Today I went w son to view memory care facility and pick up admittance package. My Dh brothers came to sit with him while we got this done. We where home 10 minutes when Dh fell again and we took him to Er. He has been admitted and tomorrow I am to meet w hospital social worker. I don't even know what to hope for ...3 day stay so he goes for rehab and Medicaid pays or do I try to get him right to the memory care facility. I don't think I can bring him home with so many steps. My sons literally had to half carry him to car to get to Er. I'm so grateful for all the advice on this site. The last month has been a fast downward spiral. The change just since his facility assessment is significant.
I'm just off to bed, but off the top of my head think that I would wait until the hospital social worker has time to assess him and has made suggestions. I myself wouldn't be in any hurry, if ever, bring him home, or let them send him home for you to care for. With so many steps in your home, with him falling and with his noticeable downward spiral, it sounds as if the time has come. Try to get some rest tonight. The answer will become clear, and you will recognize it when it is. God bless.
I agree with Mary. Even if they suggest bringing him home, I would stand firm and say you cannot do it. Sounds like the admission may have been a blessing in disguise...sounds like he is not safe at home anymore. It probably would make more sense to admit him directly to the memory care facility from the hospital. Thinking of you and him this morning--with fingers crossed and lots of hugs.
I agree with Mary and Elizabeth. One advantage of moving him directly to LTC from a hospital is that it avoids drama of you informing him and how to move him. Now you can say it is doctor's orders. You can even fib and say he is going to LTC facility for rehab.
Onewife, paulc makes a good point about how a transfer now might be easier for both of you. Of course, this is not entirely under your control. Such a stressful course of events! Good luck.
Thank you I'm back at the hospital and I agree I can not take him back home. I will hear what social worker has to say. I just hope memory care will take him. I'm afraid he might have to go into nursing home.
If the hospital gives you the gift of a 3 day stay and then rehab, that will give you more time to make the arrangements you need to make. So sorry for what this horrid disease is doing to you both. I understand the down hill spiral. We are in the middle of one too.
I agree. While on a respite stay I knew the time had come. I let it be known that I could not deal with It at home anymore. I think that is what finally got us pushed up the list and into care. Paulc is absolutely right The move directly from the respite care into long term care avoided a lot of drama. It certainly was very emotional but I feel much easier than bringing her home then having her placed. We did a couple of respite stays prior to placement and every time I took her I found it very hard very emotional I just couldn't keep doing that. Not an easy time but sounds like you know you just cannot deal with it anymore for both her sakes. Good luck Onewife.
Onewife, what you are going through is what happened to us. An ER visit, hospitalization for nine days, then to rehab at a nursing home facility we picked out near my home, then a permanent stay in that facility. I was hysterical the day we put him there but my family convinced me it was for the best. It was. I was heartbroken to see him there. He was confused but I told him it was just for rehab until he could walk better. When I told him that he seemed to understand and accept, until I visited him the next day and he had to be told again. He was there for 2-1/2 years, until he died January 31 of this year.
Try to accept this. It's the only way. To have him come home and go through it again is unacceptable. It will only upset you more.
Social worker said Medicare denied because he could not benefit from rehab. He will be released tomorrow, I told her I am alone w him and house has steps. She will help w placement and will contact memory care I have room reserved with. She was not confident they would be able to provide care he needs and is suggesting nursing home. My out of pocket would be 250 per day for two weeks. After 2 weeks decision will be made as to nursing care vs memory care. I would much prefer memory care. What would you do? Will memory care even take him and w 1 aid per 10 residents and 1 nurse on floor 29 residents total, will he receive the care he needs. I'm exhausted left sons at hospital and I'm home trying to sort this out.
I had my husband home, taken care of by myself, for over 9 years. He was in no way able to go to a memory care ALF. He wouldn't know which room was his, he wouldn't have been able to go to dining room by himself,he wouldn't know how to take his medicine, etc. he couldn't even feed himself after the hospital. He wasn't incontinent at the time but he couldn't tell anyone he had to go to the bathroom. In the nursing home he received help for all those things. If your husband doesn't need as much help as mine did, then by all means go to memory care.
Bev, I think you are right. Yes my Dh sounds like you described. A nursing home might be the only solution. Dh has Lewy body w Parkinsonism so he has mobility problems. I am praying for nursing home rehab, if I can keep him 1 more night in hospital Medicare should kick in. As of Jan new Medicare observation rule kicked in.
I agree with Bev and the social worker and hope the nursing home has more staff than 1 aide per 10 residents and 1 nurse for 29 patients. That seems pretty low to me.
ALF Memory Care will vary widely. My wife's ALF can handle a lot of stuff, residents often move to their NH wing only because they have to go on Medicaid. Since there are no national standards for ALFs you have to check each one for the level of care they can provide.
Today Dh will be released from hospital into memory care. I have a lot of paperwork to get done hopefully the doctors sign off and things are finalized. My poor Dh it's gut wrenching to see him in this condition. Praying for a peaceful transfer.
I hope this goes peacefully Onewife. It was the worst single day of my life and five years later it still is. I should have done it sooner but I have to live with having to do it at all. I'll be thinking of you. Just get through it as best you can.