What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
The awkward moment when Santa Claus has the same wrapping paper as your parents
This holiday season, in lieu of gifts, I've decided to give everyone my opinion
My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $100 on me and $500 on her.
Father O'Malley was driving down to Boston on Christmas Eve when got stopped for speeding in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He said, 'Father, have you been drinking?'
'Only water', replied Father O'Malley.
The policeman asked, 'Then how come I can smell wine?'
The priest looked at the bottle and said, 'Good Lord! He's done it again.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!” He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.