I couldn't find the thread for the previous Christmas cabin trip, so am starting this one.
Since I live in the colder climate, a warm sandy beach cabin sounds good. Until 2006 I had never felt ocean water warm enough so you didn't freeze until we went to Florida. Panama Beach was my favorite cause the sand was so soft to walk on. My vision is a cabin on the beach with white soft sand, warm ocean waters, days sunny but evenings cooling down so we can have bonfires with the flames dancing in the moonlight - full moon for the whole holiday season. No idea where it will be just somewhere with warm water, soft sand, sunny days.
Yeah, and since this is Christmas and it's all magical, our cars will fly us either to the Canadian Snowy lodge or to the Sunny Beach Lodge. Just like Santa's sleigh, or the flying car in Harry Potter.
Our ability to walk into a theatre full of other people, have the curtains open, and be able to make all of that completely disappear, is indistinguishable from magic.
I don't mind Harry Potter, but I prefer my own wizardry. I transformed a middle aged (work with me here), suburban baby boomer into a fierce warrior who fought the impossible, lost almost everything, was utterly defeated, and reforged the sword that was broken (well, almost). I spent years in a pit of pain so strange that it would make Stephen King run for his life. I lived a love story so intense it would break the hearts of any poor readers.
But here I am with my Minnie Mouse inflatable and my Hawaii Five O beach towel because utterly defeated and fierce warrior are fine, don't get me wrong, but they're not where the good stuff is. You do them like jobs but if you seek them you should see a good doctor. It takes a powerful spell to break through afterwards when we are in the life we would always have chosen last of any choices, make all of that disappear, and enter the play. At least for a while. That, my friends, is wizardry.
That thinking is something which eventually becomes understandable to most of us. The day comes when we no longer just endure and instead want to reach out and where we want to reach is almost never to the dark - but to the light. That's not easy from inside a circumstance we would always have hated. The truth is it's very hard to do.
That is the center of the heart of this in my opinion. I can talk, and do asides, and look at things until the next millennium, but if I want anything I have to open my poor wounded heart again, make the audience disappear, and enter the play. It's the only way. Where do I put my Elvis suit?
I will be living the dream. I am leaving for Hawaii right after Thanksgiving. I have never left DH for a week in respite before but I know I need it. Yes, I have decided to reach for the light.
I spent last Saturday, Nov 19th, on a warm sunny tropical beach in the Bahamas. At our warm sandy beach I recommend we should have beach chairs with sunshades, an open bar right up off the beach for sodas and tropical drinks, and outdoor barbeque for snacking all day. I guess we all take turns being bartender and cooks. OK, I admit it, I was on another cruise. I left San Diego on Nov 5th for a trip south to go through the Panama Canal and ended in Ft Lauderdale on Sunday the 20th. Travel is my way to escape my lethargy when I am at home.
I am ready for the warm, sandy, sunny beach. Cold starts tonight so I am heading off to it. When I lay in bed at night trying to warm my feet up I will escape to our beach hideaway. I would like a big hot tub on the beach so when the cool night comes we can sit in the warm water, watching the sunset then star gazing sipping our drinks. My favorite use to be Jack Rose Cocktail which is an old drink popular in NE in the 70s but had to search hard for someone to make them when we moved to Seattle area. Otherwise Tequila Sunset or maybe try a pina colada.
The last time I drank Pina Colada's was in St Martin. Someone dropped a table on my toe which promptly caused the entire nail to come off. They took us to the hospital which was smaller than my house where my toe was bandaged up and I was told I shouldn't get it wet or get sand in it. We were there with two other couples who were great friends until we got AD, then they ran for the hills.
So this was an all inclusive and while Dianne and the rest went off in a jeep each day exploring the island, I hobbled down to the bar by the beach and had an ice cold Pina Colada. Then I had another. Then the bartender advised me to get two at a time. Then I ended up in the kiddie pool with my foot resting on the pool edge. Then some of the ladies started getting me fresh Pina Colada's because women are angels. Then many hours later Dianne showed up from what I heard was a great day and they put me in a wheelbarrow and the two men 'drove' me to my room and poured me onto the bed.
The thing was that it was a dress optional beach and most of the women were topless. I was offended of course, but live and let live. I spent four days like that and I don't drink usually. In 45 years of marriage, neither of us ever made a drink for ourselves. I got through it. Haven't had a Pina Colada since. Fond memories stick out in my mind about it though.
I may be done with travelling. I'm glad others enjoy it but I'm going to keep virtually reinventing myself until I come up with something I like. If anyone wants me I'll be under the palm trees watching the sun set.
Thanks wolf didn't mean to offend in any way sometimes I just get carried away. Understand totally we are all different and as we try different paths I hope things work for all of us.
Not to worry, rona. You are in the middle of tough things while I am largely out the other side. I appreciate you being concerned for my feelings as well though.
If you want my opinion, you should pursue what you are. This need is strong in you which has been clear to me from day one. It was just as clear that when you came here you were in a turmoil. Now you sound more grounded inside a world that has gone mad (I know because I also lived there). Try and find mutuality as much as feelings. Liking something about someone who likes something about you is a base where some understanding that there are mutual things you can do together or accomodate for each other is just as important a basis.
I can tell you with a clear heart that if my wife had felt what you feel, if it was me in the nursing home, I would understand and support. I would have wanted her to find her way while hopefully not forgetting about me. Think that you might be able to bring some joy into another lonely heart and that is not a bad thing.
The day came for me Rona, where I understood it wasn't my responsibility to make sense of it all. It was my responsibility to choose my life.
Notice what you said on the widow and on Myrtle's thread. You have been open and it is accepted. Don't try to make sense of the nonsensical. Try and choose.
Where is everyone, anyhow? Oh! I see, they're all down on the beach, under the palm trees. It looks like things have already gotten a Iittle frisky. (It kind of reminds me of Spring Break in Bermuda in 1966. No way do I want to repeat that experience!) For now, I think I'll play it safe and sit in this wicker chair on the porch and read a book. Maybe nod off in the warm breeze.
I'm down on the beach wading in the water. I'm really brave and am already up to my knees. Then I'll sit in the beach chair until I need a pina colada. Hope I can find a hot tub later.
What's nice about this magical beach is that we all look like Hollywood stars in our swimming suits. I never saw so many good-looking people assembled in one place in my life.
Sorry I'm late. Found I had just lost 50 pounds in one day and had to buy a new swim suit. Is there another wicker chair on the porch, Myrtle? I'll join you after my swim.
The good news is I am getting my sense of humour back the bad news is I think it is ruining the tranquil ambience of the lodge. Kind of like somebody farting in a yoga class. I will refrain from anymore such outbursts and will sit quietly with my book under a palm tree margarita in hand.
Rona, don't be so hard on yourself. On the 'effective care' thread I wrote that part of what this long hard experience does, is that it makes us second, and third, and fourth guess ourselves. Now where did I put that banana hammock?
Hey! Do these water wings make me look fat? I can't believe how tight these goggles are. I look Japanese or something. And I don't care whether it's unfashionable, I'm wearing this lime green, rubber bathing cap. It keeps my hair dry. It is awfully hard walking through this soft sand in flippers though. I could easily trip. Maybe that's why the sand is soft. Anyway, here goes.
AS the snow falls at home I so enjoy sitting on the beach, watching the waves come and go, sun warming my bones to the core sipping on my pina colada. Did you all enjoy the sunset last night? I sure did. Nothing more beautiful than the sun setting reflecting off the waves and water. So heavenly!
Yes, Wolf looks great in the speedo! Rona - love the new bathing suit.
It reminds me of a completely unrelated joke. A little boy is intruded on by a little girl as he's changing and as she looks down at it, his thingy begins to twitch and grow. Concerned, he warns her: "You'd better stand back. I don't know how big this thing gets."
In a nutshell, that's pretty much male outlook right there. Well,...
sorry, but with the cold weather I have to go to the beach. The mild 80 degrees feels much better than the -2 heading this way plus 3-6 inches of more snow.
Sitting in my chair under the umbrella feeling the heat soak into my bones, listening to the waves and birds daydreaming of nothing in particular. Later I will enjoy the beach bonfire as the sun goes down drinking my pina colata.