charlee46, So do I. It's only been 4 1/2 years since his official diagnosis but he declined so quickly and now doesn't really know me. The occasional recognition sometimes comes out of the blue and I cherish what I can get now. Every night my bed still feels empty even though he's been in an assisted living facility for a year and a half. So, as you said, he's still living, but yet he's gone and I miss him a lot. I just feel like I'm only half of myself because my other half is gone and I feel lonely, empty and constantly have a feeling that something is missing...because it is, he is.
A couple days ago we went to Dairy Queen, one of our regular places cause he likes the ice cream sundae plus the $5 is a good price. There was a couple that sat down to eat the same time we did. In fact, the guy saw hb mixing his drink of fruit punch and sierra mist and thought it looked good so tried it. As we were leaving they asked if we had eaten our ice cream already cause they had not finished their burger and fries. We said yes. They commented they talk too much. I told them we don't and I come from a big family where we had to eat fast to get our share of food. Truth be, we don't talk much. We mostly sit in silence and as I sure many who still have their spouse at home do or even when you go visit. Went to Taco Bell today and it hit me the silence we sit in which is probably when I treat myself when he is gone to day care, I don't miss him being there or feel guilty.
DB82 My husband has had AD since 1209. and is now in stage 7. So our conversations are also nil. He is very limited with words , jabbers away, about ?? I just make up an answer and he seem to accept it. DH and I went for ice cream . He had his in a dish with a spoon, but insisted on trying to suck up the ice cream on the long end of the spoon. Then he was holding the spoon upside down and ice cream melting on his cloths, People were observing this but did not say anything . I ended up holding the ice cream and spoon and feeding him. DH is now in the shuffling stage and has been total care for 5 years or more. I have gone through all the emotions that we all go through but now I am more accepting I keeping thinking that he is unlearning skills he knew where a child is learning these skills but actions are very similar and accepted in both situations. It is still hard not having a husband who is not there.
Charlotte, my sister talks about the number of couples that sit there in silence and I've seen it too. We see it at the supermarket, in restaurants, and my sister, who is a mall rat, sees it all the time in stores. What she watches is how couples talk to each other, where she's commented numerous times on something she overheard in the next aisle where the couple seems to know nothing but put downs when they think no one can hear them. I still detest all the things this disease created and what it took away, but, at least I didn't volunteer to live like that.
Just got down to the Heartland around 7:30 last night--went straight to the big picture of DH and gave him a kiss--said hello, etc. So after two years and ten months, I guess I'm still missing him. Well, I know I am...but when I walked into our room where he died and looked at that picture, it just hit me. Not in a sad way, at this point, but in a poignant, nostalgic way. Such a good old paisan...and so missed. They don't make them like that anymore, God bless him.
Elizabeth, I had to go to the dictionary for your use of the word "paisan". Good word for our situations here. And yes, I still blow kisses at Frances's photo eight years after her leaving, remembering sixty wonderful years together and lots of shared life adventures. I guess the caregiving part was an adventure too, but not one I would have chosen. I know, however, that I'm a stronger person as a result of the experience, for whatever that's worth.
That is the tragic part of dementia, how we lose them so long before they actually leave us. And yes, Gourdchipper, we are stronger afterwards but I think it is worth nothing.
Hang in there Charlee, it is quite ok to wish that. I for one, truly understand. Just get through today anyway that you can and I hope that tomorrow will not be so dreadful.
DB82, Like you my partner and I have conversations that would make no sense to anyone else. In fact after my partner talks the talk that makes no sense, I just answer. It might be something I'm thinking about. I might include family member names into my piece of the conversation because I know that they remain familiar to her. A home aide was surprised once because she could make no sense out of our conversation. I said don't worry, there is no sense in our conversation except we are relating to each other. On the other hand, over hours can go by and we say next to nothing to each other. I don't think I'm very good at one sided conversations.
Charlee46. Don't feel alone in thinking like that. You are not alone. Not alone at all. And we ache for the person they were.
charlee - I have wished/prayed for that from the beginning. Thankfully my sister who had VaD went before the end stages and I was so thankful. Now for my husband.
lindylou, like you I mostly just listen and agree. Our caregroup leader has encouraged us not to argue. But sometimes---------. But we enjoy our silence, just being together.Sometimes we make good sense and sometimes we don't.