I wrote a whole stack of checks yesterday, but it wasn't until I sat down last night and saw the date on the computer that I realized it was June. I think I had turned my brain off while I wrote the checks.
My thought for the day - If we weren't meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator? (That's not an original thought, but I can't remember where I heard it.)
I can tell it's June because my garden is full of weeds. I have never had so many. Partly it's because of the weather and partly it's because of me. My knee is bothersome and next month I have surgery on it; not looking forward to it at all. My son-in-law is coming tomorrow to pull those weeds before they take over my whole garden.
I'm going out to dinner this evening with friends. Funny, but the whole time Casey was sick we were never included, but I'm happy to be included now.
My eldest granddaughter graduates from high school on Sunday and the little one graduates from middle school Monday. I'll be happy to see my oldest grandson this weekend as well. He moved out of state for work and I really miss him.
Going to a wedding on Cape Cod tomorrow. This old lady is so eager for a reprieve that I had both my nails done (a first) and my hair cut and styled. My partner's son is coming to stay the day with his mother, hallelujah, I have arranged for aides to come in at various times for personal care.
Wedding will be on the beach, the weather will be spectacular. They are serving lobster at the reception. But best of all I watched this young man grow up since kindergarten and I am thrilled for him. He is a good friend to my son who also will be at the wedding with his wife. I am a good friend of his mother. I think I can allow myself one glass of wine to toast the happy couple and still be considered sober enough to drive home. I have to be home earlier than Cinderella, but I don't care. I am so looking forward to this.
Who says there is never retribution or bad karma? How often do you see a driver and wonder where the police are?
I was going shopping today when I had to stop at the main highway before pulling out. There was a truck and car coming. Across the road a car had pulled out from the golf course housing into their merging lane. After the truck and car passed I pulled out. The truck slowed down to let the car merge which ticked off the car behind him. He swung to the right but evidently did not realize it was ending. Then he swung out to the left but quickly pulled back in (this part of the road by the way is double yellow lines - no passing). After the line of cars passed he pulled out and back in quickly. He pulled out again and took off during at brief time there is passing allowed. While he is passing a guy pulls out in front of him from the road that was coming up. Whoops - had to slow down again. As he approached the train crossing - you got it, the gate comes down!! By now I was laughing. Wish I could have known what he was thinking while sitting there waiting for the train (well, maybe not) - good thing it was a short one! Crossing the track he then gets stopped - again - by a red light! He was going straight , I was going to the right at the lights. The truck was between us, if not I might have been tempted to wave at him while laughing!
Charlotte, I think drivers are like anonymous internet comments. People do atrocious things they would never do in front of the same people. That reminds me of my Russian period. I got so bored I watched all kinds of things on the internet. One of them was compilations of car crashes where most of them turned out to be Russian. They use more dash cams per capita than almost anywhere else. Maybe I wanted to see that it wasn't just my life that went careening off the road. Anyway, if drivers over here are crazy, over there they are insane.
Hello"pretend friends," I think that you are all wonderful (especially you,Charlotte) and I would be lost without you! And if that makes me a loser, I don't give a damn!! So pleased that the wedding went well, Lindylou. Mim, hope that you were satisfied with Dan's care after the fracas and that he is ok.
Cassie, do you mean his being punched in the stomach? I didn't think anyone had seen that one yet. Yes, he's doing okay, has no memory of the event. One of the male aides (a pretty husky dude) got them away from each other. Dan was hit hard enough to knock him to the floor. Apparently, when he was being put back on his feet, he said: "Somebody tried to beat the s..t out of me & I don't know why". That still makes me cry (got to my son also). This formerly strong guy feeling like a kid being picked on. I was thinking that other diseases...cancer, diabetes (family is familiar with both), anything physical, are all awful/painful. Alzheimer's is probably the saddest disease (well, any of the dementias). What it can do to vibrant, lively, strong people is torturous.
Yes Mim, I did mean that. Sorry about the stupid word, it was hardly a "fracas" when the poor man was attacked like that. Dans' reaction made me sad too, how dreadful that something like that can happen. Hope that the other man is kept away from him in future. The sadness in dementia is the worst I have ever known and I don't mean us but what it does to our loved ones, just as you said.
Cassie, your word wasn't stupid...I struggle myself with a word to describe it. A fracas, an event, an attack, a confrontation....nothing seems to fit.
Lucy and I have had a difficult couple of days. I took her to the groomer yesterday and she peed in the carrier again. They got her cleaned up, fur coat combed out, belly shaved, and nails clipped but it was not pleasant. She has not spoken to me since, did not get on the bed last night and has not sat on my lap. I'm going to have to find a groomer who will come to the house (this one says she can't do that in the summer) so Lucy will not have to get in the carrier. But she will still have to go to the vet. Poor thing.
I forgot to say that last night when I sat down in front of the TV at about 8:00 there was a dead mouse on the floor next to where I sit. So at least she's still on the job.
Myrtle, there are many different types of carriers. If the one you are using is "cage like," that may be an issue. There are soft, over the shoulder ones, with a zipper but also an opening for the head. My cat always did the same when I used the hard plastic carrier but now I use a walking harness and lead. And for some reason as soon as the harness is on she just sits quietly on the back seat and really enjoys the drive. One day,I put her in the car, without the harness and drove around the block but she cried all the way. It is only really thin and in the shape of an H, no substance to it but for some reason it makes her feel secure. She does walk on the lead too but it is just the harness that works in the car.
Lindylou, so glad you had fun at the wedding! You definitely deserved to have some fun and relaxation. We spent a weekend once in Cape Cod on vacation and had a great time. We took a little day trip to Martha's Vineyard while we were up there. Brings back great memories of my husband and when he was healthy, strong and vibrant. We also went to Boston as part of that trip and my husband was the one to master and navigate us all through the subway to get us where we needed to be. How things have changed.
Mim - I'm so sorry about what happened to Dan. That's awful and heart wrenching what he said when they were helping him up. I can't imagine what you felt. We hope that they are safe from harm once we place them. Hopefully, they have addressed it and that resident will not be able to do that again.
Thanks, cassie. You are a font of wisdom. I had a soft-sided shoulder bag carrier but she peed in it on her first trip out so I had to throw it away. I got the hard plastic carrier so I could wash it out. I will try a harnesses and lead. I have some that our previous cats used when we took them for walks in the back yard. I'll see if she will let me put a harness on her. But I'm wary of having her loose in the car because she might pee on the upholstery. BTW, she is otherwise a well-trained cat and has never had an "accident," so this behavior is clearly due to fear. Anyhow, we are friends again; she was very loving this morning. (Must be low on food!)
I know nothing about cats as pets. Is it possible to acclimate cats to the carriers or harnesses by first just touching it with the cat present, giving the cat a treat, then after a few days of that, holding the harness and the cat, etc. in the way (with many steps and treats over a long time) that you would condition or desensitize a dog or a human? I'm expecting the answer to be no, but thought it worth asking.
Hi marche,don't really think that the carrier or the harness are the problems but what is at the other end of the car trip! How are you going with your moving?
Let me put it this way: It's not on the fun end of the bell curve of life. I've got about eight weeks to pare things down; kind of like taking three centuries of English literature in a short summer session. Thirty two years is a long time to live in one place and it is very hard to visualize the end point or even arranging my furniture in the new place. The answer to your question is I'm going a bit batty.
It does remind me of the early days of AD. I read everything I could get my hands on and tried to plan and mentally prepare myself for the future. To some extent it helped, but mostly I couldn't wrap my mind around dealing with the issues that people on this website who were further along in the disease were talking about. . . until I reached that stage.
Back to the cats: why not take The Cat for short rides in the car around the block so The Cat don't associate the car and the carrier with going to the vet? If cats like cream, maybe myrtle could take The Cat out for ice cream! JK.
I especially liked the part of the story where The Cat shunned myrtle and then left a mouse by her chair. Was The Cat goading her or was it a peace offering?
I have dogs. They are totally food driven so it should be easier to train them using treats. The problem is that one has to be consistent and once you slip up, they are totally onto you. The Dogs are running the show around here. Fact: They look into my eyes with such yearning and devotion that I want to believe they love me when actually they love Milk Bones more. I have spent too much time pondering whether they would mourn me like the devoted romantic Greyfriars Bobby.
Good idea marche!! I used to do that with my cat, take her somewhere other than the vet and gave her the "ice cream" when we returned home. I think the mouse was a peace offering, to Myrtle. No wonder you are going batty, dealing with 32 years worth of "stuff" & memories would be very daunting. Hope that you are able to take a breath every so often. Ps; I think that dogs really do love us, the cats only use us!
marche, I feel for you. That is hard work and must prompt a lot of memories, good and bad. That's a good idea about taking the cat for rides. I'm going to try it but first I'll see if she will tolerate the harness. I'll "saddle her up" indoors and then give her a treat.
cassie and marche, the "dead mouse as a peace offering" theory has a sweet ring to it but it raises troubling implications. Is this house so full of mice that all a cat has to do is to go to the basement and choose the right mouse for the occasion?
DH's horoscope for today: "Loved ones seem to be dealing with some frustration." Funniest part is that followed "You might be running around trying to get done more than your share.". Oh my....
But, then again, last night was apparently a full moon. First one in over a year with no threatening behavior!!! I can't believe it. I have been watching the moon shadows get longer for the last few days waiting for hell to break loose.
We had so much rain this winter the critters are completely out of control. First I was trapping little bitty mice in the garage. And two got in the house. Then dealt with some pack rats out back. Ugly things. Now that trap is catching field mice. Really big ones with big round ears and big round eyes. Makes it harder to shoot when they are so cute. Still battling squirrel family. I don't really mind if they eat the bird seed. It is the damage their tunnels do to the hillside. Them and the rabbits. They keep getting the food in the trap, but are too small to trip it yet. Soon...... I've been hunting all the time lately. The Turkey Vultures are regulars now. A bit disappointed if I don't catch something for them. Haven't seen the neighbors' cats over here. Monster and Butch must be too busy over there still. Monster is a huge orange cat who could terrorize the doberman! Bet she could clear some of these critters.out. There is an owl helping me out some though.
You have an abundance of wild life. Where do you live in Southern California? It sounds like it's teeming with small creatures. I lived in Los Altos for a few years and other than the nine roosters we raised by mistake (nine baby chicks from the lab my first husband worked in needed homes and what were the odds that all nine would be waking up the neighborhood at 5:00 a.m. several months later?) I only saw an abundance of song birds.
I live in a rural community in the hills south of Riverside with a view of Lake Mathews. There were fewer houses when we moved here. We saw lots more snakes back then. Fascinating ones. Not all rattlers. I grew up on Long Island where we don't have poisonous snakes. They were always wonderful additions to our gardens. Here they are a bit more scary. I watched a red racer hunting lizards the other day. When we first came there were coyotes coming by every morning and evening. One year we had a beautiful three legged coyote who seemed to have a den in the canyon behind us. We used to go to a driving range across the street from an old oak tree where they would hang horsethieves. There was a stagecoach stop there. The hills above us have.actual quicksand places that the horse people must beware of. Remember the old western movies where riders would be in a riverbed and overcome by flash floods from a thunderstorm miles away? That can happen here.
Your description of your area is fascinating. I remember the very old oak trees in Palo Alto and the signs of the Spanish heritage in some of the buildings. I'm going to Google Riverside and Lake Mathews for pictures.
We have a neighbor who takes part in a contest where they adopt wild mustangs from the bureau of land management and they have a couple of months to train them in various tasks. She used to ride by at first leading the mustangs to teach them to walk on the road and not get too scared bythe cars. Then she'd come by riding the. She won the contest several times.
Another neighbor lives across the street from some people with long horns. We saw their calves one day after they were born a few years ago.
Yesterday the California Quail came by with babies! Yeah! We used to have something like 150 quail sleeping on our trees at night. They would come at sunset and eat some bird seed, drink some water and then fly up to roost in the trees. Sometimes it looked like uoside down rain! So nice to hear them clucking as they all settled in. The flock disappeared completely for a couple of years of the last drought. So happy to see babies. It is fun to watch how they work as a group to manage the young ones.
We wanted to have chickens but were always afraid the hawks and coyotes would get them.
The kids (15 and 11) that moved in next door, found about a 5 foot tree garter snake wrapped around the branches of the pine tree behind me. Then later the lady next door (on the other side) was going to work in her flowers and there was the snake! Her husband picked it up with a rake, walked it across the road and let it go. Hope he doesn't come back. We did have one that big last year crossing the road in front of us - chased it into the dog pen which is right next to the lady next to us. I don't mind the baby one which I often see sunny between the grass and the curb behind us, but not the big ones. Never thought of them being in the trees!
Yesterday there was a red racer on the gravel road next to our property. It was very still in a zig zag, kind of chevron position. I wondered if it was dead but it looked like the head was.raised. This snake has been hunting in our yard.a.couple of times last year.and now again. It is now about 1" in diameter and perhaps 5-6 feet long. I've only seen from a distance. Anyway, it was so still.for so long we were about to go inside when all of a sudden it turned and raced into the bushed across the road. Holy Mackerel that snake was fast. No wonder it is called a red racer. East coast I think they are.called coach whips and are more likely to be brown. They aren't poisonous thank goodness. But their bite will hurt apparently. I am not going to give that a try.
Since we're talking about snakes, I need to tell you gals a little story.
When our son Barney was about ten years old, his hobby was reptiles, and he had a collection of snakes and lizards which he cared for and enjoyed.
Helen and I were all dressed up going to a party in the early evening. As we drove down White Ave. near the tracks we saw a snake in the road and realizing how much Barney loved snakes, We stopped and picked it up, and returned home. Helen had to drive while I held the snake. Of course Barney was delighted and we went on our way to the party.
When we arrived home fairly late, Barney was waiting up for us and quite excited. He couldn't wait to tell us about the new snake. He told us that he recognized it as a Gopher snake, so he put it into the cage with another Gopher snake that he already had. He said right away the snakes wrapped themselves around each other and squirmed and slithered all over the place and he thought they were having a fight, but then he saw a little pink thing come out of one snake and go into the other snake. I asked Barney if he knew what they were doing. He said "Sure Dad, They were making out"
Little did we realize what was coming. For the next two years we had Gopher snakes all over the place. The baby snakes were so small, they had no trouble escaping the snake pen. Well.........at least we didn't have any gophers.......
This is the most commonly viewed snake within Mojave Desert. It can be seen on many of the roads sunning itself in the early to late morning hours. It is the fastest snake in the desert moving at up to 7mph and can reach up to 6 feet long with a slender, whiplike body. Coloration may vary from gray and tan to pink with black crossbars always present on the neck. A the snake gets older it begins to take on a more distinct reddish appearance. It’s diet consist of lizards, small snakes, mice and birds. It is very mean tempered and should not be handled. Although not poisonous its bite can tear the flesh and should be avoided.
That is really cool George! Some of our gopher snakes also eat rattlers for lunch. I always beg my neighbors not to kill those snakes. When I was a little girl my Grandpa would take my hand and we would tour his.wonderful.garden and go.visit the garden snake that stayed.in his burn barrel. It was the loveliest green. Someone brought snakes to my high school bio class. I got to hold.the Blue Indigo.snake for the whole class. It was.about 2.5 inches diameter and 6-7. Feet long. It wrapped around me and was just fascinating. Not slimy at all, but smooth. Beautiful.cobalt blue color. Gentle. Not a constrictor so it was safe. And it is a herbivore so no risk of biting. A favorite memory. Charlotte, I just went out to check the traps and couldn't shake a nervous feeling whenever I was under the trees! Fortunately we don't have many trees
It's been a while since I posted. I still pop around and read every so often. Hubby is now going on to 4 years in the nursing home and in a slow decline. He walks and I mean walks all day long. No longer knows who I am and will only sit with me for five minutes at the most then up he goes walking. Physically he's in great health so who knows how long he'll be around. So long as he isn't in pain and seem content then I'm good with it.
As for me - I'm almost retired meaning I no longer work set shift only some relief Oct to May. Then I'm gone for five months. I'm still with the same fellow I meant 2 1/2 years ago and we're doing great. We are away sailing for three full months this year. I go back once a month to check in on hubby and the cabin.
So there is life after AZ and you will come out of the tunnel into the light.
Something new: I was getting ready to do laundry, had it all in the basket to head over. Go back to get it off the bed and he is taking his clean shorts out of the drawer and putting in the laundry basket!
no snake today!
Good to hear from you Amber and that your life is going forward.
It was a hard rain. The kind that's loud and comes down with purpose. I had American Pickers on and was taking out my chicken lasagna . I always cook with a timer because even though I can remember things fine, if I get caught up in something else I might forget I was boiling water where I've fried an appliance already.
This time I made a coffee where I boil a sauce pan of water on the stove and drip it through a filter. Instead of hitting the timer properly I must have hit the oven button without noticing and when I came back in 45 minutes it was still largely frozen.
I would worry if I wasn't aware in detail what other people my age (route 66) are also going through. Not addle brained, but sharp isn't the word we're looking for here. I've played 'you remember...the guy...the guy in that movie...what was it called...he was in that other movie too...and so on.
It doesn't happen often at all but it's not going away either. It's accompanied by jar wrestling sessions and halfwayitis. That's when you're half way and realize picking this heavy and awkward thing up was a really bad idea.
So there I was finally going into the den with Tom Wolff excited by the junk he was finding, balancing the chicken lasagna on the plate, the large salad bowl so I don't waste the lettuce, and some leftover tuna in tinfoil for the cats, putting everything down on the cheap glass coffee table my in-laws bought 40 years ago, which was when I noticed the rain.
I've come to like rain. It means I'm not hiding in my house. It means I don't have to water the plants in the containers outside and can watch Tom&Frank rummage around in yet another person's piles of hoarded junk. I'm actually going the other way. Every couple of weeks I'm adding a garbage bag full of our lifelong clutter. In some ways I'm gradually moving our stuff to the dump. I'm just lightening the unwanted overhang.
The heat has arrived which was the perfect time for my air conditioner to die, so it did. It was really old and I wonder if any pickers would be interested in it. I wonder what an air conditioner costs and decide the next time I have an old air conditioner, I'll run it in April just to see if it works, instead of the first heat wave when everybody finds out.
After dinner, I came back up to my room where I sit at a large work table directly in front of a second story big window. The sky was black and ominous overhead, but to the north west where the sun was setting 3 days shy of the longest day of the year, the sun broke out below the cloud bank and shot sunbeams sideways through the tree branches dripping white diamonds that shone like little prisms of bright light.
I wondered what Dianne and I might be doing if life had been kinder. We would have plans for tomorrow I'm sure. I have plans too. I have plans to have plans one day. In the meantime, I have plans not to burn the house down.
I'm just about through the first book I've read in what must be 20 years except for one Mary75 wrote a few years ago called Dreaming Of Horses. I have her most recent book on my dresser she gave me last year I think. It's called Taking A Chance On Love. I saved it because I wasn't taking a chance on reading anything. Until two weeks ago when I remembered I never threw any of my favourite books out. There they were in the long forgotten rec room on the lowest level (four level side split). I pulled out Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis which is tied as my favourite book with Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut.
I had a love/hate relationship with it at the start. I worked my way through it in fits and starts and finally read random pages anywhere in the book. Finally I started over and persevered - and learned that the disjointed clunkiness was the reader - not the narrative. I had real issues that never occurred to me reading something precious from my past. I have 50 pages to go and I left them (Dixon and Christine) just meeting for lunch. Everything to this point is development and table setting. Now it all unfolds. I'm reading again. wow
One day I might even have a day where I feel full of life and centered where I am all day long. I'm not holding my breath but I hope. I found hope accidentally. After a decade without it, I bent down one day probably picking dirt off the kitchen floor and there it was, like an old treasure in the garbage dump. I might be able to use that one day, I said to myself, and was glad to slip it in my pocket hoping that might be true.
The dusk is now so heavy you can barely see the black silhouette of the tree. It's almost 10 pm and the last light is failing. The storm is gone and the stars will be out. I may go out later and look just to remind myself how much I loved being here before our vehicle skidded off the road and went tumbling over the cliff. Great in movies. Not that great in real life.
Shhhhhh. Listen to the rain. Hold tight to that little bit of hope in your pocket. Thank you Wolf.
Hmmm. Slaughterhouse Five. What about Steppenwolf, Herman Hess (sp). And Magister Ludi?
My niece recently suggested "The Goldfinch" by Donna Tartt. I read it just to get to know her a little better, but found I couldnt put it down. Even now I find myself daydreaming about stopping to see Hobie for a cup of tea.
Wolf ...... I always enjoy reading your stories. I'm a very slow reader, but even slower when reading your stuff because I have to do a lot of thinking about what's going on in your head and trying to understand it. Eventually it does come through to me and I find so much comfort in relating to everything you put out there......and you do put it all out.
Hi George, I don't purposefully try to be hard to understand. All that stuff happened yesterday. I'm trying to learn how to appreciate some things in my life again.
Wolf, I so enjoyed your writing...thank you for the word picture. I usually don't understand a lot of things you write ( I know...duh), my own brain doesn't function in quite the same way anymore, but this one was a "keeper" for me. Don't know where I'll keep it though :)
I just discovered another way that nursing home care is expensive. DH is in respite. He had a cold, and needed cough medicine. I was too ill last week to get him some, so a social worker at the nursing home went and bought some. DH gave her $20 for the purchase, and got back 11 cents. This was plain, over the counter cough syrup--the kind that only costs about $6.00 a bottle at the expensive drug store near us. It's a good thing he didn't have a more extensive list of things he needed! (I had put cough drops and other miscellaneous just-in-case things in what he was taking to respite.)
Whatever amount of money you're allowed to keep if you go into a nursing home on medicaid certainly wouldn't last long if every little thing cost like the cough medicine did. Without family or friends to bring you the things you need, it seems like you could run out of essential items pretty quickly.
Thoughts (only): Doesn't the nursing home have some stock cough medicine on hand, as they do laxatives? Why not squeeze a lemon in their kitchen, add some honey and hot water? It's as effective, if not more, than most cough medicines. Do the staff charge an hourly rate and/or gas money to shop for patients? I wish there were more careful scrutiny of businesses that provide health care. Jan, hope you will get a very well-deserved and restful break while your husband is in respite.
When my husband was in respite, I sent what I thought was plenty of medication with him...but they ran out of one of his eye drops. Instead of calling me---because, guess what, I had a full, unopened bottle at home---they in their infinite wisdom ordered him a bottle from their pharmacy--and charged me $100 out of pocket. I was furious.
Had some good news today. I have been getting letters from John Hancock for years asking to verify address but just ignored it. We only had one policy with them and that was life insurance early in our marriage which was cancelled way back yonder! I finally called them and found out they do have a policy but they would not tell me anything. I sent them a copy of the POA, they sent a letter stating they had received it addressed to him c/o me POA and called them back today. Evidently when he was born his mom bought a $5000 policy on him. I have not been able to afford any for years and now have enough to at least cover cremation and maybe a little left over.
I have the form to change beneficiary from his mom to me but I am a little confused. I know he is the insured but is he also the policy owner? Or because I have his POA am I? I think he still is but not sure. If no one knows here I will call back tomorrow and sit on the phone waiting or maybe see if there is a JH agent in our small towns.
I believe that once they've accepted your POA, you are acting legally on his behalf. He owns the policy but you can make decisions about it on his behalf. If you make yourself the beneficiary and sign it under the POA, then your husband has legally named you the beneficiary in the eyes of John Hancock. Different agencies have different views on POA's. Once an agency has accepted the POA, then they are dealing with your husband when they deal with you. You don't own it (in the sense that title to the asset transfers to you) but you make all the decisions regarding it.