My dh has Lewy body w Parkinsonism he is 59 yrs. old. October will be 2 yrs into this journey. We had neurologist apt and dr said she thinks it's to early for daycare. At our visit she spent 15 min talking w him and of course he is great w her. She told me wait 3 months and she will evaluate once again. Dr also said he can not be left alone. I tried the cleaning lady approach to get some help but he would not stay with her. I have mil who comes once a mo for 4 hrs. My daughter helps once a wk. but she has 5 kids and it's hard for her to organize them all. Sons try but also work full time w young families. The help from kids is usually last minute so I can't plan anything. I'm bored I'm stressed so many things to resolve, paperwork etc. Dh behavior is getting more annoying. If we go to a little league game or backyard barbecue we leave early and he will swear abt people all the way home. He is so clingy if I'm on the phone he's right next to me. When I'm cooking he is watching me trying to help. Un loads dishwasher before they are cleaned. He said this morning he was not going to take a shower or bath anymore. Ok this is getting desperate and way off topic! I just want a small slice of a normal life 3 or 4 hrs twice a wk. Daycare or in home help can't happen soon enough.
Onewife, Is you husband eligible for a day care benefit that requires the neurologist's approval? If not, this is you decision, not hers. I have never heard that a neurologist or other physician gets to call the shots about daycare unless it is required by an entity that pays the tab. e'.g., a govt. program or insurance company. Day care is not just a medical issue; it's also an issue of the family's convenience. If you don't need the docs approval, why can't you just enroll him in day care? If you do need the docs approval, maybe you could explain to the neurologist that you are having trouble caring for him full-time. Or you could go to your own PCP and explain that full time care was negatively affecting your own health. Then your doc could communicate with the neurologist.
Contact Aging and Long Term care. They did the evaluation on my husband and I was surprised when they said is was ready (I already was). He was approved for 5 hours 3 times a week. Including the bus ride I get 6-61/2 hour to me and I love it. The only drawback is this person who likes to sleep in has to get up early - 7:15, but it is worth it. Even if I just stay home, being alone is nice. It is so nice to go to the store without him right behind me, getting frustrated because he won't bag groceries like I want. We shop Winco where you have to bag your own which I really don't mind since their prices are usually lower, often even lower than Walmart. I like the freezer and frig products bagged together so I know what needs to be put away immediately.
I tell him he is going to the Senior Center. He tells people he goes to give me a break but he doesn't like it. They tell me he is very social, always chatting with people and making them laugh. Of course he doesn't remember any of it but benefits from the socialization with other memory patients. When he is gone I also do RV chores that he use to do but can't or has trouble. My thinking is with me doing it while he is gone there won't be getting depressed about not being able to do it any longer.
NO, the doctor does not always know best when it comes to matters like this. Besides, I believe day care is more for us then them. It sounds like you are ready. I would start with the evaluation.
One piece of advice I got when deciding on placement I think applies just the same here. It is not when your dh is ready it is when you are ready you need it for your health. Without your health you are no good to him.
I agree with above comments talk to your doc about your needs.
Thank you !! I am paying out of pocket and dh pcp said he thinks it's up to me. Dh pcp was surprised that neurologist said to wait. I'm tempted to call her and ask her why she thinks I should wait. I went and viewed 2 places near our home. The first one in basement of church. No frills kinda gloomy I don't think dh would like. The 2nd place wow. It has exercise equipment, computers, games & music. Not cheap but for 2 half days a wk we can afford it. Now have to convince him to volunteer or maybe it can be his job with a salary deposited into our checking. I think finding a place and making a future plan has given me something to strive for. Yes Charlotte just going on errands alone would be nice. My dh likes to bag the groceries and unload the cart all at a snails pace.
Thanks marshe I'm going to try my hardest to get him to go. My dh primary has asked me has he always been so stubborn ? A lot like Joan went thru w driving issue. Hey I got 4 kids from kindergarten thru college I should be able to do this. Right .
I don't post much, but I felt I had to comment. I would look into day care if you feel you need it. We are 8 years into this journey with FTD and my husband has been in day care for 6 years now, 3 times a week. His neurologist is the one who pushed me to put him into it. He told me it would be easier while he still had some cognitive abilities to get used to a new place. He felt that if you wait to long, it can be very scary for the person to go into a new environment. We have had some bumps with behavior but have so far been able to work things out with changes in redirecting or medication when needed.
What deb said makes sense and it reminded me of what a care manager told me - that if you are thinking of admitting him to LTC down the line, being in day care would help him adjust to that because he would be used to being around people outside of the family and participating in activities with them.