Most people on this board won't remember me. It's been years since I posted. I don't know who else to turn to. Last night my ex-husband called me from the ER. Could I come & get him? He had a seizure in a shop and didn't remember anything before waking up in the ambulance. He has been very agitated recently, so much so that I have hung up on him several times. He doesn't have Alzheimer's, which I learned from this site, but rather a reaction to whole brain radiation. So, he had been at the ER since 3 p.m. and it was 8:30 when he called me. I was amazed they didn't keep him for overnight observation. Now to the issues. He does have an appointment IN JUNE with a neurologist. But he plans to drive once his back feels better. I believe not only is he putting himself at risk, but other drivers. What to do? Or do nothing? The Dr.'s notes mentioned his agitation. I went to see his radiologist back in 2001 or so. She said his brain had aged 10 to 15 years due to the whole brain radiation. He is 63, but in reality could be 78.
He plans to drive as soon as his back feels better. He apparently fell in a way that injured his back and was given pain pills. I am more concerned that he will accidentally kill an innocent driver if he has a seizure.
Of course I remember you. Yours is not an easy question to answer. I understand your concern, but off the top of my head, I hesitate to encourage you to be the one to help him out in this particular situation. Does he have brother? A male friend? If he is agitated, and you're driving, that puts you in possible danger. Maybe three people? One to drive, one to handle him. I remember him as someone who put you at risk before, even though it was financial, and I remember how relieved I was that you got yourself out of that mess. I can see you offering him moral support and encouragement, but to become entangled again? See if you can't come up with a better solution, one that protects you.
Most patients who suddenly have a seizure are told by the doctors they are not allowed to drive. Do you know if the ER doctor did this? If you signed him out of the hospital as a "responsible party" then this means that they have shifted his care/responsibility to you. This might be a legal issue. You might want to even run it by the local law enforcement as a "what if" question or call the social worker at the hospital.
Funny, I was the very first social worker this hospital had. Of course, much has changed since then. I did not sign him out as a responsible party. Thank you mary 75* for your answer, and marche*. He has a brother, but doesn't care to be with him. His brother lives quite a long way away. I think I am going to call the hospital. Will keep you posted.
Marche's idea is a good one: Ask the hospital social worker to take care of these problems. These are not your responsibility, and you've already put in your time. Too often I've found that no good deed goes unpunished.
Most states require someone who has a seizure to report it to the DMV. I had a friend who had one - reason unknown. They reported it to DMV who suspended his license for a year (I think it was). He had to be seizure free before they would allow him to drive again (legally). If it is required in his state and they reported it, it is out of your hands as far as him legally driving. If they didn't and it is required then they are breaking the law.
Good to hear from you Kitty - sorry for the reason though.
State laws differ, but the Epilepsy Foundation website can help you locate summaries of laws by state: http://www.epilepsy.com/driving-laws
If he can reason here are things he needs to be concerned about: Not only can he hurt someone else, or damage property, his and someone else's, but his insurance will not cover him if an accident happens when he is driving illegally according to state laws.
I was graced that my partner just handed me her car keys one day when both seizures and dementia were beginning to take control of her life. I know that yours is a different situation by far. Thought I would toss the insurance piece out to you because for some people "money issues" speak to them. After all they are paying for insurance.
I agree with Mary75, and will just reiterate that it needs to be dealt with, but doesn't sound like it is your responsibility. You should let the people know who do have the responsibility, so they can intervene.
My 39-year-old nephew was killed in a car accident in July, 2011. The other driver, who hit him head-on and was also killed, was driving himself to the clinic for testing to find out why he was having seizures.
My niece was also in the car, along with the five-year-old, who suffered a broken leg, and the two-year-old, who had a scratch or two. I will never forget that funeral as long as I live--my niece walking up the aisle to the pew, with her left arm and leg all black and blue, and carrying the five-year-old because he was in a long leg cast.
I thank each and every one of you for your input. Let me be clear. He is my EX-husband. That being said, I may call the social worker for information. I have a feeling it is illegal to drive after a seizure without a doctor's clearance. Money is not my issue here, because we are divorced.
elizabeth*, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your nephew. Very tragic.
He is your ex-husband so I would concentrate on the safety of others. See if his condition has been reported to the DMV, and perhaps write a note to his PCP and mention that you think he won't stop driving. But don't take on any caregiving.