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    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeDec 10th 2017
    What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
    A rebel without a Claus.

    The awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents

    This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I've decided to give everyone my opinion

    My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $100 on me and $500 on her.

    Father O'Malley was driving down to Boston on Christmas Eve when got stopped for speeding in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

    He said, 'Father, have you been drinking?'

    'Only water', replied Father O'Malley.

    The policeman asked, 'Then how come I can smell wine?'

    The priest looked at the bottle and said, 'Good Lord! He's done it again.
    Life is like Santa's reindeer team pulling his sleigh. If you ain't the lead reindeer, the scenery never changes!
    Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?

    Because he thought his wife was a flake.
    Where does a Snowman keep his money?

    In a snow bank.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeDec 13th 2017
    I was wishing for a new bike for christmas, but I knew it didn't work that way. So I stole one and asked for forgiveness.
    The Christmas alphabet only has 25 letters. There's Noel.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeDec 15th 2017
    A little girl was sitting on Santa's knee. Santa asked her:

    "What do you want for Christmas?"

    The little girl looked at him horrified & said:

    "Didn't you get my email?"
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeDec 18th 2017
    What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

    It's Christmas Eve.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeDec 19th 2017
    not good at jokes but do enjoy these short ones
    What kind of pizza did Good King Wenceslas eat?

    Deep-pan, crisp and even.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeDec 19th 2017
    What great jokes! Tonight when I sit down with my cat, I 'm going to read them to her.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeDec 19th 2017
    Myrtle - here are some jokes for you cat.

    What do you call a cat walking on snow?
    A cool cat

    When is it bad luck for a black cat to follow you?
    When you’re a mouse

    Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can’t?
    Your lap
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeDec 19th 2017
    Thanks, Nicky. She'll really enjoy these. And I'm looking forward to our "joke night" now that I've got a lot of material.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeDec 28th 2017
    Posted at my Gym:

    Dear Santa,

    In 2018 I would like a FAT bank account,
    and a THIN body.

    PS: Please don't mix it up like you did last year!
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeDec 30th 2017
    There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!” He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeDec 30th 2017
    These last two have me really gigglng.
    • CommentAuthorNicky
    • CommentTimeJan 2nd 2018