Recently I had to take DH to urgent care over a weekend. The doctor there was not very forthcoming about what was obviously an escalating medical issue. Finally I looked him right in the eye and said, "Listen, I'm responsible for him medically, so I need to know everything I can possibly know about what's going on."
For a minute the doctor looked very surprised, and then he really started talking. And even while he was talking, I was thinking that I was going to write this sentence down so I could use it again! I guess most doctors think that if we need to know something about DH's medical care, then DH will ask about it. (Like that would ever happen.) If I try to ask questions with a new doctor, many times I'm just taken for an interfering little spouse. Well, with this one sentence, I think that ended. And the next time any doctor doesn't want to give me the information I need, I'm going to remind him that I'm responsible for DH's medical care, and if he doesn't give me the information I need, I can't do my job--which means they are not doing theirs.
A doctor who isn't familiar with the Alzheimer's patient may not realize that he really needs to be talking with the spouse (or caregiver), not the patient. Good catch, Jan.