We know what you're going through. It was horrible for me. You said on the residence thread that you might move to another thread. I think it may be an idea for you to not get out of touch with us. I'm watching for you. Stay strong and try to keep in touch.
Thank you, dear friends. Today, my husband looked different. He ate nothing but drank a cup of juice. He is so thin. He seemed to know me because he smiled a few times and made a little face that he used to make as a secret signal between us. He is still in a Broda chair and I left when they put him to bed. Our health aide is coming over tomorrow morning to help me prepare the spare bedrooms for guests and I am going to meet the hospice nurse at noon.
When I got home, I started to write my husband's obituary. This was not as horrible an experience as you might think. Because I write for a living, putting this together involved technical craft-related decisions that distracted me from the meaning of what I was doing. (Kind of like a carpenter constructing a coffin for his spouse, choosing each board, measuring and cutting.) I'll post again tomorrow.
Wishing you all the strength and peace you will need to get through theses next few days, Myrtle. May you be surrounded by love, not just from this site, but with the love of family and friends close to you. And may it see you through.
Myrtle, You are hanging in there under these extremely difficult circumstances. Be strong when you can and have an occasional meltdown when you feel so inclined. Sending thoughts for your comfort and peace. Take care of you.
I think all the extraneous stuff (now his son is coming, too) is a good distraction. Cleaned cat fur out of spare BRs today - someone left the doors open, allowing unkempt cat to lounge around in them. Washed all bedding in those rooms. One of husband's daughters is allergic to cats so I moved Lucy's cat condo from the family room to my BR window (similar view of back yard). Thought of Bible story of Martha & Mary, sisters of Lazurus, I think. I have always been a Martha.but for this moment in time, I want to be a Mary, spending every minute with my husband, who is slipping away more every day.
Here is what I am thinking. When I married a man 19 years my senior, I kmew that it was likely I would outlive him. What I did not expect was that so much of our marriage would be lost to this horrible brain disease. That's all.
Hope that Lucy jumps onto the lap of the "cat allergic" one as soon as she arrives! (Sorry) You are still being sent many blessings Myrtle. As Wolf said, we do know how dreadful this vigil is for you. Try to look out for yourself as well as your husband and speak as you feel.
I hope it is not going to be too much for you that these people are coming to stay at your house. I would not invest too much time and energy in making them comfortable. That is what motels are for...especially in the case of the cat-allergic individual. Use your time and energy for yourself and your husband.
(Apologies for being bossy. I am worried about you.)
I, too, married a much older man, knowing full well that with the same age difference as Celine Dion and Rene Angelil, I would most likely end up taking care of him. I made a commitment and I kept it...but I remember saying more than once that I could cope with anything, but would not be able to cope with Alzheimers. Well, guess what...
Ditto, Elizabeth and Lindylou. You will need every bit of reserve energy for now and afterwards. They will be gone without another thought, and you will have a big adjustment to make as you pick up the pieces of your life and try to reassemble them. You've done enough now. No more. Let them take care of you. This is not easy, and you will have depleted yourself further by being a Martha. "But Mary has chosen the better way." Not quoting exactly, but you know the story. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Friends, My beloved husband died on Thursday, March 2. We knew that he was declining but he had had a very good day a few days before and had attended a music performance in the recreation room the day before. On March 1, at about 1:00, he started the Cheyne-Stokes breathing pattern, which continued for 31 hours until he died. The apnea periods were very long. The nurses were extremely attentive and gave him a number of drugs to help but it was horrible - he struggled so to breathe. I cannot say enough for the skill and kindness of the hospice people and the comfort care team but despite my gratitude for their efforts, I cannot say that their skill and kindness prevented him from a very hard death. If you want a good death, I guess you have to take care of it yourself.
During the last hour before his death, I experienced such intense grief over what he was going through that thought I was going to have a stroke and a heart attack at the same time. As soon as he died, I felt peace, for he was no longer struggling. Right now, I do not feel much grief, just relief that he is out of his suffering. Today, the facility conducted a short farewell service as his body was removed. Several of our family members and friends came, as well as many staff members, who clearly had a lot of affection for him - and who wouldn't? He was a sweet, beautiful man who deserved better than he got. Today I finished his obituary and went to the funeral home. Tomorrow, I'll choose flowers and a place for the after-funeral lunch. Then I'll plan the service, which will be conducted in the funeral home by a Catholic priest. My sisters insist on driving me around; they think I'm too exhausted to drive. Now to bed. I'll write more soon. Thinking of you all.
Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your dear husband. I was so sorry to read of his additional suffering at the end. I will keep you in my prayers during this difficult time.
Myrtle, you are very dear to me, and my heart and thoughts are with you. I'm glad your sisters are there for you. I, too, felt relief that my husband's choking and struggle to breathe were finally over. Keeping you both in my prayers.
Oh Myrtle, I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. My heart ached as I read of his final hours and I cannot imagine what that was like for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight.
Myrtle, I am so, so sorry for the loss of your husband. I'm sorry that it was not a more peaceful way for both of you. As I've said before, you have been/are an example for me & all I can think to say is how sorry I am.
When I got the call on Wednesday, my husband's 2 daughters we on a plane heading for what they thought would be a visit with him. I waited until their plane's arrival time and texted them to call me. When they did, I told them what was happening so they came directly to the facility at about midnight. I was able to go home to take a shower and turn on the lights in the house. When I returned, they went to the house and slept. Their brother was getting on a plane on Thursday a.m. to visit my husband so they called and told him what was happening but he said he was coming anyway. My sister arrived in the afternoon and the daughters left to get some dinner and pick up their brother at the airport. By the time his plane landed, my husband had died. My husband's children wanted to see him again so they went directly to the facility. They finally got to the house after midnight. Then we went back to the facility this morning for the farewell service.
Oh, Myrtle, I am so sorry for what you've had to go through. You have been a mainstay for us here at Joan's, and now I hope and pray that you can get the funeral pulled together and then find some rest and peace for yourself. Just take care of yourself now--you have certainly taken good care of him.
If you get a chance, may we know his name and how to read the obituary...unless you feel that would breach his privacy and yours.
I am lying here in bed, listening to 3 of my husband's children chatting and laughing in the kichen. I'll go out there in a few mimutes and join the joking and laughing, just as I did yesterday, after I got back from the funeral home. We have bonded as a result of goinh through this ecperience together. Life is strange.
Myrtle, so very, very sorry to read the news of your dear husband's passing. My thoughts and prayers are with you for strength and comfort in the coming days and weeks. You have been such a help to so many on this site, please know that we are here for you now.
I'm sure you will survive this like I did. I often wonder what my life would be like right now if I hadn't gone through such a horrible journey.
I look back on it now as a great learning experience and I have learned so much from it that I otherwise would never have known. I consider myself a survivor and am proud of the way I handled each and every bump in the road. I now have a true feeling of self worth.
It's going to be the same for you Myrtle........ Adversity builds strength
Well said, George, and so true. They were hard learned lessons but I like to think that navigating that bumpy road smoothed the edges and tempered the steel of this girl.
"We have bonded as a result of going through this experience together. Life is strange."
Yes life is strange. I feel sorry for them that it took their dad's death to appreciate you.
Prayers for strength, comfort and rest for the days and weeks to come. As you I am thankful his suffering you witnessed at the end especially is over and he is whole again. (((hugs)))
George, Your thoughts have given me food for thought. Yes, Charlotte, it seems they had little idea of what I have been doing all these years. The biggest surprise has been my husband's son, who was always kind of standoffish. He spent the day fixing things around the house: installing a doorbell, gluing a chair stretcher, replacing the filter on the ash vacuum, picking up extra bags of wood pellets, adjusting the latch on the front door' etc. I am looking forward to getting. My house back tomorrow, though. I need to be alone to deal with my feelings. Will post more later.
Myrtle, I didn't realize it had been so many days since I checked in here. I am so sorry. I have been thinking of you often, though. I stopped by the hermitage for a cup of tea several times lately. I was remembering several people I have known named Myrtle. Very nice women, everyone. Sending you an enormous hug.
Myrtle, how great that your son-in-law picked up on the little things that needed doing. Maybe 'stand-offish' was just shy and unsure of his place. His help must have been a big boost. One positive thing. Best Wishes.
I was privileged to attend the funeral of Myrtle's dear husband today, and the following burial with full military honors. He was a well loved by friends and family. And I was glad to see the friends who are surrounding her during this very hard time. She asked me to send her greetings to you all. I will be staying in touch with her.
Thinking of Myrtle. I just went through my husband's funeral not long ago. It's a difficult thing to get through. I'm glad she is surrounded by friends.
Thank you all for your kind words and wishes. Bev, it looks like we will be going through this together. I'm moving up to the "Widows & Widowers" thread.