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    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJul 15th 2017 edited
    Friday was the appointment with the second doctor to get a letter saying DH is not competent to handle financial affairs.
    I'd become worried about how things would go if something happens to me since DH can no longer understand what people are saying on the phone. Awhile ago I got a card in the mail from some outfit who said he pledged some money. So I had a lawyer review our documents. She recommended this step.
    I've been worried if DH would even agree to go, but we got there. They left us sitting in exam room for 25 min. So DH goes into the hallway and is saying many words to the people at the desk. Of course none of the words make sense and he doesn't know the doctor's name. This is a Geriatric Medicine office so one would think they'd have some experience with this. I went out there and was just speechless for a minute. FINALLY the correct nurse turned around and said it would be a few minutes. I had a hard time not giggling.
    So doctor came in. I had given him a background letter with his meds, diagnosis, neuro reports, and sample legal.letter I needed. But he had to leave the room to get the mini mental.status form. I used to give those exams so I was surprised that a Gerietric Medicine specialist didn't do a better job of it. After 5 questions or so DH got upset saying it was stupid and horseshit. Wonder why the doctor would be surprised by that? He told DH he is only trying to help him. Jeeze. So in Dec 2014 he scored 12 of 30. Don't know how he scored today, but I'd guess 5 or less. And the doctor didn't follow my sample letter. Wrote his own. It better work!

    But the good thing... the sweetest thing... was, after all this, DH grabs my arm and pats my wrist and leans toward the doctor and says, "what you need to do is listen to her. She knows. And it will be all right." Pats my hand and leans back as if That's all there is to it. (Like his Mom used to say).
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJul 15th 2017
    On the way home it was a wonder that I didn't puke. My stomach was so uptight and upset. It feels so much like a betrayal to say my DH is not competent. He was a pilot! You should have seen him fly the KC10! If you had crosswinds you would want him at the controls.
    And Friday morning when I asked him to sign the doctor office forms he had no idea how to do that.

    But today my brother, my Irish Twin, called. We talked on the phone for about two hours. I have been feeling peaceful and relaxed all day.
    • CommentAuthorLindylou*
    • CommentTimeJul 16th 2017
    Bhv, Out of that horrible heartrending day, you have that wonderful sweet memory to treasure forever. A part of him, the deepest part of him knows and trusts you and is willing to tell others. The hard stuff and behavior that you have to deal with every day is just comes from the frustration at the confusion he has to deal with. Not that it makes things any easier in the moment, I'll admit.

    Want to thank you for reminding me at various times to treasure the precious moments I've been gifted with.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJul 16th 2017
    Lindylou, I think you taught me to be able to RECOGNIZE that prescious moment.
    • CommentAuthorxox
    • CommentTimeJul 19th 2017
    I am glad that your husband said the sweet thing.

    I am sure this is stressful for you. You are not betraying your husband. You are not making him not competent. You are protecting him.
    • CommentAuthorRona
    • CommentTimeJul 19th 2017
    Bhv it is what we have to do. As Paulc said You are protecting him not betraying him. The same thing we would do for our parent just feels a lot different when it is your spouse.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJul 20th 2017
    Thanks guys. I had the nicest.conversation with someone at Vanguard. He.eased all my concerns and put it just that way. I am protecting him. When I said I appreciated the time he took and caring way he explained things, he said he didn't realize when he graduated how much of his work would be helping people deal.with situations like this,but he finds it to be very rewarding. Have been finding more young people with more empathy than I expected. Isn't that nice?
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJul 21st 2017
    Went to the bank yesterday to put the account into our trust. Should have done that before. Anyway it is done now. Bank guy.was very friendly and meticulous to make sure itngotndone right. DH.came with. I didn't know how that would go. He.was so happy. He said he liked seeing all the people and thought guy was.very good. Even though he had no idea what we were doing or why. It was very interesting watching how happy he was.

    A few days ago the Vanguard.guy.said something helpful to know. I said I had been using his info to access his online account and was concerned that it was against the law to do that. He said it is not against the law. I have his power of attorney and letters documenting his diagnosis so I am obviously protectng him. Accessing his account is exactly what the power of attorney allows me to do.