Lindylou, you also are in my thoughts as I sit here. I went to the funersl of my sister in law today, it was an unexpected death. The sermon was about the beauty of death, something I enjoyed hearing! We all are somewhat fearful of death, thinking that's someday I'll worry about it , long from now! But we are sitting here facing it and in our situations it will be a beautiful thing to behold! To be set free when these bodies are worn out! When pain is unbearable, when we just haven't the breath to go on! It is welcome, an end to suffering!! A beautiful thing!
KY, as it is "in spirit" we can also sit beside you as well as Lindylou. So we are and we are holding you tightly as you too sit beside your loved one. As Mary said, try to rest when you can. Hang on to that thought about, "being set free" as your husband truly will be and that is not a bad thing. Much love, cassie.
Thanks for your thoughts, I am exhausted! But I have no idea how long it will be!! It's hard to know what to do, as he's in nsg home and not our home. I took your advice and tried to arrange funersl a couple days ago. But was told they were awful busy, and to make an appt in a week or two. So tomorrow I'll be going to a different funeral home! Thanks for your spirit of love and compassion! Love all u caregivers!
Lindylou & Ky caregiver, we are all here. Lifting you up in prayer (for those who believe in prayer) and/or sending warm comforting thoughts to you. You are surrounded.
Yes, Ky caregiver. I am here, too, sitting with you. And I'm also sitting over at lindylou's. That is the magic of love--it stretches to encompass whatever it needs to.
Ky caregiver, I think you are wise not to work with a funeral home that is so busy they tell you to make an appt. in a week or two. That is just bizarre--and beyond unprofessional. (Considering the condition of your dear husband, it is just unforgivable. At least that's what I think.)
Lindylou and Ky caregiver, I add my arms-around to the others, as we send you our support and love during this heartbreaking, yet sacred, time. God bless.
Last evening I was going to tell you about yesterday. A most amazing day. I was way to exhausted so I’ll tell you now.
My partner joked with us during morning care -something she never does - and after we finally had rolled and pushed and pulled her enough that she was clean, dressed and in her wheel chair, she said, “Now I need a drink”. And she didn’t mean water. Her mother had called as we were transferring her to the chair, so afterwards I said “Let’s see what your Mom wants.” My partner said “I want to talk to her”, so I put the phone on speaker and she asked her Mom what she was doing, and then told her she loved her.
In the afternoon her son came by and they laughed and listened to music together. She ate a few bites of ice-cream that he fed her. She held his hand. She smiled the entire time, no doubt in anyone’s mind that she knew who he was and was sooooo glad he was with her.
She has refused to eat since taking that ice cream and she has taken in only a little fluid, although I am offering her both periodically though out the day. She has not spoken a word today either. She does smile.
And so we wait. I am grateful for the gift of yesterday.
Yes, make a special effort (as I'm sure you do) to remember every detail and treasure these memories.
I can remember as clear as if I were looking at a photograph of him saying it--the last time Larry put his hand on my arm and gave me a little squeeze and said, "Liz, I love you." I remember the first time, back in the day...and I remember the last time. These things just engrave themselves on your heart.
I too am thinking of you, Ky caregiver. It is like your presence is a shadow here, so some of the love I'm sharing here goes straight to you and your husband. We are a bit behind you in that my partner is still drinking with maybe two or three bites of food in a day. But she is so tiny now I pick her up from bed in my arms like a child to put her on the recliner for a positioning and location change. Be brave,my friend. The Alzheimer Spouse lifeline is strong enough to hold us all.
Hang in Lindylou! My DH is free!! I feel your end will be soon! My husband ate very little for a Christmas upoedays then stopped all together for four days. Then became mostly unresponsive Vitals signs irratic Feverish. Skin moist and sweaty. But no real discomfort. I was by his side. As I have been for 47 yrs. I knew you too are near her. I hope this helps with unanswered questions ! God Bless!
Thank you, Ky caregiver. We do treasure the gifts we are allowed and given during this journey. I am treasuring them close to my heart, and I am urging my partner's family to do the same. My thoughts and prayers go with you, especially during these next few days.
It is nearly midnight. I am sitting in the recliner chair next to my partner's bed, stroking her head. She's just had her tylenol and should fall asleep at any moment. I am following suit shortly. I called her son today and told him he should come soon. So he came today. When she first saw him there was no recognition. I told him to wait just a while because she was deep inside herself and it would take some time. When I came back into the room she had a smile on her face and she pointed to him. For a very brief moment she was aware, then she drifted off again. Her son is coming again tomorrow. She weighs next to nothing, is not eating and is drinking very little. She sleeps most of the time. The aides who are coming in are so gentle and loving in this situation of upcoming death. I believe her time is near. I hope her time is near.
I am glad she knows her son. He, more than anyone, needs her love. She has no longer any memory of our relationship or really who I am and that saddens me. But I will remember our relationship for the both of us.
Deep inside she knows. My father in law was always upset cause he didn't think Rose knew him any more. Then he'd go to the restroom and Rose would look up a few seconds later and ask "Where's Roy?". He'd return and we'd tell him what she said. He'd ask her what his name is.and, of course, she'd give him a blank stare. I know it has been ages since she could say your name, but still, I don't think the feeling goes away. Sleep.well Lindylou
Yes my sweet husband knew me to the end. He returned my kisses wen he could no longer speak. Talk to her. As they say sound is still in play wen other senses gone.
We are now at the very end of our journey. A few days remaining, maybe. Our Minister came by this afternoon and I did with her what I have done with her son as well as a few of the aides. I tell the story of my beloved - the different things that make her so special. The conversation flows over her and is about her. For example how her son has followed in her footsteps and become a nurse just like her. And how she held her family together as a child by cooking and cleaning so her mother could hold two jobs to support her three children. And how not only did she play guitar and sing, but how she composed music as well. And I play her CD with her singing her songs. I tell them about her three rules of gift giving: a gift to her could not be expensive, could not be feminine or frilly, and, most importantly, had to be practical. The conversations all speak of what a caring person she was - how she would stand in the longest grocery line in order to be able to greet the cashier she chose to befriend, how in other stores she would go to the clerk and say buying this may take a while because I have short term memory. And she would smile at them and then they would begin the process of helping her buy something. A few days ago she smiled as we told her her stories. Now her eyes are shut, she is taking shallow breaths, but her face relaxes as these stories flow over her. You are right, Ky caregiver, hearing has continued as the other senses have disappeared.
Marche, One wife, and Ky caregiver I will soon be following you and others in an end, which for us was 13 years of love that included six years of dealing with dementia.