Last week we had heat advisories here, and some areas had record-setting temps. But when we went to the fabric store, we were surrounded by things for Christmas! I am definitely not ready to think about Christmas yet. However, if I'm going to get cards done this year, I should probably start on them now.
Christmas! Oh dear!!?? The Canadian Shopping Channel had ornaments on sale last week. Sigh. Like you Jan I don't want to think about Christmas although have to admit I am SO grateful we will all be able to collect in Wolf's Lodge again.
In the meantime, I keep working on staying present and enjoying the garden bounty of this glorious month. Collected tons of rain water over the winter and still lots left for watering in this heat. Have to get out there very early though.
I bought a nice little battery operated white Christmas tree for Kevan's room on that Christmas in July show and now no wires to get caught in and he can put where ever he likes. I showed it to him and he loved it.
My husband is now having problems reading his watch so might be time to get a digital. He refuses to use his phone - wants a watch. He continues to have problems with finding his words. I notice now it is not just with me, but when talking to others. He will try to say something and looses his thought pattern.
The VA will be taking over paying for the day care from Aging and Long Term Care. They said they go check on the facility and the veterans every 3 months, so will be interesting to see if that happens -not sure how I would know.
I am still waiting for the referral to the orthopedic surgeon - been two weeks. I left a message and if I don't hear by Tuesday will call again.
The couple that lived on the other side of the park moved into the space next to us. They have a beautiful white husky who is sweet but protective. Their concern was how he would react when hb just goes over. So far, it has been good. In fact, Jas and him really did not like each other but now that they are neighbors they are friends. :-) I am glad they finally moved because the week before they were bringing stuff down and he constantly asked 'who is moving in'. Now he constantly is asking them how long they are staying. He doesn't associate them with the couple that lived down the road.
Negativity can get one down. I was not aware of how much I tolerate and let go. This couple that spend their winters in Yuma are here. Last summer they were two spots down and we really didn't talk much. I think it was cause she loves to stop and you can hardly get a word in! Anyway, her husband has no problem visiting with Art so we go down almost every evening. This woman is so negative. I don't think I have heard her say one nice thing about her husband. They definitely have problems and have for a long time. He walked out on her last winter then called the police when she refused to leave the MH when he was going to leave with it. Ended up he was the one in trouble because in Arizona I guess it is illegal to leave a spouse destitute. He has taken the money out of her savings, took all her credit cards, etc. She gets herself so stress and upset over the smallest things. She says she doesn't know how I do it. I told her I just let it go. Not worth getting all upset over. Last night she was complaining about her husband putting lids on too tight. I said Art does it to the toothpaste and I often have to use my teeth to loosen it. It doesn't seem to register. I give her some leeway because she is in a lot of pain. She had a knee replacement last January that has not been good. She has an infection in her leg which she finally found out is MRSA. She was breaking out all around her knee and draining but the dermatologist gave her a creme that healed it but it is now trapped back inside. The doctor that did the replacement in Yuma ignored her complaints saying she just had a low pain tolerance (which she doesn't). She had to search high and low to find a doctor here that would even look at it since normally no doctor will touch a knee replacement until after a year. I just hope they can find something that will clear it up cause I know her leg hurts not just in the knee but down to her ankle and up her leg, plus she can barely bend it.Anyway this infection has a lot to do with how miserable she feels which doesn't help her disposition any. But, from what she has said she has always been thi way - negative, negative, negative. Sadly, she says it all in front of her husband and some of it is not very nice. No wonder he wants a divorce. But, like many, she could never live on her SS.
Any way, glad I don't dwell on the negative like she does. How miserable it makes one. Yes, I do at times but do then let it go. I also have never cut my husband down in front of others or even to him like she does. From being around her, I can thank the Lord I am not like that. I may not be thankful a lot but at least I don't dwell on the bad 24/7.
It is funny because they have a goldendoodle named Bailey and a dog about the size of Jas named Daisy. Daisy rules over Bailey and Jas has joined her. Daisy will be protecting something, usually something Bailey wants, when he tries to get it and she barks at Bailey Jasmine joins in then they both chase him away. Jas has even gone up and grab a chew bone from him! Pleasant entertainment!
Charlotte, I hope you get that referral soon! I agree with so much of what you say, especially the part about not cutting down your spouse in front of other people. I hate it when people do that. It sounds like Jasmine has learned to hold her own in the world of dogs. Good for her!
Many of us don't have the chance at the kind of story I'm going to relate.
A good friend of mine told me a story related by his parents whom I also have known most of my life. They were both in their eighties when one night the husband decided to take a relaxing, warm bath. Some time later he called to his wife that he couldn't get out of the tub. She came in wondering what was going on and he told her he had no strength at all to get up with. She tried to help him but he was a big, tall man and she wasn't. The water was getting cold so they decided to drain the tub and get him a robe he kind of put on and wait a bit to try and see if his strength returned.
Nothing like this had ever happened and they tried a few times but it was as if his muscles had turned to mush. Long after an hour they decided to try and roll him out over the tub wall from the cold bathtub and she brought a blanket they could try and roll him on to. After a lot of struggling they got him rolled onto the bathtub edge and she helped him roll further trying not to come down on the blanket on the floor too hard. Once he was finally on the blanket she dried him and struggled with him to get a shirt on and some pants in case they had to phone emergency.
He still couldn't get up. He told his son it was as if all his muscles were useless. So in the second hour of this adventure they came up with a plan to try and drag the blanket out of the bathroom and try and get him to the bedroom. That took them a long time with him trying to help move along the wooden floor when she pulled on the blanket. After a long struggle they had him on the blanket beside the bed and were trying to figure out how they could get him up into bed when he found enough strength was back that he wrestled up onto the bed with her help. When they saw he was starting to get over this, they wrestled the blankets out from under him (because they hadn't planned on him getting up there like that) and after a few hours laying there he was able to move around normally again.
My friend was incredulous when he told me this story. He said he asked them why they didn't call one of the kids to come and help them and they sheepishly admitted they were too embarrassed.
They're both still around, both in their 90's, both in the same nursing home but in different wings. His mother has pronounced vascular dementia now and his father has constant problems coping. My friend spends much of his time driving to the town they live in to solve a problem like that his father needs to go to the dentist or has unplugged something, or the remote isn't working (two hours on the road and five minutes to fix each time). I asked my friend how he was doing and he's glad to talk about it sometimes. He's the fellow who I called in the middle of the night when I had an anxiety attack when Dianne went into palliative care for the third time. I shook so hard my teeth were chattering for an hour. I just couldn't stop shaking and thank God he knew to just stay on the phone with me. I think it was an anxiety attack but I never did anything about it.
He's an extremely logical person and doesn't show his feelings easily. But we've managed to get a lot of water under the bridge and both payback and pay forward come around sometimes. If that wasn't true, he would never have told me that story. "Something to look forward to" I told him. Not for me. I do get to look into the windows at times though. Like two nights ago when I went next door because my 92 year old neighbor was finally back home from the clinic. He's an extremely hard driving man who now is permanently on anti depressants and a seratonin pill. His wife Charlotte was so happy to have him back she was like a kid in a candy store.
I could cry for Argentina. I could worship at that altar with a pure spirit. But I've never been to Argentina and I'm not wasting my life. What I do with it is as unimportant as what anyone else does with theirs. It's all you and then it's dust to dust just like everybody else. In some ways I'm back in the family car driving at night pressed up against the window watching all the houses move by filled with lights and people in their lives. That may sound lonely, but it's actually beautiful.
I don't believe we understand memory today as well as we did long ago when memory was kept and told orally to the village. Back then without reading or writing, vast long stories were memorized and told through the generations. Many believed that learning to read destroyed memories and many believed that the printing press was the death of memory. But it's not, and I have now put a memory into the collective of this tribe and now we all know what happened that night my friend's parents had an adventure taking a bath.
Today is finally cool - 85 instead of 100. A couple from another spot in the park that we had gotten to know moved into the site next to us. They are good neighbors and we love their dog - a white huskie with beautiful blue eyes. Surprisingly I am having to process through things - again. They are in their mid 50s so he still works. My problem I am processing through is loss. They are a loving couple that do things together, he is Mr Fix-it, and they sit enjoying each others company talking about things. My Mr Fix-it is no longer, we no longer sit and discuss things or make decisions together. We are not a loving couple but a woman taking care of a guy who just happens to be her husband - in name only. Before them it was always singles that lived on either side of us so it was no problem.
On another note, yesterday I was listening to Elvis singing You Gave Me a Mountain. I got to think when I heard the chorus that is how our lives go. He gave us a mountain - each stage is a mountain and we wonder how we will get through/over it.
But this time, Lord you gave me a mountain A mountain you know I may never climb It isn't just a hill any longer You gave me a mountain this time
Charlotte, I feel like you do, although I'm a little further along in this process than you are. My husband has been in a nursing home for the past two years and oh how I miss being together doing the normal little things couples are supposed to be doing st this stage of our life, just the little things would mean so much. Now he lies in bed or is in a wheelchair and sometimes I see in his eyes the sadness I feel. Deep down somewhere in him, I think he knows what is happening to him. Sometimes I have to wipe a tear from his eye. I hate this so much. I wish it was over,more for his sake than for mine. I love him so much but I can't stand this anymore. For me, it's worse than him being home.
He was such a good man, such a good husband, father, grandfather, son and friend. What a waste. He had so much more to offer. I digress.
I wanted to let you know also that the song by Elvis resonated with me too. I will keep those lines pasted in my notes.
My husband is doing what he did when I sent him to the doctor 8 1/2 years ago - not hearing me! So frustrating to have him ask what I said then get upset cause I am tired of repeating. Oh well.
We were out walking this morning when one of the women who walks/jogs every morning went buy. He said: 'man she has long hair!' I said to him: 'mine is just as long'! He looks and says 'oh it is'! Now whether it was because her's was blond and bouncing as she jogged I don't know, but I don't think he honestly ever looks at mine with the awareness of how long it has gotten. (had it cut in a pixie two years ago and is now to the middle of my back.
"He was such a good man . . . Such a waste. He had so much more to offer."
Bev, I never thought of it in that way but you are right. Such an awful waste of the lives of good people who would otherwise be contributing to the lives of others. And also such a waste of our lives, which have been derailed.
Myrtle, yes it is a waste for us as well. The things we could have done for our families and ourselves. There were so many things I thought I could do once I retired, the places I would go, the museums I would visit, the world would open up. But that didn't happen. I could dwell on that, or I could believe that we found each other because I would be the only one able to take care of him when he no longer could take care of himself. When I visit him now and look into his eyes and I see that longing in his eyes, I still love him. He, deep down inside, is still the man I fell in love with 58 years ago.
It has been a long, hard road, these past 15 years or so. There have been really terrible days in this journey, some days I never thought I'd make it through. But I did, and I will continue. Really, what else can I do?
Charlotte, I love the words from the Elvis song, You gave me a Mountain. I definitely relate to them and it struck a chord. My husband loved Elvis and would imitate him singing all the time to make me laugh. This all began for us fairly young (him 58, me 50). 4 years later, my husband just turned 62 last month and has been in LTC since last December. He didn't know it was his birthday. I visited yesterday and he seemed to be more "present" and became emotional and cried. I think sometimes he realizes where he is as I show him pictures and videos of our grandchildren and children. Maybe he also realizes at times (as I do), we are not the happy couple doing things together anymore, rather he is there and I am doing it by myself. I don't really know. I struggle with this loneliness and depression over the loss of my soul mate and the life we had and were yet to experience. It is such a waste and he did not deserve the hand he was dealt.
Sometimes, it's all I can do to go to work and perform as I am responsible for everything and too young to think about retiring. Our last child is a senior in high school and I must be present for him. Despite medication, I sometimes feel the vortex of depression dragging me down and making me just a fraction of the woman I once was and it is not what I imagined our life would be. I am trying to build a life and be there for my children but I miss my love and what I once had. The loneliness can be overwhelming at times. But I continue on as I must, because as Bev stated, what else can I do?? I don't have the luxury of falling apart and hiding from the world.
Sass, I cannot begin to imagine how horrible it must be to be so young,have a teenager still at home and have to go through this. Yes, you have to be strong for your child, he (or she) is the most important one in the family. He is going to have a difficult time with this and he must be able to express his feelings. My children are grown and are struggling. After my oldest child sees her father, she said she sits in the car and cries before she can go home and attend to her family. My youngest, who is in her early forties, cries when her father says something nice to her; she says she'll take any little nice thing he says to her, even if he doesn't really know if she's his daughter or not.
It's a struggle for all of us. We are nearing the end of ours. It has not been easy. But you have a child at home and his needs must come first. Sometimes we forget this. We forget about ourselves, we forget about everyone else but our spouse. But, after going through this journey I realize all the things I should have done for myself as well as for him, which I did not do. I'm struggling now, still feeling guilty about enjoying the things he cannot enjoy with me.
And depression: I believe all of us go through this sometime in our journey. The tasks become insurmountable, overwhelming. I know. I've been through it, am still on medication for it, and when he's gone, it will be another hurdle to get through.
Sass and Bev boy can I relate to both your comments. Sass I was married before and when the boys were 7 and 10 I became a single parent, had a demanding job and didn't know how I would get through. I think it was the need to be strong for the kids that helped me. I am not comparing this in any way to your situation it just reminded me of that time in my life. I cannot even imagine having to deal with this and still having a child at home and working to keep it together just stay strong and you will get through.
What a waste is right this is suppose to be our golden years and here I am holding back the tears everyday watching my dear wife struggle to understand what is happening to her and why her husband is not with her. I want her to be happy and not afraid but realize as she struggles to hold on to who she is it will only be when she lets that go that she will move into that happier place. I go to see her because I want to be with her but it rips me apart to see her go through this. I am trying to move on but have a hard time finding enjoyment in anything I do.
I know that I will get through this, there is no other choice is there, but I just wish I could see that light at the end of the tunnel.
Gene Wilder, one of my many favorite comedians has passed away at the age of 83. He had Alzheimer's disease. His body of work included Young Frahkenshteen, Blazing Saddles, Stir Crazy, Silver Streak, and The Producers. I believe he ended up living with Mel Brooks. He kept the disease quiet because he didn't want to disappoint anyone.
He was one of my favourites, too. I was watching a DVD today on comedians and was surprised to learn that Tom Hanks had been one. I've recently found a site with links to former British comedians — great fun.
Saw the surgeon today. Surgery for the torn rotator cuff is Oct 6. When I go for the pre-op the 23rd he will take x-ray of my right shoulder that is hurting a lot - different pain than rotator cuff. If he thinks a cortisone shot would help he won't do it until after surgery. Boy is he handsome!!! Mentioned it to hb and never even reacted so this ought to be fun! I have a month now to get winterizing done since I won't be able to do much for a few months, definitely not end of October/first of November like normal. Then to figure out how to deal with the day of surgery where hb is concerned. I didn't schedule on a day care day figuring if I get an early surgery time it wouldn't work. He said I would have to be there an hour early, 1.5-2 hours for the surgery than be able to leave an hour afterwards. A respite person will do 5 hours. Providing I am ready to come home that soon, someone in the park could watch him the short time after 5 hours before I get home. Or I may ask our son to come stay the night. He could park his truck on the road behind us and hook up to our power running his extension cord. If by some chance I don't come home that night he could sack out on the floor.