thank you. My sister who lives in Ohio sent me a text at 3am my time - thankfully I had just been up to use the bathroom so it didn't wake me up. I keep the phone by my bed cause it is my alarm to get up in the morning. Otherwise, just another day since it means nothing to my husband - if he remembered.
Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday Charlotte, no serios thinking today. You survived another year, enjoy it. Go get your favorite special ice cream. Ennjoy the whole tub of it.
Yesterday was such a depressing day. I was so down. He never made a big deal in the past but at least he was aware and did wish me a happy birthday - this year he didn't. I did go to the store and buy me a 'serving for 2' carrot cake. You actually get 4 big pieces - I ate 2 and left 2 for today and let him have one. I did perk up last night. My girlfriend since 'diaper' days called. We lost touch after high school and reconnected at our 40th high school reunion in 2010. She wants to get together but I keep telling her not until hb has been placed. Otherwise we will meed again in 2020 at our reunion.
Charlotte, Happy Belated Birthday! I'm sorry to hear he did not remember your birthday - I know how depressing that feels. My husband hasn't remembered my birthday or even his for 2 years. In July when I told him it was our 44th wedding anniversary he didn't really know what I was talking about. He declined rapidly in the past few months, so he doesn't talk much because he can't remember the words & he often uses the wrong word, so it's very difficult to communicate with him - also he often can't comprehend what we are saying to him. But, he does know who I am & that's what counts!
Since my birthday seems things go downhill. He is just forgetting more of how to do things and gets easily confused more often. Today couldn't find the mailbox key. He used it Saturday and didn't put it where it suppose to be. Looked and looked to all the places he has put things in the past. Getting too frustrated so went to storage to get something I need for tomorrow's trip to my sister's to pick up the last of our stuff. Kept asking the Lord to show me where it was. Came home and searched more. Of course he is no help because he can't remember what he is looking for. Finally remembered seeing his raincoat hanging up to dry in the shower on Saturday. Checked the pocket and there is was. Thank you Lord. For the kitten we have a stick with a string and bell at the end. I left it on the bed this evening while playing with the kitten. Went back to play later and it was gone. Have looked everywhere but evidently not where he had put it. I know it was him cause he had gone in there earlier. He has this thing of not liking the cat toys all over. And this one particular one more than once I have had to search for it cause he hangs it up where the cat can't get it and it is hard to see.
I got home just before him from day care, so I put the kitten outside for some fresh air. He brought her in. I put her back out, he brought her back in a few minutes later. After the third time I said forget it and waited until later. He also brings the leash in every time where I leave it hanging outside so it is there when I take her out in the middle of the night when I take the dog out.
Tomorrow, as I said, I am driving to my sister's outside Madras to pick up the rest of our stuff then I will have every thing and none stored at any ones house to worry about. A long drive but since hb gets so confused I have decided no more overnighters. I know the trip back will be bad - it has the last two trips.
Jim is being more confused too. I have a theory that the season change is disrupting for him. He s confused about what clothes to wear,especially when we need to change several times a day due to wide temp variations. Yesterday I went swimming even though the water is only 69 degrees now. He was wearing a sweatshirt. Frequently just deer in headlights look. Seems to me it was a similar thing in the spring. He responds more to the sunrise and sunset times than the clock. Actually I am not sure he can read the clock any more.
In the physical world the process is gradually taking on everything because you're increasingly the only one who can do things.
That's hard enough, but the harsher part of dementia caregiving is that this experience pushes us to voluntarily give up steadily more of our own meaning in life. It's cruel when you think about it that both partners have to keep giving up pieces of themselves. One because the pieces are just falling away inside and the other because the pieces are falling away right in front of them.
It feels wrong inside to give up on those pieces like telling time or driving or dressing appropriately. It's a road full of little horrors like not having sex anymore because it feels wrong now or agreeing with taking their rights away like driving and credit cards and making decisions and even living in their home. Stephen King didn't cover weirdness of this magnitude because no one would read it. But love and duty make us volunteer to go there.
Your pain is noble. No ribbons or trophies are awarded however. That's too bad because society is wrong. Alzheimer's has two victims that need help - not one. Most caregivers learn that all society wants from them is to keep going. The extensive team of people involved with Dianne's condition disappeared like a cat off a hot tin roof the very day she passed.
Ideally we learn, watching ourselves, that we can get through incredible things and actually have serious strength and resilience. We demonstrate that time and again, month in and out, year in and out; but, that doesn't happen much or once even. Instead we really are being hurt throughout those years to such an extent that afterwards it can be hard to recognize ourselves - never mind everything around us.
We're in a bad movie and all we can do is get through it to the credits. (There aren't any of those either, actually. How about a sandwich?)
Don't listen to me. I bounced off the walls and curled up in a little ball mostly.
I too have had to do almost every thing. Several things I don't do - yet. puut makup on,, I buy it, bath her ect. but can tell not far away. Had to start cutting and combing her hair. but, I will not play her hand held poker game. I repair it and replace batteries. I Won't chrochet. I will buy all the yarn she needs. she spends hours doing one of the other. Two, years ago she started having trouble cooking. I had to step in. Thank goodness I DON't have to worry about here at ALF.
It was a long trip. I took the back road up through Benton City to Hiway 14 planning to come out at Patterson. Missed the turn, had to backtrack and ended up coming out at Plymouth. About an hour up 14 had to stop for 1hour 15minutes while they dealt with an accident between two semi's. One had the front damaged, the other was just the tractor - no trailer but lots of corn all over the road. I am assume he was hauling a load of corn (for corn meal so still on the cob), the trailer tipped which I think was parked behind the truck/trailer with the damaged front on someones driveway. We left home around 9 and finally made it to my sister's around 3:30. Loaded up our stuff, visited for a couple hours and headed home around 6. Took the freeway home arriving at 10:30. The accident delay really messed him up so he drove me crazy when he asked where we were going and said to Nan and Jim's his reply was:I didn't think they lived so far away. Then coming home he kept asking 'do they know we are coming?" After numerous times telling him we are going home, which I didn't know where home was, I finally started saying yes. Last trip for a long time if I have my way!! Sometime and for some reason we got talking about maps to follow. I told him he never had problems because I was always sitting there doing his navigating but I have no one to do it for me.
so we could sleep had to play with the kitten for an hour after being left alone all day!! That was relaxing.
Today the confusion has continued on but I did get the stuff to storage, had to fix my chair - again, and the laundry done. Our collection of bug juice is still on the car but maybe tomorrow after taking the kitten to get spayed I will wash it off. If not, another day - it's not going anywhere!!
I am thinking of lower his sertraline back to the low dose he was on. The raised dosage has not helped. Instead I will see about raising mine! Drug me up not him!!
Car hit 146,000 miles on the way home. (a 2001 Prius). Normally get 44mpg on trips but seem to do better when it is loaded down. There is a long hill on 97 going into Biggs (at least 12 miles). By the time we got to the bottom it said I was getting 52.5 mpg. I won't now overall until I fill up tomorrow.
My sister asked me a question which I had thought about but never verbalized: when he is placed will you go visit him? I told her I will because I will need to make sure he is getting good care. She said I should of divorced him years ago (I told her about his 'affair' a couple years ago. I said I love him but am not in love with him. And yes I should have divorced him but too late now. I can't dwell on that. I told her I had hope when we started Workamping (2005) we could rebuild our relationship and it was working for a couple years until AD hit in 2008 but the personality changes started after the abuse he took from the manager at the RV park in Florida in 2006. Been downhill from there!
Tomorrow kitty get spayed - don't want to deal with 'heats', male cats, or kittens.
I noticed a new form of paranoia or something else. My wife used to like going for rides. So on th way back from appointments at near by towns I would take the long way near oil field roads or farm lands. Even on or off road. Our 2015 gold Subaru ( like in TV ads) will go anywhere -almost. Anyway 3 or 4 months ago my wife would get scared, nervous about this exploring - she used to love it. She would get so scared to point of anger within minutes. So, I stopped. Really weird.
Rodstar, At some point, my husband started to get frightened in the car, too. He would tell me to slow down and if we were near a steep drop-off, he would panic, even if we were stopped or just crawling along. This was not paranoia - I think it was related to changes in his brain that deprived him of a normal sense of physical space and perspective. You see this a lot when Alz patients step high over a line in the floor because they think it's chasm or a hole. My husband started to do that later and eventually became afraid to walk because he could not sense where the floor was.
Surgery is early tomorrow morning, and my son, Jim, is here to stay with me for a few days, thank goodness. Greetings to all the newcomers. And love to all.
Mary75*, I will hold you in my heart tomorrow and in the coming days. Wishing you a speedy healing and wish I could do something more tangible for you right now.
Mary75 I was just wonderng how things were going for you. Thank goodness for a special son to be with you. Will also be holding you in my heart tomorrow and wishing for good results!
I feel I accomplished something today. After going to the store I came home and washed the car. Then I rinsed the MH off and started polishing it. I bought the canuba wax a couple years ago but could never get hb to do it so today I started it. I needed something to take the oxidation off and it is doing a good job and not hard, just a lot of work. I got about 2/3 of the passenger side done except the top 12 inches. Tomorrow I will go borrow a guys 8 foot ladder so I can reach it (if I can move!). Wow - the part I got done looks great. Unfortunately it doesn't help the decals much. I read a couple years ago about a product just for decals so will try to find it. It won't repair the cracking but it will restore some of the color and protect them.
The neighbors are gone for a week so Sage has been out for the last 3+ hours totally enjoying it. I racked up the leaves in a pile and she was having a blast playing in them.
Wow Charlotte, that's a lot of work. But sounds like so much fun being outisde with a kitten playing in the leaves.
I did some research Thurs about in home care, respite, and memory care units near me. Visited one this afternoon. Very nice place. Learned a lot. Still need to go over a portfolio of info she gave me. Was astonished that I did not get the least bit emotional. Was able to discuss this whole idea as if it was something quite normal.
If I ever say I expect hb to help me - shoot me. I will wait until Monday to start the driver's side which will be the worst to do since it is more oxidized.
Thank you, everyone, for your kind thought and wishes. All went well with the surgery. The surgeon removed the stitches that had not dissolved from the earlier March surgery. He had said I had developed a fistula from one of them, but now says, "No, no sign of infection." Predicted 20 minute surgery projected into 1 hour. Repaired recurrent prolapse. Let's hope that's it, and that this one lasts. I had a very pleasant surprise at the hospital stay. This time a private room (with a view) and bathroom, most kind and efficient staff — I guess the luck of the draw or a super clinical supervisor. My son Jim is here and will be for a few more days. So it's all very positive.
Mary75, glad all went so well. I understand the problems. My DW had three prolaspes repaired 2009, plus blatter sling and overies removed. Same year she go pacemaker for bradiacardia. Also, same year as TIA and sizureses started. Same year diagnosis of Alzheimer's. who kows what started what. But scare tissue from prolaspe surgery has bothered her since. Also, same year she got laser treatment for solar damage - right where angiosarcoma has started. A Lot, bad year. downhill since.
May the rest of this year be great for you and you heal fast.
Great news Mary. I am so happy for you and praying this is all good and healing comes quickly.
Was talking to a lady in the park and she told me vinegar water will remove the oxidation. Tried it on one spot on the bad side and worked great - shinned afterwards. So I will work on that tomorrow then do the wax afterwards. Should be easy with all the oxidation off. I have until Thursday to get it done, then showers and colder weather (no more 60s days) with freezing at night starts. :-( I have thoroughly enjoyed the 2 months of fall weather.
I'm just trying to catch up...I've been having a really bad time so haven't been doing much (of anything !). Will find out Thursday how I'm doing & what I have to do now...kind of apprehensive.
Charlotte, you amaze me, sometimes make me giggle, & feel your pain. You & I discovered when I first started on this site that we felt very much the same about our "situations". Just wondering if you feel any differently toward your hubby now the aggravation & frustration aside (don't think any of us can avoid that). You had an actual reason to be bitter, I didn't. My feeling toward Dan has grown softer & more protective. Of course, him being in a facility probably changed some of that...no 24 hour care & aggravation for me now. Sounds like you might be getting closer to that yourself.
Can I go back to read just my own posts/comments? Not sure I should!
The vinegar water worked to take the oxidation off or most of it. Got the rest de=oxidized and the front waxed. Now that leaves just the drivers side to do which has to get done in the next 4 days. I had hb hold the 8 ft ladder while I was doing the top half of the side where I couldn't reach on the 6 ft ladder. Then Hb wanted to help, tried to let him but he just could not understand even spraying on the vinegar water and wiping it off. He just did the same spot over and over. Did see where on one of the windows on the big slide, the seal across the top has separated from the window. I need to get some sealant to put around it. I think it has leaked but don't want anymore. I really don't care if it looks professional - just need to get it on.
It has been hard because the tibia in my right leg keeps shifting causing it to be painful. It has done in the past years, usually when my hip shifts, and the chiropractor has gotten it back in. He didn't or it didn't last long the last time about a month ago. I should have gone back sooner but I am too cheap! If he can't get it I will have to go to the knee orthopedist which I don't want to until after the first of the year. Why should I work on my deductible now then have to start over in January. My knee is painful and it makes it hard to bend aka going up and down stairs or straightening all the way.
Day care tomorrow. After I get back from the chiro I will start waxing. I should be able to get all but the top 12 inches done. When he gets home I will have him hold the ladder so I can do it. There is the cap over the windshield that also needs done.
Mim, as for how I feel, I have to fight every day not to despise him. I have to remind myself he also worked hard to provide a living for us and the kids. I try to keep neutral about him. It shocked/caught me off guard, when my sister asked me if I would go visit him after he is placed. I really don't know. I don't know if I will want to just walk away or fulfill my duty and be his advocate and visit just to check on him. I really don't know how I will feel then.
Sage, the kitten, had another day of playing outside having a blast. Not sure how much of a blast it is to watch the birds just out of reach, but is funny to watch.
Charlotte, the kitty knows best. When your feeling down the don't care. If you are hppy they are happy with you. No judgements. I miss ours. Now I got myself to thinking. Maybe I can get my mental health guy to write a script for a Cat for depreesion purposes. Of course I will have to get a kitty first.