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Vanilla 1.1.2 is a product of Lussumo. More Information: Documentation, Community Support.

    • CommentAuthorLindylou
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017
    Sunday night my partner left me on her final journey - I’d traveled with her as far as I could go. Her actual departure was as peaceful as one could hope for for such a gentle soul as she. And I was blessed to be holding her hand as she left.

    I myself have been dealing with weeping home care aides as they dealt this weekend with her upcoming departure. And then with a weeping mother and a weeping son and a weeping sister, and a weeping brother. I held the wake at home. So glad we did this at home, and only for family.

    I myself have not had my weeping time yet. It will come, I’m sure. My son drove up yesterday to be with me. I am grateful.

    I need to thank all of you. You loved me through this journey for the past two years. I am more grateful than you will ever know.
    So sorry for your loss, Lindylou. Now just take the time you need to find rest and peace. If anybody has earned it, you have. You and your partner are in my thoughts and prayers this morning.
    • CommentAuthorAliM
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017
    Lindylou, sincere condolences for your loss. You did all you could do as a loving caregiver. When the tears well up just let them flow.
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017
    I am with you in spirit and will continue to be as time passes and heals, as it surely will. God bless your faithfulness and love. Love and condolences from all your friends here.
    • CommentAuthorbhv
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017
    Lindylou. So strong for everyone. So glad your son is there. Tell him he needs to give you hundreds of hugs from all of us. And when the tears come just hold you close. I am so sorry for your loss. And more grateful than you will ever know that you joined us here and shared your journey with us.
    Lindylou, please accept my sincere condolences. I haven't been on here in ages and wasn't sure I would be again, but just wanted you to know that your story has touched me and your love, care and devotion to your partner were inspirational. You were so fortunate to have had each other. She has found rest, peace and wholeness now and I wish the very same for you.

    It was so evident that music played an important part in your lives and a few months ago you posted a reference to the Pat Humphries song 'Swimming to the other side'
    I want to thank you for that - I listen to it at least a couple of times a week on Youtube - beautiful melody and lyrics that speak to me. Blessings to you going forward.
    • CommentAuthorMim
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017
    Lindylou, I am not posting much right now, but check daily to see how things have progressed. When I saw your post, I kind of sucked in a breath...I don't even know what to say. I admire the way you have dealt with this terrible disease that has changed your life forever. You have been an inspiration, the kind of caregiver that I don't think I could ever be. I'm so sorry you have gone through this but so happy that your partner is flying free ( "I'll Fly Away"....a bluegrass gospel).

    My sincerest condolences go out to you....
    Lindylou, "you done good" -- others might say you've earned your star in heaven!
    • CommentAuthorRona
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017
    My condolences lindylou you have been an inspiration to me and to many of us. I can only imagine your feelings right now sadness but relief that your partners journey is finally over and she is at peace.
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017
    I ditto what Mim said: you have been the type of caregiver I don't think I ever will be. She is flying high now. It is time to take care of yourself now. She would want you to get your health back and enjoy the rest of your life.
    • CommentAuthorSass
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017
    My heart just dropped when I saw the subject line. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Like others have said, you truly have been an inspiration to us all, probably in many different ways as we each go through (or have gone through) our journey. I wish you time to go through what you need to go through, strength to endure it and peace and comfort as you remember all of the beautiful memories you have with her. Hugs...
    I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. Fly free.
    • CommentAuthorFiona68
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017
    Lindylou, my heart has ached for you, as you've posted about the AD journey you and your partner were on these past years. You were her angel and her protector. What a wonderful, brave, and loving partner you've been. We've all learned a little from you. I only hope that as my husband's journey comes to an end, I will have the strength and and fortitude that you have shown.

    If you don't know the song, "I'll Fly Away" that Mim mentioned, Ronny Milsap does a beautiful rendition of it. You might enjoy it.

    God bless you.
    My thoughts are with you. May you feel you have done a great job. Now get plenty of rest and cry as much as you need to!
    • CommentAuthorcassie*
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2017
    I am so very sorry that you have lost your beloved partner.You gave her all that she needed, right to the very end and her peaceful passing endorsed that.
    And she is not really"gone" for she will live on in your heart and also in ours here. We will never forget her.
    We will also continue to love you Lindylou, your journey is not over yet.
    LindyLou, I am so very sorry for your loss, the love, compassion and determination to do the very best you could for your partner has been inspiring to all of us sharing your journey with you...
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeSep 13th 2017
    Lindylou, I'm sorry for the loss of your partner.
    • CommentAuthorCarolVT
    • CommentTimeSep 13th 2017
    You and your partner touched all our lives. Thank you for sharing your story with us. So much loss, and yet so much goodness within it. As the recent memory fades, may you find peace and happiness in remembering the early days and what you and your partner were like before this illness took over. May that time not be too far away. Best Wishes, Lindylou. Carol
    Lindylou ,,,,,,, I just want to thank you for your contributions here
    and wish you the best in your well deserved recovery. You have
    added so much wisdom for all of us to think about.
    • CommentAuthorLindylou
    • CommentTimeSep 13th 2017
    Guess what! We are going to have a real live New Orleans Jazz Band as part of my partner's Remembrance Service. This is the main thing she really wanted. She also did not want anyone to cry at her funeral, but I don't think she is going to get that wish. Oh well. The service is going to be on the 23rd which gives us all time for the preparations. My son is up for a few more days and then he and his wife will be coming back for the service.

    I am surrounded by love and support from so many directions, this site included. No tears yet. Be that as it may. I am smiling at the good memories - and even some of the memories from this journey into dementia are good memories. Thanking all of you for your support.
    • CommentAuthorMoon*
    • CommentTimeSep 13th 2017

    I was so sorry to read of your great loss. I have followed your journey and know how hard you have fought
    to make sure each day was a quality one for her. I am sure she appreciated all of your deep love and care.
    Yes, all the memories are what will help sustain you.
    • CommentAuthorRodstar43
    • CommentTimeSep 15th 2017
    Painfully, I am new, my time will come, so please stay with us. Turn emptiness into action by being there for those who need guidance. May the Lord bless you and keep you in His arms.
    I love the idea of the New Orleans Jazz Band! How she would love it!! Like you I've not had a tear! I am just so happy he's not in the grips of Alzheimer's !! Just remembering good times! I'm thinking of you during this time, glad your journey is on this final stretch!
    • CommentAuthorLindylou
    • CommentTime6 days ago
    Each day I am moving down the list of things that need to be done before the Saturday Remembrance Service. Today I got the car its annual inspection - overdue, but fortunately I got no ticket. I also bought a sweater to wear to the service, NOT BLACK. It is maroon and glittery with sequins. Glitter always made my partner smile. Yesterday I went to church and was fortified by twenty or more hugs, and arranged to have set up for the showing of a slide show I made of my partner's life, a show I made for her, now will be shared with others. Tomorrow I am baking cookies for the Celebration of Life collation - thankfully the members of my church are putting this on for us, including the set-up.

    But after I do something, I have to sleep. And then sleep some more. And then sleep some more after that. Maybe there will be no tears. I am feeling peaceful. And I'm smiling at shared memories.

    Thank you all for support.
    You need the sleep to start to catch up from the exhaustion, lindylou. It will take a while, but just take the time you need. I'll be thinking of you and your partner on Saturday. (And throughout the week, of course.) Many hugs.
    • CommentTime6 days ago
    Sleep is good. Take all of it you need. Thinking of you with love.
    • CommentAuthorLindylou
    • CommentTime17 hours ago
    Spent Friday and Saturday in hospital following an episode of what is called "Transient Global Amnesia". I am recovered now, and am headed shortly to our virtual cottage on the lake.

    Suffice it to say that people in a dysfunctional family can reach out intentionally or unintentionally to cause pain and hurt, and at a certain point on Friday I shut down, it was all just too much. The day before the ceremony I was being informed that money needed for musicians and the pastor would not be forthcoming. In spite of the agreement of two years when all life insurance policies were signed over to the son. I was also informed of an after gathering of my partner's family to which I was not invited.

    For the son, I keep telling myself my partner was/is his mother. And he is missing the woman who took care of him, and would rescue him from difficulties (particularly financial ones) and pain. For the brother, I keep telling myself that it is very possible he is in the very beginning stage of dementia, and being asked to be the one to bring order to the family was more than he could handle. This all occurred the day before the service. My son, on his way up from D.C., very wisely postponed Saturday's service. At that point in time people were telling me that my partner was dead, and that I had been with her holding her hand through the ordeal. Each time I heard it, with shattering heartbreak, as if it were the first time.

    My family and friends surrounded me with loving kindness, but were having a very hard time dealing with the fact that my beloved's family continued to spread anger and mayhem even after my cognitive shutdown. Members of the family were insisting that the service go on either with or without me, but refused our minister's offer to hold a service just for them at the scheduled time because it would not include the music or the refreshments after.

    Oh, my friends, I knew in advance, from what I have learned from you, that grieving would be hard. But I am striving for my partner's sake not to let permanent anger take hold. I am ever so grateful that somehow my love escaped the disfunction and embraced peace and love. I know I was blessed from having known and loved her.

    The service and Celebration of Life Collation will be at an as yet undetermined time. Leaving some time for healing - theirs and mine.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTime15 hours ago edited
    This is unbelievable. You should have been comforted and cosseted by these people but instead you've been robbed of the rituals that are so important after death. Not just the formal service but also the the acknowledgement of others that a good and valuable person has left this world and that you, her spouse, have suffered a grievous loss. Thank goodness for your own family. I have a lot more to say but now is not the time, so relax at the lake and enjoy the simple beauty there. More later . . .
    There are no words. I will see you at the lake in a minute, lindylou.
    • CommentAuthorCarolVT
    • CommentTime5 hours ago
    Oh, Lindylou, how can people be so cruel and unfeeling. You are a strong person to have come through all that and you will survive. Best Wishes, Carol
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTime1 hour ago
    In the last year of Dianne's life, her whole family came from far and wide to get together in her honor. They had a large family dinner out at a fancy restaurant. They didn't invite me even though it was about Dianne. We endured worse than that. I know these slights that for a long time seem unbelievably cruel and with some time and a bit of luck become revealed for what they are - pathetic behavior.

    They're wrong to do these things whether drowning in life insurance and refusing the expense agreed to or forgetting about the partner who suddenly isn't family anymore these are all cruel and unnecessary lashes on open wounds. You have family. You have strong support. Your life has been shattered. Stay on what matters. The rest will wait for a while. You have a good son and you danced at his wedding. You have real love which has just passed away. Stay focused on what matters for a while and stand on the very real foundations all around you. Don't shut down. Reduce the range of concern for some time which is that you get through one of the hardest times in anyone's life.