So where to from here I feel myself letting go. We have increased the CBD oil and it has helped. For a Few weeks she was vey agitated and upset now she is calmer but find she can flip just like that. I have decided I am not going at meal time anymore was finding it just too hard. She would grab at me punch me it was upsetting to feed her. she still does not sleep well so feel that is one of the major problems as a result of all this she ends up in her chair a lot of the time I think mainly as a management tool. If she walks around hard to keep her from grabbing other residents.etc. Also extremely difficult to get her care done just doesn’t want anybody to touch her. When you think things are OK then you just reach another level none of them are easy are they.
I am there most days but find myself wanting to be there less and less. I find myself feeling it is more of a duty now which saddens me. There are moments of recognition but recognition of what I don’t know I can still get a smile she still tells me to stay with her and that she loves me but it is all in the middle of a bunch of gibberish and then she can yell at me and hit me. What an awful disease. What it does to all of us.
Rona, sorry. How is she when you are not there? Does she cooperate a little more with the staff? I would try going less - maybe 3 times a week. If she is better in the mornings -go then. Glad the CBD oil is helping some - now something to help her sleep which can be the million dollar challenge.
Yes the sleep thing has always been an issue. My routine is usually to go in the mornings funny isn’t it I don’t want to go but feel like if I am compelled to go then at a bit of a loss if I don’t go. I still have two wonderful women, companions, one of them is their everyday for two hours. A bit costly but I feel better especially if I am not there for a few days. They report back to me how she is dong and the staff are good she is bascily the same when I am not there some times really good other times off the wall. For quite awhile the staff told me she was a lot better when I was there but I don;t think so anymore.
More and more I feel I just want this to end. As I mentioned before when she was capable she use to say I am just going to kill myself, she never wanted to live like this. But right now she is well beyond recognition of anything I am the one just left with the reality of the situation.
Rona, you are not alone in your feelings 'I just want this to end'. I feel that way and I am sure others do too. This is not the way we would want to live nor do we want to see our spouse this way - there is no quality of life with this disease.