I have come to the conclusion that making new friends when you are older is like when, as a young child or teenager, your family moved to a new town. You had to go into that new school and start over but how do you get into that cliche? You smile as you enter a place but they stop talking and look you over then go back to what they were doing. No " Hi come and join us". You find a chair and sit but some one says" you can't sit ther, that is ****'s chair". Do you just not move? Do you apologize for taking over someones chair? Their not here, do I get tough and say" to bad, I'm sitting here, and smile sweetly. Do I just barge over and pull up a chair where they are sitting? Do I just leave?
I'm quite shy, Kevan was the social butterfly, still is. I was raised by a Mother who did not socialize. We lived miles from anyone and were not taught social skills. I find it hard without him at my side.
It's like that here. I had looked forward to moving here to join in and to be included in the activities but it has been a year that I really don't want to repeat.
I started a coffee hour at the club house once a week and so far it is going well. Same group of people each week.
Lots of laughing and fun. It's a start.
Thanks for listening.

Jazzy

As Rona said good for you Jazzy! It sure isn't easy is it.

I lost all my close friends to this disease and find trying to make new ones terribly energy draining. And I am so changed from the disease. I am not able to clearly articulate how but know it is true. I truly feel I don't fit in anywhere anymore. Quite an awful feeling. Some friends I have tried to make wander off.

And being a widow brings on a whole new set of issues. Like most things unless one experiences something we don't understand at all. As we so often say on this forum.

I know it is important to have social connections although a huge part of me could easily settle for being a hermit. I asked some women I recently met if they were interested in starting a book club. They seem thoughtful and kind although I don't know them well. There are 7 of us - 4 of which are married and 3 single. Like someone else pointed out recently, could have been Elizabeth, it really is a couples world.

We had our first gathering last month and it went well. We are meeting this month at my house and part of me is dreading it.

It takes a lot of courage for you to start up a coffee hour. Wish I was closer - I would ask it I could attend.

If not for the dog I would have met far less people in the RV park than I have. People we have met over the years while working in RV parks I have mostly lost contact with - my choice. I have nothing to chat about, connect with.

I have always been able to be friendly to people at work - either fellow employees or customers, but outside the work place not so. Even with church I found it hard because I was so different then most of them. When I do become friends the relationship is always about them and what they like to do. I think that comes from trying to be the peacekeeper as a child and continuing throughout my adult life. That is probably why I did so well at being a counselor cause listening is what I am good at. When asked what I would like to do - I really don't know. It was always us doing as a couple. In our early years of marriage he coached my women's softball team - he played on a men's softball team, we bowled on a couples team and he also bowled on a men's only team. After we got the kids I stayed home while he continued to do his activities. When I joined the community college orchestra - he accused me of having an affair. (I now know he did that to justify his affair).

So until he is out of the house either placed and/or gone, I won't try to really reinvent me.

Charlotte, I am going to offer some unsolicited advice. You should try to reinvent yourself now, if only in your imagination.

Life is short and waiting uncertain. Perhaps you could spend twenty minutes every day writing down what you might like to do or be, even go so far as to what kind of personal traits you might like to develop. If you think about it and plan, then when the times comes with more personal freedom, you will already have a head start in knowing which direction to go. In the meantime, you might discover some unknown traits, desires, truths and talents.

While I have used YouTube in the past, I decided today that this winter I am going to try to watch at least one interesting or educational video a day to try to drag myself out of the "after" netherworld. I am always amazed at how much Wolf watches and learns and decided to role model that (pared down a little, well, quite a bit). If nothing else, it will transport me into a new and different world of which I know very little and plants seeds of ideas in my brain.

Charlotte, you are a very bright person, and I hate to see you waste your time in this AD holding pattern that you find yourself. Trust me, I was there, and all I want to do is encourage you. I do know how it feels to be tied down and that it takes so much energy to dig out but your computer is an amazing portal and a life line. Reinvent now.