My DH is staggering now and losses his balance. His Doctor tried to get him to start with a cane. " NO!! I don't need or want a cane!!" Yesterday I had him out and he just about landed on his butt, that's twice this week with me. He said" did you see that? I'm doing that quite often now!" I just said Yes, I saw that and just kept doing what I was doing. He said" did you hear me? " I said I'm doing that often now". I then reminded him that his Docoter had suggested a cane and you were pretty cross with him for suggesting it. I guess it will take a fall before we can get him to use and aid. Fronto! always in control. I have learned to not get stressed about this behaviour as there is absolutely nothing I can do but watch and keep the Docotor up to date on any changes I see. He finally told the Doctor that he is getting up five times a night to pee. Large prostate. He refused Meds so now he has decided to take it. It will take about 3 months to see a change if any. I have tried to get the taxes and banking away from him but had no luck until recently. He made a big error in his taxes this year and it cost a bit so he has decided I can have it. Thank goodness. I was so stressed about it. I have learned that my getting all street will do no good. It will just make me crazy. Fronto's will just do their own thing. It took me six years to learn to just say " ok" and move on. I love him and miss the us but I can't let myself go down with him.
Thanks for listening!
Miss you Elizabeth, but I understand. Have a good life!
I remember getting a walker for my DH when he was on hospice. He looked at it and said "what the h*!! is that thing". And never used it. He ended up falling 4 times.
You are doing the best you can with what you have to work with.
Thanks blue and your right. We can only do so much. I am just going to tell the staff and let the them stress over it. I am so tired of trying to do the right thing for him and getting the back lash. I just have no more fight left in me.
I'm tired and now I would like to just play with my Yorkie boy and get back to reading and maybe some sewing and knitting for the Christmas bazar. I had looked forward for a nice catered dinner for newcomers but now it is just a potluck. I stopped them years ago and have not had a flu since. Do I sound selfish? Maybe, but I really don't care anymore. I do the best I can. The occupational therapist is coming next week to go over what I need to change so I will be able to stay here and not go into a retirement place. Walk- in shower, no tub and a ramp for my walker and the scooter I will need in a few years. I hope to stay here until Willy is gone.
Good luck, Jazzy. My wife's decline was rapid. By the time she needed a walker she'd lost the ability to learn how to use it properly; she tended to try to pick and carry the lightweight walker in front of her, and she couldn't manage the handle brakes on the heavier-duty chair walker. The physical therapist was afraid she'd get confused and do herself injury falling onto her walker. I hope you and Willy can work out a solution.
Unfortunately I read stories of someone with FTD not being able to get out of bed, incontinent, can't feed themselves yet insists that there is nothing wrong. The FTD is preventing him from seeing his falling problems. There is hope, my wife accepts being supervised in the shower after a bad fall. You are right in putting this on the the staff.
I am a little surprised that he still holds the strings on the banking while he is living in the ALF. Is there any way you can simply take over? Does he have account information that is hidden from you?
Good luck with the OT and staying in your current home.
Second. In Canada each province has human rights laws that keep people with a disability the right to handle their own finances until the Docotors test them for capacity and if they pass the testing they can keep control, but if they fail they will loose that control. Only then can I stop him from actioning the finances. He has realized that he can't do it anymore but would still like to look at the account and for now that is all I can do. Let him look. I do have his POA and full control of his taxes and finances. They will let me know if he try's to change anything with out my approval. He does think that there is nothing wrong with him except old age. He was never so forceful about his health Intel this disease took over. I think he will soon let it all go. I see changes every time I am with him but it is a long process. I was told that sometimes the disease takes up to twenty years. I suspect he is one of these people. Now the Parkinsonism starting to show it's ugly face. Can you imagine: AD, fronto with bv, vascular and Parkinson's. I have never heard of that many affecting one person. I am seriously considering an autopsy to be able to give a proven diagnosis to his son's. Just a thought right now.
Jazzy have you talked to his doctor? I am in BC and with both my fil snd with Lisa it was as simple as talking to the doctor, he or she should be aware of his condition, and getting a simple letter stating he is no longer capable of handling his financial affairs. That with the POA was enough.
"I do have his POA and full control of his taxes and finances. They will let me know if he try's to change anything with out my approval." Don't count on it. "They" are busy. Things fall through the cracks. Greedy relatives can persuade him to open a new bank account and get themselves appointed POA (even though you hold POA.) You could be stuck paying a huge amount for cheques that have bounced. (See my earlier posts, 2008.) Rona is right. Here in B.C., I eventually had to hire a lawyer, have two doctors examine and declare my husband incapable of handling his financial affairs, and then take it the Supreme Court of B.C. to have myself pointed Guardian, along with the Public Trustee.
Holy moly Jazzy. My husband had the same diagnosis and when he was first in acute care (years ago) the Dr told me my husband was not capable of handling finances and to enact POA. I took the Dr's letter to the bank and finally my husband's dealing with money was stopped. I live in B.C.
When my husband was in his various facilities we set it up he could "withdraw" $30.00 a week from the main office. That went on for years and he was often angry about it but finally accepted it.
Like many FTD people my husband made all kinds of terrible financial decisions before we had a diagnosis. My husband died in March and I will be dealing with the resulting debt for years. I suspect Kevan might appreciate not having to make decisions about money. You just have to find the right words so he feels respected and a burden lifted.
Oh and as far as falling. My husband too. Refused a cane or walker and just kept falling. Part of the disease progression I am afraid. My husband was also having seizures which explained a lot of the falls. Some sustained fractures and cuts needing stitches. I feel for you.
In Ontario we have to have a Doctor who has taken a special courses to be able to determine capacity and it will cost between $500.00 to $700.00 and if my DH refuses then the Doctor has to leave and i will still have to pay the changes. All I can do is watch my bank account closely. Any savings are in account that are only in my name so he can't touch them just the everyday account that I pay bills out of. As far as family trying to change things, well there is no family that even visits or calls either of us. My DH will get upset if he can't find .10 cents. He is a hoarder not a spender. If I want to spend money any kind of frivolity then I use cash so he can't see it on the account. I have to be really sneaky if I want to go out with friends, again cash. Believe me I have been to lawyers here and they are as frustrated with this law as I am and are trying to change it, but so far nothing. All he could spend is no more then $500.00 as I clean everything out as soon as it comes in. He looks at it and is content that the bills are paid and I have so much left. He gets upset if I only leave $200.00 in there. I have learned the tricky things I can do with the bank. He has an account at the office but has only spent $10.00 in three years. I just get so tired of these games.
Thanks I'm just so tired and I feel so alone. Sometimes I would like it if I could just go away for a month or two but there is no one to be there for him if he needs a hug or to just go for a coffee. It's been so long. I live in Ontario now but I would love to go back and live in the foothills of Alberta. I really miss living there, but I guess that will never happen now. I just want to go back where it was good. I'm alright, just having a very bad day. I think it's time for a nap
My late mother did not have any kind of dementia -- she was sharp until the end came at age 98 -- but she refused a cane when she needed it and having finally accepted a cane, refused a walker when she started to need one. She acknowledged that her failing knees did not allow her to walk well but stubbornness and pride clouded her judgment. ("Pride goeth before a fall.") When we went out she would lean on whoever was with her to maintain her balance. The last straw for me was when she walked through a restaurant with aisles that were too narrow for two people to walk abreast. So she leaned on the chairs and tables of other patrons, startling them and rattling their plates and drinking glasses. After that, I told her she was making a spectacle of herself and that I would not take her to a restaurant again unless she used a walker, so she relented. This kind of laying down the law would probably not work with a dementia patient.
RSA, I'm afraid that my husband will need a walker soon -- there is nothing wrong with his legs but his visual perception problems make him fearful -- but like your wife, he probably will not be able to figure out what to do with it.
Jazzy, You've moved a lot in the last few years. I hope the renovations you're making will allow you to enjoy this home for a while.
Jazzy, hope you are doing better today. I notice you said something about taking him out for a coffee. I'm terrified of trying that with my husband...I'm afraid I'll never get him to go back, or if he realizes that while I'm driving, he'll try to get out of the car. The best I can do is to bring him a Wendy's chocolate frosty from the one practically next door!
My wife has been shaking for some time. Watching her walk with a drink in her hand makes me nervous. I am sure to not fill up a cup with drink for her.
Fortunately the computer subject has not come for up a long time. I took her iPad away this summer (and gave it to our son) since she had not used it for over a year.
But I do get the "If I had a new <something> I would then be able to do <activity>", not recognizing that she is simply not capable of doing the activity.