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    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2017
     
    Charlotte, What concerns me is whether this life insurance will affect your Medicaid. When I googled this question, a site called ElderLawAnswers said that term life insurance does not count as an asset under Medicaid but whole life insurance will be counted as an asset, since it has a cash value. Maybe Wolf can help you determine whether this policy is "term" life insurance or "whole" life insurance.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2017 edited
     
    I assume it is a whole life type since it was paid for years ago. I am reading up on it. Seems my best option would be to find out if I can be made owner of the policy and/or turn it over to the funeral home and then I would get whatever is leftover.

    Update: I called John Hancock and they are emailing change of ownership forms since if I am owner it is not included according to all I read. I got a guy in the Philippines at first who had no understanding what I was talking about - requested transfer to someone in the US who understood which I got.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2017
     
    Charlotte, I think I remember you are in Washington State. I am in Southern Ca. Our baby quail arrived last week. I can't figure out how your temperatures and wildlife are so similar to mine when you are.so far north. But then I remember going to a funeral in Sequim one January and only needed a sweater.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2017
     
    Sequim is called the banana belt of Washington. Brookings is the banana belt of Oregon. Sequim is suppose to have milder winters and summers (not too cold or hot) and less rain because it is on the east side of the Olympic range. When we were actively using our private RV park membership, one of the parks is just east of Sequim. Almost every time we went there it rained. One time it didn't rain we did get to see the USS Enterprise heading to Bremerton. From the park you could see the ship lane in Puget Sound. That thing was huge even from a distance.
    • CommentAuthorxox
    • CommentTimeJun 22nd 2017
     
    I asked my insurance company if I can be made the owner of my wife's policy and they said yes, I just have to fill out forms.

    As to meds in a NH, I am sure the law states that meds cannot be shared between patients. That if cough syrup is needed the patient probably has to own the bottle. I think some NH pharmacies are a scam, but my wife's ALF gets meds via a NH pharmacy and their prices for OTC stuff is good so I don't supply those meds. Prescription meds go via my insurance company's mail order pharmacy (the ALF contacts this pharmacy directly). While the price for a month worth of meds is the same with either pharmacy, the mail order pharmacy allows for 3 month supplies which cuts the costs.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2017
     
    http://health.usnews.com/health-news/patient-advice/articles/2015/06/19/caregiver-dementia-oh-yea-its-real?src=usn_fb

    Article on Caregiver Dementia. Interesting that caring for your spouse makes you more susceptible than caring for a parent.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2017
     
    Charlotte,
    Thanks for this article. This information about the effect of stress makes perfect sense and is consistent with what I've experienced. I just hope I don't get the dementia they predict. What I object to, though, that after explaining this, the article ends with a big serving of baloney:

    "As little as a five-minute respite can make all the difference. Ultimately, we’ll need help. Today, caregivers have a variety of options to choose from, including in-home and adult day care, residential care and assisted living. The only other cure is to stop caregiving, and this is not an option for many."

    No, a five-minute respite CANNOT make all the difference and there are only a variety of options to chose from, IF you can afford them. My husband and I were lucky that we had an excellent state facility for veterans but most people do not have this, and as you know from experience, when you are using Medicaid to cover LTC, you are at their mercy. Anyway, far as the future goes, it looks like Medicaid might not be available for nursing homes to the same extent as it is now.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2017
     
    Interesting posts, Myrtle, as always. How about the rest of you lurkers, who read but don't post? It takes all of us to support each other, even if it is to tell us about your day.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2017
     
    last evening, around 5:00 we got hit with a storm. They forecast possible gust to 50. I had things tied down then 'wham' - they hit like a tornado. Ran out to take the top off the canopy being hit with blowing sand. While taking the cover off the canopy one of the pine trees behind us blew over - broke off right at the ground. Thankfully it fell over missing our MH and the MH next to us. It was so sad to see it go cause it was so beautiful. I have a picture posted on Facebook of it. Pulled the big slide in just in case the tree beside us wanted to go. I think we were the only one to loose a tree but heard 3 people lost their awnings - dummies for leaving them out! One lady about 5 down from us had her long planter blown over - the soil and plants were laying there but the planter gone. Art must have found it cause it was sitting by our porch. Most of the stuff under our MH was blown out from under. Was sitting here at the computer when I reached up to itch my ear - full of sand! After all the sweating I did dealing with the storm the shower felt good. A couple hours it was over. Temp went from 98 to 70 in that two hours.

    As soon as Young and Restless is over, now that hb is up, it is outside to clean up the patio, put the canopy back on or maybe take totally down, and be sad when I look at the tree laying there.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2017
     
    You are a good writer, Charlotte. I always feel like I'm right in the scene. Got a chuckle out of Art and the planter — maybe you could send him back for the soil and plants.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2017
     
    Charlotte, I agree with mary75*. I can picture the scene vividly.

    What is going on, anyhow? We just had a hailstorm - the second one of the summer.
  1.  
    Big thunderstorm just came through out of nowhere. All done in just a few minutes, and now skies are blue as if it never happened. Hate to hear about you losing that tree, Charlotte, but glad it didn't come down on your home. Could you imagine trying to deal with that and Art both...assuming you were not injured. Yikes.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2017
     
    I don't even want to think of the headache that would be to deal with. I did go look at where a new RV park is going in. Here is the webpage of the google map https://www.google.com/maps/place/Richland,+WA/@46.2804488,-119.3176684,198m/data=!3m1!1e3!4m5!3m4!1s0x54987ab30421b153:0x669267b6125d3ef1!8m2!3d46.2856907!4d-119.2844621

    The guy bought the property with the intent of putting in the RV park. Where the boats are in the bare ground is where the 25 RV sites will be - for long term, no children. Towards the river he plans to put regular campsites. The area in the bottom of the picture is actually fenced in with horses. On the top portion is more pasture with horses and cows. When looking out from where the sites will be (the lower end of the map) the view is of the vineyard and orchard covered hills. His plans are to have a 5 acre garden plot for anyone that wants to plant a garden and any leftover food will go to the food bank. There are already fruit trees but he plans to plant more. As you drive in there big Walnut trees there. I told him they looked like black walnut - he had no idea what they were. There is also a rooster and his lady that roam the property and he plans to get more hens for him! He also said there is a big porcupine that likes to visit the area but when people move in he may not come visiting.

    Each RV site will have gravel for parking on and then pasture grass between the sites. There will be a hose and sprinklers for each site to choose whether to water or not. I told him if I were there I would put in flower beds and he said 'fine'. As you can see it is right close to the Yakima River and is surrounded by the Equestrian Park with lots of trails to walk. The rent is $15 more than I pay now but I love the setting. The negative is there will be no cable TV which means would need to use antennae for whatever we can get or satellite. He is working with Frontier for wi-fi. He hopes to have it open by October so he has a lot of work since he hasn't started but he is a building contractor so it shouldn't take long. So will wait to hear back as he progresses. I am ready for a change. We have been here 4 years now - itchy feet! Since Art no longer walks, changing won't have the impact on him.

    On another note:

    We all hear about how bad the artificial sweeteners are for you. So I decided to see if I notice a change. I usually drink one diet Mt Dew in the morning and 2 caffeine free diet Pepsi sometime during the day. I put three ice cubes in which makes them real cold then sip as the ice melts. I now know why the diet drinks will freeze in the frig when the sugar ones do not. I put six ice cubes in with one can with sugar and it still is not cold like diet gets. Artificial sweeteners are suppose to make you crave sugar more and make you bloated. After 5 days I don't notice any difference in my desire for sweets (was never high anyway) nor bloating or no bloating. I will say because the sugar drink taste horrible, I am drinking cold water with lots of ice and some lemon. (I know better for you). Problem is it means taking an antacid since being weird, water gives me acid reflex!
    I will keep the experiment up until the 12 packs are gone then decide. Also watching the scales since I am adding extra calories from the drinks.
    • CommentAuthorcassie*
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2017
     
    Wouldn't it be the lemon in the water Charlotte, that gave you the acid reflux?
    Your life in the Motor home and how you manage to cope so well (and with so much) continues to amaze and impress me.
    You really are a treasure!
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2017
     
    acid reflux can actually be caused by not enough acid which in turn can cause the heartburn. My sister had the problem - would drink warm water and apple cider vinegar - have tried but don't like it. I think that is why drinking the pop doesn't give me a problem since it has lots of acid. Doesn't make a difference whether I have the lemon flavoring or not - still bothers me. Sugared pepsi just doesn't satisfy like the diet!
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2017
     
    Interesting experiment Charlotte. I have been wondering the same thing. Since I switched DH to nonalcoholic beer, I have been having soda, sometimes plain, sometimes with rum or butterscotch brandy of all things. New fav.cocktail is diet Mt Dew with a dash of "Buttershots". Sounds disgusting, but is enough to take the edge off sometimes. Can't decide if drinking the soda is bad for me. Shouldn't be as bad as all the beer we used to drink.
    Sometimes I just have green iced tea, but last night was up super late and it slipped out of my hand and broke the lovely glass pitcher that fit the frig door perfectly. Was almost full too, so tea all over the floor. Bare feet, and glass shards. And, yes, I did blame it all on DH. Since I wouldn't have been up at two am trying to have iced tea if he hadn't been such an ass at bedtime!
    I agree the sugar sodas taste awful. New fav cola is Diet Rite Zero. No salt, no caffiene, no sugar. I haven't found a cola I liked since they discontinued Tab.
    Charlotte - my friend's assisted living has a water dispenser in the afternoon sometimes with cucumber slices in it. I love that. Sometimes watermelon and that is good too.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2017
     
    Good morning Mary75. You asked about our day. Yesterday was a complete lost cause. Everything had to be done 2-5 times. One of those days. Actually the last 2 weeks have been awful. Today I need some way to get a more positive attitude. Lately I have been realizing that if he were dead I would have to do all this stuff to maintain the property so just get on with it. I am, but have a hard time not blaming him everytime I hurt myself working out there.
    I could just sell the place the way it is, but it would make more sense to get things in better shape first. I have made a lot of progress, but the list is still very long. But hey, we have nothing but time any more. Am getting better about hiring folks but can do many things myself. Am getting stronger and learning how to be more safe to prevent injuries.

    HA. You might like this one. We've been in a heat wave for two.weeks. I have been skimming the pool several times a day. One of his eucalyptus trees lost all its leaves and Santa Ana winds blew most of them in the pool. So DH is in the pool (after a struggle to get him changed into.swim suit). He is trying to use the skimmer IN the pool. Scoops up.some leaves. Turns around and dumps the leaves back out in the pool. He keeps complaining about the leaves. I keep saying it has been windy. Finally he says, "who did this? If I find the guy who did this I'm going to beat the shit out of him.". Well, you kept saying how much you just LOVE eucalyptus trees and you planted them NEXT TO THE POOL! That shut him up for awhile.

    Then he pounds the handle to make it shorter. I say dont do that. He glares at me, curses at me and keeps banging. Next he needs it longer but now we need to wangle the pole into the garage to use a vise to extend it. He doesn't understand why I might be livid. Once again if he catches the guy who messed this up he will beat the shit out of him. One can only hope.
    • CommentAuthorBev*
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2017
     
    You guys are terrific! I love how you can find humor in a day filled with frustration and say it so eloquently. Bhv, I had my first laugh of the day reading your story.

    It's getting ready to rain here in my part of Illinois. We haven't had rain in quite a while but it's been cool.

    We have a birdhouse in my backyard that was put up long ago. It's on a high pole, supposed to be a purple Martin house but we never had purple martins, only sparrows and sometimes squirrels, who get in sometimes after shimmying up the steel pole. I don't know what they do in there. Anyway, the house is so old that in one of our previous storms part of the roof blew off and now we have the remains of what I call "the slum." My neighbor offered to build me a new house when the baby birds are out of the nest or saw down the pole. I've never liked having that house in the yard but my husband loved it, so there it sits, or should I say stands, in all its glory. It's somewhat a reminder of how much my husband loved birds and I really have to make a choice, to keep or not to keep.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2017
     
    bhv and Bev, what wonderful writers you both are! I'll be thinking about you all day, one on the West Coast and one in the Midwest. I've lived in both California (Los Altos) and Illinois (Urbana), and it is easy for me to picture the pool with the eucalyptus leaves and then to see the backyard with the "slum" and the squirrels. So thanks to both of you. Other great writers on this site are Wolf, Elizabeth, Myrtle, Sass, George, ol' don, Paul, Marsh, Emily, Bama, Nancy B., divvi, Lynn and Charlotte, of course. I've probably left off others, sorry. Let's hear from you and refresh my memory.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2017
     
    i like that we are sharing here things that are going on other than dementia world. Yes, I had to laugh about the leaves story in the pool.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2017 edited
     
    So this morning the heat wave broke. I skimmed a dead rat out of the pool. Don't tell the tree huggers! Not my fault they keep jumping in there. Dug up some flower thing that didn't have a sprinkler any more. Separated it into about 10 good size plants and put them in front of sprinklers that weren't watering anything.
    Did I tell you how much I HATE gardening??? My Grandfather was a master gardener and had green houses when I was about 3 years old. But, alas, I didn't get hs talent. And I have allergic asthma so have to pace myself or will become a wet noodle gasping and turning blue. DH came out a few times to see what I was doing but didn't offer to help. My positive attitude was destroyed when I discovered he locked me out of the house again. But, of course it is MY fault since I forgot to put the keys in my pocket.
    Took a break to fix lunch for his majesty. Then went out to extend the sprinkler I had capped off several months ago when I hired a guy to fix the main line in the same area. So now have some water going to yet another eucalyptus tree, but avoiding sprinkling the gate opener. I am telling you I would like to "beat the shit out of the guy who designed this sprinkler system" But then he doesn't live here any more. Just some stranger who sits in the shade of the garage watching me do all this stuff he used to be able to take care of. WHAT THE HECK IS HE THINKING???
    He did say I did good.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2017
     
    I recognize most of those names. Before I found out he was lactose intolerant, I never would have gotten through the explosive diarrhea episodes with floor to ceiling poop if I hadn't read divvi's stuff. OMG I love divvi. Many times I had nothing to add cause Charlotte or Myrtle or Sass just said it. Elizabeth and Mary have such helpful suggestions. And my dear Wolf. One recent night I was very sad and stumbled on a discussion between him and George about the universe. I went on such a voyage reading that. Was finally able to go to sleep dreaming about the stars. Who knows what would have happened this Christmas without the lodge and everyone there.
  2.  
    One of the things that AD does to caregivers is this: it leaves them holding the bag.

    The bag is full of responsibility for something: a yard, a business, financial mistakes, dealing with difficult relatives, or perhaps dealing with one's own illness all alone. I don't think that this aspect is recognized as such but as I have read this website and heard other stories, and from my own experience, many, if not all, feel like they have been left holding the bag. It is heavy, stinky, cumbersome, sticks to your hands, and oozes resentment. I hated it.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2017 edited
     
    Well said, marche*. And it's strange how that resentment has stuck to my psyche and left me with a very short fuse.
    Even now and too often I find myself thinking, "Why do I have to do this, too?"
    It happened again today. I've been trying to get a report from one doctor's office to another. I've made two doctor's visits and five phone calls I've been put on hold, left voice messages, spoken to two receptionists, and the problem is still up in the air.
    Yes, left holding the bag.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 29th 2017
     
    Ground Hog Day - this is what our lives are!

    Just when I think I can be mellow he starts in. I have told him to stop trying to bed the end of the bow on his glasses. The person at Walmart said the bows were too long to bend to make them tight so we bought a head band for them. Well, I saw him messing with them, went over to look to see he had bandaides wrapped around each one. One is cracked. Every year for the last 4 he has broken them trying to bend them. Guess a trip to the VA in Walla Walla is on the menu for next week to get new bows - hopefully shorter ones. September I will be able to order him a new pair (the VA does once a year on glasses, every 2 on exams). Packed the canopy up so no more worrying about it when the wind blows. One less thing to stress over.

    Had to shave him yesterday morning for the first time. His electric razor battery would not charge enough to run the blades so they would cut so had to use my razor. :-( I made sure I went and bought him a new one yesterday - no way was I going to ruin mine on his beard! His new one worked great - first time in weeks he has not gone back 3 or more times to shave.
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeJun 29th 2017 edited
     
    Believe it or not, I got a phone call from each doctor, so my understanding of the situation is much clearer. The surgeon will add his two-bits worth tomorrow when I go into see him. Since the first surgery has failed, the longer, more complicated one is in the offing. At heart I am a craven coward, and I'm not looking forward to the procedure.
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJun 29th 2017
     
    I don't blame you one bit Mary.

    diet vs regular pop experiment over - scales were not my friend this morning so back to diet!
    • CommentAuthorLindylou*
    • CommentTimeJun 29th 2017
     
    Charlotte, somehow I missed learning that Art no longer walks around the park. Probably that is reassuring in part because you no longer have to worry when he is out of sight, not knowing what trouble he might find. That would be a good thing? if you are contemplating moving your RV? The new campground sounds interesting, views, places to garden, new people to get to know. I dream of taking my little camper on the road some day................. If I'm not too old by then.

    Best wishes, Mary, as you sort your health options out.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2017
     
    LINDYLOU, I was just going to ask how you are.doing?and here you are. So happy to.see you.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2017
     
    Talk about anticlimactic! Couple weeks ago.saw lawyer. She recommended I get physician letters stating DH not competent to handle financial affairs. Been stressing about this. Just feels awful. Dropped off a draft last week and had appointment this morning. We didn't have to see the doctor after all. He just signed the letter.
    As it turns out I probably should have seen the doctor cause DH.was upset when we got home. He didn't understand what is going on around here. First we had to go there and then we didn't. I said we needed the doctor to sign a letter and thought we would have to go in to see him. Strangely.he accepted that. Didn't ask what the letter was about. No idea what I would have said to that question. He still.doesn't believe he has.any problem.
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2017
     
    bvh, I'm glad it turned out to be so simple. The medical folks use the term "insight" to describe a person's knowledge that they are cognitively impaired. This insight is diminished as the AD becomes more advanced. Your husband clearly does not have insight that something is wrong with him. From what I read, this makes him less likely to be depressed (which makes sense) but more likely to engage in activities that are dangerous. Both my father and my husband had insight and it was so sad to see them struggle with what was happening to them.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2017
     
    Yeah Myrtle, I can't figure out which way would be best for him. Probably this way because he seems to be getting happier as he progresses through this. I want to get ahead of things enough to try to find some things he might enjoy. Til now he has been too angry for me to want to be around him and certainly wasn't willing to be a tour director.

    Now I made an appointment with a Geriatric Medicine doctor. Decided I just couldn't bring myself to go back to that neurologist. I will bring the neuro notes with me and see how this evaluation goes. Need to get a.second physician to sign a letter about financial affairs. I think it will be ok and hopefully this guy.knows what he is doing. He also practices at a geriatric medical clinic in Pasadena so perhaps I will learn something new. Won't tell DH about this.til the day of the appointment. Feels so surreptitious and creepy. No idea what to say when he asks me what I am thinking. For heavens sake he would be horrified to know even half of what I am thinking. All I can do is try to smile and say I am looking at the birds.

    I think I will have to stop by the hermitage for a cuppa after that next appointment.
    • CommentAuthorFiona68
    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2017
     
    bhv, I remember this stage with my husband. I always felt like I was lying to this man I loved and taking away his control of his own life, but I finally realized that he just could not process what was going on in the world and my job was to protect him now. I did most things behind his back and, when I felt it necessary to explain to him what I was doing, he just looked at me blankly and walked away. That's when I knew that I was doing the right thing by taking over and he needed me to.

    I also remember the angry times. I spent about 2 years saying "ok" to almost everything he said and did. I just stopped trying to engage and explain things. As time went on, the less I told him, the more peaceful he was. Well, ok, he was delusional, paranoid, and talked to women on magazine covers, but other than that he was peaceful.
    I hired someone to be a companion for him (explaining to him that I needed someone to help me do projects) and she took him out to lunch, bowling, 3-hole golfing, to thrift shops, and to the grocery store for me. Maybe he will enjoy some of these things.

    Good luck to you. This stage is heartbreaking and overwhelming. You are doing exactly the right things.
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJul 1st 2017
     
    Oh Fiona68. Thank you.
    • CommentAuthorMim
    • CommentTimeJul 1st 2017
     
    Mary75, wishing you well....even more than that!!
    •  
      CommentAuthormary75*
    • CommentTimeJul 1st 2017 edited
     
    Mim, your good wishes resulted in surprising results. The surgeon says no surgery is indicated, and he has given me some medication to help. I’m to see him again in 3 months. So happy, happy days.
    • CommentAuthorLindylou*
    • CommentTimeJul 1st 2017
     
    So glad to hear, Mary.
    • CommentAuthorcassie*
    • CommentTimeJul 1st 2017
     
    Happy days indeed, Mary. That is such good news. XX
    • CommentAuthorbhv*
    • CommentTimeJul 1st 2017
     
    Yay Mary!
    • CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeJul 1st 2017
     
    Prayers the medicine works like it is suppose to.
    • CommentAuthorMim
    • CommentTimeJul 2nd 2017
     
    Hooray for Mary!