You are still in our thoughts Lindylou, even if we don't see you for a while. Yes, that change from partner to child is one of the most difficult to accept. Take care.
The changes keep coming. I no longer have the need any more to be hyper vigilant. MY partner is not going to run away, get lost, get into some kind of trouble, or fall. Those were last year's problems. And I guess my life is easier now, I suppose it is easier now, if I think about it. She's a wisp of a thing, without much neck control, with hardly any trunk control, unable to bear weight. Unable to assist with her transfers. She has some kind of reflex, beyond her grasp reflex. If you push or pull her to change her position for whatever reason, her body and limbs resist and push in the opposite direction. That takes some getting used to and requires certain strange ways of doing care and transfers, but the accommodations I've figured out do work.
Some of you know I look for blessings. I found one. She will sit and smile while conversation floats over her.
Her family is coming over Saturday to celebrate her 66th birthday. I told them to be prepared to sing and make music. She will smile while the conversation floats over her. Refreshments, you guessed it, "make your own sandwiches".
So glad to celebrate the long weekend with so many of you. Thanks for being there.
It was a good idea about the long weekend. We each face our own world because of dementia and how differently it affects each person. it's a hard road there is no doubt.
Thinking of you lindylou. You are handling the changes well I only hope I can hold up to them as well as you. I am preparing to get my big boy pants on as I know we are not far behind you. Having said that Lisa is in care you are doing it all you amaze me.
I had a feeling some big changes had occurred. You and your partner are in my thoughts everyday. It was a good idea to go to the cottage by the lake for the weekend. Very very helpful. I will be thinking of you on Sat too. I will make a cake and take it to see my Aunt Mary in San Diego. They are going to help me celebrate DH's 74th birthday. We never do anything for birthdays, but this sounds like fun. He too will sit and smile as the conversation floats over his head. He will enjoy the attention.
Given our circumstances the birthday party for my partner on Saturday was all I could hope for and then some. We played a family CD my partner made 10 or 12 years ago with all her family singing. Then her mother and sister sang and my partner joined in for the occasional chorus. They sing in harmony. It is amazing to hear.
Her son came, bringing the two girls ages 2 and 4. They busied themselves in the children’s corner I have set up for them. I watched them drawing diligently on each piece of pink paper that I had laid out for them. Then the oldest folded each piece in half and brought them all over to her Nana saying they were birthday cards. We showed them to her one by one. Then their Nana said to them “I am so,,,,,,,” We all waited. Would she find the word, a word that fitted the moment? And then she said “i am so…… thrilled.” I began to cry, silent tears streaming down my face and I don’t cry. Hardly ever.
My partner kept smiling as conversation flowed over her. Her son kept his arm around her, a pained, sad expression on his face. I took a moment away and played with the girls on the swing set out back. When it was time for them to leave the older girl hugged her Nana goodbye. The younger one couldn’t quite figure out how, so I said just hug her leg. She’ll know, and she did, giving her Nana’s leg a big squeeze.
I’ve told this story to people as they come by, aides and friends. My partner smiles, and then she laughs whenI get to the part about will she find the right word or not. Its like “See, I can come through when its really really important”.
That is such a beautiful story Lindylou. I am so happy for you all to have that special day.
Saturday I was celebrating DHs birthday too. My cousin is caring for his parents. He put together a terrific lunch. We got there early and had.lots of time to visit. These are my relatives, but my cousin is a former Marine who was a crew chief on C130s in VietNam. DH flew C123s (basically an earlier version of the C130 with onky two engines). And I was an aircraft maintenance officer on DHs KC10 well after VietNam. So we could talk airplanes. DH enjoyed that. My cousin was so sweet how he constantly kept track of DH and made sure to keep him involved with the conversation. DH appreciated all the attention and was even able to contribute to the conversation a couple of times. It took quite a bit of effort. He was quite confused when we got home. But the trip was well worth it.
You will treasure those memories Lindylou. Just priceless. Cling to every good memory you have--try to create some good times within the limitations. (Well, I don't know why I'm telling you that--you obviously are doing it!)
bhv, my first husband was a B-52 aircraft commander--never saw combat--, and DH was a tech sergeant on Guadalcanal in WWII--definitely saw combat, but came back unscathed, thank goodness. (Except psychologically--the family says that he stuttered for two years after WWII.) I was an Air Force nurse.
Oh cool Elizabeth. Didn't know you were AF nurse. I met my DH at.Barksdale AFB and watched many a B52 elephant walk. We had a few BUFF pilots on our KC10 program. KC10 can offload and also receive fuel when airborne. The BUFF pilots were helpful cause they knew how to receive fuel. But, my gosh, the aerodynamics of the two aircraft are so dramatically different I think it would take awhile to adjust for take off and landing.
Lindylou, The harmony sounds lovely. What a wonderful gift you have given to your partner. And also to her family, although they might not realize it yet.
My partner eats, sleeps and receives care. Five days a week the van picks her up and she eats, sleeps and receives care at daycare for half a day. Occasionally she will say thank you, or I'm sorry, or will stroke my head. She answers no questions, just calmly looks into my eyes. Whenever she speaks, and its not often, it is incomprehensible babble. She does not resist care. Her anxiety which would in the past express itself in hyperventilation has subsided. Her gentle nature is really all that remains.