One of the mistakes I made in writing thank you notes other than for memorials is not keeping a list. I would think of someone I wanted to write a note to (like the neurologist) and compose it in my mind, but I cannot remember if I ever carried out the good intention. I did not realize at the time that my mind was only working part time at minimum capacity and that I needed to write everything down. Not infrequently I wonder if I sent a note to so and so and should I send another.
Other than thanking the family doctor and a caretaker in the newspaper obit, I didn't send out any thank- you notes for the cards I received when Eric died I thought at the time that this was one time I didn't need to, and I was simply too tired. Later, I noticed that other people did and that maybe I should have. Bluedaze's topic heading caught my attention, and I wondered what she had to say about it.
I just sent those little pre-printed cards that you order while you're setting up the funeral. I had some kind of "Memorial Book" that was given to me as part of the funeral pre-planning. I didn't have any calling hours per se, where people come to the wake and sign that book. But it did have a page for recording who did what to help you, or who contributed what. So I did list who sent flowers, mass cards, regular cards, donated to charities, whatever...so it was then relatively easy to send out the little thank you notes. Larry liked funerals, and I just felt that he would have wanted all the courtesy details attended to. I was tired and spacey, but it was a fairly rote procedure. And I don't think people expect anything more than a hand-written signature on the bottom of the notes.
I don't think bluedaze's comment was about thank-you notes written after the funeral. It was about being grateful to people who stuck with her and helped her for years after her husband died. It was a good comment. But like a star on a summer morning, it was there and then was gone.
As for post-funeral thank-yous, I followed what I was taught about etiquette - that I did not need not send thank you notes to people who sent sympathy cards, only to those who sent flowers or mass cards or made donations to charities. However, I did send notes to some old friends who drove a long way to come to the funeral. I also sent notes to my two 30-something nieces, who flew in to get there in the middle of the week. I also received some thank-you notes from my husband's family members, saying that they were grateful for my taking care of him for all those years. One person even thanked me for marrying him!
Myrtle, how lovely for you to be thanked and how well-deserved. Yes, I can understand bluedaze's gratitude to those who stuck by her afterwards. It makes such a difference. Elizabeth, good idea about the pre-printed thank you cards. I don't think the funeral home here offered them.
myrtle-you were right about my comment. No one seemed to care about it so I took it down. It is now 7 years since my husband's passing. A friend invited me to her house last night so we could toast my husband for the wonderful person he was. She was one of the few friends who stuck with me. That prompted me to contact others without whom I couldn't have made it.
Hi bluedaze, I don't think you can assume that nobody cared about your comment. I often read comments that I really like but I don't post a response because I can't think of anything to say. Other times, I intend to post something but want to work it out a little more in my mind. And other times, I'm reading the comment on my phone, which is difficult to type on, so I wait until I'm at a keyboard.
Anyhow, I agree with you that friends who are there for the long haul are the best. It also makes me feel good to know that I am not the only one who remembers what my husband was like, and that others remember him, too. That was true of the relative who wrote and thanked me for marrying him. She said, "He was a character." And he was!
bluedaze, I read your post but didn't have time to respond to it at that time, so I thought about the topic and post throughout the day, and then when I logged on to respond it was deleted. Nevertheless, I thought it was a terrific topic and I'm glad to see that others have added their thoughts as well.
As with myrtle, I was thinking about other folks who had gone above and beyond and been especially supportive. We had lists of the memorial, flower, and church thank you's. It was the other (fits no category) that I wish I had kept track of.
Bluedaze, It is so nice to see your name here. Even for an anniversary that is sad. I remember reading many of your posts that were helpful to me even though I didnt have the nerve to.say anything for years. So, like you thank those who stood by you, I thank you for your support.