Being a caregiver has made a lot of changes in my appearance--none for the better. But this week I had a first. I ran out to do several errands, and it wasn't until I stepped out of the van at the first place that I realized that my shoes didn't match! One was light blue, and one was maroon. It kind of bothered me that I didn't even care! I went on to do my list of errands at various places before going home. I think any thought of worrying about my appearance is gone forever. But I did decide that maybe I needed to be slightly more rested before tackling another day of errands.
Can you believe that Christmas is next month? I've missed doing Christmas cards for the last two years, and I really would like to send them this year. I hate it when the holidays pass and they're barely different from every other day. I'm going to dig out some holiday things this weekend. So what if I'm a little early? Better early than never. (I still have the candied fruit for the fruitcake I was going to bake last year.) Of course, taking everything down and putting it away? That may stretch into next May or so...
OMG Jan my DH is in LTC and last week I went out for coffee and when I got home I realized that my sweater was on inside out. No one said anything but I kind of wondered why they were looking kind of sheepish. I guess the stress is just there no matter where our loved ones are living.
I think you girls need to start enjoying being a senior citizen instead of worrying about what people are thinking. Don't you know that these things are what all senior citizens do, and that's what is expected of us. I can't even begin to tell you of all the crazy things I've done. And I'm still having fun doing them.
I am so there. I'm not wearing a bra either! One of the things I discovered besides that I was ten years older was that I have man boobs. Training bra size but definite mini boobs. I played with them but I got nothing. I thought maybe they were a consolation present but they're just taking up space.
Been looking for my fall bulbs to plant but can't find them. They were under the table and hb kept trying to throw them away probably cause they were in a tied grocery bag like garbage being taken out. I thought I put them out of his site. Either I hid them too good for me to find or he threw them out. I am leaning towards he threw them away cause I can't find them - not yet anyway!
Spent yesterday looking for my car keys. I have been so rigid in keeping them in pocketbook and pocketbook out of sight. (Done this ever since I found my glasses in my partner's shoe.) Couldn't find them anywhere for the longest time. But is the house ever tidied up now! Turns out I had dropped them getting out of the car. Not my partner's fault at all. Charlotte do I ever understand searching for things! Good luck in your search.
Charlotte, you can just enjoy your freedom from the bra! Heavenly....
As for doing nutty things, after an appointment with my doctor (Gyno, so you know I had to remove clothing), when I got dressed again, I wondered why the pockets of my pants pointed toward the back. Yep, I had them on backwards & walked into the waiting room like that. At least, they weren't inside out! That's just one of many things I do, & like Jan K, I don't care. If someone doesn't like it, don't look at me!
4 week checkup: doctor pleased with progress and range of motion. Can start spending time out of sling - in 2 weeks can start working on not wearing it and stop altogether when I am ready.
My daughter sent me an email last week wanting to know if I was ready for her to move home. She is ready at 39 to grow up, get her driver license, get a job and help with her dad. She wants to move into the motorhome with her 10 year old son and have us support her until she can support herself. I foolishly tried to explain no room, her dad could not deal with two more people living here. And we don't have the income to support two more. On top of that, because his SS comes with me as his representative I have to account how the money was spent so they know it is being spent on him mostly. You have no idea what our world is like - living in the dementia world.
This was her reply to living in the dementia world ;
"A dementia world is, in my opinion, the wrong way to look at it. It might define dad's way of life, but it doesn't have to consume yours. That's playing the victim of dad's issues, unless you're speaking of yourself and in that case I should move out there right away and start to consider taking things over step by step while you show me before you completely loose grip of it. Seriously. Dementia patients shouldn't care for Alzheimer patients. But of course that isn't what you meant, because you'd know that! So, don't worry about it! "
I told her what is told to all caregivers: The one thing they constantly tell caregivers is you have to meet them in their world cause they can't come back to your's. That she needed to educate herself giving her the names of facebook groups and the Alz Assoc.
OMG, Charlotte. Sounds like you need to put up a big wall around your place, with barbed wire and watchtowers. (Sorry for sounding like a smart aleck, but as you know, hooking up with DD and her family turned out to be somewhat disastrous for me.)
She can't afford to move - no income - and we can't afford to either, so no worry about her moving any time soon.
On a positive I have connected up with my oldest and first grandchild on Facebook. He is her oldest - 18 - who she has no contact with thanks to he ex's family. I broke off contact about 8 years ago with him and his sister cause they were a handful, especially him. I would send them gifts and/or money with letters asking them to write but they never did so the gifts ended.
9:37pm this is her latest reply which is typical of what many of you have heard from relatives. Let me add she is the type who expects others to do whatever it takes to get along with her which is why she can't keep friends.
"Unfortunately because I'm not 'on the inside' as you say, you have to come to me and talk to me as a "normie" if you want me to relate to you, otherwise I'll just think you're... well... odd... because I don't understand the lingo involved. You should still be able to speak inside the sphere and outside the sphere to be a healthy well rounded person, you still exist, you're still here, it is still important to have your mental health in tact. It shouldn't consume your entire life, and that is how others that caretake loose their selves to it. Perhaps what you need is a longer break each week so you can get in connection with yourself... otherwise once the moment pasess it wont be such a shock to be solo. "
Excuse me but What the Fuck. charlotte none of us need more crazy! Easy to,say but hard to do, you need to let go and take care of yourself. When people are relatives and close to you but clearly have no concept it is so hard. I wish we could all be there and just put up a wall to shelter you. Wouldn't that be nice if we were a big roving band of alz superheroes just going where needed and solving all problems! Take a big breath and remember tomorrow is another day and you are in control of it.
Rona you may get your fingers slapped for that comment but it is exactly what I wanted to say when I read that cruel, abusive comment. How dare this person put Charlotte down like that. She has no idea what a caregiver goes through. Charlotte you are a great caregiver. Tell her to get lost. That person doesn't deserve to lick your boots. Kick all those whose put you down to the curb and take care of you and keep on motoring.
Why, why why is it that people who should be embracing us, encouraging us, and supporting us, find it easier to kick us instead? I want you to build that wall too, Charlotte, but I know it is easier said than done. Its family after all. I too have a wall that is waiting to be built, but it is too painful to think about isolating my partner from her family. Yet it is costing us money to continue the way we are. I'm afraid if her family is angered at me, they will just kick her out of their lives completely. After all, a stage 6 Alzheimer mother/sister/daughter won't even notice. Hah. Charlotte, we are all on your team, a virtual "shelter", to paraphrase Rona.
I have not responded in two days - I have received 2 emails yesterday. I forwarded the whole conversation to my son who can't stand her either. His comment was "I think it's her way of hitting back. I'm sorry she's putting herself first in this situation." The two emails she sent yesterday were about her. She did say I need to let go of my pride and accept help. lol She evidently does not think having her dad in day care accepting help. Or letting people in the park help. Was not easy asking someone to put my hair up out of my face! She burned her last bridge 9 years ago. I have developed a thick skin, nonchalant attitude towards her. I honestly have no desire to be around her. I will give her credit in that through this all she has not resorted to using profanity -the 'f' word being her favorite which is the worst with people who use it not thinking what the word means. This whole series of emails is her trying to find a way out of her situation and me not providing that.
On a brighter note: the sun is shining, hb has had his shower, my arm is getting better - (am starting to leave out of sling when sitting); down side -have laundry to do now!
Did I win? What do I get? A new car? Oh right, this isn't Oprah, it's Opera.
On a consolation note: you only have to deal with her sometimes. She is stuck with herself 24/7 and probably spends time in her day wondering why people react to her the way they do.
Got a call from my brother who was caregiver to our oldest sister. They placed her yesterday in a facility near her son. Wonder if he will visit her now since he could never drive a half hour to her place to visit. Hard on him even though he was beyond burned out, but now he has to move. I don't know how much he saved if any since they made him pay the bills and groceries. Hard on me cause I can't do that long of a drive to give him a hug. This is one of those times I wish my hb was driving.
Happy to say my sister, Della, is doing well - so far. She didn't resist the move. My younger sister visited a couple times after placement to find Della getting drinks for people and helping others - something she has always loved to do. The second visit was towards the end of the meal and she was helping to clear the dishes. When she finished my brother (the one that was living with her) and sister asked to see her apartment to which she asked where it was. Nan said #12, see? Della looked in, said 'there is my dresser so guess it is'. An example of the type of placement we all pray for. Hope it stays this way but we all know there will be bumps.
Not been a good week with us. I think telling him Della was placed, the sister responsible for us meeting, was a realization to him on his future even though he said early on to place him when possible. Since the cold weather is finally hear I needed to finish putting the curtain across the front in front of the dashboard (vs just the curtain that covers the windshield). The insulated curtain I found at Good Will is about a foot short of reaching all the way across. We use those plastic clamps to hang it which can be a challenge where the lip is only an inch. The biggest problem came to hang material over the 12+ inch opening. Since I only have one hand I couldn't hold it and clamp it to, and there is little room in that area since that area is on the drivers side. He just could not remember long enough where it was to go - wanted to put it on the side window. Anyway, turned into yelling in each others faces - something we have not done in 45 years. Oh well, such is life. I think it might be time to consider increasing his anti-depressant!
The lady I hung out with most of the summer left yesterday for Yuma. I will miss her but will not miss her swearing. Also, I have never been around someone who consistently trashes their spouse. They fight constantly and he trashes her too but not in public. He has controlled her for years but worse since he retired 17 years ago. She bought her a cell phone one day when we were out which set him off for the summer. They have been married 53 years but I will be surprised if they are still married next summer.
I talk with women in the park and all but one swears. The one that doesn't has other things going on so a close friendship with her is out. Wish I could find a woman to hang out with that doesn't swear and would be at least a little caring about what I need.
Meant to come on sooner than this to say I hope your brother can get his life put back together with Della now in a facility. It probably will turn out to be easier for him, even though there will be a transitional period where he has to try to pull things together again for himself. I think just being able to live his own life and do what he wants will be better for him in the long run. And the placement seems to be working out for Della, so...so far so good, I guess.
I don't know whether a blanket or quilt would work to hang across the dashboard--it might give you the width you need, although you'd still be fighting with the clips. Any way to fit a tension rod across there, and then use curtain clips to hang the blanket or quilt? Just a thought. At some point you will have the use of both hands again, if I'm understanding it right. And I have to say that if you and Art have only yelled at each other once in 45 years, that sounds like a great marriage to me!
Swearing neighbors would get on my nerves, too. The women on my road don't smoke or swear...just drink a little wine. lol
Today DH and I ran errands for several hours. DH seemed fine, and enjoyed the warm weather and seeing different people and talking to them. But toward the end of the errands, he said he felt really tired. When we got home, I quickly got lunch ready and we sat down at the table. Right in the middle of eating, he fell asleep. When you see a toddler go to sleep and start to fall over right in the middle of eating lunch, it's cute and funny. When it's your 68 year old husband, not so much. It was definitely a first for us, and scared me silly. It took a while to determine that he was just asleep, and not gone. I'm going to try not to think about those moments. This is when I really wish I had a doctor handy, like sitting at the table with us, so I could get a medical opinion on what was going on.
Harriet and M have their first egg for this year. Will they have two eaglets again this year? Hoping for at least one more egg. for those that don't remember they are the pair I and others watch in Florida.
We've already had snow that lasted for a day, the last of the leaves have been down for a week, and yesterday the winter winds showed up. I don't have to look to know the jet stream is just north of me and is coming south. When it's south of us, our weather pattern generally changes here because we're above the arctic air circulation boundry.
Today also marks one month from the shortest day. Even now I have to cook my dinner earlier if I want to cook in the daylight. It's 5:12 pm, it's nearly dark out there, and I've already eaten. I thought I'd have dinner for one for a change. Sigh.
Tonight it was western eggs with calabrese toast and strawberry jam, and a sliced tomato on the side which I declared a veggie and not a fruit today. Tomorrow it's a caesar salad with double glazed back ribs done in the broiler. Later tonight I'm having a float. Tall, big glass, several scoops of ice cream, and ginger ale. I eat that with a long spoon and then burp. Sorry, too much information.
I eat once a day which everyone tells me is unhealthy, but I'm being preserved so I can have this joyous experience for a longer time apparently. Luckily there doesn't appear to be a restriction about the menu which also luckily, as long as I don't go out and live an actual life, I should be able to afford. Eclairs for everyone!
In the fading light with the sun long set, there is a star out there on the left about west-south-west. I thought it might be Saturn which is always close to the sunsets; but, I think it's Jupiter. I need to go out there with the binos and see if I can spot the moons around it.
I've learned that when you heal somewhat life and time seems more normal, then time races by like a jet skier with tourettes syndrome. That seems as fair as everything else that has been happening. I used to wonder as a kid why older people sometimes got so crotchety and stern. I don't wonder about that anymore.
"So, what are you going to do Wolf?" I've been asking myself lately. I'm so pleased to report I haven't a clue. I like setting the bar low and exceeding my goals. People who set the bar high just do more work to end up where I do. I'm living in the thing I hated so much I couldn't look at it. Now I'm annoyed and frustrated that it's not great. That's at least a gold star right there.
That doesn't make for great conversation though. People react better to stories about getting the lawn mower fixed than they do about living in the thing you couldn't face before. As they run away screaming I want to run away with them but of course I'm the problem and besides, I'm sure if I started running after them I would scare them to death. It's like Scary Movie 47. I know because I'm starring in it. I expect the reviews might read "less horrible than before". Not a big crowd pleaser but those that get this is, give it a passing grade. Which wildly exceeds my expectations that were somewhere closer to just not throwing up. What a life I'm barely having.
Brilliant Venus is the “evening star.” Okay, it’s not a star. It’s a planet. But people will call it the evening star all the same. In these past weeks, many have noticed Venus and been amazed at its brilliance in the west after sunset. It’s the brightest planet and very, very bright, even though it’s been low in the sky.
Be sure to catch the waxing crescent moon near Venus in early November, as displayed on the sky chart above. Click here for more details.
Venus will climb upward from the setting sun throughout the month, while the planet Saturn will fall downward. Saturn will disappear from the evening sky later this month, but Venus will continue to blaze away in the evening sky for months to come.
From mid-northern latitudes (U.S. and Europe), Venus sets about two hours after the sun in early November, and three hours after sunset by the month’s end.
Ribs and eclairs - sounds great to me. Be right over!!!
Yes Mary, that was funny. It is interesting to watch - reminds me of when a new human parent wants to see their offspring.
Art left his jacket at day care Monday. So now I need to make sure to get his name in it and figure out how to make sure he brings it home. Need to keep an eye out for ones at thrift stores so if they get lost, no big loss.
I got am email from my stepdaughter who lives on the other side of the country. She was so encouraged by her recent one-day visit, she wants to come back in the Spring with my husband's other daughter and is trying to talk my husband's son into coming, too. (Although my husband did not did not know who she and his granddaughter were, he seemed to know they were friends and was smiley and engaged with them in his fashion.) But the visit was only for a few hours on one day and as you all well know, that does not predict what he would be like on any future day. Sometimes he sleeps all afternoon and sometimes when he's not sleeping, he acts semi-comatose. The daughter who did visit last came five years ago.
To be deleted in a few days: Although we have been married for 25 years, neither my husband's other daughter nor his son have ever visited us. The son I can kind of understand since I don't think he has much money and doesn't seem to travel except for hunting trips in his home state, but the other daughter and her husband go to Hawai'i every year and travel elsewhere often. More to the point, neither of them has called or even sent a card in years. Anyway, this is very stressful for me. I hope it doesn't happen but if it does I will fake being welcoming.
Please don't worry Myrtle, it may never happen. They will probably find something "better" to do by then. The sudden interest at this stage always makes me think that they have thoughts of possible benefits later on??
Children can be "crueler than a serpent's tooth." I agree with Cassie's post. If you possibly can, put a protective "bubble" around yourself. Without being hostile, I suggest that you engage as little as possible with them. It can be too costly for you, and I doubt that it will make any difference to them, no matter what you do.
Charlotte, we think E10 has arrived. Mr. M. buried E9 deep in the nest earlier in the day, which has been confusing to all of us non-eagles. Go to Hancock site to view wskwngs video.
I have seen it posted on facebook. Interesting yesterday was the second day he buried the egg. Will be interesting to see if Harriet digs it out again so we can see both.
Myrtle, maybe they do want to come to make amends in their minds.
Myrtle, I agree with Cassie and Mary 75. For myself, based on my own family experiences during and after the Alzheimers years, I would say that "family" is not always your blood relatives or your in-laws, or your "blended family" relatives. In fact, "family life" can be a toxic soup that will do you in. I do believe in family--real family--but I think often it is the group of people you bond with over the years who truly support and care for you, but whom you may have no "family" relationship with in the traditional sense. Maybe a better word would be "tribe." We all need to have a supportive network of tribal members...and if that network is traditional family, well, God bless you and them...you are lucky...but for many of us I think the tribe that cares about us is not our traditional blood family.
Thanks, mary75. I do plan on engaging as little as possible with them. Elizabeth, I never thought of my husband's children as my family. (I think that's strange because I quickly bonded my husband's siblings and their children.) My husband's children are almost my age and we are always polite but we just don't seem to have bonded the way I did with his siblings. Maybe because we live so far apart. The fact that his children take so little interest in their father and make so little effort to keep in touch does not hurt me on my account but it does hurt me on my husband's behalf. The only one I have warm spot for is my husband's granddaughter, who came out with her mother last month and insisted on going back to the LTC facility to see her a second time even though she had to get up early to do so, since her plane was leaving in the afternoon.
So I don't want their support. (I have my own family and friends and my husband's family for that.) I just wish they would not descend on me after years of radio silence.
P.S. Took Lucy to the groomer this morning. She was so scared that she pushed her backside up to the grate of the carrier door and urinated all over my car. The carrier was in the front seat, so I've been washing the upholstery with vinegar water. From now on, she rides in the cargo hold.
Sorry about Lucy. I had a puppy who would get car sick at just the thought of getting into the car. I can give you the ideas that I used. First week we would go out to the car and get into the carrier and out and get a cookie and back into the house. The second week the same only I started the car, then back into the house. And each step did not progress until she was calm. Then we backed the car out of the driveway and back to the house. Then around the block. Then to McDonalds for a treat. It was at that point she was relaxed enough to enjoy the trips. Also make sure the only trips she takes are not just to the vets and groomers. Have fun trips in there also. I know this is a lot of work, on top of everything else you have on your plate. Just the ideas I used.
Nature's Miracle is an enzyme cleaning product, which works great with pet urine (I also use it for poop after cleaning it up). There are other similar products that have enzymes to eat up the pee, nothing else works. My favorite brand name is "Mr. Anti-Icky-Poo"
He is getting more costly all the time. Had to replace the same nose guard on his glasses = twice in the last week. Yesterday I come back from taking a shower (go to the public showers so I can stand in the hot water as long as I want) and find he broke the bow on his glasses. The second time for this pair - first last summer and I had to drive 70 miles to Walla Walla to get it fixed. This time it ain't happening. Asked where the piece was he broke off - no idea. Dug through both garbage's and couldn't find it. Bows from old pairs won't fit even though they are all the same style and model. Last night took bow off an old pair and super glued to glasses. Twice before it was dry I caught him with them on - sent him to bed where he wouldn't need them! This morning he comes out to show me his big toe. A few weeks ago he had part of the nail on one side removed with stuff put in to kill it so it wouldn't grow back. Evidently the stuff got the whole nail as it is almost off except for around the edge. Trimmed it, put some triaminic and bandaid on it to see if it would soften it up enough to remove the rest without it hurting too much. Also, even though I called about his coat he didn't come home with it. So, went to Good Will and found two nice jackets under $10 total. I did write his name in them and now trying to figure out how to give a reminder that he wore one. Thinking putting a tag/badge on him saying he wore a coat hoping they would make sure he has it on when he leaves. Once it gets colder out I am hoping he will remember out of habit to look for his coat. We are kind of between cold enough for coats right now.
My arm has been hurting the last week more than previously, especially my elbow. Figured out Friday I was twisting it when I would do things like pull my pants up. Have been careful the last two days and it seems better. But, PT also has me doing more stretching/strengthening the muscles but it even hurts. I have to remember - no pain no gain. I finally am out of the sling except at night. In fact, last night was the first night I slept without it. My arm, especially the shoulder, starts hurting by days end from the weight of my arm.
Charlotte, you were right about that star being Venus. Apparently Mars is just a few finger lengths left/south and a touch higher. Mars would have to be duller and reddish. I haven't spotted it yet but I'm in a city.
It appears she did retrieve egg #1. I can only hope M buried it to keep it viable but slow down the process, slower than just being off the egg until #2 came. Time will tell - will be an exciting waiting time.