Get dressed but despite putting out clean clothes for him every day he prefers his dirty clothes so I have to remind and remind and take clothes away which works for the outer wear but not the underwear.. He can take his meds provided I put it all out. He reads the papers and magazines though not with the same degree of interest as in the past months. He will recall what he reads IF it is something of real interest to him. He watches lots of TV. He will fix his own breakfast and lunch if I don't do it. He will clear his place but he will not wipe down the counter or put things in the dishwasher. He will fix his cocktail ( which I wish he would just give up) He will get his own snacks. He will go for a walk IF I nag him to do this or go out in the yard for freah air. He can carry on conversations He can answer the phone He remembers most people He knows his geography He knows history and watches the History channel a lot What he won't or can't do: He does not take messages He does not drive though he says he does He does not shower, etc unless I coax him to but he will do it without pestering if he knows he has a doctor appointment or some other appointment. He does not help in the yard at all. He does not know the day or date unless he looks at the paper more than once. He will not recall what I tell him is for dinner, sometimes he doesn't even know if I ate when I am with him at the table.
I wish the medicines would make him well but to think it will is not realistic and won't happen. If God would grant a miracle then it would.
Walk, mainly holding my hand. Sit on toilet with my guidance Feed herself if I "prime the pump" (put the first bite in her mouth) Talk, but doesn't make any sense I think she knows me, but am not sure about other family members - our kids, her sister
Going into the 8th year, DH can: Shower,shave, brush teeth Make Bed Make his breakfast (cereal, fruit) Make his lunch (sandwich, fruit) Use microwave - but not stove Fix his glass of cream sherry and my glass of wine Chop veggies Clear the table and load the dishwasher - no, not like I would - but I leave it Unload dishwasher and put dishes away - not necessarily where they belong, but that's okay. Dress himself - I lay out his clothes if we are going anywhere Undress himself, hangs clothes up Puts on his p.j.'s Walks the dog Watches TV, mainly NCIS and Law & Order & House - but gets the remote in a jam often Takes his meds - I put them in the 7 day container- a.m . and p.m. Carry on conversation - as long as it is rather short Can trim the hedges Takes out the garbage Sets the table Can answer the phone, but doesn't take messages well. Vacumns and cleans kitchen floor and sometimes bathroom floor Pays for food when we dine out (he asks me for money to do it) Mostly orders for himself, but sometimes will ask what I suggest
He cannot/does not: Drive Use cell phone Change lightbulb in our 12 ft ceilings - because I won't let him use the ladder! LOL doesn't remember names of people we see often - but not always doesn't remember where my son lives, nor that he just had kidney/pancreas transplant. doesn't remember where his son lives doesn't handle any finances and
doesn't remember what I've just told him 2 minutes ago!!!
Thanks for posting this Vickie. A year ago I thought our dh's were about at the same stage but I think Siem is declining faster. He cannot leave the house on his own now for any reason; he would not find the way home. Since I've chained his bike he does not leave, just goes out to the road and looks. I watch him from the window or go out and distract him so that he'll come back in. He would not have the initiative to bathe himself or fix himself a meal. He never answers the phone and does not handle money. He has one 5-Euro bill in his billfold that he has had for months. He won't work the TV remote anymore, not even to turn the TV on or off.
You are right, Jeanette, they did seem to be about the same a year ago. DH has not declined as far as doing/not doing things, but more in the not walking very well. He does still walk alone, but more shuffling and he uses a cane when he walks the dog. By evening, he says his feet and legs feel so heavy he can't pick them up and he feels so tired it's hard to move. In the mornings, he's much better.
I feel so badly for you about the cycling. I know how much you both enjoyed it.
Marsh...I think INTJ is # I – Introversion preferred to extraversion: INTJs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy).[8] # N – Intuition preferred to sensing: INTJs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.[9] # T – Thinking preferred to feeling: INTJs tend to value objective criteria above personal preference. When making decisions they generally give more weight to logic than to social considerations.[10] # J – Judgment
Thanks, Phranque I was just about to post that... My DH is an Extrovert ( or was) Every night would be New Year's Eve if he could have got away with that. I hate large groups and can't wait to get out. Smaller groups work for me.
I have a very strong sense of intuition and I am right more often than not. There have been a couple of times when I experienced Pre cognition..scared H*&& out of others as my prediction for them came to pass. Don't know where that comes from either..
I do focus on the big picture and hate getting down in the weeds. I take the immediate situation, whatever it might be, and project what the possible outcome could be and focus on at least 3 courses of action for problem solving..if one method won't work another will.However I am aware of the immediate realities of what is going on either in the world of political ramifications, or social ramifications. I do not suffer fools well at all.
Yep..logic is a big deal..I was hated in Logic Class...broke the curve..
Judgmental..yep.. I analyze and make a decision based on facts and I am not touchy feely at all which does not mean I am a hard hearted Hannah but I don't give into sob stories very easily. I mean if there were bats in the attic I would be all for get them out and the quicker the better and to heck with the Sierra Club views on bats.
Where this comes from I have no clue..must have been born with it. I drive my hiking pal nuts as she is 180 out from me..she is touchy feely to the point it drives me batty, always finding and excuse for something..to say we have spirited conversations would be an understatement. I never convince her nor she me. Makes the world go round.
I think my DH is getting worse in some ways and better in others! He does better putting dishes in the correct cupboards when he empties the dishwasher, except for casserole dishes. He leaves them on the counter for me. He can't change the blades in his razor and this morning came to ask me If I could see the hole on a fresh can of shaving cream. He hadn't taken off the top. Twice this past week he AGAIN brought up about the yard and someone called on the phone and was really nasty to him about him not taking care of anything outside. He never answers the phone and if it was in the evening like he was saying I would have been here to answer the phone. I don't have the patience to keep telling him the HOA takes care of the outside not the homeowners. I ended up yelling so he went to his bedroom for the rest of the night which was okay with me. At least it was peaceful!
Jean21, I'm sorry that you ended up yelling at your DH, but now I realize that I'm not the only one who gets to the end of their rope & yells. I KNOW it's not their fault (it's not his fault, it's not his fault, a little voice keeps telling me). but my frustration sometimes wins out & so I yell too. He will have one of 2 responses. He will yell back, or he will give me that heartbreaking look & say "I'm sorry." When he does that I really feel bad & then I hear that little voice again. Vickie, you are right, it IS a rollercoaster (I never did like rollercoasters!)
Most of all, what my DH can do is tell me things that I have to take care of. Sometimes he sticks with one thing, over and over again. Currently, it is will I take him for new bedroom slippers. I have bronchitis and am taking antibiotics, cough medicine and an inhaler. Yet, he keeps talking about my talking him for slippers. Before this, he kept telling me about his loose tooth. We went to the dentist numerous times, finally he has a temporary bridge. He keeps telling me about the tooth. He forgets that he is getting a permanent bridge in three weeks. The only thing I ask him to do is to put the garbage and recycling out once a week. Sometimes, he argues with me about doing that. He won't do it if no other neighbors have done it yet. I trust him to shave himself, but this week he only does it after I tell him he needs to.
DH couldn't remember that Ohio State was playing at 5.00pm. I marked it in the sports section of the newspaper but of course he couldn't remember to look at it. I lost count of the times he asked what time they were playing. A little after 5 I told him his game would be on and he asked "what game?' When I told him Ohio State he said "I thought they were playing at six'. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaargh!
The first time I posted and answered this question was Oct. 27, 2009. After going back and reading what I wrote then and knowing the difference now is really awsome. My dh has gotten worse fast. He can: Watch tv but not understand what is going on. Still use the bathroom but must be shown where it is and does not always know what to do in there. Still feed self if you cut up food, take away everything but the utensil that has to be used, remind him not to eat the shells of food with shells on them, remind him how to eat certain foods. He does not know what he is eating very often. Smile and make people think he understands conversations that he has no clue about. Fuss at me and talk back when told to do something except he can't make the right words come out so I have to sorta tell him what he wants to say...... Not real easy to fuss at myself for someone else...... Hold on to something for hours in his hands and not put it down unless told to. He has no idea he is holding anything. It is a problem when he only used one hand to try to do something...... laughable at times...... Laughs and trys to be happy even when the times are wrong. Like when I am in distress, he laughs. When I am mad, he laughs......... It is easier to say what he can't do. No toiletries, almost no communication, can't find anything. He doesn't know what or where most things are or where they go. There is very little he still knows or understands. He is just a chunk of handsome, loving, warmth. It breaks my heart to see him like this and know he is so close to loosing it all soon.......
I have seen the decline in my husband too of course. He is now bedridden except when the CNA moves him to the bathroom a few times a week for washing and shaving. He still can feed himself and likes to watch tv. He dozes more and more. . Hates to be cHanged at night and is still very strong with his grip. Very little talking. Still smiles and kisses me goodnight.
I knew DH was having problems with math calculations and dates,,among other things, but tonight he didn't know when our anniversary was. I told him it was October 1, 1983. He asked me how many years that was and I told him that it will be 28 this year. We spent 45 minutes (or more) with pencil and paper doing the simple math to show him how I knew how many years. Subtraction totally over his head. He said that he knew it was opposite of addition but wasn't sure how it worked. I was a teachers aide in elementary school for several years and it was like teaching a first grader all over again. I felt so sad and he felt worse. Wondered what he can do to get his basic skills back. He realizes things he doesn't know anymore...sometimes wish he didn't remember that he didn't remember.
Sheila51, I hate to break this sad news but he won't regain those basic skills. That part of his brain no longer functions in the way that he can retain this information. My DH tested above average in those areas which is NOT the norm but because of his aviation years and spatial skills which were way above normal strong, those are in tact so far according to the doctors. But his recall is in the trash can and it is getting to the point where even simple things require more and more explaining than before. He still can grasp some things thank 'goodness like when we had to visit the lawyer last week...he got it and answered correctly without me present. But I am seeing more and more that look of what are you talking about on his face and this is so very sad.
Sheila, for Lynn this was the worse time for him. When he knew what was happening, and what was wrong. God! That was so painful for him. The looks of stark terror... I will never forget that look!! As hard as it is for me to see him in late stage now, I am so grateful he is no longer haunted as he use to be.
I am afraid that Mimi is right, there is no way to get back what has been lost. However, I am a firm believer that if you don't use it, you lose it. I did everything I could possibly think of to "keep" what function Lynn did have for as long as possible. For example, instead of letting him just veg out for hour after hour, I did engage him in activities he could still do. I adjusted the tools needed for the task to fit his decline. Like he could no longer do jigsaw puzzles, but he COULD still build a children’s puzzle. So I got him a puzzle that he loved and we worked on it daily until he couldn't do it any more. He use to love word search puzzles, but could no longer do them... again I bought different ones, ones with large letters and simple words. He was able to enjoy his puzzles a few more years just by making some adjustment to help him.
I think it is vital to not dwell on what our loved ones can no longer do and instead encourage and embrace what they CAN still do. It is hard, no damn near impossible to stay upbeat and proactive in the midst of so much loss. But in my heart, I do believe it helped Lynn stay functioning longer than he would have otherwise. Even now when he is late stage I haven't given up. He is bedridden now, and we have lost so much...... but I still do daily physical therapy and range of motion with him. People ask me why if he can't walk do I bother..... because he is my husband! And I just can't give up on him. Plus I can't help but feel by keeping his body moving, it will help him stay comfortable longer.
Lynn can not do any of the things he could do even just a year ago. He is bedridden now, and that just breaks my heart... But I can’t dwell on what he can’t do, on all we have lost.. Or I just wont survive! Instead I think about what he can still do……
He CAN still tell me he loves me! And for me that is more than enough, it is everything! ♥
Thank you so much Nikki and Mimi for your words. I myself KNOW he will never regain these skills but do I TELL him he can't? Don't think so...I just told him that we would do whatever we can to work out these problems. I have always thought that when someone got dementia/AZ that they just would never no longer know what they forgot or couldn't do. I didn't realize that they were aware of what they could no longer do. Help me God, I have so much more to learn during this process. He is going to Georgia on Monday with a younger brother (to meet the other youngest brother) for a trip to the Master's golf golf tourney. I sent an email to both brothers explaining how DH had gone downhill in the last couple of weeks and instructions on how to treat him. The brother he will be flying with calls him several times a day and only lives 2 hours away so he is conscious of the situation.....other brother Darrell (lol) is a hot head with no patience. I know he will be well taken care of and but I will worry about him....on the other hand, I am SO looking forward to 4 days as not being a caretaker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
((Sheila)) even us veterans can always learn a new trick or two :)
ahhhh I miss read your post, I apologize. I thought YOU wanted to try to regain the lost skills. I am glad to know that YOU do know it isn't possible. Acceptance, that is key to being able to handle this damn disease.
As for helping your husband, you are right! I do not think it kind to drive home to them what they are losing.... One of Lynn's doctors tried this approach. All it did was frustrate Lynn and it made him sad and afraid. I had all I could do not to smack that doctor! Needless to say, I told him off and we found a new doctor.
In the beginning I too was shocked to know that Lynn DID understand what was happening to him. I like you just assumed with their memory, they would not know....It must be so frightening for them!! Emotionally it was a very difficult time, for both Lynn and I. I have never felt so helpless in my entire life!
What I did with Lynn was to reassure him. I also tried to downplay things.. like I would pretend I couldn't do something as well. Sometimes it worked, other times it didn't. Distraction will become your biggest allie. If I couldn't comfort him, I used every trick I could think of to distract him. I just could not stand to see that fear and uncertainty.....even now just thinking about it years later... is almost too much to bear.....
If there can be a blessing in this dreadful disease it is that eventually they do not know what is happening and they are happy lost in their own little worlds. It is sad, tragic!! But, it is better than when they know...... Keep coming and talking with us Sheila, we know, we understand, and we will help see each other through our journeys ♥
I am very glad that his brothers are still active in his life. He is very fortunate!! So many friends and family desert us, it is so refreshing when I read about the ones who stick around. I hope they have a wonderful trip and that you enjoy your mini vacation! :D
I have been reading the most recent posts & I don’t know which is better (or worse). When they know what is happening to them like your LO’s do, or when they refuse to believe that anything is wrong with them so that eventually it isn’t mentioned. I know that deep down he realizes that something is wrong, but he never really asks what is wrong. After his initial dx of early dementia he insisted that nothing was wrong. I tried to bring it up when the situation came up, but he would get angry & insist that there wasn’t anything wrong. It got so that trying to convince him that he had a memory problem just wasn’t worth it. One of my problems now is that he really isn’t interested in doing anything (like puzzles, etc) so he just sits in front of the TV & then gets restless. I know that I don’t make enough of an effort to keep him busy, but to be truthful, my heart isn’t in it. I wonder if any of you feel the same?
ElaineH, my dh had no hobbies other than work and TV. I never talked with him about his dementia. He was the first one who brought it up, a few years before diagnosis. I don't think it serves any purpose to talk about it. It is, what it is. My main objective was to keep him calm and peaceful. He also sat in front of the TV with the remote in hand, mainly watching the Weather Channel. I let him watch what he liked and either worked crossword puzzles or read, while sitting in a recliner beside him. He dozed a lot or kept his eyes shut a lot. I wouldn't worry about finding something to keep him busy unless he shows an inclination.
I often feel guilty about not doing more to keep dh stimulated and active, but it is so hard and in the long run I really don't think it makes much difference. I can get him to spread butter on a slice of bread, but it takes forever and he will only spread it on half of the slice. Yet I let him do it, thinking he has to do SOMETHING. I get him to peel a potato while I'm fixing supper, usually the potato gets saved for the next day because supper is ready before he's done. But it keeps him busy. He likes to shuck peanuts or walnuts, and that will keep him busy for a while. Likes to sit in the bathtub, but is having a hard time remembering how to get up out of it. On the days when he is at home I try to take him for a walk. There are a couple destinations: a farm with a tearoom and his brother's house -- that are within walking distance, or we go to a restaurant where there is a pleasant place of walk outdoors. Or we take a walk around our yard, which is big, and admire the flowers and ducks in the pond. ANything to keep him walking.
My husband can make his own breakfast but it is a slow process. Can still make his own coffee but again a slow process. He will do the lunch and supper dishes BUT lately I've noticed he isn't exactly washing them----grabs a dish and swishes it through the water and sometimes rinses it under lukewarm running tap. But he feels he is being helpful. The lid to one appliance has gone missing recently and I can't find it anywhere. Think it is gone.
He dresses himself but sometimes will wear the same thing day after day. Chooses clothes more by the "look" of the day than by the actual weather. So if it's sunny out, he will dress like mid summer even if temperature is cooler. And vice versa. Is having more trouble choosing clothing appropriate to the occasion. I try not to say too much unless the clothes really aren't suitable. Sometimes he wears the same thing day after day . . . for awhile I couldn't get him to change socks or underwear often but after a lot of wifely nagging, something clicked and he got back into the habit of changing socks/undies more regularly.
Showers and baths are not something he does regularly at all. I gave up nagging him on it as he didn't like me telling him to have a bath. He was aware it had been some days since he'd had one but figures that there isn't a need to have one very often . . . it was a worthless discussion so I just wait for him to very randomly decide to have one. Eventually he does. He will wash at the sink although I am not sure how thorough that is???
He still likes to ride his bike and goes once a week with a good friend. Will go to swimming pool with a family member. Enjoys going to library. Still likes to read. Lately he enjoys watching movies----something he rarely did before.
He used to enjoy get togethers with friends and/or families but finds larger groups rather wearing. The last few months I've tried to invite just one friend or couple over at a time and he seems to manage that better. His energy level fades though and he figures they shouldn't stay too long though. A few awkward moments when he as much as tells them it is time to go!