Yesterday DH had severe head pain on the left side of his head and down the carotid artery. His skin was cold. I went to his residence and found him on his bed with four layers of clothes and this bad pain. They had given him a headache pill but it didn't do anything. This has happened often in the past but not for about four years and at that time they did an mri and told me he has vascular dementia and that these head pains were small strokes. Not TIA's. I got him undressed and into bed and he asked for his Meds and was asleep in about Twenty minutes. The nurse said they would monitor him for the night and I went home. He was fine this morning. I will leave a message for the Doctor for next week but there is nothing they can do. I realize he could have a big one at any time so it's just wait and see. He has not been able to settle down for the last few weeks and maybe this was the reason. He is complaining about stiffness and balance problem lately and I wonder if this is all combined. I'm fine as I expect this to happen but it is still stressful.
I agree - the symptoms are probably related. He may have been having TIAs that no one noticed leading up to the recent stroke. Have you decided how you will deal with it as far as medical care if they keep happening or the big one happens? You probably have talked about these situations in the past which is good.
They said he hasn't had TIA's just numerous small strokes. These small strokes have been going on for about twenty years. They did the MRI and found the damage and the vascular dementia at the same time about four years ago.
He has a DNR and has made it very clear that they are not to treat him unless they can guarantee me that he will be no different then before the stroke. He is to wanting to end up sitting in a chair with his mouth open and not responses possible. I will respect his wishes no matter what. It's his life and death and it is his choice.
We made that choice years ago together. Now, I have discontinued all hospital visits, etc. I see him getting thinner, even though he eats everything given to him. I had hoped I wouldn't see him go into the late stages but my hopes are now gone.
On Saturday morning he woke up with a " Hi!! How are you today? I feel just great. No more head pain, no more cold. I feel on top of the world. Are we going for coffee?" What is this? He just bounces back and on a high. He has been noticeably down and just really sad for the last two weeks but now he is up again. I have found out that he is no longer going to the park to walk. I am wondering if he may have had a fright. I'm sure happy that that is over. DH made out a DNR when he first was dx and I quickly reminded the nurse about it being there on file. Never I feel like you and really hope it is fast end not drawn out. That is why he did the DNR. He told the Doctor three years ago" if you can guarantee her that I will come out of it just as I am now, then go ahead and do what Is needed, but if not let me go" He said he doesn't want to end up a vegetable. There are no guarantees either way. He is telling me he feels stiff all over.
A year ago, can it be only a year ago, my partner and I went to her physician of many many years and talked with him about DNR. She was very clear, that given that she had dementia that would only get worse, she wanted no treatments that would extend her life. I am so glad that she made that choice then, since she could not possibly make the decision now, or even comprehend the concept. After a very gentle and caring conversation with her doctor she signed a MMOLST Form (Massachusetts Medical Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment). In it she says she wants treatment for comfort measures only. This is a legal document in Massachusetts that replaces the old DNR/DNI forms of the past. The wonderful thing about this form is that it is legal, it does not require that one second guess whether certain treatments should or should not be considered, and one can be comfortable knowing that it is one's loved ones specific wishes.
At my most recent physical with my physician this past month, I had the same conversation, and now there are two pink MMOLST forms on the refrigerator as well as in my handbag along with other emergency information. It will be acted upon only when I am unable to make decisions myself.
It is a hard thing to do, but it is even harder when one has to make end of life decisions for someone else, especially when that one is your love. I did mine now so that if/when something happens to me, my son will not be put in the situation of agonizing about what is the right thing to do. I've told him about this and where all the forms are.
Mom, you know, it really wasn't a painful thing for me to do. The hospital visits only made him worse. They will treat him in the nursing home only. All my decisions are made as well, so my kids don't have to agonize and make decisions for me. And if I can't make decisions for my husband my daughter Has our written permission to do it.
All of our papers were done about 3 years ago...the only thing now is that I feel that I must speak to the attorney again. I am Dan's POA, Med. POA, etc. Now that I have cancer, I need to get that turned over to our son in case I go before my husband. It just doesn't stop, does it?
I know the decision about the hospital is the right thing, will be the same in our case also. Just hard right now to imagine...
When we did our DPOA the attorney required there be a secondary in case something happened to me. Plus, I have it on mine. For those just starting have backups from the beginning so you have that out of the way.