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    • CommentAuthorJazzy
    • CommentTimeApr 26th 2017
     
    Hi and good bye

    I have come to the conclusion that I am living in a world where I no longer belong except for short visits as needed. Last night I went out with three widows all dementia widows and they really opened my eyes. I may not be a widow but I am a "widow in waiting". I had a lovely time and in the three hours I was out in a group of 28 people I was asked only once if my husband was with me and I told them he was in LTC and that was it for the rest of the evening. I had a great time and came home feeling great.
    Today I went to the Alzheimer's support group and I was with 25 women who are mostly just being their dementia journey. I gave as much info as I could remember from when My DH was home and how he ended up in LTC. I found that I had lost most of the answers to their questions. I guess I am living in the now zone. I came out of that meeting feeling so sad and depressed and I just didn't know wether I was coming or going. When I got home I called two of the women from last night to ask what had happened to me and they said it was time for me to move on and let go of what was and that it was alright to do this. It was time. I felt a big weight lift from me. I think I was going to that group because I felt I needed to keep relaying my story to anyone who would listen desperately hoping I could in someway help or take away their pain. I can't do the for them anymore. They need to lean on the others in the group who are still caring for their loved ones at home. Things have changed since I was in their place and so now my info is obsolete.
    Kevan is advancing and now I will be spending more time with him and out with my new group of friends.
    I guess the time comes when we have to leave the dementia world and leave the past. I find that my memories of the past are back when things were good before diagnosis.
    It's also time for me to say thank you to all of you here who walked this journey with me and also to remove myself from this dementia world as well.
    God bless each of you and guide you.

    Hugs

    Jazzy
  1.  
    Bless you Jazzy.

    I respect your decision and can really relate. I am a widow now and have been for over a year. Part of me wants to professionally (RN) help others going through the dementia/Alzheimer's journey and part of me (the bigger part) wants to run completely away from that world. I have said here many times I lost myself completely for years to my husband's dementia. Nearly took me too.

    I come here to check on friends who sustained me for years. Years!!! I care for everyone here. And I still participate when I think I can be useful. I have said many times I would not have survived the dementia experience without this site and wonderful people.

    And I have found for my health, I need to leave the dementia/Alzheimer world (other than this site). It is a hard and challenging call. Others as we know stay active long after their spouse has passed and how wonderful is that. We all have to make decisions on what is best for us.

    I am SO glad Jazzy you have found new friends that fill you up. You deserve much contentment and peace. I sincerely wish you and Kevan all the very best.

    (((((hugs)))))
    • CommentAuthorMim
    • CommentTimeApr 26th 2017
     
    I wish the best for you Jazzy. Everyone must do whatever they feel is best for them....
    •  
      CommentAuthorCharlotte
    • CommentTimeApr 26th 2017
     
    Best wishes for the future Jazzy. I understand what you are saying.

    We have talked about this before but I will bring it up again - this site may have had run its course, it may be dying. Little is going on. We have those who are widows/widowers, those who have placed, and those of us still in the midst but post little cause we know what to expect. The education this site has given me over the years is immeasurable. None so good can be found anywhere else.

    I have given this site to many many people that I see in other groups that appear to want more answers than they are getting. Either they never come, come and see nothing really going on so leave, or are lingering in the background. They definitely are not participating. I really think the lack of activity is one big reason people don't or they post once and leave. It reminds me of getting old - you know when you are old because you have less friends to talk to.
    • CommentAuthorCO2*
    • CommentTimeApr 26th 2017
     
    My best to you Jazzy. I too had to leave the dementia world and like you I attended a few meetings after he passed and came home so depressed that I knew it was time to move on. God bless you my friend.
  2.  
    Jazzy I wish you only the best. Moving on will give you a reason to become the real you again. I used to say that staying here too long was like picking at a scab and not letting the wound heal.I still peek in once in a while but the time between visits is lengthening.
    • CommentAuthorWolf
    • CommentTimeApr 27th 2017
     
    Jazzy, all the best to you.

    Charlotte, while this site does remain I will be along on your journey.
  3.  
    Jazzy, I hold you in my heart as a good friend. I agree with the others that when you find a way to move past this world that it is a great thing. You are so lucky to have found great friends. Best of luck to you in your new future.

    Wolf, Charlotte, I will be here for the duration, also. This site has been a God-Send for me and I really do hope that it doesn't go away. This site reminds me of writing a quick note to a sister (or brother). Sometimes you hear back and sometimes you don't hear back, but you always know that your sister is glad to hear from you and that she cares. You also know that when you really need advice or you need your sister to throw you a rope, that she will be there to do that.

    Thank you for being here Sisters and Brothers.

    Mary!!
    • CommentAuthorBev*
    • CommentTimeApr 27th 2017
     
    Jazzy, like Wolf, I wish you the best too. But, I think you will find that you can never leave the dementia world, no matter how hard you try. We are part of it forever.

    I have been helped by this site Immeasurably in the 9 years I've been here. Oh, there were times during the journey when I felt that I didn't want to add to my dementia woes by coming here and reading the posts. I wanted to distance myself from it as much as I could, by reading and doing other things in the little time I had to myself. But, I found that it was rather selfish. All the help I was given should be given back to others who come and need it. I'm a widow. It sounds horrible to me. But, for some reason I find this site still gives me some comfort. I will have dementia as a part of me forever. And , when I'm better, I intend to volunteer at our nursing home where we received so much kindness and help, and give back to those poor people who have no one who comes regularly like I did. I've been told I'm good with them and I feel such empathy for them, and if I can make them just a little bit happy by talking to them, hugging them, touching them, I will do that as long as I'm able.
    • CommentAuthorMim
    • CommentTimeApr 27th 2017
     
    Beautiful comment, Bev.
  4.  
    I've pretty much left dementia-world behind me, but am certainly still coping with the long-term after- effects. I am staying on this forum just in case I can be of help to anybody else.
  5.  
    Jazzy. Congratulations! I hope for the best! I'm trying to go ahead with my life. I bought a condo near my dtr. And am trying to sell My house. But I will he moving my husband also to that city. It is abalancing act for me. I spend time with my husband in nsg home every day, and try to live my life as a Alzheimer's spouse, or widow whatever Term is appropriate the rest of the time! So I don't really think I'll ever leave dementia world until such time as he passes!
    • CommentAuthormyrtle*
    • CommentTimeMay 5th 2017
     
    Hi ky caregiver, I'm posting a response to you on the "Just checking in" thread.