I took DH to a restaurant for lunch on Saturday and it was a disaster. He gave the staff such a hard time. Not satisfied with anything they did. Table not clean, you spilled milk on table clean it. Where is my coffee? Just so upsetting. I finally told him to stop this or I would take him home right now and he would never come for lunch again. He then took out his stress man and talked to it. Telling it how mean I am and that they were in trouble. He was given this little stress man to squeeze when he get upset. It's blue and he calls it " George" and it is now his best buddy. Whatever works. Now it will only be coffee out to MacDonalds as there is no table service. I get him to get the table and I get our order. How long that will last I just don't know. He was always such a sweet natured person and never mistreated anyone.
What a brilliant idea. I want one of those little stress men, too. Where could I get one? Is it flexible, that is, can it be squeezed? I think that would add to its therapeutic value. Could you get one that is programmed to say a few words back? Like, "You're so right, baby." Or, "Do you want me to take care of him for you?" I would want to be able to choose the voice, too. Maybe a Gregory Peck voice (thinking of him when he played the lawyer in "To Kill a Mocking Bird)."
Oh, Mary75*, you just made my day! I'm fighting a rotten head cold and this was the first laugh I've had in a couple of days. I want one of those stress men for my DH too, because all he can do now is walk up and down the halls, holding my hand with a death grip. I only wear my plain gold wedding band, cause he either fixates on the others or squeezes my fingers so tightly, the rings dig in. I was trying to find something that he could squeeze instead of my hand. However, I'm afraid that if I do find something like that, he'll have a rare moment of lucidity and ask me "what the heck is this for". But really, "You're so right, baby" and "Do you want me to take care of him for you" just cracked me up. Thank you!
Fiona68, my husband squeezed hands so tightly that it was agony. He was young so his grip was powerful. I finally figured out that when we would start walking I would guide my elbow into his hand instead of holding hands. It worked out pretty well most times and saved my fingers from crush injuries.
I think the lack of affection helped me erect an emotional wall to preserve my sanity. If he'd been loving and I welcomed that attention and then, without warning, he'd switched to being intolerable, I'm afraid I'd have lost my mind.
Very sad, yes, but when I was in the caregiving trenches during the angry/aggressive years, that emotional wall was the only thing that gave me the strength to keep going.
I agree with you, Fiona. I put up that emotional wall as well. If I didn't, I don't think I could have managed as long as I did. Now that he's been in the nursing home for two years he has again become very sweet and I feel that emotional attachment again, but in a different way. He asks me to sit on his lap or grabs my hand or asks me to,give him a kiss. It's nice... Of course, he's so frail and has lost a lot of weight and I have to ale a joke about sitting on his lap. That would not do! Yesterday he called me by my name. He actually knew who I was! He hasn't for a long time now. Even when his hospice nurse gave me a call earlier this week, I could hear him ask, Beverly are you there?